A/N: WHAT UP WHAT UP! Alright, things are gonna get spicy after this chapter, I think. This one is more for comedy. Let's do review replying!
LizzieNya: I'll think about it. I'm not closed to any ideas (unless it's inappropriate). I mean, look at this weird story! XD
"She has to know," Zeus grumbled, as he searched the mortal world. "She must know. She is simply hiding."
"This is a bit OOC for her," Hades commented, walking next to him. "But perhaps there is good reason behind it."
"There had better be," Zeus said, folding his arms. The Sea God's body had never looked so miserable and cranky before. It was like it was going through puberty all over again… and I ain't describing anymore. Zeus groaned, with angst in his eyes. "I want this to end. It's making me sick."
"Only mortals can get sick." Hades pointed out. The King of the God's body, meanwhile, appeared to be much more serious, stern, dry, less lustful, and bags were under the eyes. Of course.
"I meant mentally, idiot." Zeus retorted.
"I knew that, you fool," Hades snapped. "I was being sarcastic."
"No need to snap at me," Zeus shouted, which is worse than snapping, thank you very much. "I knew you were being sarcastic."
"Then you're shouting?" Hades spat. "And are you sure about that, Zeus? If you knew, why did you say, 'I meant mentally, idiot'. Are you the idiot?"
"Me?!" Zeus screamed. "I'm not the idiot! You are! You don't know how to do my duties, or anything!"
"Excuse me?" Hades retorted, glaring at Zeus. "I did all your paperwork which you couldn't do, since you were too busy laying with mortal women! You're complaining about me not doing my duties? Look what you've done: sunk a ship, killed some mortals, tried to hit on a mortal and caused natural disasters! And this was all in one day! No wonder Amphitrite ran away from you. I'm counting down the days to when Hera gives you the flick. Or the rest of Olympus."
"Oooohhh, roasted!" somebody randomly shouted.
"I HATE YOU!" Zeus roared, causing an earthquake. "YOU THINK YOU'RE LUCKY, DO YOU, YOU-" And then, Zeus said some extremely bad curse words; I might get in trouble if I ever repeat them. So, for my and your safety, I won't be writing them.
Anyway, the two gods ended up getting into this major fight, which makes those Pokémon battles look like a History lecture. Sorry, Pokémon fans.
They were destroying a lot of the earth, but we'll get back to them in a bit. Meanwhile on Olympus, Hera, Hestia, Hermes, Hecate (that's a four banger boi), Amphitrite and Persephone were hanging out. They weren't playing video games, unfortunately. They were discussing stuff.
"So," Hera started. "Hades and Zeus are currently fighting over who-knows-what. Something stupid, probably. Poseidon is in the Underworld. What is he doing there?" She stared at Amphitrite and Persephone.
"I'm not sure," Amphitrite answered. "Ruling over it, I presume."
"Ah, so he is doing something useful," Hera muttered. Her face lit up. "Anyway, we're not here to discuss the immaturity of the Big Three, though that would make a great topic for my We Luv Gossip group. We are here to discuss the progress." She faced Hecate. "Hecate?"
"It's going well," the witch goddess answered. "I will be able to release the spell shortly, m'lady."
"Good," Hera said approvingly. "Hermes, how much do they know?"
"Well, I think they know Amphitrite- and this mortal girl- are involved," Hermes replied. "They visited the mortal girl, but they couldn't get any info out of her. And surprisingly, she's still alive. Their next target will be Amphitrite, probably."
"Luckily I am hiding in the Underworld," Amphitrite commented. "Although my husband is there. But I've wrapped him around my little finger. I hope you don't mind, 'Seph."
Persephone liked that name. "It's alright. I know he is your husband. As long as no one sees you two together while he has my husband's body."
"I have a question," Hestia piped up. "How will you tell the truth to them?"
"They'll probably want to find out for themselves," Hera answered. She 'hmmed'. "Perhaps we should hold a meeting for them here, which we all attend, and explain the story."
"Good idea," Hecate commented, with a nod. "I hope they don't punish us too harshly."
"I'm sure they won't." Amphitrite sighed, trying to feel hopeful. She felt like she had been a bad girl for the last few days.
"Oh, Amphi, there is one thing you have not explained," Persephone began, raising her eyebrows. "What is the… explanation behind the Zeus-photo-scenario?"
