Chapter 10: Vulnerability

"I know you're there."

Dammit, he thought, the color draining from his face. He had been sitting behind the wall, periodically peering out from behind to see if she was still passed out. He had checked maybe a minute ago and she looked like she was out. Apparently not. Wheatley had been caught, he didn't know how she had done it, but he could either run or face her. He was still mad, to the point where it made sense to face her.

He stood and moved out into the opening of her chamber, but he said nothing.

"You're glaring." GLaDOS said coldly, sitting with her legs crossed as if nothing at all had happened.

He narrowed his eyes.

She sighed, "Do you want to have this talk now?"

He shook his head.

GLaDOS didn't speak immediately. It was hard to tell because of the distance, but she seemed to be avoiding eye contact. Weird.

She finally spoke, "I'll...leave you be for a while. And I won't ask why you were hiding there, at least not now. I'm feeling generous."

"No, you're not." he retorted, "You know I wouldn't answer you."

"I had a feeling."

"I'll be around when I want to. If that's alright." he said tersely, challenging her to say it wasn't alright.

"That's perfectly alright." she navigated his challenge gracefully. The admiration was begrudging but immediate.

It was a weird time for him to leave, so he didn't immediately, trying to come up with a zinger, something dangerously nasty. The best thing he could come up with was, "I know you won't mind me taking my time."

GLaDOS nodded once, but did not say anything and continued to avoid looking at him. Wheatley felt bad then, and he knew that was stupid. He lowered his head and left quietly.

He wasn't sure if he had been hoping there would be lines now. If there were, he had no idea where they were and what had drawn them. After how her betrayal (Wheatley was quick to remind himself that the only thing she had betrayed was his image of her) backfired on her, he should have felt as if he had won. He didn't. Instead, he felt confused and anxious, as if nothing had happened. Did anything happen? He asked himself.

Wheatley walked down to one of his hiding spots, the small office with the desk that was perfect to crawl under. He was trying to explain the significance of what happened to himself as if he didn't know anything-his once-favored method of trying to discern how he felt about something. GLaDOS had lied to him, messed around inside his head, figured out things about him he pretended not to know. She kissed him. She also hit him, but that wasn't important in comparison to the other thing. He felt ridiculous, like a schoolgirl or something, because she had done it to ridicule him, and he was still being wistful about it.

He crawled underneath the desk after shutting the office door and barring it. He hoped he could get into low power mode, because he didn't want to think anymore. He probably needed to think, but it was stressful. It was no use, though, he couldn't get into it.

I have issues, he thought. It was funny to him just how much her saying that word made everything clear to him. He agonized so much over what she would do to him, what she thought of him, what other people thought of them. He really was an idiot.

If me thinking so much of her means I'm infatuated with her, what does that mean about her? It was a good point, he realized. After all, GLaDOS was the one so obsessed with his guilt or lack thereof that she went to great lengths to provoke it.

She couldn't feel about him the way he felt about her. It was impossible. From his understanding, she despised him as more of a symbol than as a person, though that was part of it, too. She was obsessed with using him as a scapegoat. That certainly wasn't healthy for either of them.

But what was she to him was the big question. He was disgusted with himself, for various reasons, but mostly for thinking himself entitled to her secrets. GLaDOS owed him nothing when this all started. She still didn't, really. Wheatley had an idea of her as someone he could win over, someone who would eventually come to respect or even love him, but some wounds can't be healed, and sometimes people just don't work. He was stupid to want to force it, to think he could.

He laid on his back with his hands folded, wiggling his fingers aimlessly. There was a crack in the desk above him, not dangerous to the overall structure, but just something to look at.

Wheatley must have laid like that for days, passing in and out of low power mode, feeling sorry for himself, and imagining how different things could have been. His mind strained against reality, trying to find a way to blame himself for his current situation, and ultimately for GLaDOS's shortcomings. It always ended the same, with the realization that they were at an impasse. There was nothing to do but to speak to her. Wheatley wasn't sure he was ready to do that, or if he'd ever be ready.

He felt overly forgiving for even thinking of speaking to her. Desperate was a more accurate word. Desperate to be done with this, one way or another, and desperate for companionship. Kumbayah was out the door at this point, at least that's what he told himself. There was a part of him, rather dominant among his parts, that hoped to hear her laugh again, the real laugh, and maybe a real kiss. That was probably too much to hope for, but it was all pretty far fetched.

