Chapter 10 - The Reveal
A/N: I just want to quickly take this oppurtunity to say thank you to everybody who has read my fanfiction, reviewed it, favourited it etc. I really do appreciate it. This chapter is 7196 words (sorry :p) because it's the last chapter in this particular fanfiction and I really wanted to finish it off properly. Don't worry though I'm planning on starting some more FFs soon and hopefully some MA rated ones too :P Please review my last chapter and let me know what you think of (I read every review) Also feel free to drop me some ideas.
I love you all!!! :) :D :) :D
Once again, THANK YOU! And enjoy Chapter 10: The Reveal (and Aftermath) :D
Syed's POV:
Masood Household- Saturday 27th February 2009 - 04.57pm
I breathed in deeply. In, out, in and out again. My hands trembled as I packed my clothes. I really couldn't believe that I was about to do this. That I was really packing to leave home and move in with Christian Clarke. If you'd said that to me on my first day here, I would have thought you were either high on something, crazy or both but now ...
I looked around the room before zipping up the suitcase. I had everything that I needed. Just some clothes, shoes and a few other bits and pieces. I'd already packed away all my paperwork, passport. Amira's stuff were scattered around the room and the room currently looked like it was occupied by a teenage girl with make-up everywhere, clothes on the floor. Once everything was out in the open, the last thing that I wanted was to come back for something. I knew that my mum and Amira would burn everything left between them.
I'd told my family that I had something to tell them tonight and I wanted everyone present. i decided that I couldn't face telling it twice, after all once was bad enough. Despite arriving back from Manchester this morning, my dad had gone straight to work while Mum had caught up on her sleep. But she went to the MQ unit at lunchtime to help Jane and Christian who also were working.
I knew it must be hard for Christian but we'd spent the last 2 days speaking about it in great detail. We decided that if it became unbearable we'd move out and go to Brighton. Christian used to go there a lot and had some familiar links. He'd spent a year living there after his mum kicked him out and was sure that he could get his old job back in a club. I'd find work easily as a caterer, plus I had my degree too. Brighton had a lot of gay people so I knew that we wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb.
I looked at the time. 5pm. I dragged the suitcase out in the hall and down the stairs. Christian had given me some keys to leave my suitcase at his flat. My dad was the first person due home at 5.30. I knew that half an hour was more than enough time to leave it at Christian's and return....
I walked back into my house for what was probably going to be the last time. I looked at my watch 5.13pm. There was one last thing I really wanted to do, I went upstairs to my room for the final time, picked up a pen and a notepad and quickly started writing ...
Christian's POV:
The Unit- Saturday 27th February 2009 - 3.30pm
I looked at the clock for the umpteenth time. This was getting to be unbearable. The day had finally arrived when Syed was going to tell everyone the truth, and as expected the day seemed to be dragging on. I also happened to be working with Zainab. I knew that this would be my last shift with her, before she found out that I'd 'corrupted' her son.
Syed had made me promise that I'd leave him to do it alone. Initially, I'd argued against him but I gave in. He told me that this was something he needed to do alone for his own peace of mind. I'd reassured him that once the truth was out, I'd be waiting for him.
As Jane and Zainab chatted about "Sundowners" the latest book that they were reading for book club, I stayed quiet, just wishing it 8pm already.
Syed's POV:
Masood Household- Saturday 27th February 2009 - 8pm
Standing up, I stood in front of the TV and I cleared my throat. The conversation in the lounge died down instantly.
"Finally are we going to find out why you insisted that everyone turned up to dinner tonight? I take it wasnt just for my delicious aloo ghobi, which was delicious if I say so myself"
I looked around at the expectant faces. My mum was still smiling from complimenting her own food, and next to her on the settee was my dad looking thoughtful yet intrigued. Tamar looked serious and Amira was smiling at me from her seat.
"Why the serious face? It can't be that bad"?
I looked at Amira. If only she knew that I was about to turn her world upside down.
"There's something I need to tell you. But before I do, I want you all to know how much I love you"
"Syed.." My mum's voice trailed off.
"Is everything ok babe"? Amira stood up from the sofa. As she stepped towards me I involuntarily stepped back holding my arm out to stop her from coming nearer.
