She lied to me...
Michael tried not to think of it, with him walking next to Commander Bailey on the Presidium, going over technical details of the Citadel's defences, the last thing that should be on his mind was a paranoia that would do him no good.
Yet he couldn't shake it. He had, on his way to C-Sec headquarters, been pulled aside by Miranda of all people! Given how he and Cerberus were getting along, he had nearly shoved a gun in her face there and then, who knew if the Illusive Man had lied when telling him that she and Jacob had quit? But Miranda was still, in a way, crew, and there had been an earnest...anger in her way of speaking of the Illusive Man. Letting her pull him aside, and checking his shields and weapons as he did so, Michael had decided to hear her out.
She had warned him about the Illusive Man, about his dangerous plan, about how he was trying to control the Reapers. Michael had already known this, but Miranda's warning had roused his attention, she had been genuinely scared of the Illusive Man, of what he was willing to do to get it done, and if there was one thing Miranda never was, it was scared. She had shivered when she had spoken of it, of how many of the new recruits were taken away only to return...changed, how they never took off their armour, how they never slept...she had wisely left before she had been taken, not caring to see what 'improvement' the Illusive Man had in mind for her.
Maybe I should reconsider my agreement with Udina? If Cerberus throws a wrench in the workings, it won't matter how much I've done to get the Crucible made...no, he's right, the Reapers are more important, they must die.
Surprisingly, Miranda had also protested the Illusive Man's plan from a moral perspective, something Michael hadn't expected. She had reminded Michael of how she had wanted to implant a control chip into him, but how the Illusive Man had stopped her, to ensure he was fully himself, to act as a human. Yet now he often spoke of his improvements upon his men, of how he had complete control...and how he seemed to have lost sight of humanity in his strive for strengthening Cerberus. Miranda had admittedly changed since they took down the Collectors, she didn't like how she had tried to control Michael back before, she didn't like trying to control her little sister, just as her father had once done, and now the Illusive Man had no qualms about doing so on a massive scale, to humans of all things. It was hypocrisy at an industrial scale.
Unfortunately, she hadn't been able to join him, apparently she was playing a game of cat and mouse with the Illusive Man, and was hitting him where it hurt with a few selected friends of hers. Considering Michael didn't have time to deal with the man, it was a division of labour he could approve of...even if he found himself a bit annoyed with the woman trying to settle a personal score when the fate of the galaxy was at hand, it probably was for the best, as she had called it. She's always been efficient like that...
Given how the Illusive Man had started to distrust her, Miranda didn't have much for Michael regarding his plans, but she had managed to steal away with one important bit of information. Michael had been...wary of the information, however much she seemed honest, to attack a Cerberus facility with little to no information on it was dangerous, it could all too easily be a trap. Yet I trusted her enough to let her take me into a private area, I feel that she's on my side..so it's not a trap of her design, and I doubt the Illusive Man could outsmart her and plant fake information on her, not when she's on her guard. Besides, can I afford not to check it out?
Considering the Prothean Crucible was their key to victory, and that any additional data from the Protheans could well change the outcome of the war, Michael had to take the chance. Can Palaven hold? Yes, the Turians are the strongest military in the galaxy and Earth is still holding, despite it being singled out by the Reaper main force. They can hold, but should I really risk losing the Primarch and more of their ships, both of which we need, for some information that may or may not be useful? Michael held back a grimace. And Garrus...no...no, he's alive, and will stay alive, if anyone can take on the Reapers, it's him. Besides, personal feelings have no place here, I must do what's strategically sound, and letting Cerberus get away with their information gathering is too dangerous. Better not tell Udina about my change of plan...and maybe not tell Kaidan who I got my intelligence from. I just wish they had set up base somewhere else...
