A/N- Twilight and all its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

Wow, a chapter up in under a month. Who would have thought? This one's a rough one. Just stick with it and know that Bella's reaction might not be what we think ours would be, but I think these things are raw and therefore not always pretty or even understandable. Soooo… don't hate me.

Also, sweet lemonade in this chapter! Please enjoy at your own risk ;)

After what felt like forever, Edward and I broke eye contact and he left the room. After a few seconds he reemerged with a nurse on his heels and they both proceeded to put gloves on and carefully cleaned up my mess. I sat there shaking throughout everything, barely cognizant of what was occurring in front of me until the door closed and Edward stood at the foot of the hospital bed.

"Bella…I…," he paused, exhaled slowly, and slid his now ungloved hand through his disheveled hair. "I mean, it's lovely to see you," he finished.

I simply continued to gawk at him, but allowed myself to take in the sight of him. He looked the same, though there was a new and defiant sadness as clear as day in his eyes. The long white jacket hung haphazardly off of his shoulders, his black dress pants were wrinkled, and he wore what looked like black boots rather than the expected dress shoes. I found it disheartening that although it looked as if he had not slept in two days, he was still beautiful.

Damnit. I thought for sure that after two years of my mind almost surgically constructing him into some sort of monster that if I were to ever see him again he would be somehow less appealing. And while this was not the case, the rage was there. I recognized it and grasped it in my hands. I fed it fuel until it finally consumed me, until the moment he laid his hand on my ankle and I saw the apology I never wanted begin to form on his lips.

I pulled my leg away from his touch and nearly spat at him when I growled, "Don't you fucking touch me." In less than a second I was out of the bed and pressed against the opposite wall with a finger pointed in harsh disdain towards his stupid fucking beautiful face.

The words began to pour from my mouth, and while I searched frantically for their place of origin, I instinctually understood that they came from some cave hidden deep within the core of my body, and I did not hinder their expulsion.

"Don't you dare apologize to me either. Don't you look at me with that pity in your eyes. You might have left me broken and empty but I am not that girl anymore. The one so desperate for your approval and love she would have run after you begging until her legs gave out and she died of disappointment and shame. So don't you dare presume to think I want your apologies or excuses anymore. They mean nothing to me."

I let my hand drop to my side and in a remote region of my mind, I understood that while my words had been big and scary, determined and brave, my body hid in the corner of the small overly lit room, curled in upon itself, living the fear and confusion my words would not convey.

But I refused to cry.

I saw that Edwards face had fallen. Shame and guilt replaced excited and anxious. No doubt the nurses and doctors in the nearby hallway and rooms had heard my speech and I chided myself for allowing the whole of Forks to hear the rebuttal to my previous heartache. I chided myself mostly though for letting him see what he had done to me.

I had practiced it in the mirror, in the shower, in my dreams for months after he left. What would I say to him if I ever saw him again. At first I imagined I would melt into his embrace and latch myself onto his face whispering how much I had missed him and loved him, begging him to never leave me again. Eventually, these dream meetings evolved into biting anger, punches being thrown, and an oath being sworn to never forgive. Finally after having admitted my feelings for Jake, these pretend meetings with Edward became less and less frequent. I did it more for amusement than preparation. But they usually included a bit of gratitude for the way things turned out, and a cold shoulder of sorts, followed by a "Good day" at the end.

As embarrassing as it was that I had spent the better part of a year fantasizing about what I would say to him, I was eternally grateful for it now. I saw that I had worked my way through the grieving process in these encounters and had ended up in the acceptance phase. I felt like Freud.

"Bella, I would never pity you. Please, just hear me out. I… won't apologize, I promise, but I want you to know that…"

"…Edward." I cut him off. "Whatever it is you think you want to tell me, I don't want to hear it. But there is something you need to hear." I uncurled myself and walked to the bed, still remaining on the opposite side from him. I felt determined to show him that I had accepted what happened and that I was, in fact, better off for it.

"I'm in love with Jacob. We'll be married in a month." I said each word with purpose and confidence and I watched as they hit him. I waited for a response of shock that did not come.

"I know," he whispered, head still facing the ground.

Just then we both turned towards the door as we heard a booming "BELLLLAAAA!" coming from the nurse's desk, followed by loud footsteps.

Jake's voice was not to be mistaken. I suddenly became aware of my vulnerability. I felt naked, though I was still in socks, underwear and a wrap-around hospital gown.

The door opened and Jake's eyes met mine as a sigh of relief fled his lips. He walked over to me swiftly and gingerly wrapped his hulking arms around me, kissing me on the forehead. He seemed oblivious to Edward's presence.

"Bella, honey, what's the matter? You said you were going to be out nearly two hours ago. I got so worried I thought something was terribly wrong. Are you okay?" With each new sentence he stroked my hair gently and then kissed my hand at the end.

I didn't answer him, but instead looked around him, making sure to pull his eyes with mine.

Jacob turned and upon seeing Edward his fists clenched. Edward took a step backwards and put both hands up in front of him in a gesture of innocence.