Kissing and all of that mess was alien to him until recently. It had always seemed ridiculous, stupid humans smashing their faces together as if that meant something. He had thought that perhaps the reason it was meaningful was the inconvenience. But he knew, he had always known, it just took it happening to him for him to understand the depth, and just how wrong her kiss was. On the long list of things GLaDOS had done wrong, that was near the top, just below the mind-hacking-Chell-thing.

So he remained under that desk, the door barred close with a rusty filing cabinet. Thinking. Sleeping. Thinking more. His thoughts seemed to run in spirals, and nothing was getting done, but he had nothing better to do, and refused to leave.

All of a sudden, there was a knock at the door.

Wheatley froze, his fluid-pump-organ skipping a beat. He would not answer, he would not make a sound to give himself away. I'm not here, he thought.

There was another knock, faster this time, but louder. He remained.

"I...would like to speak with you." It was her.

He almost shot up, prepared to run, but he realized there was nowhere to run to. Trapped.

"I know you don't want to talk to me. Probably. I understand. I wouldn't, either, but please."

He laughed softly, still not moving. As always, she was right.

"I'm not going to kill you, if that's what you're afraid of. And I know you have the door barred. It doesn't matter. I'd only go in if you let me in. You're thinking, 'she's lying,' but I'm really not. Before you ask, no, I can't prove that, but I need you to trust me."

Wheatley laughed loudly at that, hoping she'd hear it

"I knew you were in there. So you're not hiding, you're just not speaking with me. We can do that; that's fine with me. I just want to speak to your face and not this door. It's too soon, I knew it was too soon for you, but…" GLaDOS sighed, "I feel...please come out. I can't say this through a door."

He had climbed out from under the desk, curious now. So much of him screamed not to do what he was considering doing, but he wasn't really listening. He pushed the filing cabinet to the side, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

The first thing Wheatley noticed was that her hair. It was down, hanging down to the top of her back, falling a little bit in her eyes. It was fluffy, not quite straight, and grey. By the grace of Android God, he restrained himself from making some sort of dumb comment, and looked at her blankly. If there was any doubt left in his mind that she was beautiful, it was gone then. GLaDOS had to have been built that way on purpose: gorgeous, to lower the guards of those who would threaten her. Like a Venus flytrap. She looked tired, though her bags always made her seem a little sleepy, and maybe even a little sad.

"Hello." She greeted, smiling earnestly, or at least trying to. She looked more pained than anything.

He said nothing.

"May I sit down inside?"

He blocked the door with his body.

"No, then. That's alright." She sighed, "Look, I know it's only been a few days and you don't want anything to do with me."

He nodded even though he wasn't sure.

"I figured. I just...I feel so...bad."

He raised an eyebrow, not really believing her.

"I do. I really do. You don't need to believe me...well, no, I'd love for you to believe me. I'm telling the truth."

Wheatley blinked at her slowly, trying to look angry. It took all his might not to break down and let her in.

"Listen to me, I sound ridiculous." She pushed her hair out of her eyes, only for it to fall back down, "I feel ridiculous. I sound like you. Saying the same thing fifty different ways."

"Are you trying to make me hate you more?" He asked, voice hoarse and quiet from underuse.

"N-no, I…" she sighed, "I'm not trying to manipulate you. I'm done. I was wrong."

"You were."

"I treated you like a pawn."

"You did."

"And I pretended you didn't have emotions, when you've made it abundantly clear that you do. Very...intense ones."

"I don't regret shoving you. I won't." He snapped.

"You shouldn't." She said, sounding shocked, "I wasn't trying to...I'm sorry, it came across that I was. I crossed a line, and you were right to push me. You weren't trying to do what you did, I know."

"I don't care."

"Anyway, I'm here to apologize. I'm sorry." She flicked a speck of dirt off her dress and stared at his shoes.

He said nothing.

"You don't believe me," she looked up at him for a second, but then looked away.

"No, I do." He responded, "I believe you're sorry."

"You do." She sounded incredulous.

"I do. You're sorry, but you're sorry I'm mad at you. You're sorry I'm not in the mood to play with you and I'll probably never be in that mood again." He tilted his head, his voice not betraying just how angry he was.

"There you go again," she started monotonously, "pretending you know."

