Quick chapter update. Was itching to get this out. In case you're confused, it's a bit of a time skip from the last chapter. A few months. I want to take this story to the next level, so it was necessary. Dedicated to a special someone because they deserve it and I promised them an update of this story first. -TPP

Perfect Silence

Chapter Ten.

"Maybe it'll all work out like in the movies..."

-Mayday Parade

Grimmjow is incredible.

More than incredible. He's become everything to me.

I feel like a horse, the ones that have blinders on them, those strips of leather that only allow the horse to see forward, its peripheral vision blocked.

And Grimmjow's all I see. All the time. Everywhere.

You'd think this would drive me crazy, but it doesn't.

If anything, it makes me want him more.

It's not that bullshit puppy love. I've seen that before. I know what that is and I know what this isn't.

What me and Grimmjow have, it's nothing like that at all.

I don't know what to call it because it's more than love.

It's more than lust, although that's certainly part of it. I crave him all the time.

I crave him more than I crave redemption, more than forgiveness, more than razor blades.

It's been months and months since I've done that. I started jogging with Tatsuki again, like the old days when we ran track together.

It was difficult at first. I'd been so weak before, but my body was starting to adjust again, remold itself. I was developing muscles in all the old places they used to be. I wasn't as pale as before.

I think it was more from sitting outside with Grimmjow than anything else.

I feel so…domesticated.

We saw each other at school. We sat together at lunch. If he had work, I went home and busied myself with college applications and tried not to think about him.

High school graduation came in the blink of an eye. I applied to several colleges to appease my parents, but I already knew where I'd be going.

Grimmjow only applied to one school and one school only: the local community college. It was the only place he would have a prayer of getting accepted and the tuition payments would be less stressful on him, considering he was going to have to move out of Starrk's sooner or later. Apparently Starrk and his boyfriend were getting serious and Grimmjow felt awkward about it.

Grimmjow's high school records hadn't been received well, so he was taking remedial night classes to retake the college entrance exam. I had gotten in quickly, along with nearly every other college I had applied to, but I knew it wasn't a contest.

I would go to the same college. I would stay with Grimmjow.

And no, it's not because I think he couldn't handle the separation, that I have to be around to protect him. It's because I know I couldn't handle the separation, because I know I couldn't handle not seeing him as much as I've gotten used to seeing him.

I know it's a little too optimistic: I know this road won't be easy. I haven't even asked him if he wants to live in the dorms with me, if he wants to be my roommate.

I haven't asked him if he wants to be with me forever. I don't want to ask him that yet.

I have to slow down, I know that, but it's just so hard.

Grimmjow's gotten under my skin, breathed into my blood.

We kiss and hold hands and sometimes he even initiates it.

Those are the moments where I love him the most.

Because he's trying, because I know there's something dark inside of him that is keeping him from giving himself completely over to me.

Something I want to save him from, but don't know how.

I love him enough, respect him enough, not to push the sex.

But I'm not going to lie. It's hard.

It drives me crazy sometimes, how much I want him. Just to touch him, not knowing if I'll be received or refused. That's what hurts. That's what scares me.

Sometimes he does. Sometimes he kisses me like he'll never get the chance to do it again. Other times, there's this look in his eyes like he's in physical pain, like he needs a morphine drip.

I've been thinking about it ever since that night in my bed, since the night where he didn't leave me but we crossed a boundary I want to keep exploring.

He hasn't run away from me. Not yet.

I won't let him. I won't let him run anymore.

And if he does run, this time, I'll be able to catch him.

Sometimes it scares me the way Ichigo looks at me.

Like he knows what Aizen did to me.

I know that's impossible: how could he guess? How could he know?

Other times I see something in his eyes that reminds me of my mother, something soft and beautiful and unstoppable.

I love him.

That's all that should matter.

It should be enough.

So why isn't it enough?

The door to the shop opened. I didn't look up from my organizing, but I heard Jinta's low voice as he greeted whoever had walked in.

A girl's voice answered. It sounded familiar, so I looked up.

Karin.

I'd never seen her in the store before, but it made me think that Ichigo was with her, so my expectations instantly rose. I was supposed to come over for dinner but most days Ichigo would meet me here and walk with me back to his house.

It was still a bit early, though: only four o'clock or so. I didn't get off for another two hours, so maybe Karin had come on her own. She was fifteen, after all.

I looked between her and Jinta, noticing his jerky hand movement as he ran his fingers continuously through his hair. Karin was still talking to him lowly, her cheeks red.

Ah. So that was it.

