The Chosen Path

by the49thname

After months of running, Allen and Neah find themselves travelling with Lavi, who after narrowly escaping death at the hands of the Noah Family struggles to find purpose. They soon find themselves running from a lot more than fate, and soon they will have to decide whether they will accept the roles they've been forced into, or make their own path. Canon divergent. Lavi/Allen.

10. Chapter 10 - The Path We Walk

Pairings: Lavi/Allen + Neah/Lavi [slow burn]
Rating + warnings: T / tw for emetophobia
Author's note: It's been four years since I started writing this fic, so I have a very special update for you! This update consists of the rest of part one - the 'beginning' of the story - and is 15,000 words in total. I wanted to do something special for the anniversary - I wanted to finish the fic completely, but that didn't end up happening. I am hoping I can finally finish it in the next few months. Thank you for supporting me for all these years, and look forward to part two being released in the coming months!

---

The pale light of the moon illuminated the thatched cottage before them, garden encased in shadow, the soft whistle of the wind finding its way through blades of tall grass. Battle-weary and hampered by their injuries, Allen and Lavi had little choice but to spend the night there; it was far less abandoned-looking than they would have liked, but it would have to do.

The cottage was empty, a visible layer of dust coating every available surface; whoever lived there had been gone for a few days at least. They made themselves at home, wanting nothing more than to sleep, but their injuries took priority. They washed the blood and dirt from their aching bodies and dressed their wounds, using the last of the bandages Lavi had on him. When they were done they were both too tired to find an available bed, and promptly fell asleep where they were sat, backs leaning against the wall behind them, heads resting on each other's shoulders.

Lavi was unable to sleep properly, Junior internally prodding him every hour or so. He nearly lost his temper before realising with concern that his injury could have left him concussed. Resigning himself to wakefulness, he half-listened to Junior's remarks to him in their mind, trying to ignore the warmth emanating from Allen beside him and the heaviness of his limbs. At first, he kept his eye open to distract himself, but the persistent swimming of his surroundings and the painful throbbing at the back of his head left him nauseous and disorientated. Lavi kept his eye shut in the end and fought off sleep as best as he could. He failed in the end, too exhausted from his injuries to hold on and remain awake any longer.

Lavi awoke many hours later, warm and comfortable despite the persistent ache of his injuries. It took him a long time to motivate himself to get up from Allen's side. He stood up, cricking his neck with a wince, and opened his eye to see the entire room swim uncomfortably before him. He clutched at his head with a groan, eye screwed shut. After standing as still as he could, fighting off nausea, Lavi eventually opened his eye and gave a sigh of relief as the room before him returned to normal.

After he had recovered enough to move, he stretched his legs a little by walking around the room, almost tripping over Allen in the process. Lavi turned to look down at him and saw the dark, painful-looking bruises that had appeared on his neck. Lavi found himself staring with an uncomfortable tightness building in his chest until he tore himself away. More for a distraction than anything else, he decided to explore the rest of the building.

The cottage was small but homely, a place where you could be happily separated from the rest of the world. Lavi took note of a small bookshelf in a corner of the kitchen, full of musty cooking books and a set of maps. He took the most recent one and tucked it inside a trouser pocket, knowing it would be needed when they eventually set off once more. After raiding the nearby cupboards for bread and fresh vegetables - worryingly fresh, this place hadn't been empty for long - Lavi put them to good use and prepared something that would at least fill their stomachs. After a brief moment of guilt, he decided to leave some gold coins - the ones Neah had stolen from the bar - on the kitchen counter as thanks for the stolen food.

A newspaper lying on the kitchen table caught his attention, so Lavi sat down at the table in the dim morning sunlight, reading through it to the sound of bubbling water and Allen's quiet mumbling from the next room.

The newspaper was dated to a few weeks ago, by Lavi's reckoning, and it didn't bear good tidings. The political tension in France was rising. Félix Faure was becoming more and more unpopular due to his - and many others - cover-up of the Dreyfus affair. Despite a boom in the economy, things were starting to destabilise due to tensions with the colonies. Unsettled by it, feeling the weight of his ignored duty sink upon his shoulders, Lavi quickly moved on and skimmed through the rest of the paper before pausing, wide eyed, at the sight of the Rose Cross. Someone had taken a photograph of Finders from the Black Order, stood before the doors of a small church. The photo had been taken in Saint-Vincent-de-Paul, and a short paragraph about a 'strange problem' with the church being rectified by a 'subsect of the Church' was detailed below it.

By order of the Vatican, any newspaper or journal was forbidden to reveal the true nature of the Black Order. Of course, this didn't stop people from hearing about the so called 'black priests', as the Exorcists were commonly referred to. But, to most, they were simply a bunch of weird religious zealots cloaked in black who turned up to save them from some unknown evil.

Lavi hadn't seen or heard any news connected to the Order since he had left. Even if the article was short and inconclusive, telling him nothing of the state of the Exorcists or the war at large, it was still something. Lavi found himself staring down at the words before him with a soft smile and warmth in his heart. But, as always, the thoughts that had been haunting him for months arose in his mind - failure, they whispered, disappointment to your kind and to the person who raised you - and he soon found himself folding the newspaper away with a guilty expression. He turned his attentions back to the near over-boiling stew, and after taste testing and burning his tongue he went to wake Allen from his slumber.

"Allen, food's ready."

His voice was quiet and soft, and he gently poked Allen's cheek until he stirred awake with a grimace and a hoarse groan.

"Wh… what?"

Lavi smiled down at him. "Rise and shine, sleeping beauty. You should eat somethin'."

"Food?"

Allen's voice was so hoarse and painful-sounding that Lavi physically winced, a worried expression on his face.

"Damn, Allen, that Akuma really did a number on you, huh."

Allen wheezed, pushing himself up with a pained expression. "You can… say that again."

Allen coughed painfully into a hand before getting up and stumbling into the kitchen after Lavi. As soon as he saw the stew he made for the nearest cupboard to find a bowl and spoon. Soon he was shovelling vegetable into his mouth so quickly that Lavi, for the umpteenth time since he had known him, was concerned he would choke. But Lavi was also starving, and he didn't eat all that much slower than Allen did, and soon they were both sitting back with contented expressions and patting their stomachs.

"Oh, before I forget." Lavi flung the newspaper at Allen and resisted the urge to chuckle as it hit him square in the face. "You should read what's on page nine."

Allen frowned before opening the newspaper and flicking forward to the right page. He immediately inhaled sharply, wide-eyed, before a soft smile graced his features.

"It's… been a long time since I've heard about the Order."

Allen's voice was quiet, sombre in tone. Lavi faltered for a moment, feeling the same sense of loss in his heart, and tried his best to ignore it, keeping his voice steady.

"Same here. Nice to know they're still out there doin' their job, huh?"

Allen didn't reply, letting out a soft exhale before folding the newspaper away, focusing his gaze on the nearby window. Lavi said nothing, head lowering, feeling his hands clench into fists beneath the table. A frustrated noise from Allen drew his attention, giving him a much needed distraction from his bothersome thoughts.

Allen was rooting through his pockets, blowing away a piece of hair that was stubbornly falling into his eyes. Lavi grinned.

"Time for a haircut, beansprout?"

Allen huffed. "It's Allen. And no, it isn't, I just seem to have lost my hair tie after yesterday's battle."

He continued rooting around in his pockets, visibly frustrated, before faltering when a hand was extended his way. In the middle of Lavi's palm was a white ribbon, bordered with lace; it was a little worn and dirtied, slightly yellowed by time. Allen looked up, eyebrow raised.

"Where did you get this?"

Lavi didn't answer initially, looking down at the ribbon in his hand with a gentle expression. He rubbed the ribbon with his thumb, lips pulled into a pained smile.

"I've held onto it for a while. You'd make better use of it than me."

"Are you sure? It… means something to you, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does, but it's not doin' much good sitting in my pocket, is it?" Lavi tucked the ribbon into Allen's hand before closing his fingers around it. He gave him what was likely a wink, though with his eyepatch it was hard to tell. "Can't have ya fightin' blind and gettin' in my way during battles, can I?"

Allen rolled his eyes with a smile. "Fine, if you insist."

He raised his hands and tied his hair back, making sure the ribbon was tight enough; even if Lavi was happy to give it to him, he'd rather he didn't loose it by accident. They fell into a comfortable silence before Allen couldn't help but ask what was on his mind.

"The ribbon… who did it belong to?"

Lavi faltered, shoulders tense, before he seemed to settle down. He focused his gaze on a nearby wall, voice quiet.

"It belonged to a… friend of mine. He was a Finder at the Order. You kinda remind me of him, actually." Lavi gave a soft smile. "You're both way too kind for your own good." Allen pulled a face but didn't say anything, noticing the sombre look in Lavi's expression. Eventually, Lavi shrugged, face pained. "Doug… didn't make it. The person who was meant to have that ribbon didn't either. I held onto it after what happened."

"I'm sorry, Lavi."

Lavi shook his head. "Nah, it's alright. It comes with the territory of fighting this war, doesn't it?"

They fell silent, a heaviness weighing on their shoulders, both thinking of their lost friends. The price paid in war was a heavy one, and both of them had paid that price more than most. Allen looked up, saw the pain in Lavi's expression, and felt the need to reach over and comfort him. Allen tried to speak but coughed instead, face pained as he raised a hand to his throat. Lavi gave him a sympathetic look.