"What the hell is going on here?" When I offered no response he asked more directly. "What the FUCK are you doing here Cullen?" Jacob had stepped in front of me and held his arms backwards, clearly in an attempt to protect me.

"Jacob, stop it. You don't need to mark your territory." I slid my hand up his arm and rubbed it reassuringly, before stepping around him and placing my hand into his. I placed my other hand on his bicep and looked up into his eyes before turning to Edward.

Edward's pain was only evident for a second before a mask of calm fell across his face.

"I believe congratulations are in order, Jacob. Bella told me of your upcoming nuptials," Edwards eyes left Jacob's and met mine, "Although to be fair, I'd heard of it before now." His voice cracked at the final word and he turned around, facing the sink. He gripped his hands on either side of the cabinet tightly.

"Bella, now that I think of it. It might be better if my colleague gives you your sutures. I'm terribly sorry you've had to wait so long for them, but I can give you some more pain medication if you'd like." He shuffled around in the cabinets for a moment before turning to me with papers in his hands.

"Please know I didn't come here to cause you any grief, either of you. But I won't say I'm not happy to see you again. And I won't pretend that I haven't thought of this moment, of seeing your face, every day since I left. I'm sorry Jacob, but it's true. I would say I am sorry but you've made it quite clear you're not interested in any of that so I'll just say goodbye." And with that, amid Jacob's loud protests, he left.

I eventually got my 12 stitches and after spending several hours in the hospital I was finally able to leave, ironically worse off than when I had entered.

Apparently Charlie had to leave on some emergency after Jacob had shown up so I had Jake drive me home. I knew it was detrimental to ask him for time alone as we pulled up to the house as it likely would have freaked him out even worse, so I said nothing as he opened my car door. I was feeling slightly delirious from the pain medication and had been speaking to myself on the ride home so I was not surprised that Jacob slipped his arms under my knees and around my back, lifting me and carrying me into the house. He set me down on the couch, wrapped a blanket around me turned on the T.V. before entering the kitchen. About five minutes later he came out with a cheese sandwich and a glass of water.

"Here babe, you should probably eat something." He placed the plate in front of me on the coffee table and sat down beside me. I took a few bites before slipping into a blissful sleep.

It must have been a few hours later when I awoke from my medicated sleep. I lifted my head from Jake's lap and saw that he had fallen asleep as well. The clock on the wall read nine o' five pm. I felt better, my chin was still in pain as the medicine had worn off but I felt clear-headed and prepared to battle the thoughts that would be flooding my brain. I decided not to wake Jacob and put my shoes on before writing him a quick note in case he woke up. I drove to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner. On my way into the house I grabbed the mail and flipped through it.

Bills for me, bills for Charlie, a save the date for Jessica and Mike…what? Already? A catalogue for Charlie and a letter for me. No stamp. Hmm.

I placed the mail on the table by the door and headed towards the kitchen.

Jake slept until I finished dinner and I assume the smells of fettuccini alfredo lulled him from his dreams and into the kitchen.

"Honey. I should be cooking for you, not the other way around," he said groggily while hugging me from behind. He kissed my shoulder and tilted my chin up to examine my battle scar.

"Ugh, that bathtub put up one hell of a fight." He chuckled before loosening his grip on my waist and reaching into the cabinet for two glasses and two plates. He set the table while praising me for my cooking abilities.

"Jacob?" I asked.

"Mmhmm?"

"You haven't said a single word about what happened at the hospital since we left. Do you want to talk about it?" I flicked the stove off and removed the pasta from the heat.

He looked up at me, then down at the napkin he was folding, and said firmly, "No."

"Are you sure? I mean, it was pretty damn surreal, and I think it wouldn't hurt to talk about it." I was goading him. I wanted to know how he felt about it.

"Bella. It's like Bush said, if we change our whole lives because of this one terrible thing that happened, the terrorists win. And I don't want that. Do you want that?" He filled our glasses with water and placed them down on the table.

I dished the pasta out and placed the pan back on the stove."I'm confused. Do I want the terrorists to win? Noooo… . Do I think Edward is a terrorist? Um, nope. Do I think talking about him with you means he wins? Certainly not." I pulled my chair out at the same time Jacob did and we sat in unison beside one another.

"I just mean, if we talk about him, then, I don't know… then you start thinking about him again and I… well, you know what I mean." He took a sip of water and placed the glass back on the table.

"You what? You get jealous? You get angry? No, I don't know what you mean." My voice had raised an octave and I was beginning to feel unsettled in my stomach.

Jacob put his fork down and looked me squarely in the eye. "No. I lose you."

"What? You could never, Jacob, I wouldn't do that to you. I love you." I pushed my chair out and stood beside him, bent over.

I placed both of my hands on his cheeks and held his eyes for many moments. After a while he sighed and laid one hand over mine.

"I know you do. But part of you still loves him. And even if I lost that one part of you but kept the rest, I don't know what I'd do Bella." He turned his face and began to eat his pasta again.

I sat back in my chair and eventually finished my meal as well.

Jacob finally left around 11pm after helping me clean the kitchen.

He had work the following morning and I had school. I still had a quiz in French I needed to study for on top of laundry and a thorough cleaning of my desecrated bathroom.