Closing my eyes I thought of my marriage and how miserable I felt. I then thought about Christian and I smiled. I knew what I had to do. Opening my eyes, I looked at my family who were still waiting.
"Mum, dad, I've always tried my hardest to please you. I'm sorry for everything bad I've ever done. Tamwar, I know that we haven't always seen eye to eye but I've tried to be the older brother that you deserve".
I put my hand up as my mum went to interrupt me.
"Please let me finish, if I don't say this now I never will".
My mum didn't speak so I continued.
"Amira, you know that I love you and that I've always tried to treat you as my Princess".
Amira nodded, confusement on her pretty face.
"But I'm sorry, it's just not .. it's not me. I will always love you, all of you, and please don't ever forget that"..
"What are you talking about Syed? You're starting to scare me so can you just spit it out already"?
Looking straight at Tamwar, I realised I was babbling.
I thought of those sea-green eyes, the guy who I realised was the sole reason for my existence. Courage come from within me at the thought of Christian.
"I'm gay".
I scanned the room as the silence deafened me. You could hear a pin drop in the room. Maybe it wasn't going to be that bad, maybe they'd ... In that split second their faces changed. Tamwar's mouth hung open while Amira just stared in shock. My mum's hand was frozen in the air while my dad's face was completely blank.
A second passed.
Amira jumped off the sofa and slapped me with such force, my head turned 45 degrees. I heard my neck crick. My cheek stung and I could feel it throbbing. I didn't speak immediately. Slowly, I pulled my head forward. Amira was standing in front of me. My mum leapt off the sofa behind her.
"You're what"?
I couldn't bring myself to say it a second time.
"Are you joking"? I looked at Amira.
"No. I'm sorry Amira. I wish I was" I was standing in such a close proximity to my mum. But I said it anyway, I'd already said it once. I willed time to fast-forward an hour, so the horrible messy scene that was about to play out, would already be over but nothing happened.
"I dont think I heard correctly. I mean did my Muslim son just look me in the face and tell me he's gay"?
My mother stood next to Amira. Her eyes were widened from the shock. Neither of the males moved. Both Amira and my mum had the same look of shock and confusion on their face. I could tell that they didn't believe me or at least didnt want to believe it.
"I'm sorry". It was all I could say. As my mother reaslied that I wasn't joking she began hurling abuse on me in both English and Panjabi. I could only listen, trying not to tremble as everyone joined in, finally realising that I wasn't lying.
"What have we done to deserve this cruel fate from Allah?" "You're supposed to be my husband. We've only just got married and you're telling me that you're GAY?" "That's disgusting" "The amount of trouble you've caused this family, its more than you're worth".
Each one drowned out the last. I found myself backed in a corner with my family staring down at me. Christian's face floated through my mind and that was all the strength that I needed.
"Aren't you going to say something"? My mother raged at me.
"What do you want me to say"?
"That this is some kind of sick joke" If only I could Amira..
"Explain ... say SOMETHING".
"Explain what? Is anyone actually going to listen to me"?
"Explain how you've caught this terrible ... disease". She gestured around wildly. "Explain how something only people like Christian have, how you've caught it. We can change you. I know someone who specialises in this kind of thing. He's fixed men before, he can fix you. it's a curse. Someone hates us so they've cursed -".
My body had involuntarily twitched at Christian's name. I'd hope that it'd gone unnoticed but It hadn't.
"Christian".
That was all my dad had to say to stop my mum.
"ChristI- Masood, no you might know who I'm talking abo-". She trailed off and turned to look at me.
No one spoke and I knew it would only be a matter of time before everyone clocked onto the truth.
"Tell me it it's not true".
I didn't speak. Realisation dawned on my mother's face.
"You've been cheating on me with CHRISTIAN? My best mate? My husband and MY GAY FRIEND"?
I looked at them. All the truth was in the open now. I had nothing to hide.
"I've NEVER cheated on you while we've been married. That much I can promise you". She let out something that was a half strangled cry and a half strangled sob.
"SINCE WE'VE BEEN MARRIED? Has this really been going on since BEFORE OUR MARRIAGE"?
"I stopped it because I thought it was for the best. But I'm living a lie now, can't you see it? I'm not happy, I can't keep hiding my identity".
My dad honoured me with a reply. His face was stony.
