Disclaimer: Star Trek and all associated characters and situations are the property of CBS studios. Star Trek Online is the creation of Cryptic and Perfect World. All are here used by myself for entertainment purposes only, without permission or intent to profit. I don't own George Herbert, either: I just quote him! :)

Edit: Stardates have been recalculated with the help of the TNG Stardate Calculator available on TrekGuide .com in order to provide more consistent Stardates across multiple stories. This does, however, make the Stardates here slightly out of sync with those used in the game's lore.

Living Well

USS Nautilus, Junior Medical Officer Carlin Agran's Log, Stardate 79805.0:

It's been three days since the alien impersonating Lieutenant Emma Frost was revealed and killed. We've informed Starfleet Command of the Species 8472 infiltration, and their response was classified: Level 10 Clearance, Captain's eyes only. At least we've been able to hold a memorial service for Emma and inform her family that she died trying to save the lives of others aboard that freighter. Doctor Howard and I have also spent the past two days running microcellular scans on all members of the crew to verify that there are no more infiltrators aboard. I wish the successful results made me feel more comfortable. I wish I knew what Jorel Quinn would have done in this situation or what he'll think of my performance…and honestly, I wish I didn't have to care about him anymore. Life in Starfleet is a whole lot more complicated than it seemed at first, though not necessarily a bad kind of complicated, especially not here, with Antori Drel. I don't know if I'll have time for revenge, for proving my father was wrong anymore—but if I give up now, do I prove he was right?

"Mind if I join you, Carlin?"

Carlin blinked, looking away from the forward windows in the mess hall to see Commander Antori Drel standing beside the seat across the table from her. "Of course, Commander," she said, straightening.

He took his seat gracefully. "You don't mind if I call you Carlin, do you?"

She smiled. "Not at all."

"Good, then you can call me Antori," he said. "Captain Sokar has shared certain details of his transmission from Starfleet Command with me, and I'm authorized to share them with you, since you were directly involved in exposing and stopping the infiltrator."

Carlin nodded.

"First off, they're calling them Undine, the Groundskeepers. Apparently that's the name Species 8472 has assumed for itself," he said. "Second, I'm told this isn't the first time Starfleet has seen infiltrations or attempted infiltrations like this. In 2375, the USS Voyager encountered one of several space stations the Undine had constructed in our galaxy to mimic various places in the Alpha Quadrant in order to train Undine agents for infiltration. They managed to reach a peaceful settlement with some of the Undine, but apparently others weren't convinced. There have been isolated incidents of infiltration since then, and there's even evidence that the problem isn't just in Federation space. The Klingons claimed that they attacked the Gorn because the Hegemony's government had been compromised by the Undine—and the worst part is there's some indication they were right."

Carlin shivered, pulling her ponytail over her shoulder and running a hand through it. "What is Starfleet doing about all this."

"I'm told Starfleet Security is dealing with it," Antori said, though from the scowl he wore when he said it, he wasn't very happy with that answer. "In the meantime we're to keep quiet about the Undine who replaced Emma Frost."

"Is that wise, sir—I mean, Antori?" she asked.

Drel shrugged. "Starfleet Command is afraid of setting off mass panic. It's probably a justified fear, given what happened thirty-three years ago when Changelings infiltrated Earth just before the start of the Dominion War. That nearly sparked martial law and a military coup."

"I see," said Carlin. She made herself let go of her hair and flipped it back over her shoulder. "I still can't help feeling we ought to be doing something more."

"Neither can I," Antori said. "But there's nothing we can do, except keep our eyes open for any further signs of trouble." He shifted and met her eyes. "There is one more thing, though, that doesn't have to do with the Undine."

Carlin resisted the urge to grab her hair again. "What's that?" she asked.

"In the holodeck, when you were trying to prove you were the real Carlin Agran, you told me Jorel Quinn was your father."

She nodded.

"It took me a while, but I managed to verify your story. Jorel was Jorel Onx before he joined with the Quinn symbiont, and during his time as an initiate, he came under questioning regarding the pregnancy of a fellow initiate, Lendri Agran—your mother. A DNA test cleared him, but obviously there are ways to fake those, especially for a talented, ambitious young man with all the right connections, like Jorel."

"He did fake it," Carlin insisted. "He is my father: he told me so himself."

Drel held up a hand. "I'm not questioning your story. I'm not questioning that Jorel would be capable of it, or that Quinn wouldn't get some smug satisfaction out of knowing just how hard his latest host had worked to climb the ladder to joining with him." His face darkened for a moment, there. "What I am asking is what you're doing about it?"

She blinked, startled. "What do you mean?"