"Hey, you should save your voice while you still have one. Want me to heat some water over the stove so you can drink somethin'?"

Allen nodded with a strained smile. "Yes, please."

Lavi stood and found a saucepan before exiting through the front door to the nearby well, relishing the feeling of the cool breeze on his skin. He pulled on the ropes tied to the bucket at the top of the well, tipping it into the murky water below. He drew it back up and carried the bucket inside, muscles protesting at the effort. He poured the water carefully into a saucepan and put it on the boil to purify it.

Lavi turned, back pressed against the counter behind him. He noticed Allen had fallen back asleep, head resting against the kitchen table. Lavi smiled and ruffled Allen's hair softly, turning back to watch the water as it boiled before turning the stove off and returning to his seat. Lavi leant back, eye closed, enjoying the feeling of warm sunlight filtering through the window and across his skin.

It had been a long time since they had a moment of peace like this, a time where they could sit and take things easy. After all, they deserved it; the past few weeks had been an exhausting cycle of running and fighting and hiding, and it was only now that Lavi realised how tense he had been all that time. His entire body felt like it weighed of lead, and as soon as his eye fluttered closed, he once more fell asleep.

---

Wind, feathery sheaves of wheat against his fingertips, a shadow of a tree looming over him; Allen felt completely at peace here, but also at odds with it. It was as if the world no longer wished for him to be there, rejecting his presence, and it startled him into opening his eyes, taking in the expanse of what surrounded him; a house in the distance, a deadened tree without leaves, and a man sat upon one of its branches.

Allen froze, taking an instinctive step backwards. Neah sat with his back facing him, dark hair moving with the wind, a gloved hand resting against the tree trunk. For a few seconds, it seemed he hadn't noticed Allen's presence, but eventually he turned his head, golden eyes meeting silver. It had happened before, this encounter. A sense of panic nearly always pulled Allen into sudden wakefulness. But this time he held his ground, clenched his hands into fists, and met Neah's gaze with a strength that surprised the both of them.

Neah smiled. "Look at you, defying me like this. Bookman's idiotic apprentice sure did a lot for your self-confidence, huh?"

Allen took a deep breath in then out before speaking. "You're not getting rid of me either, so you're not the only one who took his advice."

Neah faltered, pulling a face. "I didn't take anyone's advice, brat."

Allen smiled up at him, giving him a knowing look. "Of course you didn't."

Silence befell them, broken only by the sound of the wind ruffling through the wheat field surrounding them. Eventually, Neah turned away from him, gaze fixed on the horizon.

"You have no idea where this is, do you?"

His voice was quiet, full of an emotion Allen couldn't quite figure out. He answered just as quietly.

"I don't, but I remember seeing it in your memories. Your mother died here, didn't she?" Neah tensed up, fingers digging into tree bark. Allen continued, voice rising in pitch. "The Earl said it was Mana's fault. Why - ?"

Neah cut him off. "Don't. Don't talk about Mana."

Allen faltered for a moment before re-finding his confidence. "Mana is important to us both, isn't he? I have just as much of a right to talk about him as you do."

Neah turned to him, anger showing in his expression. "You're entering dangerous territory here, Allen. Don't push me."

Allen shook his head, frustrated. "No. This is the first conversation we've had since you first told me your name. I'm…" he paused, sighing heavily. "I'm tired of living like this, Neah. I know you are too."

Neah remained stonily silent, teeth gritted, strips of bark torn beneath his fingers. Allen took a moment to compose himself before he stepped forward, cautiously, gauging how Neah would deal with it. He managed to bring himself within Neah's field of view, noticing the conflicted expression on his face. Allen closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again to meet Neah's gaze as firmly as he was able.

"I have the power of my Innocence back." Neah froze, alarm showing in his eyes. "But I don't want to fight you. I want to understand, about you and Mana and what happened before."

Neah gave a bitter laugh. "So, you're threatening me into doing what you want? Just great." He leapt down from the tree, glaring at Allen with vehemence. "I do what you say, otherwise you destroy me. Isn't that right?"

Allen gave a frustrated groan. "No! You're not listening to me! I don't want to get rid of you. I don't want to destroy you!"

Neah hissed. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not!" Allen was shouting now, anger showing in his expression. "If I wanted to get rid of you, I would've done it as soon as the power of my Innocence came back. Don't you understand? I'm stood here -" he paused, inhaling sharply "- I'm stood here because I want to talk to you. Take it or leave it."

A tense, heavy silence befell them. For a moment, they simply stood and stared at one another, Neah seeing someone with strength and determination in his eyes, Allen seeing someone full of anger and fiery hatred. But they were both tired of this, they knew it as clear as day, and as the world around them shifted, Allen knew that his dream was coming to an end. All he could hope for was that Neah would listen to him.

Allen felt his eyes open slowly, a room alight with sunset orange colours coming into view; he was awake. Allen pushed himself up, wincing at the throbbing ache coming from his throat and the crick in his neck from the awkward angle he'd slept in. He looked up and saw Lavi was asleep across from him, head lolling against his shoulder, snoring quietly with his mouth hanging open. Allen gave a fond smile, a quiet laugh escaping him. When he felt motivated enough to move, he stood and inspected the stove to his right. The water Lavi had obtained was still in the saucepan on the stove, lukewarm and clear, and Allen drank it as fast he was able without aggravating his throat.

For a moment, Allen stood and enjoyed the quiet peace surrounding him, but the need for fresh air and the space to think drove him to discard his used bandages and find his coat from the other room. He stepped outside into the approaching dusk and took a deep breath.

His conversation with Neah had been exhausting. The prospect of Neah refusing to talk and remaining as stubborn as always was incredibly frustrating. But it was progress, Allen reminded himself. It had been the first conversation they'd had since Alma Karma had awakened, not counting the dozens of times they had crossed paths in their dreams and when their thoughts wandered during the daytime. They had never said anything to each other until now, avoiding each other's presence with both anger and fear. It was undoubtedly going to take time, and a lot of patience, and Allen questioned whether he even wanted to attempt talking to the Noah he shared his body with. But Lavi's advice and Allen's own feelings on the matter bid him to wait, to give Neah time to think over his proposal.

Allen would be lying if he said he'd not considered getting rid of Neah. Months of fear and despair and frustration would drive anyone to such extremes. But there was so much that he did not understand, so much that he wanted to know about Mana and Neah's past, and getting rid of Neah - if that was even possible - was not something he wanted to do.

For now, he was going to enjoy the feeling of security his Innocence had returned to him. Allen raised his left hand, clenched and unclenched it, and activated it with a feeling of joy swelling within him. As a white cloak formed around him, he stretched, moving his arm around before summoning his sword and swinging it this way and that. To be able to fight again, to finally have his reason for living back; it was relieving in a way that Allen could not express with mere words. He smiled as he gave practice swings of his sword, stepping backwards and forwards and revelling in the power coursing through his veins.

He was finally strong enough to fight on his own.

The realisation that he could so easily leave, now that he had his Innocence back in working order, made Allen falter. He looked back at the small cottage in the distance, knowing that Lavi would not be able to catch up if he left now. Allen stood, gripped by indecision, wondering whether he had the strength to leave Lavi behind.

Neah had made no attempt to hurt Lavi, from what he'd been told at least. Allen knew neither of them would have gotten this far without Lavi's help, but that ever-present fear remained; what if Lavi got hurt because of him? What if Apocryphos came after him again, now that his Innocence was back in working order? Images flashed before his eyes - blood, feathers, Link's desperate voice and the crash of bricks against concrete - and Allen winced. He'd already lost Cross and Link, and Timcanpy was still nowhere to be found. If anyone at the Order knew the truth about Apocryphos, they would start losing faith in their goals, in their weapons, in God. Lavi had taken the news of Apocryphos well, but how would he react if he saw it in the flesh?

Allen couldn't risk losing anyone else.

---

Darkness and nothingness; it was a dream where he floated, aimlessly, surrounded by endless blackness. The usual voice was missing - it seemed no demands of his future would be required today - and so he drifted, eyes closed, comforted by the eternal void of nothing surrounding him. Then a light - soft, white, gentle - illuminated him slowly amongst the darkness. He opened his eyes and saw a person, back turned to him, stood in a glade of emerald trees. They turned to face him but…

Lavi awoke with a jolt, eye wide, sweating and gasping for breath. The kitchen was dark and full of shadows, and the remnants of his dream lingered in his mind. He couldn't stop shaking, and it took several minutes before he felt calm, chest heaving, hands tightly gripping the table's edge. He took a deep breath, held it, and exhaled before looking around him in dazed confusion. The two saucepans were sat on the stove as he had left it, though the water was gone from one of them, leaving behind a trace of dirt and minerals from where it had been purified.

Allen was gone.

Panic rising, Lavi stood and sent his chair screeching backwards, looking around and trying to differentiate the sound of the wind from the quiet noises outside, but he heard nothing. Heart thumping hard against his rib cage, he walked from room to room, lump forming in his throat as he met only shadow and darkness. Allen's coat was missing from where they had slept, and a pile of used, dirty bandages lay in a pile in the corner of the room.

