x.

Toushirou takes a moment to compose himself.

He pushes all the air from his lungs, straightens his shoulders and draws himself to his fullest height. Setting aside the turbulent emotions he feels, Toushirou looks at the Captain, expressionless.

"What do you want?"

"Me, Captain Hitsugaya?" Hirako affects surprise, his jaw dropping with a mocking gasp, and Toushirou resists the urge to roll his eyes at the needless theatrics.

How does Momo put up with him?

"Why, nothing, of course," Hirako's palms gesture at the space around them, and how could Toushirou forget that he's standing just outside the Fifth Division's main office?

Yeah, right, Toushirou thinks, mouth dipping into a frown.

"You, however," Hirako continues, almost sharklike with glee as he observes him, and Toushirou almost feels as if he's being circled, like a hunter trapping his prey, even though Hirako continues to stand right in front of him, armed with nothing but an infuriating grin. "Are quite a different story. Isn't that right, Captain Hitsugaya?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Toushirou staunchly says, preferring to play obtuse.

"Nice try," Hirako's smirk only widens, finding his denial amusing, if futile. "But like I said before, these walls —"

"— are thinner than you think," Toushirou recalls, stomach sinking as Hirako nods approvingly, pleased that he remembers. "Great."

"Luckily for you, I don't think most people are listening," Hirako says, something positively fiendish gleaming in his eyes. "Still. What do you say to continuing this conversation elsewhere?"

"That's quite a predicament you've got yourself into," Hirako remarks, after Toushirou catches him up and tells him the full story of how his unfortunate disaster of a lie continued to escalate, no matter how much he had tried to escape it. "Do you regret not taking my advice now?"

"I wouldn't go that far," Toushirou snarks, narrowing his eyes.

"Might have saved you from the trouble you're in now, though," Hirako breezily points out, running his hand through his hair. "But this is much more fun, don't you think, Captain Hitsugaya?"

Toushirou folds his arms across his chest, bristling.

"Anyway," Hirako peers at him, considering him for a moment. "Now you need a partner in crime."

"Are you offering?" Toushirou mutters, glancing aside.

"Depends," Hirako beams, his teeth a row of unmarked graves that stretch on for miles, and all of them signify Toushirou's inevitable end. "Do you want my help?"

He hesitates.

"… yes."

"Really?" Hirako raises an eyebrow, fully relishing Toushirou's discomfort. "After every nasty thing you've said about me?"

"I've come to see the errors of my ways," Toushirou lies through his teeth, heavy on the sarcasm.

"Clearly," Hirako smirks, not believing him for a second.

Toushirou's desperate, and they both know it.

"Tell me the real reason why you're doing this," Hirako says, moving on, much to Toushirou's surprise.

"Because —" Toushirou stops and starts, fighting through his embarrassment, no matter how it pains him. He musters out, gritting his teeth. "Because you were right."

"Oh?"

"I was being hopeless, before," Toushirou admits, echoing Hirako's words from so long ago. He clenches his hands into fists and digs his nails deep into the meat of his hand. "I refused to see that I was jealous. That the reason I acted the way I had was because I couldn't handle the fact that Karin liked my alter ego more than… more than me."

He couldn't handle the fact that Karin might like anyone more than him.

"Uh huh," Hirako nods, listening intently. "And?"

"I realized," Toushirou continues, inhaling and meeting Hirako's impassive gaze. "Even if I'm not the person that Karin wants, I can be that person. I can be Juushirou."

All he has to do is transform, and voila!

"But," Toushirou sighs. "I need help with Juushirou's… personality. I can't be him on my own. He's so… different from me, it's difficult to keep acting that way, but… Karin likes him. So I need to be better at being him, and win Karin's heart."

"No wonder my daughter refused to go along with this," Hirako concludes, understanding, murmuring to himself and Toushirou suppresses a flicker of annoyance, not particularly liking how Hirako habitually called his Vice-Captain that. It always felt to him that it was only a matter of time before… well; Toushirou didn't want to think about it. Hirako clucks his tongue, studying him. "Alright. So you're willing to do anything?"

"Yes."

"Anything at all?"

"Within reason," Toushirou says, because he's not a complete idiot.

