Chapter 7: Jiraiya, the Great Epic Fail

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, I do own this story.

A/N: I know I've been updating less and less recently; homework taking it's toll =( I'm supposed to be doing my German as I'm writing this...oh well, it can wait.

Chapter 7: Jiraiya, the Great Epic Fail

"Hey there Ero-sennin!" shouted Naruto.

"Why hello there little Genin whose name I don't know, I'm Jiraiya, the-" Naruto interrupted the Sannin harshly.

"The Great Epic Fail, I know." Naruto shrugged.

"What! Why you insolent little wretch, I'll crush you like the whelp you are, I'll-" he was cut off once again by Naruto.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage!" shouted Naruto indignantly.

"Uzumaki, eh? Hmm, you could be interesting to watch." Jiraiya pondered, remembering the night when Minato sacrificed himself to seal the Kyūbi in his own son. He shook his head, forgetting those thoughts and turning them into more perverted ones. He picked up Tora from the floor and shoved it into Naruto's bewildered hands.

"Now, if you don't mind, I have some research to do!" Jiraiya giggled and started to wander off, away from Naruto. The demon vessel ran after him, but not before pushing Tora into Sasuke's hands. Sasuke, disgusted, scowled and held it by the tail. Tora shrieked and clawed.

"Oi, Ero-sennin! I think you should go to the Hokage, he probably would like to tell you stuff!"

"Oh yeah brat? Like what?"

"Like I come from the future, maybe?" Naruto rolled his eyes.

"HAH! Yeah right, you wish." replied Jiraiya mockingly.

"Heh, so what if I told you that the Yondaime was my dad, I know the Rasengan," Here Naruto paused and formed a Rasengan in his right palm. Jiraiya's eyes grew wide. "and I can summon toads, even if you supposedly "haven't" given me a summoning contract?" Naruto bit his thumb, spread the blood across his fingers and slammed it into the ground.

'Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" Gamatatsu appeared.

"Hey Naruto, Jiraiya, got any food?" Jiraiya looked positively baffled, and sweatdropped at Gamatatsu's question.

"Gamatatsu, do you know this person, and why are you so big?"

"Oh, yeah that's right, you haven't seen me since Naruto went back in time. Time flows differently back home, so we're all the same as if Naruto was back in his own timeline." Jiraiya gave Naruto a look that said, I don't want to be involved in this mess, so get out of my face.

"I can see that you're definitely not coming quietly Ero-sennin, so I'm going to have to do it the hard way."

"What's that, fighting?"

"No." Naruto grinned, then flashed through some handseals, shouting, "Orioke no Jutsu!" There was a puff of smoke, and Naruto was replaced with a blonde semi-naked girl who winked at Jiraiya and murmured,

"This way, Jiraiya-kun." Jiraiya was shot back from the force of the massive nosebleed and was knocked out.

"EPIC FAIL."

Naruto grinned then sighed, and began dragging him to the Hokage's office. This would be a long journey.

Jiraiya was currently standing in the Sandaime's office, having been told the whole story. He had also seen, courtesy of Naruto, many weird and powerful jutsu that rookie Genin shouldn't know, particularly the Hiraishin. Jiraiya now had a Hiraishin kunai in his hand, and was examining it while flicking its tip with his index finger.

"Can I sit down? I mean, that's a lot to take in." Sarutobi motioned to the chair in front of him, and the Toad Sage sank down gratefully into it. "So now what happens? Do I teach Minato's kid or something?"

Naruto smirked. "Well, its not like there's anything you can actually...teach me is there, you kinda already did." Jiraiya glared at Naruto and huffed. "Anyway, I think I should be going. Kakashi-sensei wants to see the team for training after that LONG mission." Naruto fixated his line of sight to the Hokage, and gave him a look that said, I want my pay for that traumatizing mission, ASAP.

"Oh Naruto, before you go." The Sandaime motioned.

"Yea old man?"

"Reports have come in that Tora was too traumatizied to be examined normally. I therefore propose for Tora to be sent to Inoichi Yamanaka for mind probing." Naruto paled at the thought of how Inoichi would react to having to mind probe a demented cat. "So tonight, when you return to the Yamanakas, please inform Inoichi of this. Remember that this is the wife of the Fire Daimyo we are receiving this initial mission from – failure would probably get you severely beaten up, and mounds of paperwork for me. As for the mission pay, I have already given it to Kakashi and you may pick it up when you leave." said Sarutobi.

"No prob old man, I'll be off now!" With that, Naruto walked out of the door and the Hokage Tower. Back in the tower, Jiraiya was still chatting with his former sensei.

"The brat lives with the Yamanaka clan?"

"Yes, he does. Gamabunta sat on his house when he was accidentally summoned. Did he tell you about that?"

"No." Jiraiya smirked, and a plan began to form in his perverted mind, involving both Naruto and the Yamanakas. This could get interesting.

At Training Ground 7, Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke were all waiting for Naruto, all of them looking annoyed. All of a sudden there was a poof and Naruto appeared, grinning happily. Sakura stomped over and brutally punched Naruto in the head.