"He… he wouldn't have…"

The thought that Allen might have left him behind made Lavi feel sick to his stomach. He gathered up his things with shaky hands and left the cottage, consumed by worry. To think Allen would leave as soon as his Innocence had recovered… It was so very like him, to up and leave as soon as he could survive on his own, but it also hurt. His thoughts were a mess of anger and denial until he could hardly hear his own footsteps through the tall grass as he walked. He raised his hands to his mouth and yelled.

"Allen!"

Nothing. It shouldn't hurt this much. Eye burning with tears, Lavi kept walking with his hands clenched into fists, shaking from the effort of remaining calm and berating himself for being such a fool. A part of him almost relished the thought of Allen and Neah being gone - it shouldn't hurt this much - but the heavy weight of duty crushed him until he could hardly take another step, vision blurring. Panic began to swell inside him until he couldn't breathe, and all efforts to calm down were in vain. It shouldn't hurt this much, it shouldn't hurt this much, it shouldn't…

"Lavi?"

Lavi froze. Allen was stood a few metres away from him, looking at him, confused and worried. Lavi took a deep heaving breath and stepped forward to slam his fist onto the top of Allen's head.

"Ow, what're you - ?"

"Don't…"

Allen pushed Lavi's hand away with a frown. "Don't what? I just went for a walk, you were asleep and I just -"

Lavi let his hand drop to his side and lowered his head, grimacing. "I thought you'd…"

Allen gave a frustrated sigh. "Thought I'd what? Lavi I don't under-"

"I thought you'd left. You got your Innocence back, and now there's no point to me being here."

Allen faltered and felt thankful that Lavi couldn't see his guilty expression. Shame and anger at himself left his heart twisting painfully in his chest until his eyes burned with tears.

"I'm… I'm sorry Lavi, I didn't intend to…"

Silence, until Lavi sniffed and rubbed at his eye clumsily with the back of his hand. "It's fine. I should be the one sayin' sorry."

Allen frowned. "Why?"

Lavi laughed, bitterly. "I'm being selfish, and pathetic. That's why."

Unable to find the right words, Allen settled for silence and frowned when Lavi refused to meet his gaze. Eventually Lavi closed his eye and walked past him, shoulders hunched, until Allen grabbed hold of his scarf and yanked, hard, stopping him in his tracks with a gasp.

"Hey, what do you think you're - ?"

"You're not selfish for wanting the company."

Lavi turned and froze when he saw the tears running down Allen's face.

"I…" Allen paused, voice quiet, unable to think of the right thing to say when so many things needed to be said. Eventually, he took a deep breath and managed a shaky smile. "I'm glad you're here, Lavi."

Those words would have to do. Even if it hardly covered the gratefulness and relief and hope that Allen felt, it would have to do. Lavi hardly dared to breathe, frozen in place, struck by the emotion in Allen's voice, in his eyes. He wiped at his face with a hand, a soft smile gracing his features.

"We should go, don't wanna wait too long in case Neah comes back and kicks my ass for cryin'."

Allen laughed. "I think you'll be fine. If anything, he's gonna kick my ass for making him look bad."

Lavi raised an eyebrow. "Surely you both have the same ass? Unless you meant it figuratively."

Allen smacked Lavi lightly and shook his head, wiping away his own tears and laughing.

"Of course I meant it figuratively, stupid Lavi. Now shut up and start walking, before I kick your ass."

---

The days that followed were quiet and full of contemplation, and they took it as slowly as they dared with the threat of an imminent attack forever looming over their heads.

The wounds Lavi and Allen had suffered from the fight with the Akuma took a while to heal. Allen's throat remained sore and immensely painful well over a week from the attack, and Lavi's head injury left him dizzy and nauseous for a few days before it subsided. But they got back up on their feet and kept going, more out of worry over being sitting ducks than anything else, and attempted to re-orientate themselves after days of being without a sense of direction.

Using the map Lavi had taken from the cottage that had been, however briefly, their shelter from the outside world, they discovered they had strayed off course. After Lavi and Neah had reached Montchanin a few days previously, they'd ended up diverting even further north-west from their desired path, heading back towards central France when they had intended to do the very opposite. Knowing that back-tracking would be a bad idea, they decided to make their way back east and head further north than intended to reach the Franco-German border. They had planned to head to Lons-le-Saunier and rest up there, but there was too much risk involved. They had to avoid any cities or towns, making do with what little food they could obtain from abandoned lodgings and orchards along the way; obtaining proper shelter and food was not worth the risk of an ambush.

As winter began to take a hold of the world, the days became shorter. The wind and rain soon became more unwelcome than the Noah or Akuma could ever be as night after night, sleeping with a roof over their heads became a rare occurrence. Allen had made do with such conditions occasionally during his life, but he'd usually begged people for shelter with the best fake tears and charm he could muster. Lavi, however, had slept rough for most of his life while travelling with Bookman, and could make a waterproof shelter from just about anything.

It was tough going, and both their injuries hampered their progress, but the recovery of Allen's Innocence had lightened his burdens considerably. He took over Lavi's role as the support of the group. His strength and confidence returned with each day that passed;no longer feeling useless in a fight improved Allen's mood by leaps and bounds.

Lavi had taken an opposite turn.

Even if his physical wounds had healed quite quickly, the fight, creeping reminders of Bookman, Allen's perceived abandonment, and everything that had led up to it, had left a significant crack in Lavi's resolve. The dreams, too, did not help, and each day they got worse. Lavi hesitated to call them nightmares, for they always started and ended the same; darkness, a garden, then a face. The first part of the dream was something that had plagued both his waking and sleeping moments since he was a child, and it was a dream that he and the others he shared his body with all suffered from. Darkness, and a voice demanding of them who they were, relentlessly asking 'who are you?' until one of them woke up - they had learned to reply by reciting Bookman Code, which Bookman had taught them to do once he'd found out about the dreams. Over time, the dreams had lapsed into obscurity.

But this dream was different. It was still something shared - Junior was just as unnerved by it as Lavi was - and the way the dream ended left them both shaken in ways they could not explain. Lavi could never quite remember the face or person he saw, only that it horrified him for reasons he could not name. Lavi couldn't speak of it to Allen or Neah, not when he barely understood why it filled him with such nameless dread, and even if Junior shared these dreams - seemingly - he refused to talk about it. And so Lavi suffered, quietly and alone, wondering why he was so shaken over something he did not at all understand.

His instability only worsened as the days passed, the composure he had managed to keep and cling to out of desperation since his escape from the Noah slipping away from his grasp. Persistent insomnia left him paranoid and on edge, unable to relax even when Allen told him he was safe. He became irritable and easy to anger, and it made conversation incredibly difficult to sustain without it descending into an argument, the two of them falling into stony silence.

Junior was also becoming more and more present as the days passed, and Allen often found himself sitting beside someone he barely knew, someone who had little interest in talking to him. Initially, Allen felt resentful of this sudden change in Lavi's behaviour, as well as Junior's increasing presence; the hope and joy he carried from regaining the use of his Innocence was clashing with the dark place his friend had fallen into.

That resentment very quickly faded into guilt.

A few days after leaving the cottage, they found themselves hiding in a forest near the outskirts of Lamargelle, avoiding the commune as best they could while still heading in the right direction. The forest was full of deadened trees, floor littered with fiery-coloured leaves and fallen branches.

Allen and Lavi had made scarce conversation since starting off that morning, and a feeling of tension rested uncomfortably on both their shoulders. They passed like ghosts among the leafless trees with only the sound of their footsteps on the ground below to disturb the silence. Spotting a rabbit hole nearby, Allen took a step sideways to avoid it. He felt something far too hard underfoot to be ground before a large snap shattered the silence. He flinched, unsettled by the sudden noise, but swiftly calmed down.

Allen nearly moved on before he noticed Lavi was stood still, hands over his ears, chest heaving, wide-eyed and shaking. Immediate concern flooded through him. He rushed over, raising a hand to Lavi's shoulder, before a hand grabbed his wrist, so tightly it hurt.

"Don't."

Allen moved away, rubbing at his wrist with a slight wince, watching as Lavi's breaths slowed, head lowered, hands resting on his thighs. Eventually he raised himself up, and Allen found an irritated look thrown his way.

"It's rude to stare, Walker."

Allen pulled a face. "Since when have you ever -" he faltered, noticing the indifferent look being thrown his way, and put two-and-two together. "Oh, you're not… I'm sorry."

An awkward tension descended upon them before Junior sighed, giving Allen a look that made it clear they should keep moving before walking ahead. Allen followed behind, apprehensive. Allen found himself at a loss. He didn't know how to navigate things when Junior was there, made more difficult by the ever-present reminder that the first time they met, Junior had beaten Allen within an inch of his life. It made it somewhat… difficult to make casual conversation.

It was also difficult getting used to seeing someone that Lavi was not. Junior was less emotive, less talkative, more inclined to remain silent and keep his thoughts to himself. Allen realised, with more surprise than he expected to feel, that this is what it must be like to everyone else, seeing the person they would call 'Allen' but finding Neah there instead. The body may be the same, but the person inhabiting it was different.

Like in Mâcon, Allen found himself feeling a strong sense of connection. Sharing a body with Neah had left him feeling isolated from everyone else, and knowing that someone else shared this experience in some way helped to drive away the lonely feeling that had pervaded his waking moments since first playing the song of the Musician.

This realisation bid Allen to speak, driven by a need to break the silence.