"My, my," Hirako's wicked grin spreads across his face like a rotting disease. "How interesting. Yes, Captain Hitsugaya, I think I shall help you on this delightful endeavour. On one condition."

"What is it?" Toushirou flatly asks, feeling like he should have expected that.

"I want to meet Juushirou-chan," Hirako croons, practically bubbling with joy. "I've heard so much about him, and how can I help you, without first seeing the legendary big brother in action?"

Toushirou sighs.

It was going to happen anyway, he rationalizes. He needs to be comfortable in Juushirou's form, and he tried his best with Momo, in trying to plot out a farewell scene, before ruining matters by taking things into his own hands. It's a small price to pay, really.

"Fine," Toushirou stiffly agrees.

Waiting for the last petal to fall so he can transform in front of Hirako is one of the most uncomfortable moments in Toushirou's life.

Hirako whistles.

"I always thought everyone was overhyping the abs, but no," Hirako gawks, ogling him, staring at him appreciatively. "Those abs are incredible."

"Did you really think I would disappoint?" Juushirou boasts, instantly in showman mode, arms outstretched, chest puffed out. Toushirou is almost insulted that Hirako would even say such a thing, before Juushirou's narcissism takes over, and he grins audaciously. "Of course not. How could I, when I have such amazing abs?"

Hirako makes a strangling sort of sound.

It takes a second to realize that he is delighted by Juushirou's response.

"Holy shit," Hirako marvels, clapping his hands, awed. A smile lights up his entire face, borderline manic as Hirako stares at him in wonder. "It's like you're a completely different person!"

"Aren't I?" Juushirou agrees cheerfully, smiling as if he finds Hirako's reactions cute. "I am better than my baby brother could ever hope to be."

"Debatable," Hirako muses, absently, chin in his hands, contemplating. "But certainly, you have… flair."

"I sure do," Juushirou nods, pleased, and then winks at him. "And so do you. Yours a thing of beauty."

"Fuck, I think I'm in love."

"It's only natural, friend," Juushirou says out loud, and Toushirou resists wanting to break away from the performance. How long does he have to keep this up? Hasn't it gone on long enough? He hates every minute of it, but pushes himself to continue. "I won't lie, we could be incredible, you and I, but sadly, my heart belongs to the unending sky."

"It's like looking in a mirror," Hirako swoons, sighing blissfully. "How wonderful."

"Excuse me?" Toushirou snaps, balking at the thought and completely breaks character because of it.

"Isn't it obvious?" Hirako grins, giddily with glee. "He's just like me!"

"No," Toushirou rejects the insane notion with every fibre of his being, hands on his hips. "He's not."

He'd have been aware of the similarities between Hirako and Juushirou, right?

Just like he'd been aware of his growing feelings for Karin…?

Oh, crud.

"That… wasn't my intention," Toushirou states slowly, blood draining from his face as he realizes that Hirako had a point, and the similarities became more apparent the longer he thinks about it.

Juushirou was meant to be the opposite of Toushirou.

While Toushirou is certain that Hirako isn't his exact opposite, he's… close enough.

"Are you sure?" Hirako says, smugly, crowing. He gestures at all of Juushirou. Then he gestures at himself. "Juushirou is so… so bold and confident and in-your-face! Like me!"

"And that's a good thing?" Toushirou deadpans.

"Duh! They're my best qualities!" Hirako grins obnoxiously at him. Toushirou quietly wonders how Hirako can give a statement like that and not feel second-hand embarrassment. There's such conviction in his words, and Toushirou doesn't understand how. Hirako peers at him, putting his ego on hold as he considers Toushirou with a thoughtful glance. "Isn't that why I'm perfect for the job?"

"Yes," Toushirou says dryly. "Perfect."

"You don't sound too convinced," Hirako says, leaning in close for a moment, much to Toushirou's discomfort, before drawing back and flapping his arms into the air, his mood changing whimsically. "But that's okay! Gratitude comes later, Captain Hitsugaya. For now you have the good fortune of being taught how to act like me!"

Toushirou wonders, belatedly, if it's too late to back out.

"In moments of great peril," Hirako continues, practically ecstatic, "you can ask yourself, what would my best bud Hirako Shinji do?"

That is not a question Toushirou has ever, nor will ever, want to ask himself.

