Chapter 10

"Jeez, Kid, you weren't kidding about your house being right on the beach!" Jane reached the bottom of the steps with Cam's help and stepped out into the sand. Her sun dress immediately began to flutter in the warm wind. The lieutenant felt odd. Not really unwell but not herself and she reached out a hand to grasp the young woman's shoulder to steady herself.

Maura trotted down the steps and joined them with a big smile but her face sobered when she saw how pale Jane was. "Jane, are you feeling ok?" she asked.

"I'm a little light-headed. That's all," the tall woman replied with a reassuring pat to the doctor's cheek. "Too much excitement for one day." She held out her hand. "Take a walk with me?"

Cam kept glancing back toward the house and Maura laughed as she linked her fingers with Jane's. "Go! I know you want to see Shane."

"Thanks, Mom," the younger blonde replied as she turned to take off. She stopped then and tilted her head. "Can I bring Shane by for dinner soon? I'd like you to meet her."

The doctor's smile gentled. "I'd love that, Camille. Bring her by whenever you're ready."

"Thanks, Mom!"

Jane pulled on Maura's hand and they started a slow pace along the soft sand. "You know, I almost can't believe I'm here," the taller woman began. "Only a few days ago, I thought I'd never see you again. It's all a bit surreal."

"It is," Maura replied. "You don't have any regrets, do you?"

Jane stopped suddenly and wrapped her arms around the doctor, kissing her temple. "I have so many regrets in my life, Maura. THIS is not one of them. In fact," she went on as they resumed their walk. "This might just help to fix some of the other ones."

"But you're not just doing this to assuage both of our guilt, are you?" Maura's face was tense as she waited for the reply.

"Still overthinking things, Maura," Jane chuckled. "This is very simple. I love you. I don't want to be without you for a single moment more of my life. Does that answer your question?" She watched as the tension drained from the doctor's face. "Or do you have anymore?"

Maura sighed. "I have a million questions," she replied. "I missed so many years of your life and I want to know everything."

"Me too," Jane agreed. "But we have plenty of time, Maura. We're a couple of old gals who are pretty set in their ways. We do need to go easy on each other."

"Old?" the blonde replied teasingly. "Speak for yourself. But I do know what you mean." She paused though as Jane gasped and stopped walking, bending over slightly at the waist. "Jane, you're not ok. What's happening?"

"It's nothing, Maura. Just an old injury I have to deal with now and again. Nothing new."

"Let's go back and let you rest. I'd like to examine you, Jane, if that's ok with you?"

"Ok, Doc," the tall woman teased. She let Maura guide her back to the house and help her up the steps to the main garden and pool area. When they reached the house, the doctor opened the sliding door and stepped inside to find Cam sitting in an armchair with another girl sitting in her lap. They were kissing and hadn't noticed the new arrivals. Maura cleared her throat loudly as Jane snickered. "Hi. I'm Cam's mom."

Shane jumped off Cam's lap so quickly that she almost fell on the floor but the blonde grabbed her just in time and straightened her. "Um… hi… Doctor Isles. I'm… I'm…"

"Dead meat?" Jane murmured.

Maura stifled a smile. "I think your name is Shane," she helped gently.

"YES! Yes, I'm Shane." The dark haired girl stuck out her hand. "It's really nice to meet you, Doctor Isles."

The older blonde shook her hand and nodded. "You too. This…" she indicated her tall partner. "Is Lieutenant Detective Jane Rizzoli."

Shane offered another handshake which the dark woman accepted. "It's just Jane," she said with a grin. "So, meeting the parent. That's scary, eh?"

"No!" Shane shook her head hard and after a minute nodded. "Yes. I've heard so much about you both, I didn't want to disappoint you. I'm sorry. Cam and I weren't expecting you back quite so soon."

Maura laughed. "Obviously. Anyway, it's lovely to meet you, Shane. Cam, I'm taking Jane to lie down. She's not feeling very well."

Camille nodded as she laced her finger's with her girlfriend's. "We'll stay out of your hair," she stated. "C'mon, Babe. Let's get some ice-cream."

"Babe?" Jane repeated, a grimace on her face. "That sounds so wrong coming out of her mouth." She pushed her dark hair back and flopped onto a couch, letting Maura take her cane and stow it beside her.

"I know," the doctor sighed. "I'm not sure if I'm ready for this."

"Well at least you don't have to worry about either of them getting pregnant," the lieutenant pointed out with a chuckle.

"True," Maura handed her lover a glass of water and then sat next to her, snuggling close. "Now, tell me more about this pain?"