"Is… is Lavi okay?"

Junior didn't stop walking, remaining silent for long enough that Allen thought he was being ignored, but eventually he responded.

"He's fine."

Allen waited for him to elaborate, but got nothing else in response. He wondered if it was the sudden noise in itself, or if the specific sound of something snapping was the issue. Realisation kicking in, Allen realised he didn't want to know why a snapping noise would distress Lavi so much. Sighing, feeling frustrated, Allen prepared himself for more silence before a quiet voice drew his attention.

"He'll be back later. Stuff like this happens sometimes if one of us gets set off by something."

Allen didn't know what to say at first, shocked that Junior would even try and explain. Feeling guilty - and ever so slightly awkward - Allen caught up with Junior so they were walking side-by-side, taking a moment to think of the right words before speaking.

"Thank you… for explaining." Allen faltered, unsure what to say. "I… suppose it happens with Neah and I sometimes too."

"How so?"

The response was so quick Allen couldn't help but turn and look over at him. He was met with genuine curiosity, and it surprised him. He looked away, stumbling over his words.

"I… well, sometimes during battles or tense situations, I won't… be there anymore, not until days later."

Junior gave a satisfied noise, seemingly content with Allen's response. They both fell silent for a while, silence broken only by the sound of their footsteps, before Junior spoke up again.

"Do you remember what happens while the Fourteenth is out?"

Allen faltered. "I… don't remember, no." He frowned. "You're… awfully talkative all of a sudden."

Junior pulled a face, visibly awkward, and Allen couldn't help but laugh. Junior said nothing, watching Allen laugh with an embarrassed expression.

"Wh-what're you laughing about?"

Allen shook his head with a smile. "It's nothing, you're just… not what I expected." He faltered, raising his hands up defensively. "In a good way, I mean."

Junior raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you come across as if you'd rather be anywhere else than here most of the time."

"That's true."

Allen pulled a face. "My point exactly. So what I meant was it's… nice to finally have a proper conversation."

Junior scowled. "You say that like we've never talked before now."

Allen raised an eyebrow. "If you think calling me 'Walker' and occasionally telling me to keep walking is a conversation, you're more socially inept than Lavi is."

Junior bristled, opening his mouth to argue before shutting it and letting out a resigned sigh. Allen grinned, content with the comfortable silence that surrounded the both of them, before something came to mind, making the smile fall from his features. He spoke, almost too quietly for Junior to hear.

"I would… prefer it if you didn't call me 'Walker', actually."

Silence, tense and uncomfortable, coiled itself around them until Junior broke it, tone of voice hard to place.

"Why is that?"

Allen felt himself tense up, gripped by a sudden feeling of grief. He managed to get a response out, voice quiet, hands clenched into fists.

"Someone I… someone close to me used to call me that. I don't want to remember that."

Junior let out a sigh - Allen couldn't tell if it was one of frustration or not - before responding with a surprising amount of sympathy in his voice.

"What should I call you instead?"

Allen faltered, turning towards him with a confused look. "You know what my name is, don't you?"

Junior pulled a face, visibly awkward. "I… yes, I do. I just thought you might want to be called something different to what Lavi calls you."

Allen smiled. "Lavi calls me 'beansprout' more than he does 'Allen', so I think you'll be fine."

Junior sighed, sounding defeated. "I'll never understand his need to give nicknames."

Allen couldn't help but laugh at that, and Junior shot him a look before continuing.

"It's not funny! He uses so many I lose track of them." He started listing some off, counting on his fingers as he went. "Little hammer, big hammer; beansprout; Lenalady; Krorykins; Panda -"

Junior immediately fell silent, faltering as he walked. Allen noticed and said nothing. The silence was uncomfortable, but it was necessary, and Allen did nothing more than walk ahead and give Junior the space to deal with that all too familiar feeling of grief.

---

Lavi came back later that day, quiet and subdued, and Allen said nothing. The feeling that it was somehow his fault rose within him, but Allen tried to ignore it - now was not the time for self-blame. Needing a distraction from both his internal feelings and Lavi's troubles, Allen focused on what he had already spent a number of days working on; building what would likely be a tense and uncertain 'friendship' with Neah.

After leaving the cottage, Allen had heard nothing from Neah, and he wondered if he was going to come back at all. But, after making an internal comment about Neah sulking, he heard an angered response from the back of his mind, and it had shocked Allen so badly he nearly tripped over his own feet. In the days that followed, they maintained occasional conversation, mostly snide comments from Neah and retaliations from Allen back at him, but it was more than they'd ever spoken before.

It took a few attempts to finally have a proper conversation with Neah once more. Still nervous of irritating him - or getting an even worse reaction - Allen was distanced and wary, but the burning need to find out more about Mana and Neah's shared past motivated him to push boundaries he was usually afraid of stepping over. At first, Neah gave him the cold shoulder, but after days of persistence from Allen he eventually gave up and put up with his presence. Allen bombarded Neah with question after question - somewhat deliberately, so he could get revenge for the suffering Neah had put him through, but also to gain some much needed answers - until Neah lost his temper.

Knowing that Neah was not a person to underestimate, even if Allen had the upper hand for the moment, Allen carefully put as much mental distance between the two of them as possible, letting Neah calm down before approaching him again. An apology was met with a string of rather rude curses - though Allen had been called far worse before - but after a few more failed attempts, Allen finally managed to bring up the topic of Mana without Neah pushing him away.

Specific memories of Mana were painful for them both. Though Allen wanted answers on many things concerning his father figure, he didn't know how to phrase such questions, or if he wanted to know the answers after all. He settled for asking about his mannerisms, the particular way he talked, how he dressed, the jokes he told and the way he smiled. Neah seemed to ignore him at first, using all of his self-will to remove any emotion from his expression, but Neah couldn't help but divulge his own memories on occasion. Allen would listen avidly, a widening smile gracing his features, gripped tightly by an emotion that was bittersweet in nature. After Neah finished speaking, he would always have a look of surprise on his face, as well as the slightest hint of fear at sharing more than he initially wanted to.

After a few days of this, Allen decided to ask about what Road had said before she disappeared.

They had been sat under the familiar tree, deadened branches remaining still in the wind, the endless wheat moving in tandem with the permanent breeze. Allen felt tense, hesitant. He and Neah were nowhere near comfortable with each other, and he knew it would be a difficult thing to bring up, but he felt a burning need to ask about it nonetheless. He took advantage of the sudden silence, knowing he could return to the world outside if things escalated.

"Can I ask you something?"

Neah immediately pulled a face, resting his head in the palm of his hand. "Every time you ask that I get closer and closer to smacking your head into the ground." Allen said nothing, a serious expression on his face. Neah sighed, exasperated. "Fine, what is it?"

"Road told me something, before she disappeared."

Neah immediately tensed up. He knew what Allen was going to ask - he had watched Timcanpy's recorded memories, after all - and wanted nothing more than to get up and walk away. He had expected it, however, and did his best to keep his voice steady when he responded.

"And you want to know if it's true?"

Allen opened his mouth then closed it, looking away with a sigh. Neah would normally have poked fun at him for being so unsure of himself, but it wasn't the time or place for it; he wanted this conversation over and done with.

"Why does it matter if it's true or not?"

Allen seemed surprised, as if he was expecting another response, before he finally spoke up, subdued and ill at ease.

"Because if it's true, I don't understand what you're trying to achieve with all this."

Neah froze. He looked up, met Allen's gaze, and saw a burning curiosity in his eyes. Unease curled itself into his insides. He looked away again, trying to focus on the wind and the feeling of the ground beneath him, anything but the answer he was supposed to give.

It wasn't out of a sense of care. No, that wasn't why. It was the simple knowledge that Allen was going to take the news badly - very, very badly - and Neah didn't want to deal with the aftermath of it. Perhaps he could take advantage of it, make a move to take over while Allen was distressed, but for some reason that thought left him feeling… uncomfortable.

In the past week, he had slowly gotten to know Allen. He was scarily like Mana in a lot of ways, but his true self shone through on occasion - he was a petulant brat at heart, no matter how much he wanted to deny it - and he was less of a wimp than Neah had initially thought. He didn't like him much, or particularly respect him, but he was starting to see a way forward, if not just to achieve his own ambitions.

If he told Allen the truth, how would they move forward from there?

Neah sighed, leaning back on his hands and looking up at the sky above - not real, not like that sky, with the wind whistling through the fields and his brother calling out to him - and spoke as firmly as he was able to.

"You made a promise to him once. It's the same with me. That's all."

He didn't know if that answer would be enough, but Allen seemed to accept it regardless. It resolved something between them, that one single moment. The knowledge that deep down beneath the masks they both wore, beneath the pain and fear and all that had warped their true intentions even from themselves, that the both of them were fighting for the same person, even if it was for very different - and somewhat polarising - reasons… it made them realise that despite all their differences, they held one very important thing in common.

---

The change in how Allen and Neah saw each other, and the evident relief it brought Allen in particular, became obvious to Lavi after that conversation.

Lavi had wondered if something had changed between them before that point, picking up on Allen's constant control of the body he shared with Neah. It had taken him a few days to notice it, mind clouded with fog since leaving the cottage. He had managed to obtain some semblance of composure as the days went by, mainly from Junior's continued presence alongside his own. It had given him some space to take a step back from the world and his own feelings, and Junior seemed happy enough to take over and complete the bare essential tasks while Lavi attempted to recover. Now that his mind was clearer, and it had become increasingly obvious that something had changed between Allen and Neah, Lavi couldn't help but ask about it.

