Summary: Dr. Alexandra Avery ran away from a dark and glamorous past to pursue her dreams of becoming a doctor. Upon landing a job with the WWE, she meets the intensely troubled Randy Orton. Together, can they finally feel safe and wanted? (Rated M for later chapters - by later I mean sooner than you think)

Disclaimer: Yada yada yada I don't own anybody.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews on chapter 9 and all the reviews from new readers who have stumbled upon this story. I'm sorry it's been a while since the last update but I've just been so busy with school. This new chapter is crazy long, and very 'talky', but it explains EVERYTHING about Alex' past so it's necessary for the story to progress. Please read, review, follow, and fave! Enjoy :)

The rising sun peeked through the blinds, casting horizontal shadows on the mess of sheets, blankets and duvets encasing their bodies. The night had been magical to say the least. Two people with undeniable sexual tension between them had finally succumbed to their urges and went for it. Sure, it might have been spurred by anger and confusion, but the outcome was more than either of them had ever hoped for. As they shared their bodies between the sheets, Randy Orton and Alex Avery shared a look of unbridled sexual attraction. Had anyone walked into the room to witness it, they probably would have called it 'love'.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves.

Alex stirred as her body clock begged for her to wake up. She stroked her dark hair from her face as she began to sit up in bed. A strong arm quickly undermined her efforts as it was wrapped loosely around her waist. She cast a glance at the sleeping figure next to her. She smiled; Randy looked absolutely angelic and at peace. The knot on his forehead was gone and the scowl that was incessantly on his lips was replaced by a soft expression. Trying her best not to wake him, she slipped out of his embrace and crept quietly to the bathroom.

She had a flight to New York to catch that morning. She was almost thankful for it. As much as she loved being in Randy's arms and as grateful as she was that he understood that she didn't want to discuss details of her past, Alex knew that talking about it would be inevitable. She knew that Randy, like any curious person, had questions; and although he said he wouldn't press her on she still felt guilty for keeping secrets.

A throaty groan escaped his lips. He was expecting a warm body beside him; instead his arm curled around a fluffy pillow. His head jerked up to survey the room. The bed was empty, the floor was rid of the open suitcase that had been there last night, and there was no sound of the shower from the bathroom. "Doc?" he called out but there was no response. "Great, she bailed on me." Randy muttered as he sank his head face first into the pillow.

He rolled around to gaze at the barren space beside him. He could smell the jasmine scent of her hair on the pillow and the tangled sheets that evidenced last night's romp. On the nightstand, he found the keycard to the room and a folded up piece of paper. He lazily scooted to her side of the bed to reach for it.

Randy,

I'm sorry I had to leave in such a rush. I had to catch my flight back to New York. I would have woken you, but you looked so peaceful in your sleep that I had to fight the urge. Besides, if I were to wake you, I would probably be too distracted to make my flight. I've already checked out; but I left the keycard with you to drop off at the reception whenever you're ready. Thanks for understanding. We'll talk when I get back. I promise.

Alex

While most of the roster and backstage crew were off to their hometowns for the next few days, the company's top stars were summoned for media appearances. In spite of Randy's unpopularity with Vince McMahon, The Viper drew in tons of PR and dollars for the company so he had to be one of the unlucky few to stay behind. After a string of radio and magazine interviews and a signing at a local comic book shop, Randy retired to the hotel gym.

He tried to keep thoughts of Alex and her past out of his head, but the harder he tried the more it hounded his brain. Vince had briefly mentioned the topic of rehabilitation and it made Randy wonder if she had abused drugs or alcohol in the past. Without knowing much details, it only served to further Randy's imagination and take him places he never pictured a successful, independent woman like Alex would ever experience.

Randy hopped off the treadmill and began to walk towards the weights when he spotted John Cena on one of the nearby benches. John was too busy bench-pressing 400 pounds of steel to notice the younger man walk up to him.

