Hey, sorry for not updating in, well, a LONG time, but the will to write left me for a while, and i had a baby. So life got in the way. I hope this satisfy's a lot of you. Chapter 11 coming soon.. I'm gonna attempt to finish all my stories.

Characters and locations are not mine, just the story line. Quotes referenced from the show belong to Joss and the fantastic writers of BtVS.

Chapter 10

Buffy slumped in the chair at her vanity, staring into her miserable face in the mirror. Angelus was obsessed by her. Yippee. She had a distinct feeling that no one was getting out of this unharmed. Willow had been the first casualty. Not that she was a casualty. She was fine. Buffy quickly picked up the phone and dialed Willow's number. To Buffy's relief, the redhead picked up on the forth ring.

'Hello?'

'Hey Wills, how are you feeling?' Buffy asked with no certain amount of guilt. Intellectually, she knew that what had happened was not her fault, but she just couldn't help feeling that way. She should have stopped it.

'The doc says I'm gonna be fine, the bullet only grazed me,' she assured her friend.

Buffy sighed as a large weight seemed to remove itself from her shoulders. She'd refused to believe anything unless it had come from the redhead herself. Xander's passed on messages just hadn't cut it. She slumped where she sat.

'You have no idea how sorry I am, Will,' Buffy began but her friend wasn't taking a bar of it.

'This was not your fault, Buffy,' she said sternly. 'It could have happened to anyone.'

'But-' Buffy tried but again, Willow cut her off.

'Anyone! You can't see my resolve face, but it's there. No feeling guilty or I'll-I'll… well, I'll think of something!' Willow threatened down the phone line.

Buffy smiled. Willow's resolve face was something no person could argue against. When the girl brought out the resolve face, it was almost impossible to trump it. 'I suppose you're right.'

'I am. Now tell me what's happening.'

Buffy settled in and related what had happened since the redhead had been out of commission. The incident at the book shop captured her attention the most. 'You say they just disappeared? That's it?

'Yep,' Buffy nodded into the phone.

'Strange. Do we know what they took?'

'Anya and Giles are trying to figure that out now. Anya's miffed that they took anything at all. It costs her money, apparently.'

'That's Anya for you…'

'Yeah,' Buffy sighed.

'Buffy? Are you okay?' Willow sounded concerned and Buffy felt yet another flash of guilt. Willow had been the one shot yet she was worrying over her.

'I'm fine, Will, really, just trying to work things out in my head. It's all jumbled and mixed up, like someone grabbed a huge stick and twirled around everything in my brain, but it'll be okay.'

'I hope so,' Willow sighed as well. 'For your sake.'

A small smile crept onto her face. 'Thanks Will. You gonna be okay?'

'Yeah, I'll be fine. Xander brought over a couple of things for me to watch. You know, A Charlie Brown Christmas is not as effective when it's not Christmas…'

'Yeah, you get that,' Buffy laughed. 'I'll see you tomorrow, Wills… Rest up.'

They hung up and Buffy dropped the phone onto her bed, reassured that her friend would be okay. She left her room and padded to the spare room where Angel was camped. He'd been adamant the couch would be adequate but Buffy refused saying it was the spare room or he shacked up with her. She was hurt by the speed with which he accepted the spare room. She paused by the door and listened, breath halting in her lungs.

Angel restlessly paced the room. She could hear his movements; to and fro, to and fro and she wondered at what kept him so. Was he wrestling over the Angelus thing? She longed to open the door and confront him, have him take her in his arms and hold her, comfort her as only he could but she knew that at that point in time, it was not right. Movement in the room ceased and Buffy drew back from the door quickly, thinking she had been discovered. Moments later the pacing resumed and Buffy let her breath out with a whoosh. She kept forgetting that he wasn't a vampire now.

She reluctantly left the doorway, looking at it longingly, wanting what was behind it with every fiber of her being… it made her heart ache in a way it hadn't in a long time. Since he'd walked away from her, in fact.

She slowly made her way into the kitchen, her mind still on the pacing figure in the room above. Why must life torment her so? Why did the Powers That Be make it so hard for her to continue? They had to know how close she came to toatally being destroyed when Angel first left. So why bring him back? To torture her? To test her? Was this a game they played to amuse themselves? She found it neither funny nor enjoyable. In fact, she'd love to crush the heads of those responsible…She grabbed herself a glass of water and leant against the archway of the kitchen. The phone rang beside her, startling her and she dropped the glass in surprise. It shattered all over the floor and she swore as she picked up the phone. 'Hello?'

'Don't warn the tadpoles!'

'Huh?'

'Don't warn the tadpoles!' Willow's sleepy voice said over the line.

'Willow? Wake up!' Buffy chuckled, amused.