They had set up camp only a short while beforehand, sitting in relative silence with only the crackle of firewood to break it. They normally didn't risk lighting fires at night, but it was getting cold, and some risks were necessary. There was still an evident tension between them, and Lavi felt strangely awkward about speaking. Eventually, the silence became unbearable. Lavi found a nearby stick and prodded Allen in the leg with it.

"Hey, 'sprout, I've been meanin' to ask you something."

Allen scowled. "It's Allen. And sure, just don't poke me with a stick."

"Have you and Neah finally figured things out?"

Allen faltered, confused, looking as if he'd been expecting a different question altogether. He leant back, looking at the flames dancing before him with a gentle expression.

"Not yet, but we're… getting there."

Lavi felt a deep sense of relief, but there was something else there, coiled in his insides, twisting uncomfortably. He had to take a moment to think of the right words.

"That's… great. I'm glad he's finally stopped bein' such an asshole about it."

Allen laughed. "He's still an asshole, he's just… a little more willing to listen to me before he kicks me."

The tension eased a little between them, bidding Lavi to look over at Allen, watching the flames colour his hair, cinders dancing among the darkness. Allen noticed his staring and raised an eyebrow.

"Something wrong?"

Lavi faltered, unsure how to explain, before he gave an awkward shrug. "Not really, I was just… wonderin' what you were gonna do now."

Allen said nothing for a while, staring into the fire with a sombre expression. Eventually, he spoke, voice quiet.

"I… I don't know. There's still a lot to figure out." He looked over, noticing the way Lavi's shoulders had tensed up, and seemed to pick up on his discomfort. "We won't be going anywhere anytime soon, that's for sure."

Lavi froze, feeling painfully transparent for a moment, before giving a nod and turning away. He heard Allen sigh behind him, and the tension piled up on his shoulders once more. Despite the free and individualistic spirit he knew he had beneath years of hardship, Lavi had never dealt well with abandonment of any kind. The fear that his two companions could now so easily leave him behind made it hard to stabilise himself, throwing him off-balance and rendering him incapable of maintaining control over his emotions.

Hidden amongst the feelings of relief over Allen and Neah's newfound progress, Lavi began to feel more and more uneasy as time wore on. Allen and Neah were making progress, but he had made none. All Lavi could hope for was some sense of stability, that he would regain his ability to keep going as time passed, and that Allen or Neah would not leave him behind if he became too much of a hindrance.

---

A week after their near escape from the Akuma, Neah returned.

It had been a day of walking in silence; Lavi hardly present, Junior focused on putting one foot before the other, Allen distracted by his internal conversation with Neah. They had all settled in for the night, Junior taking first watch, Allen falling asleep within minutes, exhausted from the day's walk. But it was not Allen who awoke many hours later, during the early hours of the morning.

With a quiet groan, Neah sat up and ran a hand through his hair. Junior didn't seem to react, staring out at the dim pre-dawn light without emotion. It took Neah a few moments to figure out that it was not Lavi sat there beside him, and he faltered, unsure on what to say, how to hold himself. The person Lavi called 'Junior' had chewed Neah out on three separate occasions now, and Neah wasn't in the mood for another round.

Eventually, unable to stand the silence, Neah coughed awkwardly into a hand.

"So, Junior's fucked off, has he?" Neah paused, realising his mistake. "Wait, I didn't mean you, I meant -"

"I know."

It wasn't an angry response, not necessarily, and Neah thought he saw the slightest upturning of lips before that blank and expressionless mask came back. After a few seconds of tense silence, Junior turned and raised an eyebrow.

"You're not at all like how Lavi says you are."

Neah scowled. "Wh-what's that supposed to mean?"

Junior pushed himself up, and Neah swore for a moment he saw a flash of sardonic amusement in his gaze. "He says you're an annoying loudmouth who spends every living second trying to piss him off."

Neah huffed. "Hey, that's not fair! I'm a charming person, that idiot's just got no tolerance for it."

Junior gave a smile, however slight, and stretched before walking around the corner of the wall they'd made camp behind, disappearing from sight. Neah took a moment to let out a steady exhale of breath, strangely relieved that particular encounter was over. Lavi didn't intimidate him in the slightest, despite how explosive his anger could be on occasion, but Junior was a different story. He wasn't a scary person as such, but it was hard to tell what he was thinking or feeling at any given moment. There was a heavy level of emotion kept chained and barred behind a passive exterior, and it was something Neah had always disliked about how the Bookmen trained their clansmen.

Allen made a snide comment about how Neah must respect Junior a good deal to not want to purposefully anger him, and Neah pulled a face, giving a disgusted noise in response. Before he could get into an internal argument with his host, Neah heard approaching footsteps and saw a strained smile, a flash of emotion that was hard to place; it was Lavi, exhausted and somewhat unhappy about having to be present.

Neah pulled a face. "What's with that face, Junior? Not happy to see me?"

Lavi faltered, immediately disorientated. After pushing that feeling away, he responded as apathetically as he could.

"'Course not, why would I want to see your sorry ass?"

Neah growled. "Oi."

Lavi ignored him, trying to hide his tired expression by peeking his head over the nearby wall. He gave a quiet hum of concern.

"We better start walking soon. Those rain clouds look pretty bad."

Neah sighed, rubbing at his eyes tiredly before standing up. "Whatever. Got any food?"

"Some stale bread and a squishy tomato." Lavi turned his head and saw Neah pulling a face, and sighed. "Hey, it's better than nothing. You can eat as we walk."

As Neah clambered out of their makeshift shelter he glanced at it with a disdainful expression. "Can't you do better than that?"

Lavi scowled down at him. "Oi, be grateful we have any kind of roof over our heads. This part of the country's pretty devoid of people."

Neah considered arguing further but decided against it, looking away with a quiet huff.

"I guess that's something…" Discarding the tomato by throwing it over the wall, glancing at his left hand with a disgusted expression as he did so, Neah claimed the bread and bit into it with a frown before speaking with his mouth full. "How's the little brat been?"

Lavi tensed up. "You'd know that better than me."

Noticing the hard edge to Lavi's voice, Neah took a moment to think of the right response before speaking.

"I guess you've not been around much, huh? At least that's what the brat kept complaining about."

Lavi noticeably stiffened, a hard-to-read emotion showing in his face. Neah raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, quit looking so pissed off. If anyone should be pissed, it's me. You've not had to deal with that idiot badgering you on and on for days on end."

When Lavi didn't respond and began to walk, the silence swiftly becoming unbearable, Neah headed off after him, finding a different topic to speak about.

"Also, what's 'sprout' supposed to mean? He was muttering it to himself a few times."

Lavi paused for a moment before sighing, turning to Neah with a small smile. "It's short for 'beansprout', Yuu gave the nickname to him and now it's stuck. Allen hates it."

Neah frowned. "Wait, what? I didn't call him that. You're the one who gives stupid nicknames, not me."

Lavi shook his head. "No, not 'you'. I meant Yuu Kanda, the grumpy asshole who aimed a sword at your throat?" Neah pulled a face and Lavi couldn't help but laugh. "He's great when ya get to know him, just takes a while."

Neah raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he's real pleasant company. I'll have to remember that nickname, he hates 'little brat' for some reason."

"It's 'cause Cross called him that a lot."

Neah faltered a little before continuing to walk, voice quiet. "I wonder how that bastard's doing… Without Timcanpy I can't tell if he's…"

Lavi shot him a look. "Wow, you actually care about people? Who are you and what have you done with Neah?"

Neah slammed his fist down on Lavi's head. "I do not care about that womanising bastard. He's simply…" he faltered a little, visibly awkward "… more convenient and useful than most people."

Lavi snorted. "Right, so you decide how much you like people by how useful they are. What a surprise."

Neah scowled at him. "Shut up, Junior. Last time I checked you Bookmen also did the same goddamn thing."

Lavi gave a disgusted noise, audibly bitter. "Yeah, 'cept we're not meant to like them in the first fucking place."

Neah narrowed his eyes. "Jeez, you're really touchy right now, huh?" He paused, disappointed that Lavi wasn't giving him a reaction, before his voice took on a mock dramatic tone. "I've been gone for ages and you don't even wanna talk to me."

Lavi glared at him before walking ahead, wishing to avoid continuing down the line of conversation Neah had raised. Neah somewhat begrudgingly lapsed into silence. They kept a fast pace, since Neah walked faster than Allen did and Lavi was happy to match it, but the constant fields of tall grass and rabbit holes and puddles of mud meant it took them all day to travel a distance they could usually cover in half that time. Lavi had been happy to stop as soon as the sun began to set, but Neah kept insisting on somewhere dry to sleep for the night until Lavi gave in. They kept going long after nightfall.

Eventually they found an abandoned ruin of some kind, and after stumbling around in the dark they found relatively dry corners and made camp, Lavi taking his customary first watch in the darkness while Neah slept. Lavi kicked him awake around three in the morning, earning a swift kick in the shins before he attempted to sleep. The usual dream haunted his waking and sleeping thoughts, and he woke up shortly after dawn feeling as if he hadn't slept at all.