"Hey John,"

Cena stopped and sat up to face Randy. He took a swig from his water bottle and looked at him questioningly. He hadn't seen Randy since the night before when Lea claimed that it had been him smoking marijuana in the locker room in Miami and not his ex-girlfriend. John wasn't shocked by Randy's actions, but he was annoyed that he would let Lea take the fall.

"How's it going?"

John raised his brows at Randy. The kid was unbelievable if he thought small talk could get him out of this one. "What do you want, Orton?" John asked coldly.

Randy was genuinely confused. The past few days, he honestly thought him and John were getting back to a more amicable relationship thanks to their mutual friendship with Alex. To Randy, John's cold demeanor was coming out of left field.

John scoffed when Randy failed to respond. He stood up and nudged the younger man as he walked past him towards his duffel bag.

"Look, man, I don't know what your problem is but –"

John quickly turned around to look him right in the face, "My problem? You nearly got caught in Miami in MY locker room and you let Lea take the fall. You nearly jeopardized her career."

Randy rubbed the back of his head. Of course, Lea would've told John before she publicly attacked him last night. "Man, I'm sorry…" he trailed off, "I never asked her to take the fall for me. She just did it to protect me because she thought you would do the same."

"That's where you're both wrong," replied John, "I wouldn't have covered for your stupidity."

Randy stepped closer to John and whispered hastily, "I get it. But what did you want me to do? Own up to it and get fired? I was desperate and Lea offered me an out I couldn't refuse."

"Look, Ran," John's voice softened, "Vince knows and at this point there's nothing we can do about it. Not that I would. I know things have been rough between us, but I would never go out of my way to rat you out and get you fired. That isn't to say I'll cover up for your recklessness; but you know me, I've always been straight as an arrow when it comes to these things."

Randy nodded. He and John had a lot of history – rivalries and arguments lasting for years, but there was an unwavering bond and sense of trust lying beneath all that.

"It's not that I care deeply about Lea but she's been my girlfriend since high school and even though she's done a lot of questionable things, I don't think she deserves having her career taken away from her. I'm glad it didn't come to that, but I'm still pissed that all this has caused so much drama."

"I'm sorry. I fucked up and I own up to it. You can choose to hate me and I'll be fine with that because I deserve it. Lea can hate me too because I suppose I took advantage of her kindness. Vince can fire me because god knows it's been more than three strikes. And Alex…" Randy paused. His fingers trembled and his eyes began to feel heavy, "I'm trying… I'm trying to get better."

"Randy,"

"Wrestling was all I had. No matter what shit I had gone through before, I knew I could always go back in the ring and perform and be the best version of myself. It was all I had until the pain in my shoulder caught up with me. It was like the physical pain matched the emotional shit Emma put me through. I was in such a dark place, man, and I was desperate for an escape. Drugs became that escape and I clung to that desperation for dear life and I pushed away all the people who ever gave a fuck about me. I know you think I pushed you away because I chose drugs over our friendship; and that may seem right to some extent. But I pushed you away because I didn't want you to see me like that."

"You know I would never give up on you."

"That was my mistake. I let a girl get to me; I buried myself in my work to the point where it wasn't even healthy anymore. I did all the things you told me not to do and I paid dearly for the consequences."

"If this is your apology, I accept," John grinned, extending his hand out to his best friend.

Randy shook his hand before pulling him in for a hug, "I'm sorry, John," he said as he pulled away.

"So, don't tell me you came up to me today with plans of laying out your emotional apology," said John as they walked out of the gym and into the hotel elevators.

Randy laughed, "Actually, I wasn't planning on it. I had some questions about Alex."

"Did Alex put you up to this?"

"What? No. She, uh, left for New York this morning. Like I said, I didn't come here with a plan to beg for forgiveness, but it doesn't mean I haven't thought about owning up to my mistakes."

"You missed me?" John teased, elbowing the younger wrestler in the gut.

"Shut up, asshole."

John rolled his eyes, "So, what about Alex?"

"Well, I don't even know if it's appropriate to ask –"

"We're not sleeping together."