Eden Prime...where it all started, Michael was anything but thrilled about going back to that place, to the memories, and especially facing Cerberus and with Kaidan in tow. It made sense, Eden Prime had quite a few Prothean ruins, and a Beacon had been there, but most had assumed that was the end of its archaeological wealth. Cerberus had proven that assumption wrong. Given that it was supposed to be a small facility, hidden from the inhabitants who had bigger problems, Michael had considered simply blowing the whistle, telling Alliance command, or maybe simply Eden Prime's government. Yet with Cerberus without a doubt having infiltrated at least some parts of the Alliance and Eden Prime's government, it was all too easy to imagine marines storming an empty facility, all Cerberus had dug up gone and moved to a safer spot. So we'll handle it, fast, hard, and out with everything we can get our hands on, swift and painless.
Yet he was not worried about that, not compared with what had happened next. He had asked Miranda about the Illusive Man's revelation about Michael having been brought back to life using Reaper technology.
She had told him no.
But he had been watching her intently, he had seen the half a moment of hesitation.
She lied...
Does that mean I'm indoctrinated?No, my mind is my own! I will not believe otherwise! But...how...much of me is Reaper technology? Am I even human? Or just a synthetic, as much alive as one could call EDI's new body? If I burnt like it did, would I die, or would it reveal something horrible? I...I don't want to know...I should never have asked Miranda...
"Of course, we have a lot of patrol cars, but no heavier stuff, too expensive, you know..." Shaking his head, Michael forced himself to look over at Bailey, watching the man lean against a railing as he gestured at the illusion of open sky within the Presidium. "...so it's the usual drill, work with what you have. So no heavier vehicles means giving my tactical squads heavier weapons, but you try convincing the Council C-Sec needs missile launchers..." He shook his head with a sigh, then gestured at Michael to follow along as he continued down the gentle slope, their path flanked by blooming gardens.
With the gardens, though a bit more wild than Michael remembered them, and the blue 'sky' above, the Presidium was a place of beauty. The white walls and finely dressed people only reinforced that picture, even the stalls far ahead on Michael's and Bailey's path seemed to meld into a picture of peace and wonder. The large lakes at the centre of the Presidium glittered under a never-ending sun while white bridges curved softly over them in a criss-crossing pattern, like strands of silvery spider-web above morning dew.
The Presidium looked like a small piece of paradise carved straight within a space station so large it was better described as a small planetoid...and Michael wasn't surprised that people didn't want it marred by the necessities of war, however frustrating such a view of the world might be.
"If we weren't in a war with gigantic death-machines, I'd be inclined to agree, but you remember the battle of the Citadel?" A snort escaped Bailey even as Michael grimaced. "Of course you do, what am I saying? Anyway, we were caught with our trousers down, overwhelmed before we could even mount a resistance, I intend to not let that happen again. The Council seems to forget that we're not just some police force, all in the force have military service and we're packing state of the art weapons...the Citadel fleet may be the first line of defence, but this war will be ugly and up close, if the Reapers gets forces into the Citadel, we will be ready."
"Good, closing the arms might work against the Reapers, given how tough it is, but I don't know, it's their creation, so we shouldn't trust that as a defensive measure." Shaking off his doubts – they did him no good – Michael nodded, glad that there was at least one person on the Citadel with his priorities in order.
"I don't know much about that, I just want to do my job, and I'm not doing it well if I'm not considering all the threats." Bailey replied, tone calm. "Of course, people are taking things in their stride, I swear, this whole Citadel deal is a bad idea."
"Huh?"
"Do you know that more than half of the people on the Citadel have never set foot outside it? To them, places like Palaven and Earth...they're just names, they can't grasp what's going on outside of the Citadel. Hell, the battle of the Citadel seems almost forgotten, people feel safe in here, especially when all the comforts of civilised life still exist out here." Bailey stopped, going to the edge of the path and bent over the garden there, picking up a tiny little red flower between his thumb and forefinger, frowning as he looked down on it. "I know better though, we lost some fine men back then, we've yet to recover our losses...and that was just fighting the Geth, this is ten times the threat."
"You can't hire more?" Michael asked, he too frowning at the flower. They've already forgotten about the battle? How we all nearly got killed? They remember the heroics, but not the horror or danger, the collective memory of people is selective...no wonder horrors keep occurring, when we always decide to forget them...