Sitting up and stretching, Lavi looked over at Neah and began to speak before he faltered, eye wide.

"What's your problem, Junior?" Neah yawned, jaw clicking. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Lavi stood, unsteady on his feet, hands clenched into fists. Everything had suddenly become too much, too fast, and the smell of smoke from Neah's now burned out campfire and wet earth and the must of old books overwhelmed him.

They had found the remnants of an abandoned library, completely by accident. It had fallen into ruin, long since forgotten about by people who no longer lived near its walls. Books in varying stages of decay lay scattered among shattered brick and mortar. Bookshelves sat, sagging under the weight of damp-infested books, ruined by many years of rain and poor weather.

Lavi stepped around Neah, gaze fixed on a nearby bookcase, and trailed a hand against it before stepping on something and looking down at his feet. It was a book bound in red leather, pages aged yellow and ridden with mould. Lavi bent down to pick it up, and wordlessly he stood and looked at the bookcase in front of him, his face blank and expressionless.

Neah scowled. "What're you doing, you moron?"

"Gotta tidy this up."

Lavi's voice sounded distant, almost monotone. Neah gave an incredulous expression before laughing. "This place would need more than a tidy up. What's the point?"

Lavi remained silent, organising the books according to the dim numbers and letters he saw gilded and faded on their covers. The recurring dream - that face, that horrible, horrible face - and weeks of tension had built up until all he could smell was smoke and old books and - he coughed as smoke was blown into his face, Bookman laughed pipe in hand, and - the need to calm down and do something methodical was so strong he couldn't resist it. He couldn't concentrate - and the library was so big and there were so many books and so many faces peering down at him in disapproval - and his hands were shaking, books dropping out of his hands with a loud thud that made him flinch - and that golden field, with that approving smile and a hand in his and - suddenly he couldn't move, chest tight, each breath forced. The numbers didn't make sense, he couldn't remember where any of the books went - and his face when he died was so full of surprise and the smell of blood was so strong he felt sick - and he couldn't take it anymore.

"Junior? Hey, what's the matter with you?"

Neah stepped forward and took a book from Lavi's shaking hands and dropped it on the floor before starting to speak. He was shoved so hard he fell backwards. Before Neah could stand, Lavi teetered and fell to his knees. He wrapped his arms around himself, violently trembling. All Neah could do was sit and watch and fail to understand what was wrong.

Lavi didn't move for a long time. Many minutes passed, and when Lavi eventually looked up, gaze full of fear, he saw Allen was sat before him now, lips pulled into a soft smile. Lavi's face fell before he grabbed hold of Allen's coat tightly, refusing to let go. Eventually, Lavi released his grip on Allen's coat, pale and visibly shaken. Allen faltered, unsure what to say, before speaking in a quiet tone, voice full of concern.

"Are you… alright?" Lavi shook his head, unable to speak. Allen frowned. "Okay. Neah is… sorry for going. He's, um, not good with stuff like this apparently…"

Lavi gave him a blank, slightly confused look, as if the name meant nothing to him. Allen faltered a little, searching Lavi's face for some amount of recognition or understanding and found none. He took a moment to find the right words.

"You don't… remember him?" A shake of the head answered his question. Allen paused, unsure what to do. "Do you… know who I am?" Another shake of the head. "Oh. Okay. I… hm…"

Allen took a moment to collect himself, concern rising within him. He tried to remember what Lavi had said about himself in that quiet room back at Mâcon, but nothing came to mind that would explain what was happening. The only frame of reference Allen had were his own experiences; that people Neah met while Allen was gone would be but strangers to Allen himself, since he would be devoid of any memory of them. Allen tried a different angle, hoping it would help.

"Do you know where we are?"

No response. Allen sighed and leant back, stretching and wincing at the ache in his muscles from sitting in one place for so long. The person before him seemed calmer, but they refused to move, head lowered, and it worried him.

"Is there… anything I can do?"

No response. Rubbing at his temples, Allen stood, only to be pulled back down roughly by a hand gripping the ends of his coat. With slight frustration, he sat back down and stayed where he was. Eventually the person before him let go, rubbing at their face tiredly, and when they spoke their voice was hoarse.

"What…?"

The person looked up, and as soon as their gaze met Allen's own he knew it was Lavi; there was recognition in his expression, without a shadow of a doubt. Allen gave an audible sigh of relief. Lavi seemed to be considering something for a moment, confusion showing in his face, before he shook his head and spoke.

"I'm… sorry…"

"Sorry for what?"

Lavi gestured at himself and Allen raised an eyebrow.

"You just pointed at all of yourself." Lavi shrugged in reply. After a moment of awkward silence, Allen eventually spoke, voice quiet. "Do you… want to talk about it?"

Lavi shook his head. "Not really."

Allen sighed. "It would help though, wouldn't it?"

Lavi pulled a face before attempting to stand, uncertain on his feet. Allen helped him up and smiled, even though Lavi refused to look at him.

"Come on, we'll go sit over there, okay?"

Lavi nodded, apprehensive, and was dragged, partly unwilling, to where they had made camp. The smell of smoke was still strong, however, and Lavi froze, hardly daring to breathe. Allen noticed and continued walking, firmly holding onto Lavi's hand, taking them as far away from the ruins as he could while still keeping their camp in sight.

He sat down with Lavi by a low wooden fence. Allen observed Lavi carefully as he sat down beside him, gaze fixed on the ground below. Knowing he had to ask, regardless of how difficult it may be for Lavi to answer, Allen took a moment to find the right words before speaking.

"I'm sorry I couldn't really do anything to help you." He paused, wringing his hands a little. "You weren't… you didn't know who Neah or I were, I wasn't sure what to…"

Lavi's shoulders tensed up for a moment before he sighed. "Sorry 'bout that." He paused for a long moment before rubbing the back of his neck, visibly uncomfortable. "It wasn't… me earlier, or Junior."

"That was my guess."

Lavi pulled a face. "Sorry. He's just a kid, he never usually… I didn't think I'd need to say anythin' about this before now." He gave a bitter laugh. "Wasn't expectin' this mess to happen, guess I'm an idiot for thinking like that."

Allen shook his head. "No, it's okay. You don't…" he paused, unsure how to express what he wanted to say. "You don't have to explain anything if you don't want to, either."

Lavi looked up at Allen and saw both sincerity and concern in his expression. He couldn't help but smile, albeit shakily. He gave Allen's arm a nudge with his own and managed a quiet laugh.

"You're too nice for your own good, 'sprout."

Allen smiled with a shake of his head. "It's Allen."

"I know, I know. Old habits die hard, right?" Lavi paused for a moment before leaning back a little against the fencepost behind him. "Well, all I'll say is it shouldn't happen again." Not in front of you or Neah, at least. "If it does, whatever ya did was probably the best thing to have done."

Allen nodded. "Alright, I understand. Do… do you mind telling me why it happened? All Neah would tell me was you were really upset about something."

Lavi gave a wry smile, tinged with bitterness. "Pretty sure he wasn't that nice about it." He paused, looking away from Allen with an uncomfortable shrug of his shoulders. "Guess I can't really keep you in the dark about this anymore…"

Silence descended upon them, with only the sound of the wind finding its way through sheathes of grass to break it. It took a long time for Lavi to speak, and when he did he had to pause often to collect himself.

"You… probably already know somethin' bad happened when me and… and Gramps were with the Noah. It's been… fuck, I can't even remember how long now…" Lavi shook his head with a grimace. "I was wandering around for ages before I found you, things were so blurry and Junior kept havin' to take over and keep us alive 'cause I wasn't…"

He swallowed thickly, trying to ignore how emotive his voice sounded, afraid of everything he had been trying so hard to ignore for countless months. He wanted to keep pretending, to hide and say look, I'm doing just fine, leave me alone. But he knew it was impossible to do that, not with Allen sat by his side, not after what had happened earlier.

"I wasn't… We're not doing okay, Allen." Lavi's voice broke and he flinched, turning away from Allen with a guilty expression. "This whole thing is so fucked up, I don't know how to… We don't know what we're meant to do or how we're meant to deal with it and I can't -"

"Lavi, it's okay. Take a deep breath."

It took Lavi a moment to realise he was breathing too fast, gripped by panic, and with shaky breaths he forced himself to slow the rise and fall of his chest, to ground himself no matter how painful it was to do so. Allen raised a hand, wanting to place it on Lavi's shoulder to comfort him, but lowered it again, afraid of making him feel even worse. Taking a steady breath, Allen spoke in a quiet tone.

"What… what happened before you found Neah and I? All I was told, back when I was at the Order, was that you and Bookman were taken by the Noah."

Lavi stayed silent for a long time, gripping at the fabric of his coat so tightly it hurt, before taking a shaky breath and continuing.

"We all went on our missions. You went to Jordan, we went to China. That gross Noah with the tongue -" Lavi pulled a disgusted expression "- he was there, and he got me and Chaoji. Gramps and I were captured. I managed to make my hammer small and swallow it before anyone saw. I don't… know why I did that, Gramps told me that I…" Lavi faltered, looking distressed, before shaking his head. "It doesn't matter. We were taken to the Noah, and nothing happened until the 4th Disciple arrived. He was really mad about Neah, that the Noah were ordered to find and protect him." Allen's eyes widened. "He played nice at first, but then…"

Lavi was silent for a long time, eye wide, hands shaking as he tightly gripped at his coat and tried to breathe normally. After he calmed down as much as he was able, he continued.

