Chapter 10 - We always hurt the ones we love

"Tony!" Ziva called down the hall after him, fastening her robe tighter as she walked after him. "Tony!"

Tony continued to walk, not hearing her through the venomous ringing that rang through his ears. He powered on, fighting the urge to punch a hole in the beige wall.

"Tony!" Ziva called to his back, now only feet from him. The pair began to descend the large staircase and Ziva lunged forward, grabbing his right shoulder and tugging on it, causing him to face her. "Let me explain!"

"Explain what, Ziva?!" Tony spun around, black fire burning in his eyes. He was hurt. More hurt than he should be for something that was supposed to mean 'nothing.' "How can you explain?"

Ziva was silent. She broke the intense gaze that he held her to and stared at the ground. Hanging her head in shame. "I was angry…" she began.

"huh." Tony scoffed, turning to walk away again.

"It did not mean anything, Tony." she yelled, very out of character. She felt her chest restrict and her breathing became rapid.

He stopped mid stride and turned around, walking quietly up the stairs until his face was inches from her's. "Just like last night, Ziva?" he asked in a poison whisper.

"I am sorry." she whispered back.

"What about this…" he trailed off, leaning in to kiss her roughly on the lips. "What did that mean?"

"What more do you want me to say, Tony?" she asked, heightening her tone. "I have apologised. There is nothing more I can do…"

"You can leave me alone." he answered in a low grumble. "Because I can't look at you right now, Ziva." he said, fighting tears.

"Ahem." A person behind them cleared their throats.

Tony and Ziva turn their heads around slowly to find the entire family standing at the front door, every pair of eyes sitting on them.

Tony swallowed inaudibly and descended the stairs, brushing past the family; his head high.

XXX

Tony walked along the gravel road, kicking a stone in front of him. He had no idea where he was going. He had no idea what he was thinking about. He was simply walking.

He was simply happy he'd escaped the house. Away from the accusing, confused eyes. And away from Ziva - especially away from Ziva.

How could she have done that to him? The thing that irked him the most was not that fact that she had slept with some other guy, not that she rubbed it in his face, but that he let it affect him. He let it slice through him.

Why did he feel this way? He didn't love her. He couldn't love her.

…

Well maybe he could have.

But what made him angrier STILL was that he still wanted her. He wanted to love her.

Maybe that was what he was feeling.

Want to love.

Not the actual emotion.

A light gray blotch in his peripheral vision caused Tony's head to snap up.

"Not to offend, Sir. But I really don't want to hear it." he said, lowering his head to continue walking.

"Stop, DiNozzo." Gibbs ordered calmly, pushing away from the wall he was leaning on. How did he even get there before Tony?

Tony stopped and turned to his boss, expecting to get shot for what happened with him and Ziva.

"Save it, Boss." he said. If he was dying, he was going down with his dignity… Well what he had left of that. "I know… I know."

Gibbs stood silently, knowing that Tony needed his rant before he was pulled back to reality.

"I know what you're going to say but you can't say that you never did what I did - you were with Jenny in Paris. We all know about that, Gibbs. And I also know how that ended so I probably should have known better."

Gibbs remained silent, cringing slightly at the use of Jenny's name. it was still a soft spot.

"Did she hurt you, Gibbs? You were in love with her, weren't you. I'm not in love with Ziva. I just didn't think she would do this. You know what, it doesn't matter - I don't even care anymore… why should I care… Boss… why do I care?" he asked, his voice fading through his rant until he was whispering the last line.

Gibbs smirked without humour and moved closer to his senior field agent, standing directly in front of him.

"finished?" he asked.

Tony nodded and Gibbs hit him on the back of the head.

"Thankyou, Boss. I needed that." he noted, nodding his head.

Gibbs nodded, the smirk returning, and hit him again, this time harder.

"what was that one for?"

"Rule number twelve." Gibbs responded, walking away.

"You know, technically, we never dated…" Tony faded off, gulping as Gibbs turned back toward him. "But the intent was clear…"

They two stood in silence for a few minutes, waiting for someone to make the next move.

"What do you want me to do boss? Do you want me to forgive her?"

"No." Gibbs stared at Tony, his eyes blank.

"You want me to forget about all of this and move on?"

"No."

Silence.