"I think you know perfectly well," he said, without a trace of anger, just compassion. "I've seen the test scores. Your aptitude for science and astrophysics is some of the highest I've ever seen, and yet you chose to devote most of your energy in the Academy to Xenobiology: the same major Jorel Quinn took. You took all the same classes, all the same tests, and you beat every score he ever made, even though it took you more than one try sometimes. Afterwards, you took the same posting he did: a posting on a small starship as a junior medical officer, even though Doctor Howard tells me the work clearly bores you. He's asked me twice already to have you transferred to a science posting on the bridge: not because you're work in sickbay isn't good, but because he can see that your passions lie elsewhere."

"He can?" She was surprised it was that obvious.

Drel nodded. "On top of it all, you've applied for a symbiont. You specifically requested me as your field docent—and I think it would be just a little too convenient for you to pick the one person Quinn would least like to see as a field docent by sheer chance." He gave her a level look. "Every decision, every move you've made so far…all of it dictated by him, his preferences, and his actions. You've done it for what? To prove you're his daughter? To prove you're better than him at whatever sick game he's chosen to play?"

"To prove he was wrong when he left me," Carlin said. She closed her eyes to keep the tears in. "To get revenge for what he did to me."

"All you're doing is letting him control your life indirectly. Revenge won't make it any better," Antori said gently.

"It feels better," she said. "Better than feeling nothing at all, anyway."

"And was nothing at all what you felt when you launched into your investigation into the deaths of the Ferengi crew, without which we would never have known about the Undine agent in our midst?" he asked. "Forgive me if I'm wrong, but taking big chances and long nights on an investigation no one has authorized doesn't strike me as something Jorel Quinn would have done. But it was something you did. What did you feel?"

"Afraid, nervous, worried, but excited at the same time, like I was doing something important, something that would matter." She opened her eyes. "Like I was alive."

He let a smile play across his lips. "Maybe you should try that more often," he said.

"Is that your professional opinion, as my field docent?" she asked.

He leaned back. "You want my professional opinion? Give up on the revenge," he said. "There's an old Earth poet who once said, Living well is the best revenge."

Carlin dried her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means if you want to prove Jorel was wrong about you, the best way to do it is to live as though he hadn't passed judgment on you by abandoning you and your mother," said Drel. "The best way to get revenge on him is to treat what he did as beneath your notice, and move on with your life. Anyone can get back at someone for wrongdoing, but it takes someone truly rare to be able to just brush themselves off and walk away."

She took a deep breath and then met his gaze. "Do you really think that's possible for me?"

"It can be, if you want it," he said. Then he leaned forward. "The best thing for you to do would be to let go of living to prove your father wrong. Start living because you want to, because it's exciting, because you have something important to do in the universe, something that matters. Drop out of the symbiont program, and accept a transfer to the science station on the bridge. Then you can start living your own life, out from under Jorel Quinn's shadow."

Carlin looked down. "I think you're right about one thing," she said, sliding a PADD across the table. "I don't think I'm cut out for joining. I drafted this letter to the Symbiosis Commission, withdrawing from the program."

Drel shook his head and slid the PADD back to her. "I've never seen a candidate I would consider better suited," he said. "And honestly, if I weren't planning to stick around in this host for a while yet, I might request you as my next host."

Carlin looked up. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," he said. "As it is, I've already submitted a glowing recommendation to the Symbiosis Commission. My only concern is that you applied for a symbiont not because it was what you wanted, but because it was the path Jorel laid out for you when he abandoned you during his own application process. Being joined with a symbiont is a big, lifelong decision, and I don't think anyone should make it unless they really want to."

"So, I withdraw for now," she said. "Then once I've got my feet under me and figured out what it is I want, I can reapply." She let herself smile and toyed with the PADD. "I guess I'm going to have to rewrite this letter to the Symbiosis Commission, since I'm not an abysmal failure after all, like I said."

"Of course you're not," said Antori. "But there was one thing I was wondering if we could do first, just the two of us. I hear they have the holodeck back up and running now, and I borrowed a couple programs from Lieutenant Brooks. It's either a double moonrise on the hills overlooking Utopia Planitia on Mars, or Aldar Bay on Trill on a starlit night. Your choice."

Carlin's smile broadened. "Why, Commander! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were asking me out on a date!"

Antori stood, smiling. "Why not? There are no rules in Starfleet against fraternization between ranks. Sokar may find the whole concept illogical, but that doesn't mean he objects to other people doing it. Do you?"

She laughed, standing with him and taking his hand. "A handsome officer who only a few days ago braved the most dangerous alien infiltrator in Starfleet history with me, and my pick of two gorgeous getaways? What would I possibly object too?" He laughed, too, and they headed for the door. "So, tell me about the Mars program. That sounds interesting. I've never been there…"

They passed out into the corridor and the door closed behind them.