"You can use me as the source of your inspiration!" Hirako snaps his fingers in rapid succession, enthralled by the notion, continuing with a dramatic flourish with occasional pointing fingers. "I wasn't going to tell you this, but I honestly think that you being your fake older brother is the best thing that has ever happened to you."

Toushirou is genuinely speechless.

He tries to speak and just… words fail him.

"Come to think of it," Hirako mulls, suddenly gasping; eyes wide with some sort of epiphany, and in slow dawning horror, it feels likes Toushirou is watching Hirako glow. "Didn't Captain Kuchiki say that Juushirou is his best friend?"

"Yes, he did," Toushirou confirms, sardonic, before he pauses. Kuchiki. He could have gone to Kuchiki for help.

Shit. He knew he'd forgotten someone. But Hirako had swooped in just as Momo had bowed out, while Toushirou was still reeling, and then… well.

Here he was. With Hirako, as his advisor.

He tries to think of Kuchiki Byakuya, the fourth member of the Secretly Duplicitous Hitsugaya Juushirou Is Totally An Actual Person He's Not Just Hiding Club, official title pending, as an active member and… he just can't do it.

Kuchiki is about as inspiring as a block of wood in this situation, tragically.

Hirako, loath as he is to admit it, is much better alternative.

"So he knows," Hirako smirks, amazed, as if it's only just occurred to him that Kuchiki has known the truth from the start. "How outrageous."

"Who'd have thought it, right?" Toushirou snarks, and suddenly an idea strikes in his mind, too good not to use it this very instant. He changes tack, deliberately conspiratorial. "Actually, Hirako, the truth is, Byakuya once confided in me that he longs for your friendship, but has never had the courage to tell you."

"He does?" Hirako asks in a whisper, as if he's in a dreamlike trance.

"He does," Toushirou bullshits, absolutely shameless. He knows that in the future he will have to get used to Hirako's personality since they'll be working together, but at the moment, he's worn out his patience and wants to get rid of him as quickly as possible. "You should tell him that you know the truth now. That you're the best friend that he's been looking for — no, that you are the best friend that he needed all along. He doesn't have to pretend with some cheap knock off imaginary big brother anymore. He doesn't have to lie about being friends with Hitsugaya Juushirou, when he can be best friends with you!"

Maybe he's laying it on a bit thick, but. Whatever.

"Best friends," Hirako echoes, like a child being offered his favourite candy, and all he needs is a little push to accept it. "With me?"

"Trust me," Toushirou lies, not feeling even a little bit terrible at shoving Hirako onto someone else. "Don't forget to tell him that he doesn't have to hide from the truth anymore. Remember to tell him that. In fact, you should tell him that now. Right now."

"I will," Hirako swears, as if he's found a new mission in life, and vanishes in an instant.

"I can't believe that worked," Toushirou exhales; breathing out a sigh of a relief, head downcast. Maybe he should give his abs more credit.

Ahem.

Some things, Toushirou figures, transforming back into his regular self, and grimaces as he can feel a headache coming on, are worth throwing people under the proverbial bus.

Kuchiki Byakuya converses in a language of silent expression that few can understand.

However, in this particular occasion, Toushirou doesn't need to look at Kuchiki to translate how displeased the stoic Captain is with him.

He can feel it.

The emotion exudes from the Sixth Division Captain all throughout the Captain's meeting that occurs three days after he… encouraged Hirako to pursue a friendship with him. And Hirako is nothing, if not persistent.

All the same, Toushirou doesn't have the heart to truly regret his decision, having gotten three days of peace and quiet. Even so, Toushirou considers it in his best interest to avert his gaze from the steel iciness of displeasure from Kuchiki whenever their eyes cross paths.

Then again, their eyes don't need to cross paths.

Kuchiki Byakuya's glower is a force to be reckoned with and it is extremely distracting.

(Toushirou considers trying to write some haiku of his own as an apology. Kuchiki seemed to approve of Momo's — that is, to say, Juushirou's poetic mind. It might put Toushirou in Kuchiki's good graces again.

After some pitiful and truly laughable attempts at poetry, Toushirou gives up, and resigns himself to something he knows he's been avoiding for a while now: Hirako's attention.)

What would Hirako Shinji do?

It haunts Toushirou late at night to even think of those words.

It would be nice to say that sleeping badly was the worst of his problems. It isn't.