"It's a slow process, and with war going on...soldiers want to fight when their homes are threatened, not guard the 'safest place in the galaxy', as one of my lieutenants put it." Bailey shrugged. "And those men I have are tied up in all manner of law-upholding duties, rather than preparing for the military demands of our situation. Say what you want about them, but some of the people in the wards aren't the 'wait and see' kind of people, the black market is thriving with weapon sales, so I have a large population of trigger happy civilians down there, most who'd never held a gun in their life, and contrary to those in power, they are a bit too eager to fight." He looked over at Michael, a weak smile on his lips. "I have half a mind to hire the lot of them as deputies, train them and make a militia out of them."
"So...why don't you?" Michael asked. "They have weapons, they have motivation, and I'm at the point that I think any additional soldier out there is of use."
Bailey frowned at him. "It's not that simple, Shepard, I just can't go up and hire half a million people and tell them that them buying illegal weapons is fine. First of all, the Council would have my head, second, I can't afford to pay that many people, if I did, I would have spent it on some damn tanks."
"Then don't pay them."
This time, it was Bailey's turn to be puzzled. "Huh?"
"Make it an outreach program, or something." Michael shrugged. "Let them have some shooting practice with C-Sec instructors, have them sign up in the militia and all charges of carrying an illegal weapon are dropped. You did say they wanted to protect what's theirs, channel that into something useful...you'll get a lot of extra troops to hand if it comes to a fight." Cannon-fodder, but that has its uses too...God, was there any time I would have recoiled at such a thought? He shook aside the thought. He didn't have time for morality; a million dead militia-men was a small price to pay if it got them their victory. "No cost for the Council, and they can't well protest you increasing their protection..."
"They probably will, actually, the Council are nothing if not good at finding reasons to complain." Bailey snorted, drawing a weary smirk out of Michael. Ain't that the truth... "But yeah, you have a point, it would be a tough sell...but I'll see what I can do." He hesitated. "Though given what you've told me about Cerberus I'd say using the demands for hiring a C-Sec officer – minus the demand for military experience – might be a prudent measure. I don't want half the militia being sleeper agents."
"Good idea." Michael nodded. "And what of C-Sec? You lack heavier guns, but does that mean it doesn't have enough equipment to put up a fight against an invasion?"
"From a Reaper armada? Or an armed riot?" Bailey countered with a shrug. "I've ordered the men to carry bigger weapons when on patrol, that I could get away with. Combat armour...not so much, the Council doesn't want to 'incite disproportional concern' in the citizen." The man and Michael rolled their eyes in sync as they began walking once more, the Commander throwing his flower aside as he looked up, seeing one of his men approaching. "Yeah, it's the usual shtick of keeping up the appearance of everything being in order..."
"Hmmm...I disagree with them, order the troops to get to work armoured from now on." Michael found Bailey throwing him a sharp glance and shrugged. "Spectre authority, tell them I ordered you to do so for their safety or something..."
"I doubt you have the authority to do that, actually." Bailey countered, face serious even as he continued. "But what do I know? I'm just a common Commander in C-Sec, it's not my place to question high-ranking men like yourself..." A shrug. "So I'll just act on good faith then, the fact that when my men have been seen in armour will make it difficult for the Council to order them off, seeing as how that would be seen as them back-pedalling on civil protection while the 'disproportional concern' about the giant genocidal machines is already out of the bag..." Another shrug, this time with a hint of a smile. "...is just a helpful coincidence."
"Wow, you would make a great politician." Michael grinned.
"Don't insult me." Bailey snorted, turning to a man coming up their path, making Michael focus enough on him to realise the man was actually in uniform. "You, Officer...Barbrady, isn't it? Go check on the armoury, I want a full account of the number of combat armours and shield-generators, as well as all other combat gear."
The broad-faced bald man stopped in his tracks, offering a confused salute. "Erm...yes sir, but the armoury master has-"
"Sergeant Watson always 'forgets' a few pieces so he'll get more the next time we make a budget, normally that's a pain, but right now it's a God-send. That said, you check it and you report back to me, now hustle." A narrowing of of Baileys eyes, and the officer was scurrying off.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Michael grinned. "Heh, you got them jumping at your every word, guess playing the grumpy Commander really works for you?"