"BAKA! Where the hell have you been?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out." muttered Naruto, earning him another punch to the head.

"Honestly dobe, can't you at least be on time? Well, I suppose you can't even afford anything to tell the time with." sneered Sasuke.

"Well teme, at least I'm not called Uchiha 'I'm the Walking Ego, Kiss My Feet' Sasuke."

"Hey! Don't talk to Sasuke-kun like that!"

"Don't make me dub you 'The Pink Wailing Banshee', Sakura-chan." The Pink Wailing Banshee in question looked ready to kill Naruto, while Kakashi was looking on amusedly.

"Anyway, now that we're all here, we can start. First, the Tora mission. The mission was a D-rank turned B-rank. Therefore, we have received B-rank mission pay. This was a slightly...wierd mission, and because all three of you participated in different ways, I have chosen to split the money differently among you. Naruto, you will get the biggest amount as you potentially caught the cat." Sakura looked unsatisfied as always, but Sasuke looked neutral, not reacting at all. Naruto figured it was due to the genjutsu Tora put on him. "Sasuke, you will get a fair amount of money, as you had to endure and managed to fight off Tora's Tsukuyomi." Sasuke nodded at this. "And Sakura, you will get the...rest of the money." Kakashi handed Sakura a small wad of bills that looked just about enough to buy a small bowl of miso ramen at Ichiraku's.

"Why the hell do I just get this much?" shouted Sakura.

"Well... you didn't really do anything other than run around screaming, so..." Kakashi trailed off, vaguely noticing the leaking amount of killing intent that Sakura was giving off. "Anyway," shouted Kakashi cheerfully, trying to get off the topic, "let's begin some training now, shall we? Everyone pick a tall tree, and attempt to do the tree climbing exercise!"

"How do you do the tree climbing exercise?"

"Why, with your legs, of course! Apply chakra to your feet, then walk up the tree slowly."

Sasuke chose the tallest tree, and Sakura chose the one right next to Sasuke's. Naruto chose a tree opposite to the pair, and ran up the tree using his legs. Kakashi was astonished. "Naruto, how did you do that?"

"Well, I applied chakra to my feet, then ran up the tree." Sasuke immediately tried to copy Naruto, but fell after the second step and landed with a thump. Naruto was mocking him, then Kakashi told Naruto to go to the lake at the far ends of the training ground, while telling Sasuke and Sakura to continue practicing.

At the lake, Kakashi told Naruto to do the water walking exercise through using the same technique.

"However, Naruto, you have to-" He was cut off.

"Maintain a steady flow of chakra as the water surface isn't a solid surface."

"Just do the exercise already."

Like before, Naruto had no trouble with water walking and proceeded to run around the water surface, grinning. Kakashi was getting annoyed that Naruto could already master everything that he tried to teach him, and came up with an idea to make Naruto train harder than he's ever trained. He told Naruto that training was done for the day, and to come back tomorrow morning for some "special training".

"Hey Inoichi-san!" The Yamanakas and Naruto were at the dinner table, all eating.

"Yes Naruto?"

"The Old Man said that Tora needed to be mind probed for him to find out the causes of how he came to be that way." Naruto had, earlier already told the Yamanakas about the Tora mission and how it had ended. The fact that Ino had laughed until she cried when she heard about "Sasuke and the Bunnies" proved to Inoichi and Izumi that Ino had definitely got over her infatuation with Sasuke, and were happy that Naruto was involved with this. They had never liked the stuck-up Uchiha's.

"Meh, ok. It's just a cat after all." Naruto relaxed at the calm response, feeling glad that it wasn't his expected scenario.

They all finished eating, and Inoichi and Izumi went to clean up the dishes, leaving Naruto and Ino by themselves.

"So Ino-chan, how was your day?"

"Eh, it was alright, Chōji was just goofing off while Asuma-sensei tried to teach us, and Shika was just staring at the clouds, not really doing anything much."

"It must be hard to see Asuma-san after this time, ne?"

"Yeah. Was it the same for Jiraiya-san?"

"Not really. He lived a happy future life, and he's here again, so the only thing I have to do is to try and stop him getting killed."

"You're right. So how bout you? Good day today?"

"Not really. Sasuke-teme was his usual brooding self, and Sakura-chan was screaming at getting the lowest mission pay because all she did was run around. Kakashi-sensei was surprised I knew both the tree climbing and the water walking, and is going to give me 'surprise training' tomorrow."

"That doesn't sound good."

Late that night, a masked figure dropped outside the veranda of a house. He knocked on the door. A few minutes later, a purple-haired woman wearing a trench coat and fishnet leggings stepped to the door.

"Kakashi? What the hell do you want?"

"Anko, can you do me a favour?"

A/N: Yay, a long chapter! I think that was my longest, tbh. Naruto's going to get seriously harmed in the next chapter =S Will update soon! Read + Review as always.

Next: Psychotic Bitch of Doom