"Now, now, Captain Hitsugaya," Hirako tuts, mock disappointed when Toushirou, in no uncertain terms, tells him to go away. "I thought you enjoyed our little talks."

"I do," Toushirou grits his teeth, focusing intently on his pen, as if considering whether he should use it to stab Hirako or not. "Outside of work hours."

Now that Toushirou has Hirako's attention on… on Project Juushirou — and he really needs to think up a better name than that — Kuchiki is being left alone.

As a token of thanks, Kuchiki has stopped glaring in his direction, and their conversations, fleeting as they may be, no longer have the atmosphere of seething disappointment, which Toushirou tried very hard to ignore, while Hirako in vain tried to attain Kuchiki's friendship.

"Tch," Hirako waves his hand, flippantly. "If you insist, Captain Hitsugaya. But didn't you say that time is of the essence?"

"Still," Toushirou shifts in his seat, uncomfortable, as Yusuke comes to mind, and he does his best to suppress that pang of annoyance. He puts his pen down. "I'm busy right now."

"Tick tock, tick tock," Hirako sing-songs, baring his teeth in a stretched out smirk, and revels in Toushirou's unease. "Well, if that's how you feel about it — oh, hello, Momo, Ran-chan."

"Captain," Momo and Matsumoto chime in unison.

Toushirou notices Momo's ironclad grip on Matsumoto's arm.

"Perhaps we should trade?" Momo says to Toushirou, regarding him with a professional disposition, as if their last conversation hadn't happened. Then, since her old habits are difficult to break: "What do you say, Shirou-chan?"

It comforts him more than he thought it would, to see her look at him with a warm gaze.

"Maybe, we should," Toushirou says, nodding, and then continues, feeling slightly mischievous. "How about it, Hinamori, would you like to be my Vice-Captain?"

"Captain!" Matsumoto objects.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Shirou-chan," Momo politely declines, shaking her head, her facial features straining to keep things cordial between them, and Toushirou regrets being glib in a moment of thoughtlessness. She turns her attention to Hirako, with an affectionate glance. "I happen to like my Captain, when he's not… um, dilly dallying."

"Dilly dallying? That's what we're calling it now?" Hirako turns to Momo, unreadable for a moment, before he quirks a grin, oddly pleased. "I like it!"

"What are you two conspiring?" Matsumoto asks slyly, armed with a lazy grin, completely relaxed in Momo's hold. "You're not going to hold out on me, are you?"

"Haven't you heard, Ran-chan?" Hirako chirps, that traitor, sharing a meaningful glance with a less-than-pleased Momo. Momo, who most definitely knows about their new partnership, Toushirou realizes with a jolt, as Hirako then flashes a smile at Matsumoto and waggles his eyebrows. "Captain Hitsugaya has got…"

"Captain," Momo says, a warning tone, quiet but firm.

Toushirou inhales sharply.

Even if Momo refused to participate in this 'insanity', as she called it, Toushirou aches at the knowledge that she's still looking out for him, trying to protect their secret as best she can.

"Girl problems," Hirako finishes, proudly declaring, undeterred by both Momo and Toushirou's apprehensiveness about his arbitrary nature. Hirako is many things, but always a wild card.

That's… half the truth, Toushirou acquiesces, still holding his breath because he has a pretty good idea of how Matsumoto is going to react.

"Oh?" Matsumoto leers, turning her attention fully onto Toushirou, eyes sparkling. She is never going to let him live this down. "Finally able to accept it, eh?"

"Quiet," Toushirou hisses, blood scorching through his cheeks. Stupid Hirako and his stupid mouth and his stupid nearly-giving-him-a-heart-attack. He clears his throat, trying to regain some semblance of authority. "Hinamori, Hirako — you can leave anytime."

"Sure thing, Captain Hitsugaya, Ran-chan," Hirako chirps, saluting him before leaving, while Momo nods at them both and mouths an apology before she follows her Captain, closing the door behind her.

Toushirou frowns at them, long after their footsteps have faded. Even though Hirako has abided by his insistence to be called Captain Hitsugaya, it always feels like he's been mocked.

Matsumoto observes him, silent.

"Shin-chan, Captain? You went to Shin-chan for advice instead of me?" Matsumoto says, making a show of her incredulousness. Her eyelashes fluttering is a particularly nice touch.