"Karin-chan, so nice to see you," Urahara chimed from across the store, waving jovially from one of the funky chairs where he was sipping on some hot tea, "What brings you by on such a beautiful day?"

"H-hi, Uncle Kisuke," she half-whispered, feeling put on the spot by her father's best friend. He had insisted they call him that since they were practically babies, "Um…just stopped by for, uh…"

"I told her the imports were being delivered today," Jinta covered, nodding his head towards the rack that displayed most of the new imported releases, "You were looking for Never Shout Never's 'Time Travel', yeah?"

"Y-yeah," Karin replied, hurrying over to the rack and picking up a copy and holding it as if it would shield everyone in the room from noticing her true intentions, "I like this band a lot."

"Excellent," Urahara said with a knowing chuckle, "It is a good cd, yeah? I'm sure you'll enjoy it as much as the cd will enjoy you."

Jinta and Karin looked at each other, both looking pretty uncomfortable before Jinta murmured that he had some stuff to do in the storeroom and headed for the back.

I caught Karin's eyes and whispered hello. Karin approached me, her cheeks seeming to get redder and redder by the second.

"Um, Grimmjow, I know I don't have any right to ask this, but…" Karin started, her voice low so Urahara wouldn't overhear, "Could I borrow some money?"

I could have embarrassed her further. I could have asked her how she had planned on buying a cd without bringing any money to pay for it, but I wouldn't, because I knew what it was like to desperately want to see somebody you wanted.

"Yeah," I murmured, fishing some yen out of my back pocket and passing it to her when Urahara was thoroughly distracted, "No problem."

"I'll pay you back. I promise."

She headed for the counter to pay, Urahara all smiles as he rang her up with a special employee discount. She glanced at the storeroom once before turning towards the front door and leaving.

"Ah, young love," Urahara sighed once Karin was officially gone, "Beautiful, isn't it?"

There was no one else in the store, so I assumed he was addressing me. I didn't say anything though because his eyes told me he was teasing.

I felt heat rush to my ears and face before telling him to shut up and getting back to my job.

About fifteen minutes later Urahara told me to take a smoke break. I thanked him before heading through the storeroom that spilled out into the alleyway. I pulled my lighter free before I hit the door, lighting the cancer stick as I stepped out, noticing Jinta sitting on an abandoned milk crate, smoke streaming from his nostrils from a nearly spent cigarette.

I sighed as I approached him, leaning against the wall next to him as I took another drag, "You're too young for this shit."

"Hypocrite," Jinta breathed, flicking his spent cigarette away from him.

Yeah, the kid was right. I'd started smoking at fourteen, too.

"Karin wouldn't like it," I say offhandedly.

Jinta looked up at me, his eyes heated, "That's none of your goddamn business."

So this was the famous Jinta temper. I'd known him for a few years now, known he could be a brat, but most of the time, I thought he was pretty mature for his age. He put up a tough front to avoid being teased for his shyness at school, but his friendship with Karin seemed to be what kept him from getting out of control with his temper.

Most people didn't understand how he could be Urahara's kid. Urahara was so laid back and easy going, never seeming to get angry, whereas Jinta was a fire cracker who threw punches as quick as he spit hurtful words. I remembered over a year ago when Urahara had whined about Jinta being kicked out of another local middle school for fighting and had transferred into Karin's middle school. I knew what it was like to be picked on for an extreme hair color. A few scrapes here and there, but so far it looked like Jinta was keeping himself in control to stay there.

It made a lot of sense when you saw the two of them together. They'd known each other practically their entire lives, but hadn't really been friends. Now that Karin was trying to heal herself, she had begun clinging to Jinta as her only real friend, and now it looked like romantic feelings were beginning to stir up between them.

Which sucked, because hormones were raging at that age, and everything looks scary and confusing to a fourteen and a fifteen year old.

But still, if I was being honest with myself, I treated him like a kid brother. At first I had thought it was annoying, seeing as I didn't talk, but Jinta seemed to like me anyway, maybe because he was such a shy person at heart. Not to mention I felt like I was looking at myself when I looked at him, except Urahara was one of the best dads I'd ever seen. If I could pick a dad, I'd pick him. Sometimes it made me jealous how affectionate and easy Urahara seemed with Jinta, but I sensed Jinta suffered more than he let on.

Jinta had been little more than a toddler when his mother died.

Brain tumor.

Urahara had raised him on his own, guarding his heart by building a reputation as a play boy that didn't know how to stay off the fence, and never settling down.

Jinta: constantly moved around by dad and pushed around by peers. Add in the absurdly bright red hair color and I felt like we were blood brothers.