"NO! I can't see it. I can't see why I've nearly worked myself to DEATH for this wedding and now today less than 2 months later you're turning around and throwing it back in our faces. You've always been selfish". He paused. "GAY? You and Christian??". The disgust in his voice wasn't hard to miss.
"I'm sorry, I really am. I only got married because I wanted to do the right thing by you, by mum, Amira, Allah..".
My mum shrieked as I mentioned God.
"Don't, Syed! How can you even bring God into this? You're not even worthy to say his name anymore. You'll burn in hell for eternity. Is it really worth it? Is Christian really worth that, hut"?
I flinched. Yes I screamed in my head. He's worth that and so much more. I couldnt verbally say it because I didn't know how much more anyone could take. Amira stumbled back onto the sofa.
"I love Christian".
My voice was simple, matter-of-fact. The same tone that I'd told him with.
"You were supposed to love ME". Amira broke down crying on the sofa. As she sobbed, I could feel guilt but no remorse.
"You deserve someone better than me. Someone who can really make you happy".
My words must have triggered something in her because her tears stopped as fast as they came. Her eyes narrowed as they focused on something behind me. She stood up, storming past me and grabbed something.
"Look".
I looked at the object in her hand. A framed photo of us on our wedding day. We were both smiling at the camera, enjoying our big day. I didn't point out to Amira that she enjoyed the day while my heart was broken, reminiscing over the man I had to give up for her, my family, my religion. Her hand with the photo trembled.
"I'm sorry Amira. Really. I didn't want it to happen like this".
"And what you think I did"?
I looked her into her cold yet sad eyes. I blinked away. I was saving her now, before it's too late. Before we were both in too deep and had kids that could be affected by this. Couldn't she understand that?
"You bastard, I hate you Syed Masood".
She slammed the photo at my feet, turned on her heel and half-ran to the door. She stopped at the door and faced me one last time.
"I want a divorce and I never wanna see you again. I hope he leaves you". With that parting remark, she chucked her wedding ring across the room and it landed at my feet. I knew that Christian would never leave me. No-one could ever understand the intensity of our relationship.
I could only watch as she ran out the living room and up the stairs, with tears streaming down her face. I turned to my family. My mum was wailing into my dad's shoulder. Tamwar was the only person who hadn't moved. I didn't speak and I felt a lump rise in my throat. I'd really fucked up big time.
"You selfish, ego-tastical stupid boy. She's the best person you'll ever find and you chose Christian over her" Tamwar didn't even wait for a reply as he ran after her. I left him. I had bigger fish to fry.
"Mum, dad"? My voice was tentative, I couldn't leave on bad terms.
"Please talk to me".
"And say what eh Syed"? My father's voice turned to anger. "Every single time Syed. You've truly outdone yourself in fucking up this time. What do you think we're gonna welcome you back with open arms in a couple of years? If you do, you're sorely mistaken boy. You've made your choice, now leave".
"Please dad, you have no idea how hard this was for me".
"For you? What about your mother, Amira? That poor girl has had her whole life ruined now. We'll never be able to go back out into the community again. None of us."
"I'm sorry. Please just try and understand it from my point of view".
Tears were pouring down my face.
"I love him dad, I really do. I'm never going to be happy with anyone except him. Can't you accept that"?
I hadn't even noticed that I was walking towards my parents.
"Just go Syed. Before I really do something I regret".
The cold fury on his face halted me. Maybe it was best I left. But before I did…
"Mum"?
I looked at her and she turned slowly towards me.
"Can you live without him"?
"No".
I repied immediately. Maybe she'd actually understand and accept it.
"Can you live without us"?
"No".
She looked at me.
"Choose".
"What"? In my heart I always knew it'd come down to this but I never believed that I'd actually be forced to choose.
"You heard me Syed. Choose. Your family or him". The last word was full of contempt.
"That's not fair. You can't make me choose between my family or the man I love".
My mum slapped me with as much force as Amira's slap.
"HOW CAN YOU STAND THERE AND SAY THAT? The man you love? Have we bought you up this way? Huh? We've ALWAYS done right by you and today our OWN SON stands here and throws everything back in our faces. His morals, religion, culture, our love. And all he can do is stand there and profess his love for some ... some ."
The rest of her sentence was left unspoken but that didn't stop the tears from running down my face.