"I didn't even say anything…" Randy looked at him inquisitively.

"Oh, I just figured you'd like to be assured that we're not sharing the same girl. Don't worry, Randy. I know Doc has been crushing on you hard since you first graced her with your fratboy presence."

"Haha," Randy mocked, "Seriously, crushing on me hard?"

John rolled his eyes at his friend's inexperience in taking cues from the opposite sex. "She's been treating half-naked, muscular guys with enough testosterone to produce a Michael Bay movie, yet she only ever asks questions about you."

As he followed John into his hotel suite, he couldn't help but smile at the thought of Alex steering conversations towards the dark and dangerous Randy Orton. John dropped his bag on the foot of the bed and crashed on the sofa on the opposite end of the room. Randy opened the mini fridge and retrieved two bottles of Coors Light and chucked one over to his friend.

"Back to the topic. What questions do you have about Alex?" John said as he popped the bottle open.

"I just figured I'd ask you since you've spent more time with her and you probably know more than I do about her past."

"Her past? She's talked to you about it?"

"No, but I've heard bits about it when we both ran into Vince last night."

"Wait a sec. Let's backtrack. What do YOU know so far about Alex?"

"Well, last night Vince might have accidentally revealed that she's his godfather, which doesn't really phase me. If it isn't obvious by my last name, nepotism isn't really an issue."

John rolled his eyes at the third-generation wrestler, "I've known about it since she started. The reason I got so close to Alex is because Vince personally asked me to keep an eye out on her. At the time, I chalked it up to them being family, but the more I found out about Alex, the more I started to understand why Vince came off a little overprotective."

"Why's that?"

"Look, Randy, I'd love to answer your questions but don't you think you should be asking Alex?"

Randy buried his face in his hands. He wanted answers but he didn't want to seem like he was pressuring the girl and scaring her off. "I told her I'd wait until she was ready to talk, but it's killing me not knowing what she went to rehab for."

"Rehab? She told you about that?" John asked surprised.

"Not exactly. Vince mentioned it too and Alex got really upset so she stormed off and I followed her."

"In that case, I can see why you'd be worried. All I can tell you is Alex is a good person who had to go through a lot when she was a teenager. As far as I know, her parents were divorced when she was very young. She was close to her father but distant with her mother; her dad died unexpectedly when she was 13. After that, her home life became a mess and she got into the wrong crowd and started experimenting with drugs. She was only 17 when she moved out to New York. She was homeless for a bit before her grandfather tracked her down and forced her to go to rehab. That's as much as I can tell you."

It was finally Friday and RAW was having a house show in New Orleans. Backstage, the roster and staff, who had just spent two stress-free days in their respective hometown, were slowly filling the arena. This was also the day Randy was expecting Alex back from New York. They had texted during the two days they were apart, but both made a conscious effort not to mention details of the confrontation with Vince. While John hadn't given Randy all the details he had wanted, it served to succumb his worst fears about Alex' past. Nevertheless, the death of her father at 13, drug use at 15, and homelessness at 17 were grave issues and Randy recognized that.

Alex' eyes brightened when she looked up to see Randy knocking on her office door. He shut the door behind him and strode towards the doctor behind the desk. He picked her up and gave her a long, searing kiss. "I missed you."

She smiled, resting her forehead on the crook of his neck, "I missed you too."

"How was New York?"

"Crazy as always, but I love it. How were all the PR events?"

"Shitty as always, and I still hate it," Randy groaned. As much as he appreciated his fans and enjoyed signings, sometimes interviews were a little too invasive for his liking.

Alex kissed him softly to soothe the frown on Randy's face. "Not to worry, I'm back and I can help you keep your mind off the aggressive reporters."

"I don't mind if you get a little aggressive with me tonight…"

She slapped him playfully before sinking back down on her chair. Randy sat on the edge of her desk as she began to flip through her files. He watched as she decisively signed through pages of documents. It was hard to think that a woman with such stature and professional success was the same young woman who had lived a troubled life. His mind was telling him it wasn't the right time, but he couldn't keep it to himself any longer.

