Utter Darkness - Chapter 10

A/N: Okay, here is where I start to explore other members of the Cullen Family. Who loves Carlisle the most? Yeah, we get to see him through Esme's eyes…only those who love you the most will hurt with you during your deepest moments of pain….

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BPOV

The drive through the winding roads of Washington lulled me into a state of comfort. All though I had spent a large majority of my life in Phoenix, this was where I really belonged. I was born in Forks, Washington. I married my husband here. My daughter was born here. My mother was the only one who could not handle living in Forks. She packed up , left my father Charlie, and took me to Phoenix. From the damp, dark, green, wet forests to sun baked, dry, hot Arizona.

Renee. Oh my God. What was I going to tell Renee about Edward? All that time that I resisted marrying Edward. What a waste. If I had to do over, I would have eloped the first night he proposed to me. My heart tugged in my chest and I breathed out a heavy sigh. Carlisle looked over at me, the concern on his face replaced momentarily by a smile. Jasper and Alice sat in the back of the Mercedes, Alice coiled up under Jasper's arm leaning into his chest, his arm around her shoulders. He was lightly tugging at her spiky black hair with his fingers. Alice's eyes were closed and she looked so peaceful, almost asleep. It was quiet in the car. Nothing but the sound of the hypnotic spin of the tires on the pavement.

Alice lurched forward out of Jasper's arms, gasping for air. "NO! EDWARD!"

Carlisle slammed on the brakes. We were all jolted forward by the force of the sudden stop. Jasper pulled Alice back into the safety of his arms.

"Alice, what is it?" he worried.

Carlisle turned around in his seat to get a good look at Alice. He reached out and took Alice's hands in his. "Alice, tell us, what did you see?"

It took a couple moments for Alice's breathing to return to normal. She frantically looked around the cab of the car. Her sad, terrified eyes spoke volumes.

"You saw him. Didn't you?" I asked her quietly. "It's bad, isn't it?" Alice took a moment to compose herself. She sunk her head into her tiny delicate hands. Jasper rubbed her back up and down gently, reassuring her. We all began to felt calm. I was certain that I was not going to make it through this without Jasper. I was buoyed by the sense of love and family for a moment. I looked at their faces. Their pain was as deep as mine.

"Damn it Edward" I silently cursed to myself. My family, our family was hurting. I was so bone shaking angry at him right now. It was such a new emotion for me in regards to Edward. Alice raised her face up from the shelter of her hands.

"Bella….I'm so sorry." she began. Carlisle shifted in his seat. He was preparing for the worst. I think that is when the absolute fear of the whole situation hit home. I began to shake. Shock. I was finally going into shock. The shivers racked my body. Carlisle immediately grabbed me and pulled me close, wrapping me in his granite like arms.

He whispered in my ear, stroking my hair all the same time, just saying the same thing over and over again. "Shhhh, shhh Bella. He's going to fine. We'll get him back. Don't worry."

I allowed myself to collapse against him. We all remained quiet for several moments. Jasper quieting and comforting Alice, me clinging to Carlisle, knowing that if I could cry, I would have soaked his shirt by now.

Alice finally pulled away from Jasper. "You ready?" she asked me. I nodded and we grabbed each other's hands.

Alice took a deep breath, composing her thoughts. I let her take her time. I supposed I wasn't quite ready to hear what she had to say, but I thought to myself that you just can't run forever.

"Carlisle, he's killing for pleasure now." she stated simply. The horror of it cut through to the bone. My head began to swim. Edward….oh god…Edward. My anger flared through me red hot and acidic. I closed my eyes. I saw him, my Edward, so clearly. The magnificent bronze hair, the deep, velvet golden eyes, the feel of his hard chest laced with the same shade of bronze hair, his crooked smile, the long , lovely fingers that played my lullaby for me, his laugh, his kisses, his love…. All destroyed by the Volturri.

I was snapped out of my reverie by the sudden acceleration of the car. Carlilse raced through the roads, finally making the turn to home. As we pulled up closer, all the lights were ablaze in the house. I was frantic to find my way to Renesmee. To my daughter, the best of Edward and myself. The bond that would always keep us tied to one another.

I sought solace in her dimpled, toddler arms. We pulled into the garage and Carlisle was out of the car in a flash. He raced up the stairs not saying a word to any of us.

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Esmee POV

I heard the whine of the garage door opening. He was home. Carlisle was home. I hated being separated from him for long periods of time. I took Renesmee out of my lap and handed her to Rosalie. I pulled myself up off the floor. I straightened my skirt out, smoothed my hair down and waited. I was always anxious to see him.

Carlisle came through the doorway from the stairwell to the garage. His face was glowering. I made eye contact with him briefly, offered him a smile and he just breezed past me. He climbed the staircase two stairs at a time and I heard him throw open the door to his office. I quickly ascended the stairs in search of him. I got to the floor of the house that his office was located on. Quietly walking down the hall, I could hear him rummaging through cabinets, muttering quietly all the while to himself.