"Go!"
"No, please"
"I mean it Syed, GO and never darken our doorstep again".
My feet remained frozen. I needed Christian. I was so stupid for telling him not to come. I found myself being dragged. I looked around wildly as my dad had moved so swiftly I hadn't even noticed. He was dragging me to the front door.
"You heard your mother. As of this minute, I have no respect left for you. You don't deserve anyone or anything, and least of all your family".
My dad had never ever spoken to me like that. I'd never even heard him speak to someone else like that and all of sudden, I was hearing it? I couldn't believe it.
"Mum!"
I tried to grab the doorframe of the lounge door. It worked and halted me. He let go off me to open the front door.
"Please mum". I grabbed the front of her top. "I'm your son. i love you all so much. But I can't help how I feel about him, you need to understand".
"If you love us so much then leave him".
I shook my head forcefully.
"I can't. I've already tried and it didn't work. Please, I'm still your son. Your Syed who used to leave his mum pictures hidden around the house".
I cried into her top as fear took over. I'd already lost my family once. If I lost them again, I knew there would be no going back.
My mum gripped my hands and pulled them away from her top. She knew what I was thinking and shook her head sadly.
"That boy's gone. I have no son except Tamwar"..
My heart froze. Oh, my ... My own mother had just said ...
"Just go Syed".
I didn't respond and my dad pushed me backwards, the final step through the door.
I knew that this moment would haunt me forever. My dad with his face full utter loathing, pitiful. My mum's tired face was full of contempt and disgust. She spat at my feet. The cruellest thing someone could do the their own child was to spit at them. Her final words sent a chilling sensation through my bones.
"In our eyes, you're now dead".
The door slammed shut. Shaking, I turned around, my vision blurred from the tears. I felt isolation, rejection, hurt and fear in one emotion. The words not registering into my brain. I needed him. I needed him so badly. Blindly, I ran through the Square in the direction of his flat. Everything around me was simply there, but my mind couldn't even begin to process it. I slowed down. I knew I'd only hold for another minute. My mum's words rang in my ears.
I saw Chrisitan's flat and started sprinting. The thought that he was there gave my lungs all the air that they needed. I ran to the door to find it unlocked and ran up the stairs. Before I'd even touched the door, it flew open revealing his worried face.
"Oh Sy".
It was all I needed. Slamming the door shut I ran straight into his arms. The real emotion I'd held back, came flooding out, finally unleashed. His arms embraced me tightly, protecting me. I could only sob as he murmured into my ear. "It's gonna be fine, I'm here". This made me feel worse. I tried to speak but my tears were falling thick and fast. "Shh! Speak later". I nestled closer into him and cried into the night, while Christian held me, forever my protector and saviour.
Christian's POV:
15a Turpin Road- Saturday 27th February 2009 - 12.36am
I could hear his tears finally subsiding. I felt physically sick. Syed had spent nearly 2 hours crying. I'd only caught some of what he's said. "She said I was dead in her eyes" seemed to be the one that hurt him the most. I could understand why. Even my own mother hadn't gone so far.
Syed was hurting. He was hurting badly and that meant that I was hurting as well. I'd paced my flat anxiously as I'd waited for him, constantly running back to the window to check if he was outside. I'd debated on going over but I couldn't bring myself to go knowing I'd made a promise to Syed. Just when I was seriously considering waiting in the Square for him, I'd seen him. Even from my distance, I could tell that he was upset. In my haste to unlock the front door downstairs, I'd nearly gone flying over the table. I heard him pounding up the stairs and his face told me all that I needed to know. Syed had been disowned.
His force nearly knocked me but I just clutched him to me as he sobbed. I knew that it'd always come to this but it didn't make it any easier to bear. I carried him over to the sofa. All that I could was soothe him and try and calm him down. I'd stroked him hair and told him that everything would be ok. The pain I felt hearing Syed cry was unbearable. I would have done anything to put him out of his pain.
Neither of us had moved since I'd bought us both onto the settee. Syed pulled in my arms. I released him, my chest soaked with his tears, and handed him some tissues, looking away as he cleaned his face. I felt as if I was intruding on some kind of private grief. Knowing that I played a part in those tears, only caused anger directed at myself and mentally I berated myself.
