"If this were played upon a stage now,
I could condemn it as improbably fiction."
-Fabian, Twelfth Night (act III, scene IV)
When the Black Order Acknowledges Theater
Disclaimer: I don't own D.Gray-man or any other anime/manga for that matter…
CHAPTER TEN: Twelfth Night (part five) (Epiphany)
It was held in Komui's office. On the couch sat Lavi, Lenalee and Miranda; Lavi to the right, Miranda to the left, and Lenalee in the middle. Crowly was sitting on a separate chair, one of the two chairs brought into the office especially for this meeting; Komui was sitting on his chair, which had been temporarily been relocated to the front of his desk. Allen, like Crowly, was sitting on chair, which would not be normally in that room. The ambiance was good, Komui's office had that bookish feel to it, and most of them had come in with a good mood, smiles on there faces. Most of them, because there was however, tension for one, which turned to be tension for two, then three, then all; but there are people who refuse to let the tension ruin the meeting. Of course, it might have been better if I'd used a singular noun, because there is actually only one person.
"What I like about Twelfth Night is the heroine is really likeable." Says Lenalee "…in fact, it she wasn't so passive at times, she would have hardly even one noticeable flaw…" try as she might, the tension in the room simply could not be ignored, and she like everyone else found herself staring at the source of that tension as she spoke "…uhm… does anyone agree with me?"
"Oh yes… I agree, she is very likeable…" naturally Komui had been listening to his beloved sister, but of course even he had succumbed to the negative energy released by one certain member. His uneasiness was evident, as he tried desperately to look away, but found himself glancing all too. Komui was grateful that no one would notice, because they all were acting the same way.
"Yeah but… I'd have to say that Orsino is my favorite character…" says Lavi. He pretends to be deep in thought and closes his eyes so he could pretend he was oblivious to the tense aura. "...Though I will admit that he was more in love with love itself, than any woman he was with in the play…"
"Yes, it seemed to me that he was like that as well…" Crowly did not whole-heartedly agree with Lavi, but he wanted to say something, anything, as long as he could say it, because it was the only was he could think of to make himself less tense.
"Ah… Uhm… A…A strange thing I noticed about Twelfth Night is… That, uhm… even though it's such a hilarious play, it always seems to be somewhat, on the edge of violence…" it would be safe to assume that Miranda was in fact speaking for the same reasons as Crowly (relatively the same that is, it would also be safe to assume that their reasons are different on many aspects, as they are similar on many other aspects, or maybe they really just both feel that uneasy).
"Yes, I noticed that as well!" Lenalee said, her enthusiasm almost obviously forced "In that scene when-"
Allen laughs, cutting Lenalee off, and then all eyes are on him. "You know what guys… Twelfth Night is actually really sad for me… I pity Viola; love has caused her much pain…" he had been the reason why everyone was uneasy, he plastered that fake smile onto his face, when he was so obviously deep in thought about something else. Carrying a heavy weight of a problem he chooses not to confide to other people. They know he feels bad because of some things he learned about Kanda's past, but they didn't know the full extent of it, and they knew that even Allen himself did not know. The tension was caused by Allen's recent tendency of being moody.
"Ah… yes…" said Lenalee "...I think that 'Love as a cause of suffering' could be considered one of the themes of the play…"
"Yes, our thoughts are the same…"Komui spares himself a glance from Allen and he fixates his gaze on Lenalee "…And it is not just the romantic kind of love, but the love of siblings…" Lavi flinches as he hears a strange sound from Allen, the kind you couldn't figure out if it was a positive or negative sound "…Well… I… well… for example, Olivia's excessive mourning for her brother… She tortures herself by putting herself into such seclusion…"
"Oh yes Olivia…" Allen sounds like he's almost musing, and everyone looks at him awkwardly as they watch his expression become contemplative "…I think that issues on sexuality is something this play has a bit of focus on as well…" and then, he stares far away, at nothing in particular
There is silence, and they all stare at him, looks that are both worried and anxious plastered onto everyone's faces. Startlingly, Allen smiles.