"Then what? What do you want me to do?" Tony asked, exasperated, now more than ever he needed guidance. He had no idea what he was doing - his thinking wasn't rational, how could he make an informed decision?

"I want you to think, Tony." Gibbs leaned forward and tapped him on the head, reminding him that he had a brain "Think about what you are doing." he said.

Gibbs was being very understanding. It could have just been that he was in a good mood but he was being very kind for the situation at hand. Tony was expecting to be fired and sent to Europe in a matter of seconds once Gibbs found out.

Without another word, Gibbs turned around and walked away, not willing to be too understanding of the situation. He knew once they went back to work - if things worked out - they would have to set a few ground rules and that it would be very difficult but for that moment all he saw was a man that reminded him too much of himself than he felt comfortable with. And that young Gibbs needed help with something - even if the only help was a whack into reality… literally.

Tony watched as his boss rounded the corner on the street and vanished from sight. He kicked a rock that sat at his feet and walked on, deciding he would go to the small pier that lay a few hundred yards away from the house - he wasn't ready to go back yet. When he went back, not only did he have to deal with Ziva but he had to deal with the pity from everyone else too.

He walked in silence, kicking a rock in front of him, until he reached the narrow pathway that led off to the pier. He continued down the path and raised his head, finding an all to familiar figure sitting with her legs dangling over the edge.

Tony's back stiffened and he turned to walk away, knowing that he was not ready yet - he could say something he didn't mean.

"Tony." Ziva said, realising he was there. She got up and walked to him, her eyes begging him to let her explain.

"Ziva." he nodded, clearly uncomfortable.

"I am sorry--"

"Don't" Tony stopped her, raising his hand. The two stood in silence for a while until Tony turned around - classically walking away from their problems.

"Don't walk away this time, Tony" Ziva ordered, quoting earlier that day

He stopped mid stride, his back facing her.

"You can't just walk away from this, Tony"

"Watch me, Ziva." he said quietly, continuing to walk.

But Ziva was not going to take no as an answer this time - they were going to talk about this whether he wanted to or not. This was happening.

She ran after him and grabbed his shoulder, pulling on it so he was forced to face her.

"What?" he asked in a venomous tone.

"Listen to me." she ordered in a low voice.

Tony simply rolled his eyes and continued to walk, balling his fists in anger - he wasn't going to hit her, of course (He had no intention to die) he was simply attempting to lose some of the tension he felt.

All of a sudden he felt a low blow to his back and he fell to the ground, caught off guard. Immediately, he responded by spinning around, his legs out, tripping over his attacker. Ziva fell onto him and hit him in the stomach, feeling a low blow to her gut as he responded by kicking her off him.

Ziva swiftly recorrected her movement and pulled her Sig out in one fluid movement, pinning him to the ground.

"fine…" Tony grumbled, sitting up.

Ziva put her weapon back and held her arm out to help him up.

"I am sorry." she stuttered, realising what she had just done - it was her reflex action, she had no control over it at all.

"It's okay." Tony stood up, distancing himself from her. Though they were in the hugest fight the pair had ever encountered it was beginning to get better - more like Tony and Ziva. Their fights never lasted so long anyway. "You're forgiven." he attempted a smile.

"What now?" she asked, running a hand through her hair to get it out of her face.

"I think we should stay partners. I mean, look at us. We haven't even started anything and we've had a fist fight." Tony tried to add some comic relief.

Ziva couldn't respond. After the way she'd treated him, she supposed it was only fair he felt this way but it still hurt her… more than it should have.

"Partners." Ziva agreed, smiling her best fake smile, the gesture not touching her eyes.

XXX

Okay, well what did everyone think?

There are two options from here

1 - I go with what I originally had planned for this and it gets REALLY angst from here (and they leave the mansion… sigh). Plot number one is a fairly good one though very angst-y so if you don't like that and would prefer we do something more along the lines of 'happy-go-lucky' then I suggest you go with option two which is:

2 - I get some suggestions on where to go from here, like I say, I have something organised however I can use that in a different fic (it wasn't written specifically for this) so don't worry about how much work it is for me.

Please just give me some suggestions on where to go… please?

Otherwise we get really, really angst-y-like :P

Thankyou all so much for reading, I can't wait to hear some ideas… please?

Check out: Deterioration of the fight or flight response

by xoxEllexox