"I'm sorry".
Syed's voice was thick.
"Sorry, what on earth are you sorry for"?
"For making your shirt wet".
I quietly laughed, and lifted his chin up so I could meet his eyes. They were glistening from the tears.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, you've done nothing wrong".
My words held double meaning and his eyes registered them. Tears welled up in his eyes.
"Then why do I feel like I have"?
As tears splashed down his face, I felt my heart tear. He looked so lost, vulnerable, scared, and confused.
"Listen to me Syed. Your only crime was finding me. So if you're sorry about anything then you should be sorry about that".
He shook his head, his tears slowly.
"But I'm not sorry about that".
I smiled a small smile.
"Why all the tears Sy"?
"It's just like last time. But this time I wont get my family back. I'll never see my mum again. I'll never talk to my dad, brother. My sister will probably hate me too once everyone finishes brainwashing her".
I caressed my thumb on his face, wiping away the tears.
"It's different this time"
"How"?
"You have me". I held his gaze. "I mean it Syed, I'm not going anywhere. Your family will come around one day".
Syed didn't speak but he just acknowledged that he heard me.
"I'm tired Christian".
"I know. You should go to bed".
Syed didn't respond, just dragged his feet in the direction of the bathroom. As the door closed behind him, I sighed, running my hands over my face. Syed was quite clearly heartbroken. I wanted to do something to make it all seem ok, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to. He needed to get over it in his own time, and all that I could do was be there for him, love him and support him.
I was frightened of telling him that I loved him to his face. If I did, it would be the first time in the last 5 months that it had been said. It didn't seem right, given the circumstances. I heard the shower switch off and I moved towards the bed. He was quicker than I'd expected. I started pulling the cushions off the bed, and pulled the duvet back. I could hear him rustling around in his suitcase behind me. Even now, my entire body seemed concentrated on him. This really was an effect like no other....
In the bathroom, I thought back to earlier. I'd told Jane about Syed and I and had made her promise not to say anything. She's initally been shocked but agreed that as long as we really knew what we were getting ourselves into, and we were happy, she didn't mind. I knew Ian would be more concerened on how it would affect his 'business relationship' with the Masoods but to be honest, I really couldn't give a toss. There were some things more important that money, and this was by far one of them.
I stepped out of the bathroom, wearing my favourite Superman boxers and a white vest. February was too cold to sleep naked. I looked over to the bed. Syed was watching me, smiling. I smiled back. Even across the room, our eyes located each other quickly.
"Come to bed".
My smile broadened.
"But just not tonight".
I nodded at him.
"It doesn't feel right".
"I know". It was too raw for us both. I wanted to make love to him more than anything, but I wanted the mood to be right. It was as if he read my mind, nodding. I sat on the bed, looking down at him.
"Your mood's changed"
"I know. What happened back there, what was said .." Syed's voice cracked. "It hurt but it's worth it, if I can have you".
I ran a finger down his face. He closed his eyes at my touch. I scanned his face, drinking in every detail. His face was serene.
"Are you sure"?
He opened his eyes.
"I'm sure".
I smiled at Syed, love radiating through me. Leaning down I kissed his lips softly, taking him by surprise. Our tongues met easily. His eyes smiled at me and I ran my hands through his hair. He gripped my vest, pulling me closer in. I felt warm hands on my back, running along my spine. The kiss became more suggestive and I pulled back. We were both breathing heavily.
"Syed".
He looked at me, smiling.
"What's wrong"?
"You know what's wrong".
He pulled an inncoent face, shrugging. If it wasn't for the cheeky grin and glint in his eyes, I would have thought he didn't know.
"About half a second ago, you said you wanted us to wait".
"I did, but that was then and this was now".
I looked at the clock.
"You want our first night to be at 1.39 in the morning, when I've got to be up at 7?"
"You're still going to go to work"?
"I have to".
"But my mum.."
"Don't worry. I'm a big boy I'll take care of myself".
I kissed him again, reassuringly. Within moments, Syed was already pulling me onto him. With a great deal of control, I pulled myself back.
"You're testing me, Sy".
I laughed as I took in his torn face. I could see he wanted it to be meaningful just like I did but I also could see that his lust was controlling him too.
"Tomorrow night". I answered for him.
