Maybe it was his smile that made her first fall in love with him. She doesn't remember when exactly she was tied to him, when the words soulmates was first used. It wasn't like with Pacey, there were no defining moments of their relationship. There was just her whole childhood, falling asleep with popcorn crumbs on their hands, curled up not touching on the other side of his bed. Which is probably why seeing him again, after the months of no contact made her feel like that unsure just barely teenager she was when she first realized the shift between best friends to possibly more. Which could why she had no good response when he knocked on her door Saturday.
"Dawson!" She had tripped over some of Audrey's clothes in her effort to get to the door, and was still a little breathless as he wrapped her in a hug.
"Joey." He breathed out her name into her hair, and she resisted the urge to pull away to quickly.
"What are you doing here?! What about L.A.?" She lead her way back into her room, choosing to lean against her desk instead of joining him on the bed.
"I imagine L.A. is still where it was when I left it." She narrowed her eyes at his avoiding the questions.
"Okay." She quickly dropped her hands back to her sides when she realized she was twisting them together. "So how long are you here for?"
"You don't sound happy to see me." He sounded dejected and she hated that. Hated that she could still hurt him so easily.
"It's not that. I'm just surprised. Look how about we call Jen and the guys, maybe go out or hang at there place? You can meet Audrey!" She really hated surprises, especially the kind that required her to change plans last minute. She had a test to study for and three papers to write this weekend. And there was a party her and Audrey were planning on going to tonight.
"I was hoping we could hang out, just the two of us? Like old times?"
"Dawson I don't want to stay in my room and watch movies all night, I was planning on going out tonight but we can hang out in a group instead." She really was not in the mood to sit in silence and over analyze every movement on screen. And she really didn't want Dawson's judgement of her life.
"Yea sure." How did he always manage to sound like a kicked puppy anyway? "So Audrey is the new roommate?"
Judging by the way Dawson's face was contorted right now Joey guessed she hadn't mentioned Pacey might be there. Pacey on the other hand looked like he did that summer, totally confident and in control. The way Pacey was before she destroyed the things she loved most about him.
"So we ordered chinese food!" Jen told them, gesturing with her hand towards the dining room when nobody moved from the open doorway. Pacey on one side, Dawson on the other, and Joey shuffling from foot to foot in the in between.
"Chinese sounds great! You got lots of spring rolls right?!" Audrey practically shouted, pushing Dawson a little so she could get in the doorway. Joey followed her to the dining room, leaving Jen to stand between the two boys.
"No fighting." Jen warned them in a low tone. "I really don't want to deal with another chapter of the golden boy vs white knight drama tonight."
Pacey just laughed, stepping aside so Dawson could enter, watching him as he followed the girls, sending a smile to Jen when she touched his shoulder gently.
"I didn't know he was coming, which means Joey didn't know he was coming." She whispered to him, not knowing if she was giving him piece of mind or just upsetting the balance even more.
"I honestly don't care." His voice was harsh, but he took her hand in his for a second before going to join the group at the dining room table.
"So how's school going Dawson?" Jack had been avoiding the awkward silences and even more awkward conversations by shoveling food in his mouth, but he couldn't take one more question about the weather.
"Okay. It's weird being there without the support system I had here. It's harder then I thought it would be, but also easier in so many ways." He answered, ignoring the eye rolls he got in response. There was another awkward silence before Dawson seemed to lock back onto Joey. "Jo aren't you going to eat? You haven't even finished an eggroll." He sounded mocking and worried all at once.
"Sure." She took a bite from the egg roll, forcing herself to swallow it. Anything to keep his attention from her. "Jen you should tell him about the music station." Joey told her, sending her what was probably a universal help signal between women. Joey continued to take small bites, hating herself for caring what Dawson thinks. Hating that she resented her best friend. Hating that Pacey was refusing to look at her, flirting with Audrey on their end of the table. Suddenly Audrey jumped up, pointing at her watch.
"Joey do you still want to go to that party? We can all go!" Audrey was talking in that high pitched voice she tended to use when she got excited.