"Yeah, none of my business," I finally say, dropping my spent cigarette and grinding it into the asphalt with my shoe.

I feel the compulsion, so I say it. I can't just rely on the relationship I have with Ichigo. If there's anything I've been learning from Ichigo, it's to let people I care about into my life, even if its just a little bit. I don't have any blood family left, but I do have a family.

"Between you and me, she digs you. Go for it, little man."

"I kissed her yesterday," Jinta says bluntly, surprising me, "on the soccer field after practice. She ran away from me. Now she shows up today, looking all cute and scared and shit? Man, I really wanna kick her ass for that."

I let the words sink. I can't help it. I laugh.

Jinta scowls at me for a second before he's chuckling too. It feels good. I usually only smile or laugh around Ichigo, but this, this is nice, too.

Later that night, I'm sitting at the dinner table with Ichigo and his family.

Apparently Karin had asked Jinta to come to dinner when she had been in the store earlier. Ichigo kept trying to talk to me with his eyes, but I ignored him. His protective-older-brother senses were probably tingling.

He could figure it out for himself. Maybe I was just too used to reading body language to expect everyone else to see what was so obvious between the young teenagers.

Jinta is next to Karin. He nearly drops a rice bowl when his fingers brush against hers as it's passed around the table.

"So nice of you boys to join us tonight," Masaki says, smiling at me before looking at Jinta, "You should really come around more often, Jinta. Karin's always talking about you and how talented you are at soccer."

Jinta says something polite while rubbing his neck and Karin looks like she might commit matricide.

I smile to myself. At least someone at the table isn't blind.

Later, after dinner, I have my nose buried in a study book when I feel Ichigo's eyes on me.

We're in his room lying on the floor, listening to some chill music. I feel relaxed.

I feel like this room was always mine.

When Ichigo looks at me with those eyes, I feel like he's always been mine, too.

"What?" I ask him quietly, heat pooling in my stomach.

"Nothing."

I try to focus on the equation I was working on, but its a lost effort, "You're a shitty liar. You're staring at me."

Ichigo's chuckle is butter soft, "Sorry. It's like you were born to be looked at."

There's something in his voice that's tender but teasing at the same time, "Yeah?"

"Mm-hm."

He inches closer to me. We're sitting on the floor shoulder to shoulder now, his breath against my ear as I try to make sense of the jumbled numbers on the paper in front of me.

He leans into my neck, his lips brushing against my pulse point. His lips are startlingly cold.

He spends a few minutes kissing and nipping along my neck, ear, and hairline.

I growl low in my throat, "Ichigo, the exam is tomorrow."

"I know."

"I need to work."

"I'm not stopping you," he whispers, continuing his current assault on his favorite part of my neck.

"If you give me a hickey, I won't let you touch me for a month."

He sighs and kisses my temple before retreating, "Love you too, baby."

He dozes on the bed while I try to finish the mock exam. I don't know how late it is when I finish, but he's snoring softly when I close the workbook and the house is silent.

Ichigo's parents see me so much they are never surprised to see me in the morning. Although neither of us had said anything 'official' to Ichigo's family, they weren't stupid. As I had suspected, Masaki had known how we felt about each other before we had been willing to admit it to even ourselves. She smiled a lot more lately according to Ichigo; Karin had nothing negative or positive to say about it, and Isshin seemed content enough. Spending the night had become a routine, although Isshin liked to wake us up in the morning, coming at Ichigo with crazy made-up karate moves that Ichigo easily blocks. Just when I thought Isshin couldn't get any weirder, he still manages to surprise me.

Personally, I think it's Isshin's way of insuring that we aren't engaging in anything X-rated while Karin is right across the hall.

"It's pretty obvious by now what you two got going on," was all Isshin had said one morning while sipping on his coffee, Ichigo and I in the middle of finishing a quick breakfast, "Just behave yourselves while under my roof and we won't have any problems."

After that, I hadn't been able to get the image of Ichigo and I having sex on Kurosaki's roof for days. The images had been crystal clear.

I turned the bedroom light off before crawling into bed beside Ichigo, the sheets cool to the touch.

In only a few minutes, Ichigo has managed to wrap himself almost completely around me, his hand resting against my stomach, his chin on my shoulder.

My heart beat quickens.

I want him even closer.

I want to make it all really real.

I want him to be completely mine.

I've decided.

I want to make love with Ichigo.

Soon.

"Because you don't get lucky twice, and that's the truth."

A/N: Sorry to all you angst-lovers, but I needed a break, and I think the characters needed a break too.