"I think you mean tonight".
Wow, Syed was really keen. This caused my heart to pound faster."No, I thought we just established that I have to be up at the crack of dawn. You really are eager-". Syed placed a hand across my mouth. I stopped instantly, at his touch.
"I mean, it's past midnight so technically you mean tonight". Syed didn't remove his hand.
"Oh" I breathed against his hand, my warm breath bouncing back onto my mouth.
I moved his hand gently.
"Goodnight Sy. Sleep tight".
His eyes were warm but I could see the hurt lingering in them.
As he turned around, I knew that he wouldn't be getting no sleep. He'd lie awake, thinking of the whole confrontation with his family again, just like I had done all those years ago. I didn't want him to relive the pain again. I'd give him some sleeping tablets. I knew he'd be grateful for the few hours of sleep that he'd get if any...
Syed's POV:
15a Turpin Road- Saturday 27th February 2009 - 4am.
"You're dead in our eyes".
As the door slammed shut in my face, I found myself falling into a pit. I looked down in horror. There was bright orange and red flames of fire around me. The scream never left my mouth as I thrashed desparately, unsuccesfully attempting to climb up in thin air. I was getting closer to the flames, and I looked up. Nothing, except fire was all around me. The realisation that I was going to burn alive caused me to scream as I felt something dragging me down.
"No!!!" I hit out in every direction, utterly petrified.
"Syed! Wake up! Please".
I sat up instantly. I looked around the flat and realised I was at Christian's flat. It was a nightmare. it wasn't real. It wasn't real. Sweat was pouring down my face, and I looked at my hands and saw that they were shaking.
"Syed".
I turned to Christian. The only source of light in the room came from streetlamps outside, which peeked through the crack in the curtains. Christian's face showed me that he was scared. It took me a couple of minutes for the events of my lifetime to catch up with me. My bottom lip trembled.
"Oh Sy". His soft, caring voice only made me feel worse. As the tears fell, his arms were around me in an instant. This only caused me to blub further.
"Oh Sy, it was just a dream. You're safe now".
"It's not, I really am going to hell".
His hands paused as they rubbed my back. He pulled back, looking intently at my face.
"You are not going to hell, Syed".
"But I am".
"You've done nothing wrong".
"I'm gay, aren't I? That's a sin in itself."
"Your good deeds outweigh everything else".
I didn't answer. My mind reliving the images again from my nightmare. I shuddered. Christian noticed and pulled me against his chest.
"Shh, I'm here. Let's try and get some sleep".
I knew that I wouldn't and so did Christian. I breathed into his chest, focusing on him. I nestled closer to him, determined to close any gaps. It didn't take him long to make me feel safe in his arms. As he stroked me rhythmitically, I felt myself drifting off to sleep clutching onto him.
My dream changed, there was nothingness around me but ocassionaly disorted images would float past me. Amira surrounded by kids. My parents, quite clearly a lot older taking a walk near a lake. Tamwar in university, in a room I assumed to be his dorm, studying. Shabnam's wedding day and me looking on at my laughing family like an outsider. When I awoke I had forgotten all the images except the last one. It was Christian and I caught in a storm on a little boat. As the waves had crashed around us, we held onto each other as we waited to ride out the storm...
Syed's POV:
91 Kingston Road, Wales- Sunday 7th March 2010
We'd finally moved out of Walford.
Well not exactly moved but relocated. Christian's friend Ashley had to travel to Australia for 3 months and needed someone to house-sit for him. We'd jumped at the oppurtunity to leave. Things had become unbearable. Amira had apparently gone back to her old flat. I'd only left the flat once at Christian's insistence, and had seen my mum going into the unit. She'd seen me and screamed abuse at me, asking me how I could dare to show my face. My dad had ignored me in the street, throwing me a disgusted look.
I'd ran all the way back to the flat where Christian had asked me if I'd mind moving to Wales? I'd agreed despite knowing it was his ex's house. The only guy he'd been with since me. i told myself that I didn't mind because I had Christian now and that was all that mattered to me.
So here we were, in Wales. The weather was worse than Walford.
I felt Christian slip his arms around me. I turned around finding those pure green eyes. I smiled and instantly relaxed. I had never been more certain of making the right decision before.
