12.04.10 - Edited. Edited. Edited.
Dirty Diana, Bono and A Cajun
I some times wonder if I was dropped on the head as a baby. There has to be a reason why I'm acting this way. I know that positive thinking is the key to success, inspiring a Wolverine to become calm and submissive is a hell of a job but someone has to do it. I'm trying so hard not to feel guilty about the threat I issued to Logan and I know that guilt is considered a weakness in the animal world. In the real world guilt is a pain in the ass, it eats away at you until you have to seek forgiveness if only to stop you losing your mind completely. Can the leader of the pack apologize and show her weakness? An act like that would only destroy the Wolverine Whisperer's street credibility. If you dare ask Jubilee she will tell you that 'Street Cred' is everything, if you don't have then you're a nobody.
We are sitting in a bar on the outskirts of a small town and I'm lying down in the booth absolutely dead to the world. My feet have blisters the size of Mississippi and I'm dying of thirst. Oh and I'm hungry too, very, very hungry. Logan is not talking to me and Scott has been playing back to back Michael Jackson songs on the jukebox for the past hour. Apart from that my life is all rainbows, cute puppy dogs and cotton tailed bunnies.
"I've managed to contact Jean. Thankfully she's going to pick us up." Scott announces sitting beside Logan at the bar and ordering a soda.
"This is a bar One Eye" Logan says watching Scott taps his foot to his chosen music as he thanks the barmaid for the drink.
"Are you trying to insinuate something Logan?"
"Yeah, you're a dick" Oh and here we go again.
I roll out of the booth and head over to the two quarreling idiots at the bar. "This is madness." Cyclops scoffs waving his finger dangerously in Logan's face which surely means its in danger of being bitten off. I lean against the bar and cock my head to the side clearing my throat.
"I'm the leader of the X men and if I Scott Summers chose to drink soda instead of beer, I believe that should be applauded and not scorned upon."
With little else to do except watch the unfolding drama I put my hands together and applaud the magnificent Scott 'Stick Up His Ass' Summers and his crowd pleasing speech. Well, it has sure impressed one lady who is smiling this way. Jesus, she must have a thing for geeks and there was me thinking that Jean was one of a kind.
Logan seems unfazed at Scott's outburst and only shakes his head. He nurses his beer with one hand and the other hand is creeping slowly towards the free offering of stale peanuts; as a cigar hangs loosely from his lips. Who said men and their brains were unable to process more than one thought at a time? Logan is living proof that men are just as capable as women.
"Why thank you Rogue. Its nice to know that someone else agrees." Scott smiles slightly and sips his ice cold soda. I guess it's hard to fully understand the concept of sarcastic applauding.
I turn to the bar and attempt to gain the barmaids attention, which seems to be futile at this moment in time. The stupid blond air head is too busy flirting with one of the regulars. But then something happens that shatters all illusions of women being the smarter of the two sexes. The smiling lady appears at Scott's side and taps him on the shoulder. "Hi, my name is Diana" She introduces herself to the bewildered Scott as I snigger at his side. Logan only raises an eyebrow, shakes his head once more and returns to drinking his beer.
"Oh how cute." I coo pinching Scott's cheek with my gloved hand. "You've bagged yourself your own dirty Diana"
A dumbstruck looking Scott shuffles his feet and looks extremely uncomfortable. "Are you saying that I'm dirty?" The frowning lady named Diana demands.
"If the shoe fits, yes." Honestly, sometimes I say these words without my brain engaging fully with my mouth but I can't help it if I'm on team Jean.
"What she meant was..." Scott's effort at calming the escalating situation falls on deaf ears.
"I know what she meant" Dirty Diana snarls.
"Then turn around and walk away. Go find another man to sink your claws into"
"I really don't think..."
"Shut up Scott." I hiss. When will he realize that I'm only doing what I think is best for him and Jean.
"Rogue..." He sighs
"Shh" One use of a Cesar Milan special and Cyclops shuts his trap. I don't think that 'The One Eye Whisper' has the same ring to it though. Even if it would be so much easier to tame a Cyclops.
"Listen here little girl, I don't know who you think you are but you are sadly mistaken if you think that I'm going to..." Did she call me little girl?
"Ugh" I groan with a roll of my eyes. "When are you going to face facts and understand that women your age shouldn't be caught dead wearing fish net stockings. You also don't have the figure to pull off that skirt and Slim here is already taken by a very good friend of mine. So, either Hugh Hefner won't feature your wrinkly butt in the Playboy magazines anymore or... Eek."
I'm pulled non to gently I might add to Logan's side. "Sit" He orders pointing at an empty stool and waving the barmaid over. "Beer" He tells her never uttering the word please.
"Would it have killed you to say please." I inform him with a glare and sitting down. "It's only a word... Hey, keep your hands to yourself!" I yell at that damn lady who is almost accosting Scott with her overly friendly hands in full view of all the patrons. "I've already told you, he's already taken Dirty Diana!"
"Stop calling me that!"
"What Dirty Diana?" I ask feigning ignorance. "Don't you like the name Dirty Diana? I think that it suits you down to the ground. A name like that often chooses a person. You look a little red in the face am I upsetting you? Oh I am? How about I call you D.D instead? Its still close to Dirty Diana but not so close as to offend. You do understand don't you D.D?"
"I have had enough!" D.D screams stamping her foot and pouring her Margarita over a startled Scott. "You people are crazy!"
I watch her storm away in a major hissy fit and glance at Logan and Scott. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I question them both, helping myself to a peanut. "That had nothing to do with me. I guess some people are just not Micheal Jackson fans."
"What is taking Jean so long?" Scott complains having almost dried off from his unscheduled Margarita shower.
