Chapter Ten- A Search For Spilled Secrets

James stopped suddenly outside the library entrance. He was so surprised at having discovered, or at least being on that path to discovering, what was bothering Lily, that he completely forgot what he meant to do about it. His forehead creased as he glared at the floor, his eyes unfocused with contemplation. Did Lily think he had been using her? James almost smirked; had he been using her, didn't she think he would have attempted more? He thought better of the reaction and sobered. Perhaps not. Their situation was far from normal.

The problem was, if James had met Lily under these circumstances, really met her as he had now, this time a year ago…well, he might have done all of those things she was supposedly angry with him for now. He wasn't one to dramatize a situation, unless it became amusing, but he really did feel that he had grown since the past year. It was more noticeable once Sirius came to stay with the Potters over the summer, and James suddenly found himself to be the more responsible one, where before they had been equally reckless. So Lily was not altogether unfounded in her opinions, he supposed. Except that he had absolutely not given her any reason to believe that he would do such a thing.

He felt a surge of anger out of the pit of his stomach. In fact, he had been nothing but gentlemanly. How could she accuse him of anything? What if his friends were actually more important to him? Lily had only been in his life a couple of months, yet his friends were there for him seven years ago. What did she expect of him?

James grumbled under his breath. He lifted his head, about to decide that none of this was really his fault at all, when he spotted a bit of parchment to his right. He leaned down, picking it up with a grunt. There was no name at the top, but James was sure it was Lily's handwriting; he had peered over her shoulder often enough to know the curve of her s and the way she crossed her t. He scanned the page. It only contained notes on potions, probably something she would not really need for her essay, as she most likely had it memorized anyway. He was about the crumple it into his pocket when something small in the corner caught his eye. There were several doodles. He smirked; it seemed even Lily Evans became bored with potions now and again. Except that there was one in particular that touched a chord within him. A small J, curved perfectly and decorated around the edges, resided in the middle of the rest of the sketches. James tilted his head. Well then, she had been thinking about him. He smiled to himself. For someone who was so angry with him, she sure was paying a lot of attention to the first letter of his name.

That was just it; he wasn't really angry with her either. Or if he was, he certainly wanted to be around her more than was normal for any typical disagreement. The image of her pressing her lips together in annoyance had him wishing that she was putting that mouth to better use. They had enough problems with having to keep this secret. There was no need to create more problems between them, was there? James nodded to himself. He might be going mad, wanting to do this at all, but had he ever really been sane?

Lily was sure to be in the Heads common room, and he meant to confront her on this before she changed her mind completely. But first, he needed to locate his friends…

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Selene was not positive that she would ever be able to close her mouth again. She could not tear her eyes away from the spot where Potter had just been standing, looking distressed. She felt Kristen touch her shoulder briefly and with an effort, Selene looked over at her friend.

"What just happened? I really think I'm going crazy," Kristen said too quickly, shaking her head with disbelieving brown eyes.

Selene swallowed. "I…I am really not sure at the moment."

She had only heard bits and pieces, but those few words had been enough to make her doubt everything she had believed earlier that day. Even if she hadn't heard anything, the way they acted around one another was enough. Selene may not be an expert on human interaction, but she was sure that they had just witnessed an intimate argument. Not an argument between enemies, but friends. But that was entirely impossible.

"Lily wouldn't…she wouldn't." Kristen was shaking her head again, as if the movement alone would erase the images.

"Couldn't."

"Could she?"

"What are we even asking?" Selene was no longer sure.

There was a long silence, in which the two girls stared at one another, caught halfway between horror and perplexity.

Selene brushed back a strand of her jet black hair. "They've been…on friendly terms. Conspiring? No. Impossible."

"Besides, conspiring to what?"

"I don't know."

Kristen's forehead furrowed. "Do you think she's really been lying to us? She and that…that Potter have been friends this entire time?"

"I have no idea what to think anymore."

Kristen paused, wringing her hands together in silence. "I suppose…" She cleared her throat. "I mean…there is only one way to find out, right?"

Selene caught Kristen's eyes. "We need to find her."