I smiled as I thought of Thursday night. Our only night together but what a night. I My thoughts of Christian screaming my name, led to a heated blush travelling rapidly up my neck.
"What you thinking of"?
I didn't reply, instead wrapping my arms around him and kissing him passionately, I led him towards the bedroom. I'd leave him to work it out.
Christian's POV:
34 Ellitridge Road, Brighton - Friday March 16th 2012
"Christian .. you know that I love you, right"?
My heart rate accelerated just slightly at those words. I looked down at my tanned boyfriend, my eyes searching over him.
"You want something".
It was a statement not a question. I knew Syed Masood better than I knew myself. I knew every millimetre of his body, every weak spot he had, his mind, his thoughts, everything about him. But it was never enough for me, Syed was more addictive than heroin.
"What makes you think that"?
I raised my eyebrow at him, smirking.
"Is it that obvious"?
His eyes glinted at me, and a coy smile on his lucsious lips.
"Yeah, it is. Are you finally going to tell me why I haven't been allowed in the back bedroom, for the last 2 days?". My eyes were fixated on his lips. I had an urge to kiss them.
"Come with me". Syed reached over for my hand, and as my hand made contact with his, my skin tingled. It never ceased to amaze that after 2 years, he still took my breath away just like he did back in Albert Square.
"Do you remember Natasha"?
I nodded, my eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
"Of course I do".
How could I forget her? Syed and I had been to an adoption agency. Tasha as we liked to call her, had stolen our hearts immediately. She was 9 years and was wearing a yellow dress the first time we saw her. When we entered the room, she had been talking quietly to her barbie doll. She had brown hair which was styled into a plait. Her steely grey eyes had melted me the first time that I'd seen her. Her mum was Viatenemese and her dad was French. This combination had left her with the most stunning features. Syed and I were more nervous than her but as our 30minute slot wore on, we relaxed. We'd seen countless kids, some with no parents, dead parents, drug addict parents, parents who'd abandoned their kids. Each one had their own story and it was heart wrenching to hear every story. But we'd been rejected time and time again because their social workers wanted the kids to be part of a tradtional 'nuclear family'. So in simple terms, they didn't want two men. This annoyed because we had so much love to share and we couldn't.
I stroked Syed's palm with my thumb. He stopped at the top of the stairs to look at me. I grinned at him. Smiling, he shook his head.
"We'll have plenty of time for that tonight".
"Why not now"?
"Because..." He paused and opened the first door. I gaped in shock.
Stepping in, I looked around. The 'spare' room had been transformed into a girl's bedroom. It decorated with pink wallpaper, and Hannah Montana posters. The bed was decorated with stickers and the window was complete with soft toys. There were doll houses, a baby keyboard, a small wardrobe.
But that wasn't what shocked me the most. There in the middle of the room was Natasha who was already playing with the doll house.
"I dont understand" was all I say stutter.
"Our application for Tasha has been successful".
"I didn't even know that we were being considered"
"I wanted to make it a surprise".
I could feel a lump rising in my throat. What had I done to deserve such a kind man? I must have really done something right.
Syed walked over to Tasha.
"Look whose here". She looked up and smiled when she saw me. I watched as she took Syed's hand and walked over to me. I bent down to her level.
"Hi Natasha. Do you remember me"?
She nodded, shyly.
"You're Christian".
I beamed.
"I am. Do you like your new room"?
She nodded excitedly.
"It's really nice and Pink's my favoruite colour too".
I held out my arms to her. She hugged me slightly reserved.
"This is your new home. Do you want to look around?"
She thought about it for a moment and then ran off through the house before we could stop her. Slowly, I stood up.
"This is why you sent me on a wild goose chase this morning"?
"It wasn't a goose chase".
"You wanted pistachio ice-cream with methai. And insisted I don't return without it. Do you really think I'll find that in Brighton"?
Syed laughed loudly.
"Ok, maybe it was. But I wanted to make it special. Elaine's coming over tomorrow to do the paperwork with you".
I smiled. I was actually going to be a father.
I took Syed into my arms and kissed him deeply.
"I love you".
His bottomless eyes which led me straight to his soul, flashed.
We heard Natasha on the landing and stepped apart simultaneously. I knew that we both had the same thought. No point confusing her just yet, we'd ease her in with mine and Syed's relationship.