"I've been thinking about Tuesday night."

"What about Tuesday night?" Alex smiled, assuming he meant the incredible night they spent together in each other's arms.

"As great as the sex was," Randy grinned, stroking her cheek, "I was talking about what happened with Vince earlier that night."

"Oh."

"Doc, I know I said I'd wait until you were ready to talk about it and I don't want to come across like I'm pressuring you, but it's been agonizing."

"I understand, Randy; and you're right. We should talk about it. Just not right now. I'm swamped with work and –"

Just then the door flew open and in came the domineering chairman of the WWE and Alex' godfather, Vince McMahon. He sauntered into the room with conviction and stared daggers into Randy Orton, who was sitting too close to Alex for his liking. His eyes softened when it landed on the young doctor.

"Orton, if you'll excuse Alexandra and I," said Vince as he motioned for him to exit.

Randy was about to stand up when Alex grabbed his arm, "Stay," she said, "until Uncle Vince apologizes for what he said to you the other night."

Vince shifted uncomfortably. He cleared his throat and made no effort to heed his goddaughter's request. He may have come to apologize to Alex for his behavior on Tuesday, but he certainly didn't come here to apologize to Randy Orton, his employee.

Randy leaned towards Alex and whispered, "He doesn't have to do that, Doc," he smiled, before planting a kiss on her lips that he knew would enrage Vince.

As soon as Randy closed the door behind him, Alex ran her fingers over her freshly kissed lips. She knew exactly what Randy had tried to do and for once, she was glad that someone was defying the overbearing father figures in her life.

"Alexandra, I came in here to apologize for my behavior the other night. I shouldn't have disregarded your request to distance your relationship from the family, and I certainly shouldn't have brought up your past problems in front of Randy and Paul."

Alex nodded, "It's good that you acknowledge your mistakes, but it doesn't change the fact that you treated Randy poorly."

"I love you and I promised your grandfather that I would do my utmost to protect you and keep you on the straight path. Randy Orton is not on that path –"

"So why is he in this company?" Alex spat.

"Randy makes money for this company and he's a talented wrestler. Simple as that. But just because he's good in the ring doesn't mean he's good for you."

"You don't know that. Besides, I'm a grown woman and I can make my own decisions. If Randy's not the right guy for me like you say he is, then I'll just have to deal with it when the time comes. But right now, I've never been happier and I wish you would recognize that."

"I want nothing more than for you to be happy, but Randy Orton is trouble. I don't know if you're aware, but he has a history of drug abuse-"

"I know," Alex replied simply.

Vince's eyes widened, "You know and yet you still pursue this relationship with him? How do you know this? Has he done drugs recently? You're his doctor, what do you know?" Vince leaned across the desk and hounded her with his questions.

"Although I'm employed by your company, you should know there's still certain information that are protected by doctor-patient confidentiality. Besides, Randy hasn't taken any drugs recently – at least not since I started working here," Alex lied, recalling the Percocet and marijuana.

Her godfather sighed. Alex was right. She was a grown woman capable of making her own choices. She was also clean and completely rehabilitated, and she had managed to stay in a path of success in the last ten years so it was highly unlikely that she would revert back to her rebellious days as a teenager. Nonetheless, Vince knew he couldn't trust Randy Orton. Although he wanted to appear like he supported Alex and that he had her best interests at mind, secretly, he wanted nothing more than for this relationship to end as soon as possible. He just had to make one phone call and undoubtedly, Randy would stay away from his goddaughter for good.

"Ok, I trust you," Vince lied, "just promise me you'll be careful." He leaned forward to kiss Alex on the cheek. Before he walked out, he turned back to Alex, "By the way, this Sunday is Thanksgiving and I was hoping you could come to Stamford for dinner with the family."

Alex nodded, "Sure, but only if I can bring Randy."

Vince smiled; his plan was working. "Of course. I'll be looking forward to it."