Kristen nodded in agreement, and the two Auscultos slowly scooted away from the bookshelf. They made their way out of the library and towards the Gryffindor tower in near silence, both of them seemingly in a trance. They had been friends with Lily all these years, and the possibility now of not being able to trust her was astounding. How do you go about completely losing faith in someone in one instant of confession?

They climbed through the portrait hole to find a couple of Auscultos sitting in their usual place and glaring at two Cavillor girls who were warming their hands in front of the fire. Selene threw a dirty look at a Cavillor sitting on the floor in her path, while Kristen maneuvered around him. They climbed the stairs, heads pounding, and pushed the door to their dorm open. The girls slipped through silently, feeling as if they were treading on a dangerous potion or curse. Nothing. There was nobody inside.

Selene listlessly fell into a sitting position on her bed. "Where do you suppose-" She paused for a long moment. "Oh…"

Kristen turned her head away from Lily's bed, where she had been staring. "What?"

"Don't you think- I mean- that Heads common room. If they really are on good terms, wouldn't they- that's the only place."

Kristen frowned. "But we have no idea where that is."

"No, we don't." Selene groaned. "She wouldn't have told us for that reason, if this is truly real."

Kristen grunted. "Let's go, then. We can start looking for a sign of her, at least. I can't sleep with this on my mind."

Selene nodded. She would normally feel ridiculous, theatrical even, searching after her friends like this. Not with something this serious; Lily betraying them? It was completely unthinkable.

As they descended the winding stairs, they saw James Potter come tumbling down the stairs across from them. He ran past them without a glance, heading for the portrait hole in a hurry. The girls paused, glancing at one another. Then, abruptly, they stumbled down the last few steps and took off after the Cavillor.

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Sirius frowned as he picked a speck of dust from his robes. He turned to Remus and Peter and said, "Do you think he's acting strange, or is it just me?"

They both nodded and Remus answered, "No, he's definitely being different."

James had come bursting through the door, glancing around quickly and casting his three friends a wavering smile; quite unconvincing. He then proceeded to explain to them that something, some issue, had arisen with the prefects, and he would not be able to participate in their prank that evening. After his friends announced that it would be alright without him, he left the room as quickly as he had entered.

Sirius was now scratching his chin. "Something's been off with him. And I don't just mean his lack of participation…we already settled that anyway. I mean that he's just different."

"Nervous at the wrong times…" Remus was frowning as well.

Peter glanced between then with worried eyes.

Sirius shook his head. "There is no way that he would care so much about prefect ordeals. That can't be it. He must be up to something else."

Remus nodded his agreement. "What do you think?"

Sirius was quiet, and then suddenly his eyes lit up. "Get the map out."

Peter leaned over and plucked it out from under James's bed. "Look- he left his cloak too." As the blonde-haired boy looked up, he saw Sirius and Remus grinning slightly.

"Well then, grab that too."

The boys made for the door, sliding themselves under the invisibility cloak along the way. Sirius activated the map and they peered over it, standing at the top of the stairs leading to the Gryffindor common room.

"There!" Peter pointed to a small dot, labeled James Potter, which was moving along a corridor adjacent to the one leading to Gryffindor Tower. He was walking rapidly, twisting around another corner. The boys began to move, complaining about the lack of room.

"Is the cloak really necessary?" Peter whined.

"Yes. We want to sneak up on James, remember?"

"Oh…but can't we put it on once we get closer?"

"We don't want any witnesses. Just be quiet."

"Okay…"

They almost tripped down the last step, and then almost ran into five different students while trying to exit through the portrait hole. Once outside, Peter grumbled something under his breath.

"Alright then." Sirius ignored him and took the map from his hands. "There!" He pointed to where James's dot was still moving, much further away from them now.

"Well, I suppose we should get moving then," Remus tugged the cloak, getting his two friends to follow.

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Selene and Kristen skidded to a stop outside of Gryffindor Tower. They had not seen a glimpse of James since he disappeared around the corner. He was moving too quickly for them to follow without being detected.

Kristen made a frustrated noise.