"Joey you should finish your food first." Dawson told her, breaking from his conversation with Jen.
"Seriously?" She was angry at him. He hadn't noticed when she didn't eat lunch, and he was the one who left her and now he was going to play over protective. "What are you going to do if I don't? Ground me?"
"Why are you acting like such a brat? Just eat your food."
"Fine." She glared at him while she took a large bite of whichever container was closest. She forced herself not to gag, swallowing the bite after barely chewing then showing him her empty mouth like she had just finished an eating competition. "Happy?"
"I'm just saying if you are going to go out drinking or whatever or whoever it is you do these days you should at least eat first!" He was half shouting at her, and he sounded so disappointed.
"Why do you suddenly care?!" She was shouting now, ignoring the looks of her friends till she noticed the guilty look on Jack's face. "Oh my god! I can't believe you! What happened? Did he call you for updates on me? Or did you just decide he needed to know how often I went out drinking? Did you tell him about catching me making out with that jerk last weekend? Or did you decide to add in some details? Make me out to be even more of a slut?" She was already grabbing her coat, and walking towards the front door, trying to will the tears away. She didn't notice the look that passed between Jen and Audrey, but she figured it would be one of them that would be the first to be out the door after her. She probably should have been expecting Pacey to be there by her side, just like he always seemed to be when someone else hurt her. Always the white knight.
She chuckled to herself, wiping at her cheeks. "I didn't sleep with the jerk." She offered up, glancing at him from the corner of her eye.
"I know." He told her, opening the passenger side door of his car.
"I'll take the metro." Before he could protest she was walking away, pulling her jacket around herself tighter. When she heard him coming up behind her she turned back to him. "I just want to be alone for a little bit. Can you see if Audrey needs a ride home for me?" She knew the only way to get him to let her leave was to give him something else to do. "Maybe punch Jack for me?"
"He is just worried." Pacey defended halfheartedly. He wasn't a huge fan of Jack right now either. Joey had enough problems to deal with, adding Dawson into the mix was not the best idea.
"I'll be fine." He barely heard the words, watching her as she walked away.
Audrey was laughing with Pacey, leading the way to the dorm room she shared with Joey. Pacey was the type of person Audrey always got along well with. Fun and spur of the moment type of guy. Joey was the type of person Audrey had never really gotten along well with. Serious about school, about her future. But they managed to find a good middle ground, and she was already one of the best friends Audrey had ever had. Which is why pushing open the door to her dorm and hearing muffled sobbing terrified her.
Pacey pushed past Audrey, in the half second of hesitation she had upon hearing her best friend. He nudged open the bathroom door carefully, pulling Joey to him. Audrey watched for a moment, waited until Joey stopped fighting him enough to curl into his chest, then she went to grab a bottle of water and the comfy blanket they were always stealing from one another. She wrapped Joey up halfway, glancing at Pacey's heartbroken face as he looked down at Joey. When she finally caught his eye he nodded towards the toilet. She sighed softly, trying to give him a reassuring smile as she flushed it.
Audrey grew up in L.A. surrounded by little girls who all thought they were gonna be the next big thing. Teenagers who thought if they just pushed themselves a little bit harder then the next girl, forgetting that they were all pushing just as hard. She had been in to many situations like this one, except usually it was her rival for a part and not her best friend curled up on the bathroom floor.
"I wish I hated him." Joey sobbed, and Audrey knew that it didn't really matter who she was talking about. The father she barely talked about, the boy who was suppose to be her saving grace, or the boy currently trying to hold the broken pieces of her together. Pacey made soothing noises, kissing the top of her head, looking to Audrey for answers. Answers none of them had it seemed. "I just hate myself instead." She was sobbing again, pulling away from Pacy long enough to dry heave in the toilet, before he was pulling her back to him trying not to let the tears that had gathered at his eyes.
"You are going to be okay." Audrey told Joey, reaching over to rub soothing circles on her shoulder blade, trying to reassure Pacey and herself. He looked at her gratefully, and they all sat there curled together, the sound of Joey's sobbing getting quieter as she slowly fell to sleep.