"Stuck in traffic maybe?" I reply flicking a peanut off of the bar and observing it hit a ruthless and shady looking man between the eyes. I immediately swing around in my stool and whistle innocently as the man approaches with a heavy scowl.
"No, there's no traffic in the sky. She said she would take the X-jet and... can I help you sir?" Scott asks the unhappy man.
"Yeah, I think you can. Why are you wearing those freaky looking glasses?"
Uh oh, I think we have a mutant hater in our midst. Come on Marie, think fast. "Bono!" I shriek making the man jump. I seem to have a habit of startling people when I decide to intervene.
"Bono?" Then man repeats skeptically. "As in that Irish guy from that Irish band?"
"Yes, Bono as in that Irish guy from that Irish band. Uh, you see Scott here has sensitive eyes just like Bono and that's why he wears those freaky looking glasses. He's a huge fan"
"Oh, I see. Then why does he keep playing that shit music?"
"Did you just insult the greatness that is the King of pop?" Scott responds standing to his feet and his balled fists held tightly in the mans face. "Micheal Jackson can sing and dance like no other on this earth. So I would like you to apologize for your slanderous remark." Jeez, I always thought that the MJ fans of this world were slightly nuts but Scott is as mad as a box of frogs.
"Fine buddy, whatever you say." The man replies holding up his hands and backing away slowly. "Just quit throwing peanuts at us. okay?"
"That man is obviously mentally unstable." Scott tells me. Yeah, Scott and I'm sure that the man is thinking that exact same concern about you judging by the looks he keeps throwing this way.
"What was that about? Logan asks us gruffly, returning from the restroom.
"Nothing." Cyclops grumbles ordering himself a shot of whiskey.
Three hours have crawled by and we're still waiting on Jean to rescue us from our predicament. Logan is drinking his fifty sixth beer, Scott is asking for his twenty second whiskey shot and I'm still flicking peanuts across the bar in utter boredom. Cyclops rubs his stomach and grimaces. "I must have eaten something that doesn't agree with me."
I almost choke on my tongue and the shot I was lining up misfires and the peanut flies into the path of the man again. Um, oops. Scott ate all three bags of the dog treats, chicken, liver and onion and bacon. Now he complains that the treats he happily ate are giving him a tummy ache. Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh.
"I told you to stop throwing peanuts Bono."
"No, I think you're mistaken my name isn't Bono..." Scott this is really not the time to be arguing over such trivial matters. Honestly, men.
"I don't care what your name is" The man snaps cracking his knuckles and his friends surround Scott.
"You got a problem Bub?" Logan growls stepping forward and looking every bit as intimidating as his name sake.
"Yeah your friend here seems to have a problem with us."
"Me? No I have no problem with you at all." Scott replies calmly, attempting to pacify the situation. "You're the one with a apparent dislike of my musical taste and that really makes no sense at all. Have you ever listened to Thriller? Please just honestly answer the question and let me know if you've ever listened to that song without wanting to dance."
"We don't like loonies in this bar." The man divulges placing a hand on Scott's arm. "And that song sucks."
"That song is a classic!"
Cyclops thumps the man in the face and he falls to the ground blood gushing from his broken nose. His friends leap on Scott and Logan jumps in as the music stops and the bar descends into chaos. I rush to the exit avoiding the sailing chairs zipping past my ear, drunken males fighting over who is going to take Dirty Diana home with them and the barmaid waving a suspiciously looking loaded shot gun above her head as she wails like a banshee. You can't take Scott or Logan anywhere without them causing trouble.
I stagger out into the street and lean against the wall gazing up at the stars and the full moon. At least they picked a nice night to get arrested I think to myself when I spot a police car screech to a halt. An armed cop runs into the bar as a man is thrown clean through the window and lands on the deserted street in a groaning heap.
"What on earth?" A shocked voice says over the ruckus.
"Hi Jean" I greet waving at the red head as she glancing at the unconscious man in the road.
"What happened Rogue?"
"Scott and a guy had a disagreement over Bono, peanuts and Thriller" I sigh, keeping the guilty edge out of my voice.
"He did? That doesn't sound like Scott at all." She replies appearing confused at her husbands sudden change in character. "You wait here and I'll be right back" Jean walks through the saloon doors in search of her delinquent husband and the ever happy to fight Wolverine.
"Psst, Chere." I look around my surroundings for the source of that familiar voice and spot Gambit across the street cigarette in hand and wearing his brown trench coat.
"What are you doing here Remy?" I ask as another almighty crash shakes the foundations of the building.
"A bit of dis an' dat." He smirks beckoning me over to him. I cross the street and gaze into his eyes as he tucks a stray piece of hair behind his ear. "Remy hears y'wanna hit Miami"
"Yeah, me, Jubes and Kitty want to go for Spring break"
"Remy's been to Miami Chere. It's full o'thievin' bastards an' de like. Y'ever been to New Orleans?"
"No. Why?" I reply suspiciously. I'm slightly disappointed that Remy has that view on Miami. I was hoping that he would have liked to have come with us, strictly as friends of course.
"Y'wanna go?" He asks his eyes twinkling mischievously. "Mardi Gras starts soon an' dats a real party"
"When?"
"No time like de present Chere. C'mon Remy be feelin' homesick for some southern food"
I link arms with Gambit and we disappear around the corner further away from the clutches of the X men and the sounds of the police sirens in the night. I might not ever find my way to Miami but a New Orleans during a Mardi Gras parade sounds just as enjoyable and ever so entertaining. Add to the fact that I have a handsome twenty one year old man on my arm and Jubilee is going to be so jealous. Ha, she will be green with envy. Cesar Milan can get stuffed for the moment because its high time Rogue let her hair down and had some much needed fun. Especially without the rules, regulations and the constant telling offs. The people of New Orleans had better watch out because Mardi Gras here we come!