"I can't trust you. You're smart, you must understand that."

"I do. I understand."

"Apparently you don't. Because you're here, trying to win me back over as if that would work."

GLaDOS raised her voice at him, "That is not why I'm here. You and I both know that I don't need to try to win you over."

He scoffed, "That's-"

"Idiot." She snarled, "There are picture books that are harder to read than you are."

"What do you want?" Wheatley whined.

"I would like a chance to explain myself thoroughly. To clear the air. There is no way to move forward unless we understand each other, and I intend to move forward."

He had that thought himself, and he knew she was right, but still felt like being difficult, "You're just going to lie to me like you always do."

"Maybe." she frowned, "Regardless, I can tell you know this needs to happen sooner or later. My word must mean nothing to you, but you have it that I will not lie to you inside that room."

"Why?" He asked, "Why help me all of a sudden? Whenever you do this, it's a trick."

"Because I hurt you." She said firmly, "And I hate myself for it. I don't know why, and I want to know. I need to know.""

"Know what?"

"Why I care." she folded her arms, "Now, are we going to do this, or will I be coming back another day?"

Wheatley barely thought about it before stepping aside. This would have to happen eventually, he knew this, and it made sense to just get it over with. GLaDOS blinked at him, eyes wide, as if she wasn't expecting him to acquiesce. He retreated inside and sat down with his legs crossed, his back to the wall so she'd have to sit with her back to the door.

"Close the door, will you?" he tried to sound uninterested. She blinked at him as if confused, then closed the door and sat down gingerly.

It was weird to have her in here, to be alone with her. The room was small and they were sitting so close together. She stared at the space between them, silent. Wheatley refused to be the one to say something first, so there was a long stretch of quiet.

"You know," she began finally, "I don't hate you."

He scoffed.

"It's true. I don't. It's...hard to realize that, especially after all this time."

Wheatley didn't say anything because he couldn't think of anything to say to that. He didn't quite believe her, even though he wanted to more than anything else.

"I never gave you a chance, but I'm sure you can't blame me for that." she sighed, "Or maybe you can."

"I can."

"Right...Forgive me, but I don't buy that. You're right to be angry and mean, but you don't mean it."

"How do you know?"

"Your eyes." she made eye contact for longer than she had before, "They're soft. I've seen you angry like you're pretending to be before. It's different."

He went "hmph" and looked away, towards the wall. There was nothing interesting to look at there, so he had to look back at her.

"You're scared. I'm not sure I know why, and I won't pretend to know or speculate why. But I know you're scared. It's alright. I am, too."

"Right." he narrowed his eyes.

"I am." she reaffirmed, "This is scaring me."

"You have an emotion, and it scares you."

"It's not just an emotion, it's regret. When you're supposed to know everything, it's very hard to feel...sorry."

"I can imagine."

"We should start somewhere. There's a lot to talk about." her voice was quiet.

He remained silent.

"You're going to make me do the work here, huh?"

"I wanted to make peace, be your friend, whatever." he shrugged, "You were the one lying to me the whole time, and manipulating me, and everything else you did. You're the one who needs to do work."

She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head as a challenge. Wheatley didn't flinch. She laughed softly, "You're right. Again. Let's start at the core transfer."

"As good of a place as any." Wheatley mumbled.

"How'd it feel to be me?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"The kind I'm asking. You pretend to know so much. It must have been an illuminating experience." GLaDOS's mouth stretched into a smirk.

"It was awful." he answered quickly, "I don't know how you...do everything you do when you're...always...you know…"

"No, I don't. I don't read minds."

"...itchy." he whispered.

"I'm not."

"How?"

"Because I'm not you. In fact, because I'm better than you."

"You're pushing it."

"...sorry. I'm...different than you. This will never work until I can recognize the difference between those two things." she sighed again.

"It won't. It amazes me, like genuinely, that you'd come in here to bother me when you know that I don't want to be around you, and then insult me like you just did."

"It's a gift." GLaDOS looked into her lap.

"You should return it."

She laughed at that, her real laugh, and he fought not to smile. She continued, "In any case, it's hard for me to believe that you know what it's like. You were only controlling everything for about half a day."

"That's all I think I need, thanks. Name one person who knows better than me." he raised one finger.

"Me."

"Love, you know that doesn't count."

"You moved the goalposts."