"Who's playing?" Bailey grumbled, gesturing at Michael to keep walking with him. "I hate the Presidium, too stiff for my tastes. Damn, I miss the Wards...why did you even bring us here?"
"Sorry, figured I'd kill two birds with one stone...well three." Michael admitted, looking over the approaching stalls they were approaching. It was stores for jewellery and clothing, not the weapons and armour he'd later buy on Alliance credit – Much to Udina's frustration – but that was the third bird on his list. Now was the time for the second. Looking about the stalls, Michael found his target, a woman in a white doctor's uniform, curly brown hair a top a face not simply dark, but charcoal black, a bit of a rarity in the galaxy. Doctor Chakwas' directions hadn't been perfect, but Michael was glad for it, that meant he had gotten some time to talk to Bailey. "And I just found bird number two...hang on, this'll just be a moment."
With Bailey in tow, Michael approached the woman as she admired a necklace the Salarian owner had offered for inspection. As he did so, she noticed him, pale blue eyes being the last thing to confirm Chakwas description as they widened at the sight of the heavily armoured man coming at her. She nearly dropped the jewellery in shock, then looked down at it in fright, as if wondering if she'd be arrested over it.
"Doctor Wendell?" Michael came to a stop before her, hands behind his back.
"Y-yes?"
"Doctor Chakwas and Doctor Michel have taken a leave of absence from their positions; that makes you the head of your department." Michael watched the woman's eyes bulge in shock and fright. "Are you ready for that responsibility?"
"I...I...wait, aren't you...Co-Commander Sh-Shepard?"
"Yes or no, are you ready for it?" Michael pushed, he didn't have time for hesitation from himself, and he certainly didn't have time for the hesitation of others.
"Y-yes." The woman managed a nod, swallowing, not looking in the least ready.
Good enough. "Good, I've already used my Spectre status to put aside paper work involved for the duration of this crisis; you are now the head of your department. Furthermore, you've been given leave to seize all medicinal supplies from passing ships not going to a war-zone. Whether you buy them or simply have Bailey here confiscate them, is up to you." The woman's eyes managed to widen even further at the words. "Good luck." Michael gestured for Bailey to continue as they brushed past the staring woman. "Anyway, I'm not going to tell you what to do, Bailey, but concentrating C-Sec around the Presidium would be a good move."
Chuckling, Bailey caught up with him. "Spectres can cut through paperwork? You won't mind passing by my office later?" A snort, the man talking to himself. "Of course you can't, stupid duties..." Another snort. "And yes, yes, of course the Presidium gets the first pick of the men, protect the ambassadors and Council and all that..."
"Nuts to that." Michael snorted. "Sparatus might have offered me help, but it's clearly in his own interests, and the others seem intent to be useless to me." Bailey frowned at his choice of words, but Michael wasn't about to apologise, he was done with trying to be polite. "Besides, with communications as they are it's easier – not to mention more productive – to talk directly to the real leaders of the various races. No, I'm done with them, they're useless. That said, the Presidium not only houses vital controls for the Citadel, but is the centre of it, which means it's the perfect point from which to launch a counter-attack from any incursion. The Citadel might hold the Council, but it's also a refuge and a fortress, that has its own worth."
"Very well, I'll agree to do what we already know I should do then." Bailey shrugged. "That said, maybe you should...oh, hello? Can I help you with something?"
Michael blinked, following Bailey's gaze...and blinked again. Thane!
"Hello, Commander." The Drell smiled, then put up a fist against his mouth to cough, dark eyes darting over to Bailey. "I'm sorry to intrude, sir, it was not my intention to make myself visible so soon, but I fear I have an appointment in the hospital, and I can therefore wait no longer to talk to Shepard here. If you'd do me the courtesy, that is."