As he was tying his shoes on the couch I stood in front of him. He asked if it would hurt if he kissed me.

I ran my hand through his hair and smiled before saying no.

He sat up and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his face to my stomach and then lifted my shirt slightly. He placed tender, purposeful kisses across my stomach as his hands slid up and down my back.

I had been so full of various emotions for the entirety of the day that it felt good to just relax into pleasure. He coaxed me down on top of him and I straddled his legs. He kissed my face, my eyes, my jaw, my nose, and finally my lips as he slyly unfastened my bra under my shirt. I felt the weight of my breasts fall as his hands slid around my ribs and cupped them in his hands, rubbing his fingers across my pert nipples. Hearing my exhalation he reached for my shirt and pulled it along with my bra tenderly over my head being careful not to touch my chin.

He left my shirt on the floor beside the couch and pressed his face into my chest, lapping at my nipples as he encircled my waist. I wrapped my arms around his head and pulled him closer to me, encouraging the exploration he made with his tongue. I felt my hips begin to rock against him and I released him and tugged at his shirt until he allowed me to pull it over his head before resuming his position at my breasts. Our bodies rubbed and ground into one another until it was unbearable and he stood me up to take first my pants and then my blue and green polka dotted panties off.

He looked up at me and smirked before saying, "Hot" and sliding them off of my ankles.

I stood naked in front of him and in true tit for tat style he joined me and I helped unbutton his pants and slid them straight to the floor. He kicked them off and he kissed me, still gently, but thoroughly. His tongue caressed mine as his hands moved towards my ass.

I groaned as he cupped my cheeks and his breathing became labored. I felt his fully erect cock pressed against my stomach, spilling pre-cum near my navel. I loved knowing that I could do that to him, that he wanted me that badly.

I goaded him into sitting down on the couch before sitting down on top of him again. I rubbed myself against him until I became as slippery as he was. Our eyes met and we both knew this was not going to be like the first time. This was more need than anything else. I needed to assure him I was still there, still in love with him, and he needed to know I wasn't going anywhere.

He lifted me up in what I assumed was meant to be an attempt to situate me above his cock but I soon realized he was interested in something else. Soon I was practically standing on the couch looking down at him when all of the sudden he brought his face to my moisture and using all of his unusually long tongue he began to kiss and suck on my clit. His tongue entered me and I squealed with delight. I grabbed a handful of hair and pulled gently, which earned me a moan from him that sent waves through my body. His tongue worked on my while his fingers manipulated my clit in dangerously erotic ways. Within two minutes I was grinding myself into his face and yelling that I was going to come. For only a moment I felt unsure of the positioned until, at my revelation, he wrapped his arm around my waist and violently attached his mouth to my clit. I came hard until I was weak in my knees and afraid the neighbors might have heard.

I slid down his body until my tongue met his as we kissed voraciously. I felt my own wetness dripping off of his chin and onto my chest. He lifted me up and licked it up, savoring each drop of flavor. I would have laughed at his thoroughness but seeing him do it only added heat to the fire building in me once again.

I then began to lower myself down upon him, inch by inch. I slid onto him much more easily than I had the first time and with only the slightest bit of pain. Whatever pain I did feel was quickly eclipsed by the sensation of fullness and pure desire. He wrapped his giant hands around my waist, his thumbs nearly touching one another as they engulfed me, and began to pace us. I barely had to do any work as he held me up and brought me down whenever I wanted it.

As our pace quickened and my voice grew louder my breasts began bouncing in his face, a feeling I did not altogether dislike, but one I thought he might find uncomfortable.

I was wrong.

He nipped and sucked at my nipples at each pass and his moaning became louder and lower the more violently my breasts moved.

He let go of my waist and placed his thumb on my clit, circling vigorously as I rode him faster and fiercer with each rotation of my hips. Finally with my hands tangled deeply in his hair, one of his hands squeezing my ass and the other attached to my clit, he bit my nipple and we came simultaneously in an instant of unsurpassed pleasure.

He held me to him tightly for another few minutes as our breathing slowed and our rocking eased to a stop. I kissed his face again before lifting myself off of him (a movement we both groaned unhappily at). We cleaned up and he begrudgingly left knowing that Charlie would be home in only a half an hour.

I closed the door and smiled to myself. If sex with Jacob was that good, I doubted we would leave the bedroom our whole honeymoon.

On my way back from cleaning up the living room I noticed the letter on top of the mail pile addressed to me.

I ripped open the envelope and unfolded the golden colored letter. It was short, and part of it was in a different language.

EAC

My Bella,

Lei è come il sole: bello, feroce e appassionata.

Ma è anche il mio sostentamento per la vita,

e senza di lei c'è solo la morte.

Please, say you'll meet me in our place tomorrow. There are things still unsaid…

I did not say a word, did not dare to think a thought. I merely slid the letter back in the envelope, placed it in my pocket and walked towards my bedroom where I hid it inside of my desk to examine at a later date should I choose to do so.

I hated myself, but I felt like a robot, unable to do what I knew I should.

I allowed myself only the comfort of knowing that resistance was futile, before turning off the light and falling asleep.