"Ah… I think Olivia could have easily been homosexual…" then he laughs "…there had to be a reason why she'd fall for Viola in disguise, she likes men with features that were that of a woman…"
"Such men do exist…" Lenalee mutters and everyone immediately turns to looks at her, she quickly regrets the statement, but yet again, Allen defies all expectation, and he smiles. Everyone had to suppress their sighs of relief.
"Yes, such men most definitely do exist…" then a pause "I know one well…" and Allen stares into nothingness once again
……………………………………..
It was on the night before, that Allen walker experienced an epiphany. There had been things that he needed to think about, and when he did, when he thought about them for hours and hours. He finally came to some understanding, and ultimately, a firm conclusion. He would not care on the whys and hows, he would just care about the fact that he cared, and he would act on that. He realized he didn't need to know exactly what he felt, and he decided to just act according to how he felt. It might not exactly be the healthiest choice for anyone, but what can't be achieved, when there is an exceptional amount of resolve?
If Kanda did indeed bring back his nephew from Japan, Allen would volunteer to take care of the child. Kanda definitely wasn't a person who you could imagine doing maternal tasks as well, so Allen knew he would agree. Allen had been wondering how Kanda was faring. There might have been something undesirable that he had to deal with there, and there had to be memories he'd rather not remember that all came crashing back to him. He was expecting that Kanda would not be in a good mood once he gets back, and he thinks that Kanda would ask for a mission immediately. Kanda never did like to think about things he found… 'annoying'.
Annoying was the word Kanda used to describe a lot of things, Allen had noticed, himself included; but annoying could mean a lot of things. Allen knows that things people would usually get saddened by, things which most would name 'depressing', Kanda would deem annoying. Things which make people feel awkward, or uneasy, Kanda would claim them to be annoying. Things which make people happy or ecstatic even, Kanda would most definitely address as annoying. Things which were frustrating, or maddening, he of course, like any normal person, found them annoying, though he did take annoyance to whole new levels. Such levels that no man has dared reach before.
Allen wonders why he has such in depth insights on Kanda. Even Lenalee who is practically Kanda's closest friend (though he might not dare call anyone friend), does not thing too much into what Kanda is thinking or feeling… Even Lavi, a bookman, does not take into account all of his reactions which he can see, all of his actions he can witness, all of the words he says. Allen wonders why he tries more than any person should when it comes to Kanda. Allen wondered why he felt a lot more worried than anyone else back when they left Kanda behind to fight Skin Boric. Allen didn't find out till later (when they got back to headquarters later) that Kanda was actually supposed to be dead, and he is thankful for that. He thinks that his heart might have stopped if he knew that while they were in the Ark. He might have run like there was no tomorrow back to where Kanda was. Then Allen thinks, yes, it was there, it started on the Ark. Lenalee had guessed he was worrying, Allen made it a point to deny it, but at the moment, he was unsure if he really could deny it so convincingly, he couldn't seem to take out the worry from his face at that time. Of course his spirits were brightened up by everyone, and eventually he just put his faith into Kanda, but he went on with the assumption that Kanda was safe, and that he was kicking some serious ass. Had he known how Kanda had been really faring…
As it also happens, everyone had been noticing that change in him ever since they got back form the Ark. He had changed in many ways, but this change which we speak of, is something which was in particular,
very troubling to everyone. Not that anyone found it to be wrong, it was just that they didn't know if Allen would be fine if he kept on going in that direction.
Lavi always knew. There was always a weird sort of tension between Kanda and Allen. The fighting was denial he would always say, Laiv things they quarrel because they care. Kanda doesn't even bother to acknowledge others, he usually only really ever gets heated in fights where his 'opponent' is someone who he deems significant (he would never, ever admit that though). Lenalee was an exception though, he tended to be easier on her, they had been friends far too long. Lavi would always tell the people who asked him if Kanda had some special interest in Lenalee that their relationship was purely platonic. He just really truly respected her, and really, who doesn't grow to like Lenalee? She was far too likeable. Lavi was troubled by the change in their relationship though, Kanda treated Allen like Lenalee more and more, and it wasn't something that Lavi thought would forever be platonic. This thought was brought about more because of Allen's behavior than Kanda's though, still, that was the very reason why it was troubling to him.