"Let's keep going. He went this way; let's just see if we can spot him…" Selene began striding in the direction they had seen James go.

"Hey, slow down!" Kristen jogged to keep up.

"We can't slow down."

"But we don't even know where we're going." Selene was silent, still almost jogging, so Kristen continued, "Even if we did, I'm not sure I want to find what we're looking for."

Selene grimaced. "Nor do I. But I do think that we need to find it. Unless you just want to pretend as if we heard nothing."

"Impossible. If we can't trust our best friend, who can we trust?"

Selene nodded. "Yes, so let's keep going."

Kristen sighed. They continued on in silence for some time, before coming to an intersection with another corridor. They stopped, seeing that they needed to go either left or right. In their hesitance, they heard a few whispers to their left. The girls shared a glance and inched closer. Sure enough, the whispers increased in volume.

"Would you stop hogging the cloak?" An aggravated voice rang above the others.

As Selene and Kristen turned the corner where they supposed the whispers were coming from, the voices stopped altogether. Selene tilted her head. No voices, but…she was sure that she heard a scuffling just in front of her. She frowned and stretched a hand out, feeling it glide over something soft and slippery. She gripped it and pulled gently.

Three Cavillors, who Selene knew to be in her year, continued to tiptoe away with their backs to Kristen and Selene. She glanced at the cloak that was now dangling from her hand and her frown deepened.

The boy with light blonde hair suddenly stopped, clearly feeling the lack of the cloak. He glanced around and spotted the girls, his eyes widening. With a slight yelp, he grabbed the tallest boy's arm.

"What now, Peter? I said-" But as he turned towards where Peter was pointing, he spotted Kristen and Selene. "Bugger."

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Lily stared into the fireplace as she stood behind the couch, gripping the back of it with fingers that were turning white from the pressure. She would sit on it, but it brought back several recent memories, and she hadn't come here to drudge through those emotions.

Or perhaps she had. She wasn't entirely sure why she had come here. She needed to write a Potions essay, and instead she was staring at flames. Damn James Potter. Not because he had interrupted her library session; she had already done that for herself. What was frustrating was that she couldn't seem to concentrate without his name or his image popping into her head. She was positive, especially with his idea of giving her so much space lately, that he was not having the same problem. She had suggested that they be less physical, not disregard one another completely. She wanted to get to know him better, but it appeared that he didn't have that same ambition.

She considered that she was expecting too much of him. He was close with his friends, or so it seemed. She never wanted to take that away from him. She only wanted some acknowledgement that he hadn't lost interest simply because she wasn't dragging him into a broom closest at every spare moment. At what point she had begun considering this anything other than an infatuation was beyond her, but it was irritating that he had not reached the same conclusion. Perhaps she should begin regarding this as a passing encounter; she was expecting something ridiculous really…that he might want to make this some sort of real relationship was not anything she should anticipate.

Lily sighed and leaned over to where she had dropped her bag, intending to begin that dreaded essay. She had no desire to try doing this all over again, but she couldn't keep distracting herself; the damn thing was due the next day. She stuck a quill in her mouth and was attempting to pull a roll of parchment out of her bag when the door burst open. She straightened, the quill still in her mouth, and stared at him as he approached her. He stopped a few feet away, meeting her eyes. His hair was overly disheveled and his eyes seemed darker than normal. Lily reached up and took the quill from her mouth, looking him over. It seemed entirely wrong of her, considering the circumstances, to want only to step closer to him and snog him senseless. She turned away, staring at nothing in particular.

She heard him shuffle his feet. "If you think- well- I don't know what you think. But I am not using you."

Lily's eyes widened. How could he possibly know what she had been thinking? She hadn't really been serious when she suggested that he was daft; that was only her frustration. Still, she said nothing.

"Don't you think it might have been easier for me to use someone else?" he laughed somewhat unsteadily. "Don't you think it would have been easier to avoid you altogether-"

Lily's head finally snapped up to meet his. "That's exactly what you've been doing."

"Now that's just completely unfair. You asked me to be less physical. And now you're angry at me for doing that?" James rolled his eyes.

