NA: You can all thank Ly for her ways of convincing me to write more chapters even when I originally intend for it to be the last. Oh, and for those who asked, yes, I am fluent in Spanish.
10
Santana walks around furiously. She's trying to set her thoughts straight, but two gossip magazines keep staring at her in a silent mock: Brittany's new affair? They ask, displaying dozens of pictures of Brittany and the Asian Guy Santana met on a party, who apparently is one of Brittany's dancers and with whom she was seem several times. And they are standing too close, talking too brightly, and casual touches are everywhere and Santana hates for letting herself go this easily, be tamed for someone who was not ready to tell the world about them, about herself, someone who she wasn't even sure was faithful.
She had just gotten out of a rehearsal with Puck and the band – who were pretty rad and let her sing a few songs now and then and show up in their rehearsals whenever – and the last thing she would have imagined she'd encounter were two of the biggest gossip magazines with Brittany and Asian Guy all over them, doing couple-y things in casual clothing. How had Blonde even managed to meet Asian Abs that many times without Santana knowing it?
Of course she bought the magazines, because there was nothing else to do at first but torture herself with the mental images, the humiliation of not only being hidden, but now being replaced for a guy. She felt the blood rushing to her head, the faster thump of her heart, and before she knew she was screaming with Puck in Spanish, hitting his chest with the magazines until he held her hands and told her to get her shit together.
He took her to his boxing studio, a crappy little place with no living soul in sight. Then he let her scream and hit him and throw the fit she wanted to throw, just to wrap her hand and tell her to hit a huge punching bag. So she did it, relentless and screaming, for an hour, until she was so tired she could barely walk. Puck looked at her with his serious eyes, and she hated to be given that look from someone who lived his life light and fun, and he told her she should go home and talk to Brittany.
She doesn't answer, and she knows he is right, and she knows that is why he let her scream and he took her there until she was sweating and had let loose her initial outburst of energy and disappointment. She knows she and Brittany are meant to meet that night and order something in and just be together and she doesn't think she can face Blonde's face.
She doesn't want to go back to Brittany's one day to find her being fucked in all fours by Asian Mike, because she has been there done that, and she doesn't want the lack of trust. Brittany enters the apartment with her own key, because Santana trusted her with a set of keys, and she hates that her trust was so easily given like that to this girl who was so different from her. Brittany tries to kiss her but Santana turns her face and walks to the table, grabbing the magazines. "Care to explain before I kick you out and go all Lima Heights on this guy?" She says, all her fury spilling over and filling the room.
Brittany looks at both magazines and at Santana and Blonde looks actually afraid and hesitant. She has never seen Santana like this, out of control, and when Santana says she is a force of nature she is not exaggerating, and God helps when she lets herself loose. "Because the way I see it you've wandered back into straightville without bothering to tell me y se piensas que soy estúpida o algo así estás engañada, no one cheats on me and gets away with it!" She takes a magazine from Brittany's hands and she rips it apart, tearing apart Asian's ugly face and Asian strong arms and Brittany's short skirt and throwing it on the ground.
"San, calm down," Cheating Blonde tries to say as she reaches for Santana, "we are just friends!" Santana pushes her away and points to the pictures. "So why is he taking you to the movies and buying you popcorn and opening the door for you and your hand is on his shoulder and why, Brittany, do you look like a fucking couple in every single one of these photos?" She walks away and pushes the couch in anger. "Am I not good enough? Because breaking up with Kurt just to go after Asian Explosion is not an option!"
"San, Mike and I have been friends since forever." Blonde throws her purse on the floor and walks towards Santana, who ignores her and says, "I did not sign up for this bullshit." Blonde touches her shoulder but Santana brushes it away. "Don't touch me. No me toques, que no sé qué coño haré si lo hicieras." Santana has showered a long cold shower, and she tried to cool down, in vain. Her cheeks are burning and Brittany is not saying the right things, she's just pissing her off even more. "And the best part is that I find out a week before our first year together!" She continues, laughing bitterly at the irony. "Do you even know when it was the last time I spent more than four months with anyone? Do you even fucking know how much it means to me to be back in the closet just because you are too afraid of the talks and the looks and the effect it might have on your career?"
Blonde looks hurt and Santana knuckles are white from the sheer force she's holding on to a chair. "You know what, Brittany, leave. Just fucking leave." It's typical, Santana never in control, she's never navigates this ship, they're always working with Brittany's schedule and Brittany's priorities and it is awful to have become so tamed and so unlike the top dog she is. She won't be scorned and left behind; the least she can do is to turn her back first and end things on her terms. "Just go back to fucking Narnia, if life that's much more pleasant in the closet."
Blonde leaves, on the verge of tears, and Santana changes clothes and goes out jogging until she ends up sweaty and exhausted again in front of Berry's house, a long time later. She rings the doorbell and Quinn opens the door in her pajamas, because it's midnight and Santana knows she's disturbing their night activities, but if she is to spend the night alone she knows she'll break something or someone in the process and she needs to be stopped from being violent and from looking up Asian Explosion's address to show him what happens if someone messes with Santana's girl.
"She fucking cheated on me, Quinn, she fucking cheated on me and a gossip magazine is how I find out and I need you to stop me from going nuts with the fucking idea of Brittany fucking a man just before sleeping with me or something disgusting like that." She says at once, giving enough time to Vegan Midget show up with a sleepy face. "I know I'm disturbing, but I don't care, because you're my person and if I kill Mike Fucking Chang you'll help me hide the body and oh God you just made me quote that stupid medical show." Berry pulls her in and closes the door, offering her a glass of water. Santana realizes how thirsty and how miserable she is, drinking in big gulps as if it would make it any easier. "I'm not fucking going to accept cheating, Quinn." She says, ignoring Midget.
"Breathe, Santana. Breathe, sit and explain." Quinn commands with a soothing hand on her shoulder so Santana sits and explains the best she can, from the moment she sees the magazine to where they are to the fact she was going to explode in anger and betrayal because she would have never imagined. Then Quinn asks and investigates and tries to understand the situation and Berry fills Santana's mind with doubt about the veracity of the information and uncertainty about the situation and, in a way, with hope, even if Santana doesn't realize it. Santana goes to bed in Quinn's old pajamas, after taking a shower, and dreams troubled dreams in which she's looking for Brittany but no matter how hard she tries, she never finds her blonde.