Lenalee felt the same way. She was the kind of person who loved to see her friends happy. Allen didn't realize what direction he was going to yet, so uneasy, he did not feel, yet. If he found out, and then realize Kanda might not be in the same place, he might… But Lenalee was open-minded; there was still the chance that Kanda would feel the same way as Allen, sooner if not later…. Though Lenalee could not be too sure, and she did not want Allen to get hurt, which is why this was something she found troubling…
Komui had some idea about it, how they didn't complain too much about being partnered anymore was one give away. How Allen's face somehow lightens up when Kanda's his partner was another big hint. Komui never wanted to meddle in their affairs, but he had to admit that he was concerned for Allen, Kanda seemed… Well he seemed oblivious if not indifferent.
Miranda and Crowly knew something was there, but they never though it was anything like that. Although they both do still tend to worry, what will become of such a strange relationship?
……………………………………
Kanda has come to have his own epiphany. He had suspected as much, but he didn't think it was anything to this extent. It had taken all night even, for him to finally realize that he was a hopeless case. He did not have any maternal skills or attributes what so ever, and he most definitely never will.
"My god…" Kanda says in the most exasperated manner "Again? How many times will you do this? We'll run out of clean sheets!" no one could have a more frustrated face than him right now
"I'm a child, it's something all children go through" replied Akagi
"I never did anything like this." Kanda replied through gritted teeth
"Wetting the bed is perfectly normal, I'm six years old." Akagi said matter-of-factly
"Look, that's all fine, but this is what just pisses me off. Why did you have to choose the night when we had no choice but to sleep in one bed, to do the vilest thing to do when you're sharing a bed? You frickin' peed on me."
"I did not pee on you, I peed on the bed, and the bed, is most definitely not you. Unless you think of yourself as one…"
Kanda slaps his forehead in frustration and slowly slides it down his face. "I don't care anymore, you're just annoying, I should have never brought you with me in the first place."
"Too late for that now isn't it?" Akagi gave a teasing smile
"You know what, you're the one who's going to been cleaning the sheets…" Kanda smirked "…for the whole ship."
Akagi grimaced.
It was going to be a long trip back to the Order.
……………………………………
Many hours later, Allen was talking alone with Lenalee once again.
"I… This… It all seems like it isn't real... The more I think about it, and the more I know that something's there I… The more I don't believe it myself…" Allen says
"Allen-kun…" is all Lenalee can reply
"But I've realized… that there is nothing else that I can do… so I… I'll just stop trying to figure things out, and just be there…" the suddenly Allen laughs "… I'm sorry; I must sound really cheesy right now…"
"No… no you don't sound cheesy, it's sincere…"
"Funny that… My sincere words are cheesy…."
"Allen-kun…"
"Looks like I have to read books on child care huh…."
"Excuse me?"
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(a/n: worst way to end a chapter ever… ahahaha! Ok so the chapter wasn't so long, and I seriously had no idea what I was trying to do… and I have no idea what the italicized portion is supposed to be, so seriously, I just wrote what I thought of, so if it's a tad bit too unorganized, I'm so sorry… Anyway, I'm sorry for the horrible ending to Twelfth Night… Next is Romeo and Juliet, prepare for angst guys xD Ok only on Allen's part mostly, Kanda's part, as you might have noticed, has been a source of comic relief lately… sigh… ok anyway, I would really appreciate reviews for this chapter… and here's a question…
Tell me, what plays do you want me to use in the fic?
I still need a few more plays to work on, but I don't really have any more favorite favorites so I just want to do one of anyone else's favorites xD I'll pick two… but this is important, don't suggest Macbeth/Antony and Cleoptra/Much Ado about Nothing, cause I am definitely using those three sometime in the fic xD
Anyway thank you for all the reviews so far!shizu)