"He was really mad 'cause… Road had been attacked by Apocryphos, Gramps wouldn't say why she would wanna protect you or Neah. He got really angry…" he swallowed thickly "… I was… We were so close to dying and Gramps said something, I don't even remember what it was, and Sheryl turned round and -" his voice raised in pitch and he couldn't stop shaking "- and that was it, he was gone and he looked so…"

Lavi's voice broke, too consumed by emotion to speak. Vision swimming with tears, shoulders shaking with every breath, he could scarcely do anything for fear of breaking down in the face of everything he had been ignoring for endless, torturous months. Allen reached out to him, then, placing a hand gently onto his shoulder. Lavi turned to meet his gaze, saw the sympathy in Allen's expression, and lost all ability to hold back.

"He's gone. He was never meant to…" he was crying now and it broke Allen's heart to see it "… he's meant to be here, I can't… we can't do this if he's not…" He turned away, holding his head in his hands, tears falling quietly onto his coat. "We never got to say goodbye. I don't know what he wanted of me. We can't… I can't do this, Allen."

"Yes, you can." Lavi shook his head, panicked, and Allen tightened his grip on his shoulder. "Just breathe, it's alright. I'm here."

Lavi curled up into himself and wept, bitterly, into the palms of his hands, and even with Allen's reassuring grip on his shoulder, he couldn't stop shaking. It took a long, long time for him to calm down. Wiping at his face clumsily with a sleeve, Lavi sniffed and wrung his hands together.

"There was… so much he wanted of me… of us. And I wanted, shit, I still want him to be proud of me. But I, we made so many mistakes. I got close to people. I didn't… I don't know if I want to do this anymore. I went Crystal Type and I'm so fucking scared that…" he faltered, chest heaving, eye screwed shut. "I just… don't know what he would've wanted us to do, after all that. Whether he was actually…"

"I think he'd be really proud of you, whatever you did."

Lavi looked over at Allen, wide-eyed. Allen smiled softly, full of sympathy.

"You… you all dealt with what happened by getting back up and walking forward." Allen's choice of wording left Lavi wide-eyed and breathless, heart jack-hammering against his rib cage. "Even if it took a while, and even if you still aren't sure what you want to do with your future, I think he'd be proud of all of you for not giving up."

Lavi pulled a face. "But what if we end up - ?"

"Even if you end up not becoming Bookman, I don't think he'd be any less proud of you for it."

Lavi made a distressed noise, shaking his head again. "He would, it would mean I failed him and -"

Allen interrupted him, voice firm. "If you became Bookman simply because other people wanted you to be, surely you'd be failing yourself more than anyone else?"

Lavi gave him a bitter smile before looking away. "You don't get it. It's not as simple as that."

Allen sighed. "I know, but you've got to work through it somehow."

"I know…"

Allen stood and ruffled Lavi's hair softly, leaving his hand there and smiling when Lavi looked up at him with his eye red-rimmed and face stained with tears.

"That's what people like us have to do. We work through it, and make the people we lost proud of us."

Allen's smile became pained then, at his own words, and Lavi felt closer to him then than he ever had before. Allen moved his hand away and walked back to their camp, leaving Lavi to sit and think and recover from the emotional intensity of everything that had just come to pass.

Allen spent a good few hours tidying the ruins while he gave Lavi some space, putting books back on shelves and organising them as thoroughly as he felt able to. Lavi sat for a long time, consumed by memory and grief, before he stood and touched each fence post and counted them as he went, attempting to comfort the young child who shared his body with him, frightened and burdened by the past.

When he reached the ruins, he saw Allen stood by a bookcase, squinting at a book's faded title and trying to guess its name. Lavi smiled softly.

"We should get going."

Allen jumped a little and looked over, eyes wide, before relaxing and smiling, placing the book on the bookshelf before him. "Sure, let me get my coat."

As he walked back to the burned out campfire, coat in hand, he looked up to see Lavi standing before him with an embarrassed expression, gaze firmly fixed on his feet. Allen tilted his head.

"Something wrong?"

"Ah, well, not really, but…" Lavi fumbled over his words, rubbing the back of his neck until he found the courage to look up and speak. "Thank you, for earlier."

Allen smiled. "Any time. Now, shall we go?"

With a nod, Lavi followed behind as Allen began to walk. As the landscape lit up with rays of sunshine through parted clouds, he felt the beginnings of hope stir within his heart and sit itself alongside the drudgery and fear that had made itself at home there.

---

Lavi cried often over the coming nights.

Allen respectfully ignored it, giving him the time and space to mourn the person that had been like family to him, and offered comfort when he felt it was needed. Neah seldom appeared, which was hardly a surprise. When Neah did appear he said very little, and that helped Lavi in a way that he didn't quite understand until he realised, quite painfully, that Neah's silent but watchful companionship reminded him strongly of Bookman, of days when he had struggled with the world and its horrors, and Bookman had simply sat and watched and his company had been more than enough comfort.

Lavi was immensely tired - so, so very tired - but getting all of it out, after all those long months… he felt better for it. Months of shutting his thoughts and feelings away had taken its toll, and it was only now that he was letting it out that he realised how much of a burden it had become.

The following days were hard, and full of anger and frustration, and a deep sadness, but there was hope too, and acceptance. However there was tension alongside all of those emotions, for as the days continued passing them by, no attempt on their lives had been made since Allen had recovered the use of Crown Clown. The lack of anything beyond walking and sleeping was taking its toll on both Allen and Neah.

They were restless, and it seemed Allen had discovered something greatly unpleasant that he felt a burning need to resolve.

It had happened a few days after they left the abandoned library. The day had been uneventful, the scenery uninteresting - acres upon acres of farmland, crops already harvested in preparation for the coming winter - when Allen suddenly came to a halt, frozen where he stood. Lavi, who had been walking behind, caught up with him, concern rising within him.

"Hey, you okay?"

Lavi almost regretted asking, because it was clear that Allen was most certainly not okay. Skin pale, visibly shaking, eyes wide and full of horror, the word no coming from parted lips over and over; Lavi had never seen Allen like this before. Allen raised his hands to grip at his hair, gaze unfocused, and he remained like that for many long, unbearable minutes. Lavi could do nothing but watch, uncertain and ill at ease. He looked around, seeing nothing but empty fields around them. He still felt uneasy, and found himself laying a hand on Iron Hammer, not wanting to take any chances.

Allen suddenly took a sharp intake of breath, hand rushing to his mouth before he keeled over and vomited. Lavi took a step backward, nose wrinkling, before concern overrided any discomfort. He held Allen's hair back with one hand, rubbing his back with another, and felt his heart twist in his chest when he felt more than heard Allen cry.

It took a long time for Allen to calm down. Lavi had let go of his hair when it became clear Allen wasn't going to be sick again, but kept one hand on Allen's back, trying to offer whatever comfort he could. Eventually, Allen turned and patted Lavi's arm with a shaky hand, trying to get up and nearly knocking the both of them over. Lavi held him up, wrapping an arm around Allen's middle, unable to keep the concern out of his voice.

"Come on, we should find somewhere to make camp."

"No. We should keep walking."

Allen's voice was hoarse, trembling with every word, an emptiness in his eyes that set Lavi on edge. Lavi shook his head.

"No offense but you look like shit. We're making camp."

Allen was too tired to argue, and they stumbled off the farm road they'd been using into a small alcove of trees not far off. Lavi set up a fire, keeping an eye on Allen as he washed his face and hands nearby. Allen finished washing and stood still for a moment, gaze fixed on the horizon beyond the trees, and nearly took a step forward before Lavi got up and pulled him towards the fire.

"Don't be stupid, Allen. Sit down."

Lavi's tone was firm, but not unkind; he knew that spacey out-of-it look far too well, and it wouldn't help if he was impatient. Allen stared into the fire, eyes hazy and unfocused, arms wrapped around his legs, head resting in the crook of his knees. Eventually, when the warmth from the fire and the crackle of burning wood began to ground him in the present, Allen seemed… more himself.

"I'm -"

"If you're gonna say sorry, don't. What've you gotta apologise for?"

Allen shrugged. "It just… feels like it's needed."

Lavi didn't reply, unable to focus on anything but the haunted look in Allen's eyes. Something was wrong, very wrong. His only guess was that Neah had told Allen something, but as for what had been discussed, he had no idea. He had to ask - Allen looked too awful not to - but quiet and utterly painful words cut him off.

"Do you ever find out something so bad that you can't keep going anymore?"

Lavi froze, heart twisting in his chest. Allen looked so broken. Wordless tears fell down Allen's face, falling soundlessly to the floor below, and he did nothing but stare into the flames before him with a hollow smile. Allen buried his head in the crook of his knees and laughed.

"I… I can't…"

His laughter turned into sobs, and Lavi could do nothing more than put a hand on Allen's shoulder and listen to him weep.

---

Allen went to sleep that night, numb and unfeeling. He woke up screaming and crying more times than Lavi wanted to remember. Lavi didn't sleep that night, offering whatever comfort he could give when Allen was awake, keeping watch while he slept. He tried asking what had happened, but Allen refused to tell him. It hurt that Allen didn't feel able to tell Lavi what was causing him to suffer so badly, but at the same time he knew he would be a hypocrite for complaining; he had, after all, spent the better part of a month or so hiding his suffering over what had happened to Bookman.