"It's okay Bailey, he's a friend." Michael held up a hand, eyes never leaving the alien. "Thane, I thought you'd be...well...dead by now." Guiltily, Michael knew he hadn't given Thane even a thought, despite the man being his crew, Michael had simply had too much on his plate, priorities had to be made.
The Drell looked...smaller, his back slightly hunched. The red parts of the skin across his throat also looked paler, like a wilting flower losing its lustre. His smile was as polite as Michael remembered it, perhaps a bit more tired. "Of course, my allotted time is long time passed. However, had I died, you'd have received an invitation to the funeral, Commander. Not that I'd expect you to have time for it, considering the circumstances, it would merely be a last act of courtesy from me."
Michael grimaced, once more feeling a pinprick of guilt. Of course you would...and of course I wouldn't. Clearing his throat, Bailey took a step back. "Well I have work to do, I'll send you those copies as you requested, Shepard, and I expect some sort of report in turn when there's information that might interfere with Citadel security. Take care now." Bailey shot the Drell a polite, if guarded, nod before turning and marching off, hand already moving to his ear as he went back to his regular duties.
"I see you've wasted no time getting to work." Thane watched Bailey go before turning his head to look back to Michael. "The news is all about Earth being attacked. I'm glad you survived, and have faith that the Reaper menace will soon be no more because of that."
Michael chuckled. "Well I'm glad someone does." Frowning, he eyed Thane's hunched appearance. "And how are you doing...?"
"As you can see, not too well." Thane smiled, a smile turning into a quick little cough. "It was to be expected, there is no need for concern, my son visits often and I feel I've done my share to make the galaxy brighter. What regrets have I but for deeds that cannot be undone?"
"Ah...well...good..." Michael replied awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot, mentally already going over the list of purchases he needed to make while a guilty little voice in his head was telling him to pay attention. "I'd offer for you to come along, but I'm guessing that's not really an option..." The Drell smiled politely at that, but didn't comment. "I'm sorry, I haven't asked if you need help? I mean maybe the Hanar can help or something and I could go..." Michael grimaced, shaking his head at Thane's friendly smile. "I'm sorry Thane, I...I just don't have that time, I need to..." The Drell coughed, only for his smile to widen, showing a hint of teeth. "I'd love to help, I would, but there's billions of people that need my help, I know that we could spare the time against the Collectors, to strengthen the spirit of the team, but right now-"
"Commander." The Drell interrupted, smiling as he moved closer, giving Michael's armoured shoulder a pat. "I merely came by to see you, to wish you luck."
"I...oh." Michael blinked, a confusing mix of guilt and relief flooding him at missing such an obvious alternative. "Well...thanks." He smiled, not quite genuinely since he knew just how much luck he'd need to even secure Turian support. I will get it done though, the Reapers will not win while I draw breath.
The Drell watched him for a moment, making him fidget as the Drell's brow creased in concern. "Commander, it's not my place to tell you how to do things, but being one who once lost himself in his profession, I'd urge you not do so yourself...it's not a good place to be in." Michael blinked. Huh? I'm...not doing that... He held back a grimace. "Still, it's good to see you, and if the burden is heavy upon you..." The Drell's gaze darted across Michael's features before he with a grunt straightened. "How may I help you, Commander?"
"I..." Michael hesitated, then managed a smile. "It's not actually Commander any more, I'm not Alliance..."
"You'll always be the Commander, Shepard." Thane almost snapped, though as much within his usual polite behaviour as possible. "Now ask, and I'll do my utmost to help."
"Well..." Again, Michael hesitated, it didn't feel right to use the dying man's help when he clearly deserved a rest from conflict. And since when did the Reapers care about what's right? If you want to beat them, you must do what's necessary. "...I could use some help from someone in your position."
"Want me to speak with those in the afterlife? Or the hospital?" Thane smiled. "Or are you perhaps thinking about my old contacts?" A short nod. "Of course you are, I don't have many left, but if they can help you, I'm at your disposal."
"Good." Pushing aside his feelings on the matter, Michael moved close to the Drell, close enough to taste the stench of medicines upon the man. Holding his head bowed, Michael lowered his voice. "Cerberus and I are now at war, I'm afraid our Alliance didn't hold."
