Whispered Screams

by Angry Angel

-SxS Yaoi-HighSchool AU- Some wounds run much deeper than others. Some can never be cured. And yet, there are people who will try to heal them all the same, no matter how hopeless the situation might seem. They try, because they care. Because they love.

10. One Step Closer To

-:-
Chapter 10
One Step Closer To…

"How oblivious could you possibly be?"
-:-

On the edges of the sharpest knives
In the middle of the darkest nights
Always knew that I would find you here
In a puddle of the bravest tears

And nothing matters but the pain when you're alone
In the never-ending nights when you're awake
When you're praying that tomorrow it's okay.

"Tragedy + Time" – Rise Against

-:-

The inside of his car was much colder than Seifer had originally left it. The leather of his seat felt crisp against his bare arms, causing the hair on his skin to stand. They had been driving for a while now and he had cranked up the heater a long time ago, but even that didn't quite seem to help. The coldness was spreading within Seifer's body, seeping into his bones – not because of a chill in the air, but because of the traumatizing events that had unfolded before his eyes.

He looked over at the guy sitting to his right, but Squall's distant gaze was pinned to the black dashboard before him. His bandaged wrists were resting slack on top of his thighs, their stark white color contrasting noticeably against the dark blue of his jeans.

The brunette was so quiet.

Without saying a word, Seifer adjusted his view back to the road in front of him. Late night traffic was easing by as they progressed down the highway at moderate speed; the last thing that Seifer needed was a ticket for speeding and driving under the influence.

He had enough to deal with for the night.

As he watched a motorcycle passing him to the left, he turned his head to Squall once more, a sudden realization stirring in his mind even beneath all his scattered thoughts.

"Hey... Squall," he started, his voice slightly disjointed and off pitch, "Did you leave your bike somewhere by the playground?"

Frankly, the thought hadn't even occurred to him until right then and there. Squall had obviously caught some sort of ride to the park, unless of course he actually resided in the very expensive neighborhood that surrounded it. Considering the brunette's tremendous work load at "Ward's" however, Seifer thought that hardly possible.

"No," Squall finally replied monotonously, not moving his gaze from the dashboard by even an inch. "I didn't."

"Did you walk?" the blond continued with a curious kink of his eyebrow. "Uh, I mean, do you like, live down in that area, or what?"

"... Yeah. I live there."

Seifer kept glancing back and forth between Squall's emotionless face and the illuminated highway, but the brunette seemed less than willing to elaborate on the subject of his home any further. He had veered his head aside slightly, now watching the dim lights of Deling City that were flittering all around them. His lips were little but a narrow, hard line, and Seifer thought that he saw Squall's fingers twitching on top of his legs.

The eighteen year old had been caught in many awkward situations in his life, but not once before had he felt so damn confused and helpless. Taking Squall home with him had seemed like a great idea at first, but how much good would it really do? Granted, Seifer could properly clean and patch up his wounds, but he knew well enough that all the bandages in the world wouldn't fix Squall's real problems, whichever they might be. Seifer had never dealt with anyone suicidal before, nor had he ever bothered to spend much thought on the subject itself.

Now, everything was different.

He stared down the road in uncomfortable silence, mechanically shifting, braking and accelerating. He wanted to say something - to talk about Squall's injuries and ask about the reason for their existence - but he knew that he might as well try to strike a conversation with a rock. For the time being, he really couldn't do much of anything.

"... I'm sorry."

Seifer blinked and turned his head towards Squall. The brunette's voice had been flat and subdued, but those words of his had reached Seifer's ears all the same. Squall wasn't looking at him, only glaring out the window and curling his hands to tight fists that caused his knuckles to turn white.

"What?" Seifer asked, obviously puzzled by that unexpected apology. "What do you mean? Sorry? Sorry for what?"

He could see Squall's fine, dark brown brows shifting low over his eyes as the corners of his mouth were tightening. Then, the younger boy drew a shallow breath that was bordering to an exasperate sigh.

"Sorry for ruining your night."

Again, Seifer blinked in confusion and moved his left hand from the steering wheel to the top of his head, scratching it dumbly.

"Ruin my... huh?" he mumbled as he stared at Squall without the slightest hint of understanding dawning in his viridian eyes. "What the hell are you talkin' about?"

Squall crossed his arms before his chest, still vehemently refusing to heed the blond with so much as a curt glimpse. His eyes narrowed even further when he spoke again.

"I heard you on the playground," he explained, a strange, stretched tone to his voice that Seifer couldn't quite decipher. "... You and Rinoa."

"Ohh..." Seifer breathed, finally getting a grasp on Squall's clumsy idea of an explanation. "Right... Yeah, about that... Uh... Well... What can I say? I guess I'd rather spend the night with you than with her."

The blond smirked and shrugged carelessly, pretending that this statement carried little or no deeper meaning at all, but he gulped when Squall turned around to look at him for the very first time since they had gotten into the truck. Chocolate brown fringes of hair were cascading wryly into the seventeen year old's face as he finally allowed his dark grey eyes to collide with Seifer's green ones, searching them aimlessly. Confusion had meshed with the brunette's fine features, screwing them questioningly as he uncrossed his arms.