"No, James. I'm angry at you for ignoring me. That's completely different and-"

"What did you want me to do? Yell out a hello in the middle of the corridor? I don't understand what you could possibly expect me to do. It's not like I can publicly do anything, when it comes to you and this- this thing we've agreed to do! Do you think that's easy for me?"

Lily scowled. "It's not any easier for me, James." When she saw the way he was looking at her, his eyes ready to burn right though hers, she burst out, "Fuck, I hate this."

James looked taken aback at her use of profanity, but only for a moment. He groaned. "Are you referring to our inability to have any sort of normal relationship, or to this argument?"

She met his eyes again, ignoring the strand of dark auburn hair that fell in between their gaze. "Both."

James took a step closer, shrugging his shoulders. "Lily, I don't know what you want, but- I wish you would tell me. Because you being angry at me like this is not helping anything."

Lily shook her head, a very wry smile upon her lips. "I'm not really angry with you, James."

He stared at her, clearly not ready to believe that statement. She cast her emerald eyes to the floor, suddenly looking very tired.

"I'm angry at myself. At this school. At every ignorant person in either group, and at the way I can't just act how I would want to, in any sort of normal situation."

James was silent for several moments, watching Lily as she continued to stare at the floor near his feet. Her dark red hair was slipping out of its ponytail, sticking up slightly at the edges. She bit her lip and looked up at him to find him gazing at her.

She swallowed. "What if I don't know what I want?"

James blinked. "Excuse me?"

Lily sighed. "You said you wished I would tell you what I want. But I can't do that. Not really."

James shrugged again, shifting on his feet. "Well, that's okay."

She chewed her bottom lip, casting her eyes about the room. "I mean- I want you."

He raised an eyebrow, and her eyes widened. She flushed suddenly.

"I didn't mean- I mean that I want- er-"

James grinned, stepping closer to her and running a hand down her arm. Her eyes slipped shut, but the color stayed in her cheeks. "You don't have to tell me what you mean," he said quietly, and Lily felt his breath upon her cheek. She opened her eyes, meeting his for what seemed like the millionth time that evening.

"I can't ask for what I want."

James gave her a half-smile. "Neither can I." He cast his eyes downwards, watching as she wet her lips. When she raised a hand to move his hair out of his eyes, he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. She let out a small sigh and allowed him to part her mouth, pulling him closer to her. It never seemed like he was close enough. Lily ran a finger under the collar of his robes, just beneath his neck, and he shivered. She felt her backside being pressed into the back of the couch. There would probably be an imprint there later, but all she could bring herself to care about was the way he was running his fingers through her hair and kissing her like it might never happen again.

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The Marauders stared at Kristen and Selene, who stared right back at them. None of these stares seemed friendly in the least, and from the long silence, none of them appeared to be on speaking terms.

Suddenly, the taller boy, Sirius Black as Selene recalled his name to be, stepped towards her. "Just hand me the bloody cloak."

Selene jerked it back, clutching it tightly in her fist. "No. Why should I?"

"Because, it's my property," Sirius hissed.

"No." Selene repeated. "Not until you tell me why you three Cavillors are sneaking about in deserted hallways."

"I don't owe you any sort of explanation, Ausculto. Give me that cloak and bugger off."

Selene snorted. "Like hell I'm doing that."

Remus grunted. "What we do is none of your business."

"It is when you're trying to hide it from me."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "That's not logic. It's insanity."

"And what if I am insane? It's not going to get you your precious invisibility cloak back. Besides, these things are expensive. Why shouldn't I like to keep it for myself?"

"You can't do that!" Peter groaned. "James will kill us."

Kristen inched closer to Selene. "This is Potter's cloak?"

"Apparently." Selene gripped it more tightly, backing away from Sirius.

Remus sighed. "We were going to find James in the Head common room. Satisfied, Ausculto?"

Selene smirked. "Well that's quite convenient, isn't it?"

"Why, Kelehan?" Sirius snapped. Selene stared at him. "Don't act so surprised that I know your last name. We've been at school together for seven years. I'm not stupid."