Tasha ran back in.
"You have a puppy".
We looked at each other and smiled.
"Yup. Do you like him"?
Her grey eyes were bright as she nodded holding him.
"I've always wanted a puppy but I wasn't allowed one. What's his name"?
We looked at each other, again smiling. We looked back at Natasha in the same moment.
"Superman".
We both laughed.
She looked confused at our laughter.
"Why are you laughing"?
"It's just a private joke between Syed and I. We'll explain it when you're a little bit older".
She just nodded, happily acceptant of the answer.
"What type of puppy is he"?
"Its a husky". Syed had answered.
"He's beautiful".
Syed and I both agreed with this. Superman had pure white fur with dark black eyes. The contrast of his eyes and fur were almost breathtaking. We'd both agreed on the name Superman immediately. It held a lot of significance to us both.
"We'll leave you to get settled into your new room, is that ok"?
"Yes, but I can play with Superman too"?
I smiled as I listened to Syed and Natasha. He already had slipped into 'father' mode and it suited him. This really was a surprise like no other, and caused me to feel love for Syed even more, if that was even possible.
I looked up in slight surprise, as Syed motioned with his eyebrows for me to come outside. I followed him, overwhelmingly happy in the knowledge of what just happened. The shock hadn't quite sunk in. I was actually a 'dad'. I grinned broadly at him as I followed him downstairs into the lounge. I grabbed Syed's arm, turned him to face me and kissed him deeply. He could never understand how much this meant to me. I broke away eventually.
"Thank you".
His eyes glowed.
"I love you".
"I love you too".
We stood lightly holding each other, communicating with our eyes. His fingers were tracing patterns on my back.
"There's a reason I bought you here".
"So it wasn't just because you wanted to seduce me"? I teasingly said.
"I bought you a present, I hope you don't mind".
My eyebrows flew up in surprise. A present?
"We've officialy adopted Tasha, and you still buy me a present"?
He laughed gently.
"You're worth it".
It was my turn to laugh.
"You make me sound like an advert for L'Oreal".
"But you are Christian Clarke. Look can I give it to you already"?
I smiled at his insistence. My mind ran through possibilities but I really didn't know what it could be.
I watched Syed's hands as they reached into his back pocket. So it was something small then. Before I could narrow it down any further, Syed opened his palm. I gasped at it. My hands shook slightly as I retrieved it. It was a shiny, silver band. Even before I touched it, I could tell it was the real-deal and not a knock-off. Not that it mattered to me anyway.
"This must have cost you a fortune".
Syed shrugged.
"I was saving up for quite some time. I knew that it was perfect for you right from the moment I saw it".
"You really are something special Syed Masood. I don't know what I've done to deserve you."
"I love you Christian. I'm still in love with you, just like I always have been and always will be".
His words caused my insides to burn with love and desire. That was exactly how I felt.
"You and Natasha are all the family I need".
I looked up at him through my eyelashes. Every ounce of his face showed me that he meant it.
"Don't forget we still have another 2 spare bedroom upstairs too"
"In case Tasha wanted a brother or sister". I continued.
"Or both" Syed finished off.
I kissed him again on the lips, our tongues dancing together. I loved this man so much and Syed was worth leaving everything behind. One day, I sincerely believed in my heart that Syed would be able to go back to his family and be accepted. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day.
"There's a message inside too".
I hadn't noticed it, too shocked from the fact that a.) of what he had just said b.) Syed had spent so much money on me and c.) he had even bought me this beautiful ring. I felt a lump rise in my throat as I read the inscribed message.
Yours forever, Love Sy
I looked at the figure of perfection in front of me.
"You really are".
He seemed to understand that I was referring to the ring.
"Really"?
"Yes you are. Oh and just in case you didn't know, I belong to you".
"Prove it" Syed casually said slipping his hands into mine.
I watched on in utter disbelief as Syed took the ring, dropped to one knee and spoke:
"Marry me".
My mouth dropped open. That was the something I wanted more than anything. I nodded shell shocked. I was going to get married to the most amazing man. To my soulmate. Syed's eyes burned with lust as he flashed me the most sexiest smile that caused my stomach to dip from the intensity of it. He slipped the ring onto my finger.
It fitted perfectly.