"Matsumoto," Toushirou says, not in the mood.

"Okay, it's actually really cute," Matsumoto admits, laughing as she gives up her ruse. "I think it's great you went to Shin-chan for advice, but don't forget that I'm here for you too, Captain."

"Thanks, Matsumoto," Toushirou dryly says. He won't.

"Girl troubles, huh?" Matsumoto murmurs, hand under her chin, and she grins. "I take this is about Karin-chan?"

"Yeah," Toushirou confirms, because who else could it be?

"Karin-chan has no idea," Matsumoto continues, enjoying playing detective. "Does she?"

"That I… no. No," Toushirou shakes his head, sighing. His nails dig into his skin. "And it will remain that way."

"Oh, Captain," Matsumoto says with dismay, before perking up. "I'm sure I can be of some use, hmm?"

"No," Toushirou refuses, not hesitating for a second. "Definitely not."

"Ugh, fine. Have it your way," Matsumoto rolls her eyes at him, making one last remark before letting the subject go. "You two would be such a cute couple."

"It wouldn't work," Toushirou mumbles, quashing down the hope that blooms in his heart. He hates how it always seems to stir when someone mentions the slightest possibility of a chance, even when he knows better. "Besides, Karin likes someone else now. Someone who isn't a shinigami."

He tries to convince himself that that's a good thing. That that's how it should be.

Lately, Toushirou's been having second thoughts. Wondering if it's better for Karin to date someone she knows from school, someone who she can talk to on a day to day basis instead of…

Instead of Juushirou.

(Instead of him.)

Ever since his argument with Momo, ever since he agreed to let Hirako help him, Toushirou has been asking himself what was going to happen next? Say Karin agreed to date Juushirou, realistically speaking… how long could it last?

After all, they live on two separate realms that only sometimes cross.

And it's fine, Toushirou thinks, when it comes to friendship. After all, Kuchiki and Kurosaki's friendship remained as strong as ever, which extended to their tight circle of friends. If it's anything like his and Karin's friendship, then they stay in contact and text each other if they can't meet up. There are times when they have to reschedule and cancel plans because work gets too hectic, or Karin has to cram for a test, or whatever problem that arises in her school life. But they find a way to spend together, even if it's not as easy as it used to be, and their reasons to being unavailable are understandable. They make the effort to stay in touch, and sometimes it's hard, but sometimes it's the easiest thing in the world.

But if they were dating?

Surely the long distance and missed meetings and absences would put a strain on things, eventually? Would Juushirou's fickleness and flighty nature eventually turn Karin away? And how could Toushirou keep up with the double life, pretending to be someone he's not for that long?

It's daunting to think about, and Toushirou trembles at the thought that even if he did attain what he wanted, via Juushirou, would it be worth it, if it was could potentially slip away so easily?

"For now," Matsumoto comments, oblivious to his concern. Toushirou blinks, trying to pay attention, and shake himself from the unending spiral of depressing thoughts. Matsumoto makes herself comfortable on the sofa, placing her hands behind her head. "What's the rush, Captain? She'll come around, be one of us eventually."

Oh.

"Yes," Toushirou agrees, absentmindedly, "I suppose so."

Even if Karin did become a shinigami, there was no guarantee that she would fall in love with him.

"I wouldn't worry, Captain," Matsumoto continues, lazily, stretching out her legs, "Shin-chan knows how to play the long game. But if you ever want me to… nudge things in your favour, all you have to do is say the word."

To cap it all off, Matsumoto has the audacity to wink at him.

"I'm…"

"Yes?"

"I'm… a cool guy," Toushirou cringes. Tries again. "A real cool guy."

"That was terrible," Hirako says flatly, hand covering his face. "Again."

Despite his second thoughts, Toushirou spends a lot of his free time with Hirako. The headaches have lessened as Toushirou accustoms himself to Hirako's abrasiveness, but he wakes up feeling more tired than ever, afterwards.

"I'm… the coolest."

If Toushirou wants to be smooth, he has a long way to go.

"Stop," Hirako says, flatly. The starry eyed adoration has long since passed. Now every time they meet and Toushirou does his best to improve being Juushirou, Hirako always has something to criticize. "You have to stop looking so uncomfortable, Juushirou!"

