A/N Just because Deeks and Kensi have talked doesn't mean the road is any smoother. This one was rough to write. Sometimes writing first person is not easy at all. Hopefully I drive nobody away with this chapter, because it is necessary for the next two chapters. But at least I have given you some inkling of a happy outcome for our favorite couple with "Daycare Deliberations" and "Unexpected Surprise ". Yes that was a shameless plug. So please read and let me know your thoughts.

Disclaimer: Nothing in the bank account, so I don't own anything from NCIS LA

Previously on NCIS Los Angeles:

"Well, I also told Hetty she might want to talk to him as well. Get some help for her delusional God complex."

Even when I had confronted him into speaking what he meant, and he said he wanted to elope, hadn't shocked me as much as what he just said. "You didn't?" I giggled

"Scout's honor." Somewhere along the way our hands had intertwined, and were now resting on my stomach where our child lay growing. I needed to tell him. "Kenselina, what is it?" I looked into those eyes that somewhere along the way I crawled into and drowned in. I slowly lowered my gaze to our hands. I saw his ring missing, and remembered that it was still at Nell's "Princess, don't stop now. Cause I am going to need a beer if this keeps up." I couldn't help it, I just flinched at the mention of beer, and I saw and felt the truth of what I was communicating hit him.

He tightened up so much that Deeks could have been a statue, and in his eyes I saw a war between joy and self-loathing and doubt. I knew he that he had a rough childhood, and that he had shot his own father. From what glimpses of his past I have had, both from him and his friend Ray, part of what drove Deeks was to be everything that his father was not. I knew that he was good with kids; I couldn't have babysat Sam and Michelle's kids without him. I was also almost positive having mutant ninja assassins with me was probably at the top of his bucket list. So why was he so scared? No, Deeks wasn't just scared, he was petrified.

"Deeks are you ok?" It was like talking to a rock. Here I was trying to tell him that what he said he wanted in the letter was happening, and I was getting no response. What the hell was happening? "Deeks, hello, Deeks….. This better not be your idea of a joke." Now I was starting to get scared. This man on the couch with me was not the man who I saw take a little girl who had just lost her father and play on the trampoline. What had happened? I was supposed to be the one who wasn't wild about kids in this relationship. "Damn it Deeks say something! Please." I really didn't like how Deeks' reaction was making me feel. I am Bad Ass Blye for heaven's sake; I shouldn't be sounding so unsure.

"Kens….. Kensi are we…. Are we pregnant?" Deeks was hesitant, gone was the cocky and confidant man who saw the optimism in the world. But the fact that he said we instead of you gave me a small glimmer of hope.

"Yes. I didn't know until I got checked out in the FOB medical station. With everything going on, being separated from you, not knowing who to trust, trying to deal with all the crap thrown at me, I didn't notice the changes or I just pushed them off as stress." We needed to be honest with each other, because it was a little hard to deny that we had a thing now. "I didn't say anything, then because… well you know we were right back to crappy communication skills."

I think he wanted to jump up and start pacing, but I was still in his lap. "Oh My God, Kens. Please you need to stay away from me. Please." The sorrow and agony in his voice ripped into my heart.

"What?"

"All I am going to do is hurt you and our child. Please you have to leave. I am begging you." I knew what a panic attack was, I had seen it before. For whatever reason, the thought of our child had pushed Deeks further than anything Sidirov had managed to do to him. Deeks' breathing became ragged and I thought he was going to pass out.

"Deeks, I know you will never hurt me or our child. I trust you, more than I have ever trusted anyone in my life."

Kensi, please Kensi leave before I hurt you. I am no better than my father. What I would have done to Sabatino had Sam hadn't stopped was just wrong Kens. I felt sick afterwards, but I couldn't control myself. Earlier today I it was all I could do to not punch Hetty." He stared at the floor, desperately trying not look at me, even though I was still in his lap.

With tears in my eyes, I reached up to grab his face again and tilted his head so Deeks was forced to look into my eyes. "Deeks, you are not your father. You are the most kind, caring, loving man I have ever known. You are the man I love. You will love our child, and will never do anything to harm it. You said you felt sick after what happened to Sabatino, right?" A slow nod, it was better than nothing. "And you still feel sick over it, don't you?" Another nod, ok we were starting to get somewhere. "And you didn't strike Hetty, did you?" This was an almost violent shake of his head, sending his hair flying like Monty shaking his fur after a swim in the ocean. "That proves that you are better than your father. I don't know what all your father did to you, I can guess, but I know, I trust that you will never do that our child. And I am not leaving you again Deeks. I am in it for the long haul."

"I'm so scared Kens." This time I drew his head into my shoulder, and held him gently as Deeks whimpered. "I want this so bad Kens, but what if I'm too broken for this?"

"Shh, partner. We'll figure it out, we always do. And you're not broke, just bent. You once told me that it was a love story, and every love story has rocky stretches." We just held each other gently until emotionally drained we both drifted off to sleep.

*****NCIS LA*****

I woke up with what might just be the worse crick in my neck I have ever had, yet I felt surprisingly refreshed. Kens was sleeping in my arms. Last night had been rough. The idea of being a father was terrifying right now, and also exhilarating, I knew I needed help. Unfortunately, Hetty was the only one who knew where Nate was at the moment, and I really didn't relish the idea of talking to her anytime soon. Kens and I both had a long road ahead of us, and who could we talk to if we couldn't contact Nate? Who did we both trust enough to help us? Then it hit me, what about Sam and Michelle? Both were agents, although they weren't partners, they were married to each other and had children. How did they do it? Could they help us?

Monty started whining at the door, and as much as I hated to do it, I started to disentangle myself from Kens. Somehow I managed to do it without waking her up, she must really be exhausted. I walked over and let Monty out into the backyard, and slipped into the kitchen to make some coffee. Could Kensi have caffeine? I didn't know, but I also didn't have any decaf coffee at all. After I started the pot brewing, I walked back over to the couch, and just stared down at her. She looked so peaceful; it was a sight I had longed to see for so long. Then I noticed both our phones were flashing. I grabbed mine, and checked it. It was a text message from the OSP, stating that I was needed there by ten hundred hours. It was just after seven, so I had plenty of time to wake Kens.

"Good morning Sunshine." I started off by gentling shaking her. "You need to wake up."

"Don't want to." Kens grumbled into my cat pillow. "Just a little longer."

"Ok I am going to go take a shower. I have to be at the Mission by ten o'clock. I 've made coffee."

"What? Why?" Kens lifted her face from the pillow and glared at me balefully. "I thought you resigned yesterday. Why do you have to go in?"

"Don't know, got a text this morning. Bet you that you have a similar one as well." She grabbed her phone and looked at it. With a curt nod of her head, Kens confirmed that she received the same request, or order depending how you looked at it. I knew just what she was thinking as the thought entered her head. "You can shower here, we'll swing by your place to get a change of clothes, grab some donuts, and then head in."

Kens was just staring at me thoughtfully. She pursed those lips "Mind if I join you? I'm nothing but eco-friendly." And really how could I could I say no to that.

Please don't hurt me; I did leave you on a good note at least. Please tell me what you think even if you think it sucks. Constructive criticism is very helpful. While I do enjoy favorites and follows, I can't be sure if I am writing the characters correctly. So thanks for reading and please leave a review.