"They were implied, they can't be moved."

She shook her head after a minute or so of silence, "It's just...I look at you and you disgust me. You...you like me? After everything we've done to each other, you want to be friends? I don't...I don't understand. That's disgusting."

"That's a bit of a strong word."

"I...yes, I suppose so. But I just...I feel bad. You don't...you won't take a hint."

"I'm an idiot, what can I say. But I know what you're talking about and I'm sorry. I can't just force you to...I dunno what I was even trying to do. But I'm sorry."

GLaDOS looked distressed, "You don't...you shouldn't be sorry. You were just trying to be…" she sighed, "Don't be sorry. I'm sorry. I really am. You've been, well, sometimes you've been kind of an ass, but mostly you've just been...kind."

"You're not disgusted with me, I don't think." he said it as he realized it, eyes wide, "You're disgusted with yourself."

Her back was curled in, so she was slouching, and she frowned, staring down at her hands grasping her skirt. GLaDOS stayed like that for a while, and he wanted to do something to stop her because he hated seeing her like this. It was weird but mostly it just upset him.

Her voice was so quiet he barely noticed it when she asked, "How could you forgive me for everything I've done?"

"I don't know if I can. I want to. But, it's easier when I know why."

"I knew she would hurt you, because it's the same thing for me. I wanted you to hate me, because anything else is just too weird. I want things to be normal again. Always have. But after her, nothing's been the same. She changed everything, so I hoped she could change you."

He had suspected that, just not in those words, "Why did you lie to me?"

"Are you really asking that?" she looked at him briefly, "Why have I always lied to you?"

"Because you can."

"No. Because there are some things you cannot know."

"That's ridiculous."

"That's why, though."

"If anything's going to change here," he said firmly, "that needs to change."

"It does." she agreed, "It does…"

"How did you know I...felt the way I...you know…" he trailed off.

"You look at me strangely sometimes. Wistful, I guess is the word. It was like you were someplace else, but still looking at me. It used to scare me." GLaDOS explained.

"Used to?" he asked, a bit more shrill than he wanted to be.

"Used to. When everyone's afraid of you, it's...nice to be looked at differently once in a while." she smiled for only a split second and he thought he was going to faint.

"Do you...think you could ever…"

He was too afraid to finish the question, but she answered anyway, "I don't know. It's more likely than I'd like to think."

"I'd need to trust you." he whispered.

"I'd need to trust you." she repeated, "You...I don't hate you."

"I don't hate you, either."

"You've made that readily apparent." she said breathily, "Sorry. I shouldn't make fun of you. I suppose I'm lucky to have anyone...interested."

"Don't say that." he raised his voice, "If you want me to leave you alone and just...you know, not, just ask. Above all I think I want you to be...I dunno, happy. Comfortable. Whatever."

Her eyes went wide and she sounded skeptical, "Above all you want something for yourself. That's how this works."

"Sometimes I think that wanting something for someone else is wanting something for yourself. Like...l-like when you let, um, Chell go. You wanted her to be free for your own conscience."

She winced a little at the word "conscience," but returned to normal quickly, "Poetic, but you'll recall everything she did to my facility and recognize that letting her leave was a net positive."

"Right." he rolled his eyes, "Be honest, please. I won't pry into...all of that, but I'm just repeating what you told me when you bumped your head."

"I suppose so." she sighed, "I'm just...so...alone. It's ridiculous. Greatest collection of knowledge ever built by man and I get lonely."

"You're also a person." he pointed out, "A very scary person who doesn't exactly exude vulnerability."

"Are you afraid of me still?"

"Yes, to be honest. I'm not a complete idiot." He smiled, trying to be charming.

"But you are an idiot? I heard that right, yes?"

"Um…" he stared at his hands.

"There's nothing wrong with you."

"If you were me, would you think that?" He asked.

"I don't know. I do know that your inferiority complex is annoying and dangerous. You don't have to be intelligent, there are other useful things you can be."

"How kind of you." he muttered.

"I'm being serious. You're...you're too kind for your own good, and rather obedient when you're in a good mood. I...appreciate that."

"I'm sorry." He put his hand up to his ear, "That sounded like a compliment. Sort of."

GLaDOS pouted, "It was. For someone so stupid, you're rather thoughtful. Sometimes. Sometimes you're just an ass."