"I beg to differ. Besides, we wouldn't be here together if I had a choice in the matter."

"Oh, but you do. You could leave."

"As I was saying, that's convenient. Kristen and I were headed in that direction ourselves."

"Oh yes? And you know that direction?"

Kristen sighed, watching the argument become more heated. She glanced around to see Peter edging away, and Remus peering intensely at something in his hand. She inched closer to the boy, noticing a deep red scar on his hand. She pursed her lips together and glanced over his shoulder. It seemed to be a map of sorts, but she couldn't make out exactly what it was showing. If she could only get closer…

Remus glanced out of the corner of his eye to see Kristen leaning over him, attempting to look at the Marauder's map. He clutched it tightly to his chest and turned to glare at her.

She frowned, and their eyes met. "You know where you're going, don't you?"

Sirius and Selene stopped arguing and turned to look at the pair. Remus said nothing and finally Selene sighed.

"Just lead us there and I'll give you this bloody cloak back. Otherwise, I think I'll just keep it." To emphasize her point, she crumpled the cloak into a ball and was preparing to stuff it into her robes when Sirius growled,

"Bloody hell, fine."

He whipped around and leaned over Remus, the two of them speaking quietly. Peter stood off to the edge, staring at his friends. Kristen and Selene exchanged a glance, but just as Kristen opened her mouth to comment, the Cavillors began moving down the corridor. The girls followed, wondering if James had informed them where this room was.

They walked for five minutes, more or less, before the boys scooted to a stop, staring at the parchment in their hands. Remus suddenly looked over at his friends. "Are you sure we should intrude on him like this? Maybe he really is doing something important."

Sirius chuckled. "We're talking about the same guy, right?" As Remus opened his mouth to answer, Sirius added, "It was a rhetorical question."

Selene was intrigued by the portrait of the Three Musketeers they had stopped next to, because they were peering at the group of teenagers warily, and then exchanging cautious glances with one another. She was about to open her mouth to say something to them when Peter made a comment in a slightly squeaky voice. She turned her attention back to the Cavillors, her mouth twisting into a scowl.

"Well now it's time to found out what our dear old Prongs has been up to these past few weeks!"

Kristen leaned over to Selene to say, "I suppose this is it, then." She gestured to the portrait.

Selene shrugged. "If we can trust them."

Meanwhile, Sirius was leaning over and saying something quietly to one of the Musketeers. The Musketeer nodded, removed his hat, and bowed them in. The door swung open and the Marauders entered first, but stopped suddenly inside the entrance.

"What in Merlin's name?" Sirius was saying, his hands falling to his sides.

Selene made an irritated noise. "What is so interesting? Scoot over, you idiots." She watched as Kristen edged her way around Remus, her eyes widening and a hand moving up to cover her mouth.

Frustrated, Selene finally shoved Peter, who was in front of her and blocking her view. She glanced around, and spotted what had everyone rooted to the ground. She watched as Lily, her lips clearly attached to James Potter's, brought a hand up to his back, pulling him in closer to her. Selene felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach when she saw James put a hand on Lily's waist. Selene was beginning to feel nauseous. Something needed to be said, to stop this at all costs, because clearly they were not noticing their audience, who all seemed to have identical expressions of sickness and incredulity upon their faces.

"What in the bloody hell is this!"

Finally, James and Lily appeared to hear that they had company. They pulled away from one another quickly, glancing towards the door with wide eyes. A look of alarm came over Lily's face, and James edged away from her, gazing into his friends' disbelieving eyes.

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A/N: Yes, I do apologize for ending it there, but then, I'll be updating again soon. All I'm doing these days is working and going out with my friends when possible (sexy pirates in movies are completely irresistible, sorry). So, be somewhat patient, and I'll get the next part out to you as soon as possible. Thanks for reading ;)

Helen- Thank you, I'm glad that you thought so. I hope this chapter does not disappoint you either.

ShadyDay9- Intensity is always good, when put in the right places. Considering that I did put this story under the drama genre, I'm glad it's at least partly fulfilling its purpose lol. Thanks for reading, as always.

-Emily