'Umm… whah?' Buffy could hear Willow cleaning up the drool from the other end.

'You called me while you were sleeping,' Buffy laughed.

'Oh, hi Buffy,' the redhead said sheepishly. 'Sorry. I hope I didn't wake you.'

'Nah, I was already up. Go back to sleep, okay?'

'Okay,' she said distractedly.

'Oh? Willow?'

'Yeah?'

'Don't warn the tadpoles?'

'I... I have frog fear.'

Buffy laughed and hanged up the phone. She turned around and began to gingerly make her way over to where the dustpan was kept, carefully avoiding all shards of glass. When she turned back around, she noticed Angel watching her.

'Hey,' she said softly. 'Broke a glass.'

'I see that,' he nodded. 'Everything okay?'

'Yeah, fine,' she made her way back over to the glass and began sweeping it up while Angel watched closely. She felt unnerved being this close to him when the others weren't around. It didn't help that he was happy to walk around shirtless!

She cried out as she stepped on one of the larger shards, the glass slicing through her foot effortlessly. Angel swooped over and picked her up, the glass crunching beneath his shoe clad feet. 'Are you hurt?'

Buffy winced as he set her down on the kitchen bench. She gingerly lifted her foot to see the damage done but Angel got there first. He gently held her foot, examining the cut closely. 'It's only shallow, there's not too much blood,' he set her foot down and rose to get the first aid kit. 'It could have been worse. Why weren't you watching what you were doing?'

Buffy remained silent, preferring to watch him bustle around. He bandaged her foot with ease and professionalism and then stood back top admire his handiwork. 'There, done. Stay there.'

He disposed of the glass quickly, despite Buffy's numerous protests then scooped her back up and whisked her back to her bedroom. She placed her head against his chest and marveled at the whisper of his heartbeat. She'd lain awake so many nights, wising and praying for something like this to happen and now that it had, she wasn't sure if it was really what she wanted. After all, he didn't seem to want her. After all this time, maybe what Angel wanted had changed. He didn't seek her out in Sunnydale when he was humanized, he was brought here against his will. Maybe what he really wanted, now, was a certain beautiful brunette.

Buffy pulled back, creating emotional distance, if not physical. 'Thanks,' she swallowed as he set her down on her bed. He lingered over her, and Buffy wished it was because he didn't want to leave her, but she suspected he was just making sure she was okay.

'Buffy,' Angel sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed a hand across his tired face. 'I'm sorry. I know that I have made a lot of bad decisions regarding you. I can't seem to help it. You muddle things, you always have. My only thoughts are to protect you, to keep you safe, happy, even if it means removing myself from the picture.'

'Angel,' Buffy sighed, 'that's-'

Angel took her hand. 'Let me finish, please.' He took a breath and Buffy braced herself for another "we shouldn't be together" speech. He was good at those. 'I know now that you're not happy. You never were, despite me believing, or well, forcing myself to believe, that you were. I convinced myself you were happy, told myself that everything I did, I did for you. I left you so you could live your life, be happy, but I see now that that was a rather large mistake. You've never been happy, and you won't be, at least not while you're the slayer, fighting for your life constantly.'

Buffy was frozen. What was he saying? Did she dare hope it was what she thought?

'But I realize that even though you will never be truly happy, you can be at peace, you can be content. Who am I to deny you even the smallest bit of happiness if it lessens the burden you carry? I guess what I am trying to say is,' he paused and Buffy stopped breathing. 'If you'll have me, I want to be with you, to make you happy, even if this isn't permanent. I'm sick of living without you, sick of denying myself, denying you. Shouldn't we make the most of what we've been given?'

Buffy didn't know what to say. He'd floored her, and though her chest was welling with happiness and tears were threatening to drown her eyes, her mind still held on to some doubt. He had hurt her before... what's to say he wouldn't do it again? If it wasn't permanent, would he take it back when he turned back into a vampire? She didn't know if she could survive him leaving her again.

Despite her doubtful thoughts, he body was reacting instinctively. She found herself in his arms, held tightly, and she began to cry. 'Please mean this, Angel,' she whispered. 'I can't take you leaving me again.'

'I will never leave you again,' he whispered back, tightening his grip. She sighed and let herself get caught up in his embrace. His touch, his smell, his heartbeat, it was all so familiar, yet all so foreign. His heartbeat. Something shifted in the back of her mind. Then something shifted in her room.

Buffy hit the wall hard, having been torn violently from Angel. 'Et donc les deux moitiés sont sperate, maintenant et toujours, bien qu'ils soient entiers. So shall it be done,' Angelus closed the musty tome with a small smirk. Then he fled out the window, stopping only to glance back at the damage he'd wrought.

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