"Not surprising, given the Illusive Man's disposition towards treachery, though yes, it's a shame to gain another foe in the face of the Reapers. Clearly, the Illusive Man has his priorities wrong, as well as being foolish, in choosing to oppose you." Thane nodded.
"He's ten times the pain of a politician, I admit." Michael shrugged. "That said, I have to concentrate on the Reapers, though I have a little thing...no, the less you know, the safer you are. Safe to say, with me busy with my plan to stop the Reapers I cannot be attentive of Cerberus' dealings, and that makes me more than a little nervous. So if you could just, you know, keep an ear to the ground, see if you can hear something, I'd appreciate it."
"It will be do-" Thane coughed. "-done." A soft smile, hand coming forth. "It was good seeing you, Commander, I wish you well."
Michael took the hand, surprised by the weak grip of the Drell as he shook it. "And I you."
Nodding, Thane released him and turned, slowly walking in the general direction of the hospital, all smoothness in his movements gone, replaced by a wobbling walk as he held his side.
I should...
Michael took a step forward, then stopped himself.
I should get to work, yes, he'll be fine...
Turning, Michael moved towards where he knew he could get his weapons, his list finalised.
8
8
8
A low grumble resounded through the office.
"Something amiss, Councillor?" Kaidan asked, standing with his hands behind his back before Udina's desk as the seated Councillor eyed whatever was on his console.
He had recently finished his investigation of EDI, and was pleased to note that Cerberus had no control over her. Which means if she kills us, it'll be of her own free will...oh well, that's the case with any sentient being, and EDI would at least be swift about it. It had been a hard call between doing that and joining Shepard to meet with Udina, but given that at least Udina was trustworthy, Kaidan knew he would get an accurate debriefing of the situation later...which he probably would right now, with him so surprisingly being called up to the Councillor's office.
"I'm just signing these bills your Commander has sent me." Udina shook his head, clearly annoyed.
"He's not my Commander, sir." Kaidan felt the need to correct the man, tensing where he stood.
"Ah yes, I read Hackett's report." Udina glanced up at Kaidan, face neutral. "A regrettable decision, very...contradicting of a man supposed to do what it takes to stop the Reapers..."
Kaidan frowned, something in Udina's tone bothering him. He tensed up even more, torn between old loyalties and the fact he didn't like Shepard or his decision. He chose to be diplomatic. "He gave his reasons."
"That he did." Udina agreed, then shook his head. "A risky choice, and one that doesn't give the best impression after he's just been incarcerated and his association with Cerberus is general knowledge."
"He's likely not with them, sir." Kaidan argued. He wouldn't say it was a big risk of his old Commander being with Cerberus, but neither could he rule it out. Still, he kept his face neutral, not about to bother Udina with his speculations and theories; he worked within the law. If Shepard was with Cerberus, Kaidan would have the proof for that, otherwise he was not about to act.
"Yes, I suppose not..." Udina waved the issue aside, though Kaidan sensed the politician hadn't said his last on the issue. "Would you look at this? The cost for outfitting the Normandy armoury is ridiculously high, I know it's non-standard equipment, but some of these costs are just staggering."
"The Normandy needs to operate at peak efficiency, sir, our job is far from over." Kaidan wasn't about to argue Shepard's choice of giving them the best equipment they had. Kaidan might prefer the more standard weapons, but it was always good to come prepared. And if there was one thing Kaidan admired about Shepard, it was the man's ability to make good plans, be it improvised or long-term.
"I know, I know, I'm just annoyed that with the loss of Earth and the entire Alliance infrastructure the equipping of one Frigate with extra weapons is a painful gouge in our finances. Guess I'll have to use some from my private account..." The Councillor shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck even as Kaidan felt a shadow of a smile on his lips. Udina might be difficult to deal with, but he's always ready to do what it takes... "What's a cane, anyway!"
"I think you mean Cain, sir. A one use only portable...calling it a nuclear weapon is inaccurate, but most do."