"It's where I was shot a few years ago. The surgeon wasn't able to get all the bullet fragments so every now and again, it presses on a nerve and causes me pain. It's mostly after I've had an especially active day." Jane closed her eyes and tipped her head back. "It's something I just live with."

For a long moment, the doctor was quiet. Then she took a breath. "Jane, do you blame yourself for Frankie's death?"

The question somewhat blindsided the dark woman and she shook her head. "I… I don't understand the question. Frankie was murdered. It was out of my control."

"Yes, it was…" Maura's green eyes met Jane's brown. "Think about it again. You've lived with this pain for a long time without doing anything about it. You're still dreaming about it." Her voice gentled again. "Honey, have you ever considered that you might have PTSD?"

The detective drained her glass and cleared her throat. "Yeah,' she replied. "I saw a shrink for a while and he thought I had PTSD but I didn't like him and stopped going."

Maura laced her fingers with Jane's and brought their hands to her lips to kiss Jane's. "I love you and I'd like to help you if you'll let me. I have a friend who's very very experienced in treating patients who have suffered trauma. Will you let me call her?"

For a long moment, she thought that Jane would refuse, but finally, the detective nodded. "Ok, Maura. I'll talk to your friend."

"Thank you, Jane. I also have a friend who's a surgeon. I'd like to get a second opinion on that bullet fragment and maybe see if we can fix your hip up a little too. I just really hate the thought of your being in pain."

"Ok. Thanks, Maura."

..

I didn't think it would be… today," Jane stated as she walked with Maura into her friend's office.

"Kathryn had an opening so she said she'd be happy to see you."

Jane paused and looked at her lover. "How good a friend is this woman to you?" she asked quietly.

"We were lovers briefly a long time ago," Maura answered truthfully. "But don't worry. Anything you say to her will be in the strictest of confidence. She's very trustworthy."

"What if I want to talk about you?" Jane asked nervously.

"She's also very professional. Besides, we parted on mutually good terms. That won't be a problem."

"I don't know, Maura."

The doctor stopped and cupped the detective's cheeks in her hands. "Honey, if you're not comfortable with this, we can just go back home."

Jane smiled. "It's ok, let's just go in. Can't hurt to talk to her once, right?"

Maura was surprised but didn't show it. Jane had changed over the years. The doctor had thought she'd have to talk the lieutenant into this more but she didn't seem quite as stubborn as she had when she was younger. "Absolutely."

They took a seat in the waiting room and pressed the call button to let Doctor Wright know that they had arrived. They only waited a few minutes before the therapist appeared, a huge smile on her face when she saw Maura. "Doctor Maura Isles. Well, well, well. It has been way too long!"

The women hugged and the blonde doctor nodded. "It has, Kathryn. It's good to see you." Then she held her hand out to Jane, who got up and moved forward. "This is my partner, Jane Rizzoli."

Kathryn shook Jane's hand and indicated a nearby door. "Thanks, Maura. We'll see you in about an hour. Jane, come with me to my office. Want some coffee?"

"Please," the tall detective replied glancing back and winking at Maura before disappearing behind the door.

..

"Sit wherever you like," Kathryn offered. Her office was large with plenty of space for a desk, seating group and a single armchair. Jane took the armchair and leaned her cane against the arm as the therapist picked up her notepad and pen. "So firstly, Jane, it's nice to meet you. I've actually heard of you before now."

"Really?" Jane replied with a hiked eyebrow.

"Yes, I lived in Boston for a while years ago. I saw your name and picture a few times in the paper there." Kathryn ran a hand through her short dark hair. "You are quite the cop."

"I was once," Jane replied softly. "No one sees my name in the papers anymore." She chuckled. "I guess that's the hazard of promotion."

Kathryn smiled and shook her head. "I've only just met you but I would venture a guess that having your name in the paper never appealed to you in the first place."

The lieutenant nodded. "Your guess would be correct."

The therapist jotted a note on her pad. "Tell me…" She crossed her legs. "Why are you here?"

Jane shifted uncomfortably. "Maura and I have reconnected after a number of years. I love her and I want to make her happy. And I don't think I can do that."

"And why do you think that?"

"Because if I'm not happy with myself, I don't think I can make her happy."

"And why are you not happy with yourself?"

"Because I…" A single tear rolled down Jane's face. "I can't forgive myself for letting my brother die."

Kathryn nodded and leaned back in her chair, making another note. "How did he die?"

"We were both shot and I lay there and did nothing. All I could do was watch the life bleed out of him. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that."

..