I stopped in the doorframe. His hands were resting on his desk, his head hung down in a form of submission, like he was looking for answers on the desktop. I watched his beautiful, healing hands clench tightly, relax and then clench again. I was taken aback by the absolute terrifying beauty of him. I longed to cross the room and run my fingers through his blonde hair, brush his cheek with kisses, pull him close to me. I waited for him to acknowledge me in the door.

"Es…" he croaked. His lovely baritone voice cracked with absolute pain. I watched him take a deep breath trying to calm himself down. I took a tentative step into his office.

He looked up at me. I was shocked by the tragic look on his face. I have never seen Carlisle look so utterly defeated and sad. I realized that something else had happened.

"What is it?" I whispered, so afraid of the answer.

Carlisle walked around the desk and I found myself within the circle of his arms. He pulled me to him tightly and his scent enveloped me. I breathed it in. An elixir so heady that I only knew that this is where I belonged forever. We stood like that for moment. Two uneven statues, pulling and feeding on the strength of one another. Carlisle hesitated to tell me, and I wanted to delay the inevitable a little longer. I felt his hands brush my hair back from my shoulder and he laid his head into the crook of my neck. I reached up automatically to comfort him. My hands roamed his strong back, feeling the tense muscles, trying to will them into submission. After a few minutes he pulled away and held me fast within his penetrating gaze.

"Those bastards got to him! Es,…our boy…" he choked out. I could feel the shudder ripple through him. I held back, waiting for him to continue.

"I went to see Aro. He was positively gloating. Never in the entire time that I have known the Volturi to have they fully crossed the line like they have now!" He dropped his arms from around me and started to pace back and forth in his office. I could sense the anger starting to build again. My fear for Edward started to consume me. It was momentarily interrupted by Carlisle pulling the painting of Aro, Caius, Marcos, and himself of the wall. He demolished it within seconds.

"Carlisle, you haven't told me what happened since you left Europe", I dared to ask.

He turned his back to me, staring out the huge plate glass window, lights casting a greenish cast on the wilderness just outside. Moments passed. I was growing uncomfortable in his silence. Carlisle and I had always been able to talk. But this was Edward we were talking about now. Carlisle finally spoke, and my world shattered.

"He's drinking human blood again, Es." He stopped, took a breath and continued. "He's also killing for pleasure. Alice saw it. He was outside the Volturri compound long enough for her to see him."

I was so confused and angry. My son. My son wouldn't do such a thing.

Carlisle's face told me how wrong I was.

I shuddered. "You have to get him back Carlisle!" I demanded.

"Don't you think I know that?" he snapped back.

Heavy silence filled the room. Carlisle and I have very rarely snapped at one another. I knew then how much of a toll this was taking on him. Edward was the first addition to Carlisle's family. We lost Edward for a brief while, but he returned home to his family.

I had a sudden thought that I wished had never made itself known.

"Carlisle, please tell me you don't blame Bella for this…" I asked him. He spun around to face me.

"How can you even think that? You know how much we were so glad Edward found Bella?!?"

I felt ashamed. I knew all to well. My son had come out of his darkness. He was alive, breathing, loving and being loved the way he deserved. I was sorry I had even asked Carlisle that question.

"Oh my God, Bella…how is she?" I asked.

"Amazing as always, Es." He waited a moment and then returned to me, taking my hands in his.

"I have to leave again, Es." I knew looking at him that there was no other option. That was my family…we loved each other without question.

"When are you leaving?" I managed to say. Sadness flooded me. I hated when Carlisle was gone.

"As soon as Alice and Jazz are ready." he answered. "We're going back to the Amazon to find Zafrina."

"Why?" I asked him. Quickly he told me of the danger that Bella had faced in Volterra. I was stunned by the recent turn of events. But knowing Carlisle like I did, he would discover how Aro had pulled this off. He told me of the half vampire children who were now Volturri. I was saddened thinking Nahuel. The Volturri had gone too far.

I helped him pack all necessary items into his bag that he would need. We gathered some of our camping supplies that he would need in the Amazon from the garage. I knew our time was limited and I had to squash the desire to be in his arms for a proper goodbye. Our son was more important.

We rushed back up to the living room to find Alice and Jazz ready to go with Carlisle. Bella had taken Renesmee back to the cottage so she wouldn't have to see the goodbyes or know what had happened to her father. Bella…poor Bella, I didn't envy her the task of telling her daughter about Edward. My heart began to break all over again.

I glanced around at my family. Rosalie and Emmett holding each other tightly. They were to stay with me to help protect Renesmee. Alice and Jazz were holding hands, clutching their backpacks, waiting to follow Carlisle down to the car.

I was saddened by the scene. No Edward. Bella was consoling their daughter in their own home out back. Nessie didn't need to see this. My heart was breaking for my family.

Carlisle stepped forward and pulled my chin up in his fingers to gaze down on me. He mouthed the words "I love You" to me and then kissed me. It was the sweetest kiss. Gentle, soft, and full of love.

I hugged him to me tightly. "Bring our son home." I threw my arms around Alice and Jazz, kissing them quickly. "Be safe."

Carlisle pulled me to him one last time. "Love you , Es", he whispered. He let me go. He nodded to Jazz and Alice and they turned and went out the door into the night.