"Ah, yes," Amphitrite sighed, tugging at her robes. "It started when Zeus went out with a mortal girl…"
Meanwhile, in the Underworld, Poseidon was bored. And creeped out. And lonely. So he decided to leave and see how his brothers and the other Olympians were doing. However, he ended up walking in on a fight going on between his brothers, that was sort of annihilating everything.
The skies were dark and stormy, and boomed with rage. The seas roared wildly, swallowing random ships and even a few desolate islands, including that island mentioned back in chapter 5. I feel really bad for it.
"What the Hades?" Poseidon gasped, as his brothers fought. Then, for some reason, Hades stopped.
"This fight is stupid and pointless," he muttered, flying back down to the ground. He saw Poseidon, brows raised. "Oh, brother. What is your purpose of standing here randomly?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing." Poseidon replied, folding his arms. "What's going on?"
"Why did you stop?" Zeus asked, glaring at Hades. He saw Poseidon. "Brother. What are you doing here?"
"I was bored," Poseidon answered. "Anyway, why were you two fighting?"
"Stupid reasons, honestly," Hades replied, rolling his eyes. "Never mind it."
"Wow, that was expected," Poseidon commented, snickering. "Zeus, you've just been cranky for this entire fanfiction, and Hades, you've been destroying random cities."
Hades' stare turned icy, and that's when crap goes down. "Oh, and what have you been doing, Poseidon? You do realize that you have been the worst of all of us?"
"So what if a few souls escaped?" Poseidon grumbled. "We got them back!"
"Do you realize how bad that makes me look?" Hades snarled. "And what's this I hear about you and an illegally resurrected mortal girl?"
"Um… nothing," Poseidon said nervously. Hades' glare strengthened. Hades' glare has evolved into a death glare! Poseidon chuckled apprehensively. "Just some girl that died. No big deal."
"No big deal?!" Hades spat. "You messed with the laws of life and death, you incompetent brat!"
"GET REKT SCRUB!" somebody called.
"So?" Poseidon countered, folding his arms. "It was one soul, Hades. ONE. It isn't the end of the world."
"Typical counter from you," Hades growled, the skies going dark. "Do you realize how much chaos this could cause? You were too busy getting cuddly with that mortal girl to catch those souls, weren't you? You left it to my wife! And then I had to do it, because they were going after mortals and minor gods!"
"YOU JUST GOT OWNED, SUCKER!" someone screamed.
"We discussed this in the last chapter," Poseidon said, with a low tone. "When we were heading to that mortal's house. You don't need to keep bringing it up like a immature-" Then Poseidon said a very nasty word, Zeus-approved.
"Brothers!" Hades exclaimed. "Stop swearing! This story is rated K+!"
"I don't wanna go to school, I just wanna break the rules." Poseidon sang.
"We're not at school, you imbecile," Hades pointed out. "They're closed anyway because of… my... er, minor errors."
"That isn't the point!" Poseidon roared. "I was talking about breaking the rules, dummy! And now I'm going to kill you because you're ticking me off!"
"Oh for my sake," Hades grumbled. "I just had this preposterous battle with Zeus-" Poseidon launched a bolt of dark magic at Hades; he was thrown into the wall. "It's on, brat!"
"BURN!" somebody cheered, eating popcorn. By now, a large crowd of people had gathered to watch this petty argument- and seriously destructive battle. Zeus, who hadn't spoken for a while, decided to join in for kicks. Soon, the brothers were screaming at each other, while causing all kinds of natural disasters. Yet the crowd kept cheering.
"And now Barnacle Beard goes in for a dive at Thunderpants," a commentator said, like he was hosting a race. "Corpse Breath looks unamused on the side. But wait? What's this? Barnacle Beard launches a tsunami, killing one hundred mortals but not touching his brothers! That's nas-tee!"
"Brothers!" a voice called sternly. A woman entered the scene, her eyes glowing brightly, like a fire. But a good fire; the kind you would roast marshmallows on.
"Another astonishing plot twist!" the commentator screamed, while the audience went bananas- literally, because bananas started randomly appearing. "The goddess of s'mores has arrived to stop this- wait, what? This is too cool to stop and I'm making millions!"
