HIKARU

'OH MY GOD NO I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU, HIKARU!'

'I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING!'

'You didn't have to! I can see it in your eyes, you dirty-' Hikaru slapped him across the face.

'This is why Damian is your only Facebook friend!' She huffed, storming out.

KYOYA

'So tell me, a couple of people are a little confused about your nationality. What are you, anyway? Japanese? African? Scandanavian? Narnian? Fish?'

'No no, I'm all Japanese,' Kyoya paused. 'Except for that one Korean, but that was ages ago...'

'I myself am half American, half Aryan, half tinsel.' Jack nodded. 'Any children I bear have a 50% chance of being born solid gold.'

'Why am I even here again?'

KENTA

'STOP EATING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!'

'What?' Kenta looked on terrified as Jack's eyes narrowed.

'When I become President of this country, my first act will be declaring all children delicacies. Especially the green-haired ones!'

TERU

'Do you sleep with a teddy bear?'

'No, I cry myself to sleep...'

'...'

'...'

MADOKA

'Seeing as you're female I have a female-related question for you. It's been like this for a few days now - I was wondering if you could take a look at my hole?'

'WHAT. EVEN-'

'-The one in my sock? Embroidery should be right up your street, child bearer.'

'...Would you like to loose a spherical extravity?' Madoka hissed, and if looks could kill Jack would have been lying dead on the floor.

TETSUYA

'So... you brought your crab along.' Jack glowered angrily at the creature Tetsuya craddled lovingly.

'Isn't he STUNNING crab? His name is Comet!'

'I've seen more attractive staplers.'

Tetsuya glared at Jack.

'Comet doesn't like you - you're a nasty crab! And he likes EVERYONE! He's the friendliest crab ever!'

'He looks like a government spy! Nobody loves him!'

'I love him, crab!'

'As if you count!'

'He's my best friend! And besides, he's a girl!'

'...' Jack didn't even say anything - Tetsuya would embarass himself all on his own...

MADOKA

'So what did you think of Fifty Shades of Grey?'

'Oh, I get it? Because I'm a girl I'm supposed to have read it! Oh please! That book went straight in the trash after the first chapter!' She then muttered under her breath: 'And then I had to go and fish it back out...'

ZEO

'Would you like to hear my poetry? I write good poetry.'

'Okayy...' Zeo stared at Jack, who cleared his throat.

'Zeo,

Zeo wears hoodies,

He has a lot of hoodies,

He has a green hoodie, and a yellow hoodie

He doesn't always wear hoodies

He has lots of clothes

And then he hung himself.'

'Charming,' Zeo blinked.

'I call it 'Zeo Dies At The End'. Hey, where are you going?' Jack called after Zeo, who had begun to walk away.

'To hang myself!'

'Oh goodie! Don't forget to accept my Facebook invite!'

Well, that was hardly an update worth waiting for...