Toushirou scowls. He can't help it.

"Juushirou," Hirako tuts, and Toushirou stops scowling.

It's one of Hirako's rules. In order to become Juushirou, he must avoid using any 'Toushirou-isms'. It's smart in theory but difficult in practice and Toushirou wonders if one of the reasons he keeps on making mistakes is because Hirako knows that Juushirou is Toushirou in disguise.

Things were easier when Momo was his co-conspirator.

"Better?" Toushirou says, forcing out a smile.

"Eh," Hirako shrugs, and Toushirou drops his grin in an instant, and reassembles his expression into something a little more neutral looking. Hirako peers at him, confused. "How that girl hasn't cottoned onto you yet is a mystery. Like, sure, jeez, you're hot. But that can only blind a person so far, you know?"

"Shut up," Toushirou mutters, flushing. He's always left feeling awkward whenever Hirako makes remarks like that, about Karin, about his future self's appearance.

It baffles him that he's being seen as attractive in that form. Instead of feeling flattered, he feels uncomfortable instead. He wants to shy away whenever he hears how attractive he is, bemused by their opinion, and Toushirou resents what he's going to look like in the future.

He just. He didn't think he was going to end up looking like this, is all.

"Then again," Hirako muses, tilting his head, raking his eyes all over Juushirou's form, and the clinical aspect is almost as bad. "You are very pretty and she is only fifteen. How could she ever stand a chance?"

Toushirou especially hates those remarks.

"Shut up," Toushirou says, louder, trying to ignore his heart beating erratically, accompanied by all sorts of conflicts. "I'm trying to improve and I really don't appreciate your commentary."

"Patience, Captain Hitsugaya," Hirako says, sagely, knitting his brow in thought. His expression shifts into something strangely sympathetic. "You will, it just takes… time."

Time is running out.

As much as Toushirou would like to give into his doubts and give up, let Karin have boyfriend number three, he… he can't. Not if there's a chance that Karin wants to be with Juushirou.

Toushirou wants Karin so badly that he's willing to be Juushirou for her.

No matter what kind of paradoxical anguish it causes.

"How do you do it?" Toushirou demands, growing aggravated by his own shortcomings. It feels like he's getting nowhere with Hirako's help. "How do you not feel… ashamed of yourself?"

"Ashamed?" Hirako raises an eyebrow, distinctly unimpressed. "What am I supposed to be ashamed about, you little twerp?"

"The puns!" Toushirou shrieks, flushing hotly in humiliation. "All the other ridiculous things you've been telling me to say!"

"Aw, c'mon now, Captain Hitsugaya. It's cute," Hirako drawls, his grin bordering on lewd. "Ain't nothing to be ashamed about."

"I don't like puns," Toushirou states.

"You don't," Hirako agrees, easily, "but Juushirou does. And more importantly, Karin likes those puns. Remember?"

"… fine," Toushirou huffs out.

"Alright then," Hirako rubs his hands together. "Let's go again, Juushirou, and this time, be confident!"

"He's cool, sure," Toushirou repeats, mockingly, to his future self's in the mirror, one last time before he goes to sleep. "But I'm cooler."

He wants to scream.

Why did he have say that?

He wakes up with a start, a memory, an epiphany surging through him.

When I first met you I thought you were cool, but him? Karin had said to Toushirou, the first time she had met Juushirou, and was left stunned and starry eyed. He's even cooler than that! He's the coolest!

Rats, Toushirou groans, turning over and trying to fall back into sleep. But now he can't stop thinking about it, obsessing over a detail that he must have subconsciously echoed.

Why did Karin say it?

"How are things going between you and Yusuke?" Toushirou asks Karin, as they rummage the cupboards in the kitchen for snack food.

He's been cooped up in Soul Society for far too long, minding buzzing with paperwork and love lessons. Karin texted, wanting to hang out with him and Toushirou accepts, missing her company and wanting to unwind.

(And if he could keep his jealousy out of it, well, that would make his visit even better.)

"Still in the flirtation stages," Karin grins mischievously, hand curved against the slope of her shoulder. "I keep chickening out whenever I see him. But, y'know, it's weird. I kind of like that's nothing happening? We're both flirting like crazy, but neither of us has made the first move, and we're just… watching each other to see who gives in first. I mean, it's driving me up the wall too, but… I am not going lose to him."