After a grueling match with CM Punk, John wasted no time before stopping by Alex' office. Luckily, the room was empty except for the doctor and two members of her staff. Alex sent them on their breaks to give her and John privacy. She could tell John wanted to talk as soon as he breathlessly walked in with a towel draped over his sweaty shoulders.

"Something bothering you?" Alex asked, referring to any physical discomfort he might have been experiencing.

"No," John shook his head, "I just wanted to come here and let you know that I may have said some things to Randy that you might not be ok with."

"What things?"

"Well, he came to me the other day and the kid looked sick to his stomach. He told me about what happened with Vince on Tuesday and I thought I'd put his mind at rest and tell him the gist of what you've told me."

Alex nodded. She could see where John and Randy were coming from, and she knew it would be pointless to get upset over the two men talking about her issues in her absence. She knew their intentions were out of concern. "What did you tell him?"

"Basically, I told him about your dad, and the drugs at 15, and then running away at 17 and being homeless for a short time after that. I just wanted Randy to be at ease because I could see it killing him not knowing what happened to you."

"Thanks for that, John. I really appreciate it. I was actually meaning to talk to him about it. I'm just scared he'll judge me and leave me before we've even figured out what this relationship both means to us."

John reached over for Alex' hand, "Don't worry about a thing, Doc. If there's anyone who can understand 'dark, dangerous, and drama', it's Randy. You'll find that if you open up to him, he might just open up to you and that's really what you both need."

Alex squeezed John's hand and smiled at the man who had quickly become one of her wisest, most endearing friends, "You're right."

"Aren't I always?" John asked with dripping narcissism.

"Yes you are amazing," Alex scrunched up her nose and stuck her tongue out at John, "I'm glad that you're doing so well after the whole Lea debacle."

"I have you to thank for that. If it hadn't been for you, Doc, I would still be trapped in a poisonous relationship. These last few days, I've been able to focus on my work and me and I've never been more relaxed. It's nice not having divas stalking me and reporting my every move to my girlfriend back home. It's refreshing."

"Well, I'm happy if you're happy."

John smiled. He was happy that Alex and Randy had found each other, and although he had trouble seeing it at first, he knew now why his two friends were a perfect pair. And as much as he reveled in his newfound freedom, part of him was jealous that the two had found something so rare.

Moment of truth.

Alex paced the room as she replayed over and over how she would explain her past to Randy. John had assured her that Randy would understand, but it didn't make the knots in her stomach go away. She combed the crown of her hair with her hands, sending chocolate brown waves tousled messily down her back. She wore an oversized grey hoodie, a tiny pair of plaid pajama shorts, and thick wool knee socks. Unbeknownst to her, knee socks were one of the things Randy found irrefutably sexy on a woman.

The knock on the door stopped her in her tracks and interrupted her frazzled thoughts. Randy knew why Alex anxiously called him after the show to stop by her room. He knew she was going to come out and tell him everything, and from the petrified look on her face, he could sense her apprehension. Maybe it was the details of her story, or his possible reaction – whatever it was – he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply. As she melted in his touch, he pressed a chaste kiss on her forehead, "I'll be here no matter what you tell me."

Alex led them to the couch where she curled up against the armrest to hug her knees. Randy sat beside her as he eyed the length of her legs. He couldn't help but trace the seam of her sock all the way up to her knee. He licked his lips, knowing if he had gone further up they would never make it to the conversation at hand.

"Randy," she breathed heavily as his gaze moved from her thighs to her blue-green eyes. "You need to stop mentally undressing me so we can talk…"

He leaned towards her and sucked on her bottom lip; he whispered, "It's hard not to when you look so fucking sexy."

She smiled into his kiss. No man had ever made her feel as sexy and desirable as Randy Orton, and for that, she felt like she hit the jackpot. Alex pulled away and forced a serious face. She wanted nothing more than to completely devour the man in front of her, but she knew that she owed it to him to put his mind at ease.