"Well it's a hell of a cost for one shot..." Udina grumbled, then looked up at Kaidan. "Never mind, this is not your headache, you have a bigger one, I believe."
"Sir?"
"Shepard, son." Udina snapped, making Kaidan grimace as he realised the direction the conversation was taking. "I know you might be trusting him..." Erm...not...quite. "...but I don't have the luxury of being able to trust my gut, the fate of billions hang on my decisions, and I cannot take risks with that."
Kaidan hesitated. "I...do not quite understand, sir."
"He is crucial for our war effort, is he not? One man...it's not good from a strategic standpoint, and certainly not good considering who he is." Udina paused, regarding Kaidan, who forced himself to remain impassive. "He's supposed to go to Palaven and get their Primarch out of the war so they can prepare Turian forces and resources to help us, something I fully endorse...but I'm worried he might get...sidetracked. I'm hoping you could keep him on track."
"Of course, anything for you...though it might prove difficult, I have little in the way of command of the Normandy or its crew." Kaidan tried to keep his dislike of that fact to a minimum.
"Ah yes, the rogue Spectre taking command of the most advanced Alliance cruiser, as well as her crew, using his rank and position to bludgeon his way through any problem and then demand you do his bidding." Udina snorted, gesturing at his terminal.
Kaidan frowned. True, but a bit harsh... "He's not rogue as far as we know, and he's well within his rights to-"
"Yes, yes, Spectre and all." Udina shook the protest away, glaring at his console. "And again, yes, as far as we know...do I need to repeat myself about me not being able to take risks?"
"No, sir." Kaidan nodded. While he didn't like being unable to trust your fellow soldiers, Udina was right. "I understand, sir."
"No need to be so official after what we've been through, Kaidan, sit." Udina smiled at him, offering the chair Kaidan had never even considered taking. He was but a Major, standing in front a Councillor, after all, there were precedents.
Hesitating, Kaidan sat down, wondering what Udina had in mind. "I take it then, you have something you wished to discuss with me, si-" Kaidan caught himself from using the title. "-since you called me up here."
"I do indeed." Udina nodded as he pushed his console to the side so he could lean over the desk, eyes hard. "When I spoke of Shepard getting sidetracked, I meant him being sidetracked by Cerberus." Kaidan's face screwed up in disgust, making Udina raise his hands to calm him. "I know, I know, they're a disgusting group, but the Catalyst and Crucible is what's important, you understand this, yes?" Kaidan offered a reluctant nod. "But Shepard might not, he might go after Cerberus, and that would be a waste of time, which could prove lethal to the galaxy at this stage."
"I...suppose you're right." Kaidan slumped in his chair, if it was anything he'd be against, it was agreeing not to attack Cerberus, but Udina's words made sense, they had to do what was logical. "Fighting them is important, but the Reapers are more so."
"Exactly." Udina nodded, looking pleased, then frowned. "There's also the fact that he might go after Cerberus for other things than to fight them."
"Well...we've been through this, he's very likely not with Cerberus any more." Kaidan protested, though hesitantly, knowing all too well his own mind on the matters. Too much of a risk too much of a risk, too much of a risk...
"I don't take chances like that." Udina snapped, shaking his head. "The fact of the matter is that Cerberus not only brought Shepard back from the dead, but apparently according to your report, he claimed to have an alliance with them before they started shooting at you on Mars."
"An unsteady Alliance, I might add, and him arguing with the Illusive Man made it quite clear they were not seeing eye to eye." Kaidan argued, feeling dirty for talking about the man behind his back, even as he was glad he could bounce his thoughts off Udina.
"We know better than most how good Cerberus is at trickery, Kaidan." Udina muttered, reminding Kaidan of their previous engagement with the group, as well as of his own thoughts on the matter of Michael arguing with the Illusive Man. "Maybe they really did break their alliance there, probably, but maybe not...and even if they did, how could we trust him, when Cerberus rebuilt him? Who knows what kind of things they did to him? He could be their puppet without any of us knowing..." Kaidan struggled not to hold his breath as he found Udina's thoughts mirroring his own, the fear of Shepard being something else, something dangerous, without him even knowing it... The politician before him shook his head, dejected as he stared at his hands. "I fear for what Shepard might do, if he's just waiting for the right moment, or if the one controlling him is...I fear for the galaxy." Looking up, he caught Kaidan's gaze. "I don't trust him, Kaidan."