"Huh," Toushirou says, noncommittal. He never thought courting could work like that, but, well. Different realm, different rules. Sometimes he forgets how weird humanity can be. "You're the most competitive person I've met, so I'd say you're the clear winner."

"Thanks," Karin grins at him, before looking down and asking quietly. "Um. How about you and Rukia? Are things… okay?"

"Could be better," Toushirou says, after a pause. He's been so busy with Hirako, that he'd actually forgotten that Karin believed that he had a crush on Kuchiki. "I believe I'm… improving."

"From what? A cold?" Karin quirks an eyebrow, unable to resist snarking at him. Her expression changes and worry affects her features. "I know that Rukia's awesome, but you have to get over her, Toushirou. I don't want you to… be cursed with that one and only love thing you talked about."

"It's just a crush," Toushirou insists, his blush darkening his cheeks as Karin gazes at him intently. He clears his throat, flustered. "Karin, souls aren't — I'm not cursed with love. It's not like that, okay? We can only fall in love once, but… we can still have crushes on people."

"Right. Okay," Karin says, pausing. "You just don't… date them unless it's a sure thing."

"Not quite," Toushirou stumbles, because he's never really paid much attention to the romantic norms in Soul Society. Dating is a fairly new concept in Soul Society. Most souls go straight to marriage, if he remembers correctly. "Look, I know it could never work out between me and Kuchiki, but that doesn't stop me from… from having these feelings for her."

Toushirou kind of regrets choosing Kuchiki as his false object of affection since Karin knows who she is and because she's a close friend of the Kurosaki family, frequently visiting them with Abarai. Then again, this whole mess is Kuchiki's fault in the first place, and it's a relief to know that she's unavailable to reciprocate fake feelings anyway, so Toushirou doesn't regret it that much.

"The point is," Toushirou says, forcing himself to continue, instead of ruminating. "Dating is only for the committed, marriage happens soon after."

"Oh, so, we'll probably be given an invitation for Rukia and Renji's any day then!" Karin says, before wincing. "I'm sorry, Toushirou, I didn't think. I didn't mean to —"

"It's… fine," Toushirou says, awkwardly, looking away because he can't face her or he'll most likely give himself away. He takes a deep breath, like he's trying to convince himself of the truth of the sentence. "Kuchiki and Abarai are very happy together, and I would never want to ruin that. Her happiness is more important."

"Yeah, well, your happiness is important too," Karin says, adamant. "Don't forget that."

"I won't," Toushirou promises, stomach fluttering with butterflies at Karin touching his shoulder, a comforting squeeze, and he wished he could tell her the truth. "I'll be alright, Karin. It'll pass."

"You sure?" Karin peers at him, narrowing her eyes. "Last time I saw you, you seemed… I don't know. Not quite yourself. You don't have a… love illness or something in Soul Society, do you?"

"A love illness?" Toushirou echoes, and Karin flushes, cheeks growing rosy. "Come on. Just because I have a crush on Kuchiki doesn't mean I'm in love."

Not like —

"No, I know! I know," Karin backtracks, pink darkening into red into scarlet, while Toushirou watches her, stupidly endeared at her fumbling. "It's just. Yuzu reads an awful lot of romance novels, alright? Love at first sight, an instant connection across time and space, even if they never talk to each other much, or only seem to talk about how perfect they are for each other —"

"What are you trying to say?"

"Just that," Karin shrugs, "Soul Society seems to be very traditionally romantic."

"As opposed to the living world preferring modern romance," Toushirou counters, arching his brow. "There's nothing wrong with the realms having different views on love and courtship, Karin."

"I know that," Karin says, instantly. "But… is it always like that? I mean, that a romance that takes place in Soul Society has to be… traditional?"

"You're better off asking Matsumoto than me," Toushirou says. Even Momo and Hirako would be better sources than he is. "I wouldn't say it has to be, because a few shinigami do come from Rukongai and had mortal lives, but… on the whole, it probably is."

"I can't imagine Ran-chan having a traditional romance," Karin says. "Doesn't she date a lot?"

"Unfortunately," Toushirou snarks, rolling her eyes, though he's not sure that dating is the right term for it. "My brother too, now that I think about it."