Hestia ignored the idiotic commentator and fearlessly faced her brothers. "Brothers! Please, stop fighting!" Her voice sounded pleading, like some poor child who desperately needed money.
Since Hades wasn't really fighting, he saw Hestia first. And the crazy people eating bananas and throwing them around like boomerangs. Weirded out, he flew down to his sister.
"Hestia-" he began, but then she slapped him.
"OHHHHHHHH!" the banana-crazy audience screamed, slowly turning into monkeys. Hades rubbed his cheek, and stared at Hestia questioningly.
"Why are you doing this?!" Hestia demanded. "Why are you fighting? You're going through a difficult time, and you fight? That isn't going to make anything better, Hades! In fact, the whole point of this was so you would stop fighting!"
Hades got over his shock. "'The whole point'?" he inquired.
"Um… never mind that," Hestia replied quickly. "Just… stop fighting, please. You're supposed to be ruling over the heavens. And our brothers are supposed to be ruling over their respective realms."
"True," Hades agreed. "But we've been looking for Amphitrite since the mortal incident. She is nowhere to be found."
"She will return when you are back to normal, I'm sure," Hestia assured him. "But do not worry about Amphitrite. Focus on your duties."
"Very well," Hades sighed. By now, the other brothers had noticed them and came over. Hestia repeated the whole talking stuff, blah blah, and they all knew what was up.
"Then you are right, Hestia," Poseidon declared. "We shall return to our realms and continue to rule over them, and hopefully my wife will be found." The brothers nodded at each other, then they all left, while Hestia went off to some random mortal's campfire.
As for the monkeys, they ended up working for King Kong and starring in that new movie, Kong: Skull Island. But again, that's another story.
Anyway, the three bros went to their realms. Zeus brooded around in the sea, complaining about everything and everyone and giving everything and everyone a migraine. Meanwhile, in everyone's favourite realm (not), Poseidon started playing some old disco music, which would've given Apollo a headache. This would've sucked, since he already had a headache from Zeus' complaining.
"Ceeeellllleebraatioon!" Poseidon sang cheerfully around the Underworld. He managed to convince a bunch of zombies, Thanatos (well, that wasn't really hard), Arianna (she's baaacckk), Rhadamanthus, and Hypnos (although he kept falling asleep) to join in his conga line. Someone recorded this whole scenario and uploaded it to YouTube, where it got over a billion views in an hour.
Persephone watched in disbelief.
Hades was in a foul mood for a few reasons:
1. He had more documents to sign.
2. The East and West wind were still pissed at each other, and sending annoying letters.
3. There was some dumb trouble with a plane in the sky he needed to sort out.
4. His brother (or someone else) had uploaded a stupid conga line video on YouTube and humiliated him again.
5. Apollo kept claiming he was Batman.
6. Hestia had run out of s'mores.
7. Zeus' complaining was giving him a headache.
Okay, Number 5 wasn't true, but the rest were. Hades grumbled, leaning forward. Being the King of the Gods was… No. Not hard. Different. It wasn't like being the King of the Underworld. He felt he was enjoying it in a way. He wasn't feared anymore. People actually respected him. And although the work was different, he could do it, which made him proud. After all, he had wanted to be the king for a while, and he finally got his chance.
Maybe he had the best fate of them all. Hera watched him from the hall, and sighed.
"Understanding, I see," she conveniently thought aloud. Alright, enough thinking aloud, she thought in her head. Hades looks happy enough. Maybe without all the drama our silly brothers are causing, he might be happier. She grinned. And when he's happier, perhaps he will stop the pathetic fighting. I think the plan is working after all. Before strolling into the throne room, she stared at the ceiling. A break from Zeus is serving me well… I just hope he will have mercy on me.
Zeus was still grumpy, naturally. He was starting up random natural disasters all over the place, and killing random mortals. (What is the death count in this story?) The creatures of the sea kept a distance from him, even Triton. Especially since they all had splitting headaches.
"I CANNOT STAND THIS ANYMORE!" Zeus finally bellowed, standing up. "NO MORE SAND! NO MORE OF THIS CRUMMY REALM! I'M RETURNING TO MYSELF, AND KILLING WHOEVER SWAPPED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!"
"Roll the credits." someone commented. Zeus ignored them and exited the palace. He was going to find this person, this being, this god- who swapped him.
And he didn't care if he drowned Japan in the process.