"Where should I begin?"

"Tell me about your childhood."

A smile swept across her face, "My childhood was great. I grew up blessed with a privileged life in Beverly Hills. My dad is Derek Avery, he was a screenwriter and novelist and my mom's Victoria Kennedy, a philanthropist and daughter of a famed Hollywood producer. Many people would say I would grow up spoiled rotten because I was an only child and my parents showered me too much with love and affection. It didn't last very long though. When I was in first grade, my mom had an affair with a much older man. He was an established actor, Clint Kaufman. You know him?"

Randy nodded. Clint Kaufman was a huge action star in the 80s and early 90s before he became a washed-up drug addict and a contestant in a reality show called Celebrity Rehab.

"My parents filed for divorce and dad moved to the beach house in Malibu. The agreement was that I stayed at mom's on weekdays since I went to school in Beverly Hills, and then spend the weekends at dad's. That was when I started drifting away from my mom. I couldn't believe that she would cheat on my dad and betray him like that; so early on, I had chosen a side and I made sure my mom knew it."

"When I was nine, I walked into my mom's bedroom and saw her and Clint snorting coke off her vanity. At the time, I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want my mom getting into trouble. For some reason, I was convinced that the police would arrest her if they found out. And as much as I chose my dad over my mom, I still loved her and I never imagined putting her in a world of trouble."

Randy took her hand in his and squeezed it to comfort her. He could tell that her story was quickly turning to a dark place and her eyes were beginning to well up with tears.

"A year later, mom and Clint broke up and she moved to a new relationship with another wasted actor. They got married in a few months and divorced less than a year later. My mom was becoming more and more distant and she was becoming less of herself. No one outside our house suspected a thing because my mom had always been about keeping appearances. Anyway, she got married another time when I was twelve to a man 15 years younger than her and that lasted six months before he got arrested for his fifth DUI."

"At that point, my mom was drawing negative attention to the family so my grandfather, Astley Kennedy, went on damage control. He paid off reporters not to publish stories about my mother, which is why if you google 'Victoria Kennedy', you probably won't find anything except details of her philanthropy or pictures of her at some Los Angeles gala."

"While all this happened, I took refuge in the fact that every weekend I got to spend it with my dad. We would take long strolls on the beach and walk his Labrador retriever, Molly. Then he would teach me how to play the piano and read me his unfinished screenplays like they were bedtime stories. My dad was my hero, but that was short-lived."

Randy could hear the crack in her voice as she talked about her father. He knew where the story was heading, so he took her hands to his lips.

"It was Wednesday in early December. I had ballet lessons that ran until nine in the evening. Mom was supposed to pick me up but it was 9:45PM and the studio was closing. I ended up sitting on a bench outside the studio. I tried calling my mom but there was no answer. Eventually, I called my dad and he dropped his commitments to attend a friend's gallery opening to come pick me up. I waited and waited. I sat on that bench until 11PM until I received a call from my grandfather who was in New York at the time. He asked if I knew where my mom was and when I explained to him that she wasn't answering her phone and dad was coming to pick me up, that's when I heard him sob. I thought for sure that grandpa was hurt."

"Grandpa's driver picked me up from the studio shortly after and drove me to the hospital. At the time, I still didn't know what was going on, or where my parents were. The driver led me up to the ER where we waited some more. Finally, the doctor walked over to us and asked the driver if he was family. That was when he said that I was Mr. Avery's daughter. The doctor and I then walked into a room and behind one of the curtains was my dad."

Alex broke down and began sobbing as memories of her dad's mangled body engulfed her. Randy crouched over her and held her as muffled sobs broke out as she continued with her story.

"You could barely recognize him with all the bandages around his face. His whole body was wrecked underneath the hospital gown. I remember climbing up on the hospital bed; my eyes were dry the whole time. I needed to be strong for my dad and I wanted him to see that. I remember touching his cheek and seeing tears well in his eyes. He told me he loved me and I kissed his nose. I couldn't tell him I loved him too because I knew that would break me."