He smiled a wide smile. For just a minute, he allowed himself to bask in her praise, even if it meant nothing.

"There are more repulsive people to look at, too, I suppose."

"Flirt all you want, I'm still mad at you."

She sighed, "I wasn't...whatever."

Wheatley stared her straight in the face, and she looked away, "Look at me. Why are you afraid to look at me?"

"I'm not-" she sighed again, more exasperated this time, "I'm not afraid to look at you I'm just...I feel bad. Ashamed. I keep saying that."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know. Why would you ask that?" GLaDOS snapped.

"I was just trying to help you figure out-" he was cut off

"You aren't my therapist."

"You should probably get a therapist. But, really, I want to know. Why the sudden change of heart?"

"It...wasn't sudden. Things like this aren't sudden, as I'm sure you know. Realizing they've happened is the sudden part."

"Yeah…" he sighed. She was all too right.

"It started when you came back." She said plainly, staring at him, "That was the beginning."

"Oh. Why?" Wheatley didn't remember anything too interesting occurring when he returned from space. He came to her chamber, she ridiculed him, he stared at his feet, she got angry. Usual. Simple. He had been too scared to look at her. As he left, he choked out a quiet, "I'm sorry," made eye contact with her for the first time in centuries, since Chell, and ran away. She never said anything about his first apology, and he still wasn't sure exactly what he was apologizing for.

"You were different." She began, "We didn't know each other very long, but I feel like we knew each other very well. A bit too well for comfort. I had ran the scenario of your return more times than any human could count, and probably more than you could, as well. You surprised me.*

"I didn't do anything."

"No, that's it though. I wasn't expecting silence. Moreso, I wasn't expecting remorse...you...you were too ashamed to look at me. I didn't expect that from you. You changed. You always do that. You always subvert my expectations. I kind of admire that, in a weird way."

"Very weird." He said, trying to cover up how flattered he felt. He shouldn't have felt flattered, but it was there, bubbling up from the depths of himself that originated every bad idea he had ever had. Well, at least the ones he regretted.

"Well, not always, obviously. You're predictable until you aren't. Which is why I came up with our arrangement. I thought you could be useful."

"Was I?"

"Does it matter?"

"I'm just curious."

She rolled her eyes, "Yes. You were. You still are, or at least you could be."

"What do you want? That sounds like you want something." He leaned his head on his hand.

"I...want to work through this.. I think we could...I know from experience there's something here worth continuing. I haven't been bored in...quite a while. And, as you know, I'm quite easily bored." she was speaking in an uncharacteristic tone of voice, quiet and cautious, testing him, but not in a malicious way. In fact, her voice scared him because he had never heard her sound so oddly considerate.

"I don't know." Wheatley said simply, refusing to display his confusion, his fear, and above all the excitement that had made itself present in his chest. He straightened his back a little to accommodate it. "Are you asking me, or telling me?"

"I…" she trailed off, "I know there's a lot we need to discuss further, but that's why I said work. I don't hate you."

"You keep saying that."

"Do you hate me?"

He was a bit taken aback. The question was so earnest, and he thought she sounded a bit afraid of the answer, but he knew that couldn't be true. He stuttered a bit, then answered, "I...no. I don't hate you. I'm angry with you, really angry, livid, even. B-but, I really...I don't hate you."

GLaDOS smiled a small smile, a little, genuine thing. He told himself to remember it, in case he never saw anything like it again. She laughed gently and closed her eyes, "Look at me. Searching for approval from you. How pathetic of me."

"You're pushing it."

"We'll work on it." It was a promise.

They sat there together for what must have been hours, quiet, not even looking at each other. Silently, she decided she had to leave, and she stood.

Desperate for the final confirmation on the road they had just embarked on, he asked, "So...partners, yeah?"

She did not look back, "Yes, Wheatley. Partners."

heyy sorry that took so long. I'm VERY VERY busy lately and I haven't been able to work as much as I wanted to on this, but I did it. so i really had no idea how to end this, because really there is no clean way to tie off their relationship, especially in the state this fic has it in. this isn't the last chapter btdubs, I'm going to write an epilogue. hopefully I'll be able to do that more quickly than this one, but rest assured there will be more closure than this. i have an idea of what im going to try to write after this fic is done, too, so that's exciting i guess. thanks so much for reading, everyone, and have a great day/night/whatever.