"I guess you could call Ichi-nii and Orihime's romance pretty traditional," Karin concedes, "So, it's not like there's only one kind of romance for each realm."

"Look who's talking," Toushirou teases.

"Hey!" Karin retorts, mock offended.

He missed this, Toushirou realizes, as he replies with nothing but a grin.

He always misses her when they're apart, but it never hits him until they're together again how much.

"Aha!" Karin opens a cupboard and finagles the popcorn, triumphantly shoving it into the microwave, and then turns back to look at him, concern. "Hey, are you… sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, why?" Toushirou says, quickly.

Something in his expression must give him away because Karin's eyes widen, and Toushirou blinks, feeling self-conscious as heat slowly creeps up his neck.

"You seem," Karin trails off, knitting her brow as she observes him. "I don't know. A little off today."

He swallows.

"Maybe just a little," Toushirou exhales. He's been drinking more coffee than usual, since he usually wakes up feeling more tired than usual. "I've been working with Hirako recently."

"That explains it," Karin says, understanding, with an affection glint in her eyes. The popcorn is done, and Karin turns her attention to that, finding a bowl. Afterwards, she offers, "Want me to talk to Hiyori for you? I bet she can make Shinji be… less Shinji about it?"

"I can handle him," Toushirou dismisses, though he appreciates the thought. "It's been… illuminating, shall we say."

"Oh?" Karin looks intrigued. "Now you have to give me details!"

"Believe or not, but Matsumoto," Toushirou drawls, much to Karin's evident amusement, as he plays up his grumpiness. "As irresponsible and lazy as she is, is somehow far more tolerable out of the two."

"Wow," Karin says, amazed, "and you're sure that you don't want me to talk to Hiyori for you?"

"Please, I'm a professional," Toushirou rolls his eyes, indulging himself. "A real cool guy."

He regrets saying that the second he says it.

That was a Juushirou-ism. That was most definitely a Juushirou-ism.

Fuck.

"Alright, 'Mister Cool Guy'," Karin says, before bursting into laughter, and a blush sears through Toushirou's face, piping hot. "Do you want to pick the movie, or should I?"

It doesn't matter who picked the movie in the end, because Toushirou falls asleep ten minutes in.

Afterwards, he tries to see if there was any hint of Karin liking him. It's stupid and pitiful and desperate and he hates himself for it, but Toushirou can't help but rummage through his memories and try to focus on every look and every word, hoping for any indication that Karin might feel something for —

Even though he's certain that she still likes Juushirou, even with her pesky new object of affection currently capturing her attention, he keeps hoping against hope that she might, against all reason, yearn for —

No.

To Karin, Toushirou is her friend, her best friend and nothing else.

No matter how much he wishes otherwise.

"Hey, I think you've finally got it!" Hirako compliments him at last, hand over his mouth to hide a smile, but there's no escaping that pleased expression. "Hey, how come you never say any puns when you're 'Captain Hitsugaya', Captain Hitsugaya?"

"It doesn't feel right," Toushirou tells him, curtly, instantly using all of his willpower to suppress the memory when it did happen. Luckily, it hasn't happened since — he's made sure to think before he speaks. "But that doesn't mean I won't, Hirako."

It would be hard to be taken seriously if he said those puns frequently. After all, he does have a reputation to uphold.

But then again, if Juushirou had said I'm a real cool guy, Toushirou wouldn't have blanched. He's more or less gotten over that stumbling block, thanks to practicing it constantly. Now the challenge is to not say it, the variations all on the tip of his tongue whenever a situation presents itself.

If Juushirou had been the one to say it, Karin wouldn't have teased him, she would have looked at him with adoration, too smitten to find his penchant for ice puns anything other than charming.

"So you're not embarrassed by them anymore?" Hirako checks, grinning in triumph as Toushirou nods. Reluctantly. "Why, Captain Hitsugaya, look at you! It seems that your predicament is getting a little less hopeless after all."

They say that practice makes perfect, and Toushirou is nothing, if not determined.

Even with the doubts in the back of his head, the conflict that he feels, his jealous desperation to be loved pushes those thoughts down.

Toushirou knows that he can pull it off. He can be the Juushirou that Karin longs for.

If constant exhaustion and an increase in coffee intake is the price to be paid for his commitment, then so be it.