After the initial shock seemed to have worn off, it became clear that Allen was even more restless than before, wanting a distraction or some sense of purpose. Lavi knew that both Allen and Neah were itching to get back into the fight, to do something, anything, and it made him feel anxious. He knew that, eventually, he would have to pay attention to the decisions he had to make, the choices that were forever lurking in the back of his mind. And it wasn't just his decision to make, either. Lavi couldn't blindly do what he wanted for himself. He had to take into consideration that this decision would affect more than just him, and he had to find a way to balance all of the doubts and fears and feelings that were more than his alone.

Days came and went, and Lavi found himself thinking more and more that the thing he wanted most, above all other things, was an answer. He had spent the better part of half a year struggling with indecision and frustration and fear, and in the end the conclusion he and the others had all come to was that it was impossible to make a decision when they didn't know what they needed to move past what had happened. Bookman's death, Lavi's Innocence evolving, the dreams, the horrible fear building as each day passed; they needed answers, and if they had those answers they knew, or at least hoped, they could finally come to a decision.

As for where to get these answers, Lavi was unsure. His Innocence going Crystal type in itself wasn't a problem, so returning to the Order would do nothing more than trap him there. The thought of going back there when Bookman's loss was still so strong in his mind… No, he could not return there just yet, even if he longed to go back to the place a part of him called home.

The dreams, and the unknown fear that refused to leave him… speaking to anyone about it and looking for an answer was near impossible when he was still so unsure on why he was even frightened of these things in the first place. He would have to wait until he better understood it.

Lavi was left with one path he could take, one solution that he hoped would steer him in the right direction, even if he decided not to commit to that path at the end of it all - the Bookman Clan.

He had been given Bookman's earrings just before they had both been captured by the Noah. At the time, Lavi couldn't process why he'd been given such a thing. In the weeks that followed, he had been too out of it to think about it. He had almost forgotten he had the earrings at all, since they'd been hidden in his trouser pocket for months. His normally perfect memory had become riddled with gaps, too burdened by the sheer immensity of Bookman's death to be aware of anything else. But now that his mind had cleared, he remembered the significance of being given such a thing by his late master.

The earrings were the key to his succession, proof of his tutelage under Bookman's wing. It seemed insignificant, holding very little meaning beyond simple tradition, but such things were important to the Bookman Clan. Even if Lavi wasn't sure whether being a Bookman was what he wanted, if he and the others wanted answers they would have to find the rest of the Clan.

Nearly two weeks after the last Akuma attack, Allen asked to speak with Lavi after endless days of uncertainty.

"Neah and I… we've decided that we can't run from this anymore."

Lavi looked up, seeing resolute determination - and guilt - in Allen's gaze. He smiled as reassuringly as he felt able to.

"So… what're you both gonna do?"

Allen paused, pensive and thoughtful, before sighing. "We… don't know yet. But we do know that we need guidance, and Master is probably the best person to go and see right now."

Lavi raised an eyebrow. "Wait, isn't that what you were already doing before I ended up bumping into you guys?"

Allen scowled. "It's what I was trying to do, but it was impossible to make any progress because of Neah." He paused before pulling a face. "I guess the constant Akuma attacks didn't help either."

"So what made you guys decide to go after him again?"

Allen faltered before replying, visibly uncomfortable. "He knows more about…" he swallowed thickly, expression briefly darkening before he shook his head and continued, voice quiet "… about things that neither of us understand. So we're going to try and find him. It's going be hard without Tim but… we're going to try."

Lavi nodded and turned away, gaze fixed on the ground beneath him. After a moment of silence, Allen took a deep breath in before continuing to speak.

"Would you… would you like to come with us? We'd both be thankful for your company."

Lavi looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Neah's okay with that, is he?"

"He is."

Allen's reply was too quick, and his eyes refused to meet Lavi's own; he knew Allen was lying. Lavi smiled and shook his head.

"I… appreciate the offer, a lot actually, but it's about time me and the others get some answers of our own about… about everything."

"So, you've decided?"

Allen's voice was quiet, and when Lavi tilted his head and frowned he looked away quickly, gaze fixed on a patch of dirt by his feet. Lavi sighed.

"No… we haven't." Allen looked back up with relief in his gaze, and Lavi smiled. "We can't decide when there's so much we don't understand, if ya get what I mean."

"I understand."

They both fell silent. It felt strange, to think they would be going their separate ways from here. Travelling together had become so normal for all of them that the thought of leaving was painful, unsettling even, but it was the right thing for them to do. Lavi stood up, met Allen's gaze, and smiled. Allen returned it, even if it was slightly pained.

"So I guess this is…"

"Goodbye then."

Lavi faltered, voice thick with emotion. "Tell Neah I… say goodbye, and if he gives you too much of a hard time, I'll kick his ass."

Allen laughed. "Sure, I will. And…" he paused, voice unsteady, tears blurring his vision. "… Since he's too much of an ass to say it, I'll say it for us both."

Lavi found himself pulled into Allen's arms. When those arms wrapped around his back in a tight embrace, he felt his heart skip a beat. Allen spoke quietly from a spot near his shoulder.

"Thank you for everything, Lavi. We both wouldn't be here if not for you."

Swallowing thickly, Lavi hesitantly wrapped his arms around Allen before trying to relax, eye closed, heart pattering nervously in his chest. When Allen eventually pulled away, hands gently placed on Lavi's shoulders, Lavi did his best to smile as his vision blurred with tears.

"It's… no problem. I, uh, thank you too, for everything."

Allen laughed at Lavi's awkward reply, wiping his tears away with the back of a hand. Lavi couldn't help but laugh alongside him, smiling shakily through his tears. He dropped his hands to his sides, head lowered, unable to meet Allen's gaze. After a while, Allen spoke, voice thick with emotion, and when Lavi looked up he saw all the bright dazzling resolution he admired in Allen's eyes, despite his tears and the way his hands shook against Lavi's shoulders.

"Please, Lavi, take care of yourself. That goes for the others too."

Lavi paused, moved by the care and concern Allen was showing, before smiling and nodding, wiping away his tears with a hand.

"I… We will. Same goes for the both of you, if I find you guys haven't been sleeping or eating again, I'll kick both your asses."

"We will, don't worry. I think… I think we'll be fine."

They fell silent as their eyes met. Allen managed a shaky smile, and Lavi returned it. After a while, Lavi looked away and spoke, voice hoarse.

"Come on, let's go. Otherwise we'll be stood here all day, cryin' like idiots."

Allen smiled and nodded. "Sure, let's go."

After putting out the fire and gathering their things together, they eventually stood on the side of a muddy road, surrounded by fields with a cloudy grey sky arcing above their heads, patches of sunshine peering through the clouds. Their eyes met and they smiled, full of warmth and tentative hope and everything that remained unsaid between them. They waved goodbye as they headed their separate ways, to a future where they hoped their chosen paths would cross again.

After a couple of footsteps, Lavi activated his hammer, watched as it fluidly changed to a staff, before placing it on the ground and shooting away, vision blurring with tears as the wind hit his face, cold against his skin.

He soon became a tiny dot among the endless grey sky above. Allen looked up and behind him for a very long time, gaze fixed on the spot where Lavi had disappeared among the clouds, before turning away and walking down the road with a smile on his face.

They would get their answers, they would meet again, and they'd be all the stronger for it.

---

"You told me his Innocence was out of commission!"

The room resounded with a loud snapping noise. Sheryl Kamelot was seething, golden eyes burning with anger and frustration, and the person - no, not a person, it didn't deserve that kind of recognition - before him gave a smile and met his gaze with lofty superiority.

"And I was correct in that fact, until now."

"What do you mean, until now?"

"Exactly what I meant before - Allen Walker's Innocence recovered its strength, and I did not expect this event to have occurred. He is a very formidable Exorcist, isn't he?"

Apocryphos's voice became full of fondness and Sheryl's stomach twisted with disgust.

"You try my patience. The fact we were ordered, ordered to -" Sheryl paused, eyes wide, gripped with an impatience and hatred so strong he was shaking. "- to keep you alive, as if you are of any use... I don't know what the Earl was thinking."

"Not of any use? I very much doubt that. All known pieces have been accounted for, have they not? You want to know where that piece is, don't -"

Apocryphos's neck snapped violently, and as its head lolled backwards it laughed until Sheryl's stigmata throbbed.

"You Noah always disgusted us with your human emotions, to think we consider you our enemy."

"You'd do well to keep your mouth shut, unless you wish to return empty-handed." A murderous edge entered Sheryl's voice and he met Apocryphos's gaze with fire in his eyes. "Even if he disapproves of it, I can and will dispose of you if you don't prove your worth."

Apocryphos laughed. "Prove my worth? If anyone needs to prove their worth it is you, Noah. To kill someone so important…" it tutted, shaking its lolling head in disapproval. "No wonder you've been demoted to petty torturer and interrogator. And sending out your little creatures without his permiss-"

Sheryl gritted his teeth and snapped Apocryphos's arm into several pieces, stepping forward and smiling.

"Quiet. I shall prove my worth, if you so desire it. Now tell me, where is the Heart?"