"I...I..." Kaidan hesitated. It's not right, he's done so much, for all his shortcomings, he's the best we have...but when has the world cared for what's right? It's up to people like us to make it right. "...I understand your concern, and...well I understand it."
"Of course you do." Udina offered a soft smile. "Which is why I need you to keep an eye on him, make sure he focuses on what's important. Analyse his every move, make sure it makes sense. Report to me about his movements, just to be safe, two heads are better than one, right?"
"I...yes, that's probably for the best." Kaidan nodded in agreement, then grimaced. "Although...I hate to say it, but I can't do much to influence his actions, he's a Spectre, untouchable..."
"Yes, damn that rank, wish it had never been invented..." Udina snorted as he looked away, making Kaidan nod in agreement. He had never liked the idea of the Spectres, no matter who held that power, it was too much. "Although..." Udina smiled, looking back to Kaidan. "...there is one way you can get a say in what he does..." Kaidan felt his stomach sink at the look the Councillor gave him. "...join the Spectres."
"I...what!" Kaidan spluttered before he could contain himself. "Sir, we've discussed the faults of the Spectres many times! It's a horrible office, riddled with dangers not only for the Spectre himself but for anyone in his surroundings! No man should be above the law like that! And you want me to join them!"
"All true, but this is the real world. The Spectres exist, and however much they have gotten new rules to better adhere to our rules and morals, they are still a loose cannon." Udina nodded, the fingers of his hands interlocking before him. "That said, you are a man of character, one who knows how to do things right, you would not take the short cuts and easy ways out that Saren...and even Shepard...did. You would never do wrong, you would never attack the Council, ally with the Geth ...or join Cerberus or steal a ship from the Alliance. You would do the right thing with the power you'd been given." Udina leant forward, words low, making Kaidan lean forth to pick them up. "And...you would have authority to hold Shepard responsible for his actions...just in case."
"I...you have a fair point there..." Kaidan hesitated. "But becoming a Spectre takes weeks, all the paperwork alone-"
"Already filled out." Udina tapped into his omni-tool...and a holographic projection of what without a doubt was the Spectre contract, the signatures of Udina and the other Councillors already on the document, and Kaidan's name ready to be signed upon it. "Yes, I took the liberty of arranging this ahead of you arriving, with the Reapers here, the Council needs all the Spectres they can get, and you have proven a capable man that would do your utmost for our cause."
"I..." Kaidan hesitated, not liking the idea of becoming a Spectre one bit. Though it would give me...options.
Sensing his hesitation, Udina offered a reassuring smile. "Spectre is just a title and some privileges, you can choose not to use them, and what you do with them is up to you..."
"You're right, sorry, I am just...overwhelmed...it's a great honour after all." Kaidan nodded, despite not feeling too eager to join the ranks of the Spectres as he stared at the document before him.
"And one honour that could very well save the galaxy..." Udina whispered, then cocked his head to the side, smiling gently. "...if it came to that, that is."
"Yes, you're right...just to be safe..." Kaidan nodded, hand reaching out as his omni-tool began to glow, transferring his signature. "I'm honoured to become a Spectre, to do what..." He grimaced and looked away, a pang of guilt as he thought of Shepard. "...might have to be done."
"Good..." Udina deactivated his omni-tool, his other hand coming forth to pat Kaidan's arm, voice soft. "...you've made the right decision..."
"Thank you, Councillor." Kaidan rose to his feet, feeling a bit wobbly as the importance of what he had just done began to sink in. I'm a Spectre...god, I'm out of my depth...
"No, thank you, Spectre." Udina rose to his feet, smiling. "I have complete faith in you doing the right thing, you'll do me proud."
"I'll do my best..."
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Thanks to Abydos Jackson for shouting at imaginary beings...