"My dad died of internal injuries from a car crash. A drunk driver ran a red light and killed my father; the driver walked away unscathed."

"After my dad's death, my mom tried to a be a better parent; but all I could think of was my dad driving to pick me up when it should have been my mom. My dad never would have died had my mom kept to her promise to take care of me on weekdays. I kept thinking, it should have been her in that accident. It should be dad who's still alive."

"Mom tried her best for a year. She went to rehab for a few months and got better, and for a moment I thought things wouldn't be so bad. Then, Clint came back into her life and they got married. Clint brought my mom back down and she let him. My mom became a raging alcoholic and she became increasingly dependent on over the counter meds. When I was 15, I had had enough."

"I went to the party of this popular kid in my school. One thing led to another and I ended up drunk, puking outside his house. This college boy offered to take me home and I obliged since I couldn't even think straight enough to know the directions to my own house. As he was driving, he would reach over to touch me. When we got to my driveway, he locked the doors and said I couldn't leave until I repaid him. I tossed him a 20 dollar bill and I remember his eyes narrowing before he grabbed me by the neck and forced my head on his lap."

Randy's hold on her softened. His eyes were burning with anger. If only he could turn back time and be there for Alex at 15, be there for her when this asshole took advantage of a non-consenting minor. He wished he could go back and punch this college kid in the face. He wished he could go back and tell the younger Alex that she didn't have to resort to this kind of life. But time travel wasn't real; Alex' pain was.

"I was 15 and I gave head, unwillingly, to some college kid I didn't know. You'd think I'd have some sort of epiphany after that and realize my life could be so much better if I just made the right choices, but that wasn't what happened. I went to more parties, got trashed, and gave blowjobs away like it was my calling card."

"By the time I was 16, I picked up cigarettes, marijuana, cocaine, and prescription pills. I was popping Adderall like it was candy. I nearly OD'd a few times but my 'friends' were experienced enough to know how to get it out of your system. That was also around the time I started having sex. I lost my virginity to a 24-year-old coke dealer while I was high on ecstasy. I was living a life of alcohol, drugs, sex, and excess and my mom didn't even notice. She was too busy divorcing Clint and moving on to someone younger."

"My mom started dating this guy, Joshua Mills. He was only 24; my mom was 42 at the time. Anyway, Josh seemed like a great guy compared to Clint. He still had the same interests as her in terms of getting drunk and getting high, but he was a lot less aggressive about it. He also liked to take her out and encouraged her to get back to throwing galas and functions. I was hardly ever home to really get to know Josh, but every time I was, I noticed how he'd always study me with those lidded eyes."

"I came home from a party one night. I was high and drunk and I stumbled into my room, undressed and looked out into the skyline. The next few hours were a complete blur. I remember Josh coming into my room, drinking out of my flask, and offering me this blue pill. Somehow, we ended up on my bed and he kissed me all over and made me feel things I had never felt before. He made me feel like nothing else in the world mattered except for what I was feeling underneath his touch. I was enraptured."

"For about three months, Josh would sneak into my room after my mom would pass out. We would take that blue pill, smoke a joint or two, and then make love. I stopped going to the parties and sleeping around recklessly because I was falling for my mother's boyfriend, and I was convinced he'd leave her for me. I thought that we could run away together, but before I could even bring it up to Josh, my mom walked into my room one morning and found us sleeping naked in my bed."

"And just like that it was over. I never heard from Josh again, my mom kicked me out, and I used up the money I had on me to buy a ticket to New York. I stayed on a friend's couch for a couple of days, but when I refused to go on drug runs for him, he kicked me out. The only people I knew in the city were drug addicts, so I chose to live on the streets if that meant staying clean. It had taken less than a week before my grandfather tracked me down and sent me to rehab. For once in my life, I was committed to getting better and my grandpa supported me; but that also meant that he would keep me away from my mother whose addiction was taking over her life. He knew he couldn't save mom, but he knew he had a chance with me."