"What? Why?" Squall asked eventually, skepticism evident in his tone. "I don't get it."

Squall's open display of confusion was adorable, and his cuteness perhaps a little out of place in their current situation, but Seifer responded to it instinctively all the same. He gave a low, husky chuckle that would have caused any girl to blush, but Squall merely kept glaring at him with a persistence that was somewhat admirable.

"Oh? You don't, huh? And why's that?" Seifer cooed softly.

The question seemed to catch Squall slightly off guard. Another frown creased his brows as he whisked his head aside once more and continued to stare out of the window, but this time, he didn't remain silent for long.

"Because of what you said this morning," the dark haired boy started slowly, the words oddly hard and calm as he performed a vague gesture with his right hand. "And because of what I said. Because of... everything."

Seifer was genuinely surprised to hear the brunette bringing up that particular, uncomfortable incident. Frankly, he himself had practically forgotten all about it when faced with Squall's injuries; his concern for the boy had overwritten all his other, more bitter feelings with ease. Now, he remembered his nasty, hurtful words of their early morning encounter in the parking lot, and he also remembered how damn sorry he had been all day.

"That..." he murmured uneasily, now turning his head away as well, "I didn't really... mean any of that. I was just running my mouth 'cause I was tired and pissed off."

He couldn't tell whether Squall was pleased with that response or not, because the brunette had apparently decided to resume ignoring him again. Perhaps it was better that way, the blond mused. Perhaps it meant that he was forgiven for his idiotic behavior, or that Squall was at least willing to forget it. In any case, he decided that he would refrain from intentionally hurting his younger classmate's feelings again – obviously, Squall's life was already complicated enough without anyone adding to his pile of problems for the mere sake of making him feel bad.

Neither of them spoke any more for the rest of the trip. Seifer guided them through the scarce traffic and his posh suburban neighborhood, until he finally pulled into his parking lot and the one spot that the apartment complex had assigned to him. When they came to a complete stand still and Seifer turned off the engine of his truck, the sudden silence that enveloped them like a thick, impenetrable cloak was strangely overwhelming. Next to the blond, Squall wasn't moving so much as a single muscle, and his breathing was hardly audible as he skeptically gazed through the windows up the tall, snobbish looking apartment buildings.

"Well, this is it," Seifer explained unnecessarily as he unbuckled his seat belt. "Let's get out."

He opened his door and leaped on the ground, glad to see that Squall was soon following his example. The brunette still refused to look at him; he stood next to the truck, his hands slack at his sides and his eyes fixed upon the stucco façade of the building in front of them. As Seifer stepped up to him, he could see a sort of fierce determination kindling with the indifference in Squall's pale face.

"So... this is where I live," Seifer stated. "Me and my crazy ass dog, that is."

Squall gave something like a very low-pitched grunt, but said nothing further. He was frowning, as usual, but Seifer had already gotten used to that sight. Taking a deep breath, he hit the remote control button that locked his truck and slowly stepped around Squall's rigid figure.

"Let's go," he suggested, glancing at the brunette from over his shoulder. "I live on the second floor, so we gotta take the stairs. You think you can make it?"

Snorting, Squall shifted his weight onto his right foot and clasped his arms before his chest. Seifer resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the brunette's childish display of pride and merely nodded curtly as he took the first few steps forward.

"Fair enough. Follow me."

He walked slowly until Squall had finally caught up with him, the sound of their now synchronous footsteps swallowed by the concrete beneath the soles of their boots. It was quiet around them; so quiet that Seifer thought that he could hear Squall's flaring panic. He was almost certain that the brunette would try and make a break for it, but to his mild surprise, Squall did neither stop short nor make an attempt at running away.

When they reached the flight of stairs that led up to Seifer's small but expensive apartment, the blond turned to his classmate once more.

"Up here," he said, jabbing his thumb upwards. "As you see, these things are kinda steep. Sucks carrying your groceries up there, too, 'specially when it's raining. Not sure exactly what those assholes were thinking when they built this."

He was rambling and he knew it, too. Squall stood next to him, shivering only marginally against the cold wind that was whipping through the open stairway. Frankly, Seifer had no clue why all stairs and apartment entrances were located outside, leaving the renters at the mercy of the weather.

What were his parents paying those fifteen hundred bucks a month for again?

'Ah... Doesn't fuckin' matter. Not right now, anyway. I just gotta get him up there somehow without him keeling over on the way.'

Smiling suggestively, Seifer took a mock bow and motioned Squall to go ahead.

"After you," he drawled.

The brunette regarded him with a cool, narrow-eyed look, but eventually complied with Seifer's awkward invitation. For a split second, he wondered whether the blond had wanted to walk behind him because he was worried that Squall would fall, but the seventeen year old pushed the thought aside almost hastily. He didn't care about Seifer's reasons, nor did he believe that they were of any noteworthy importance. If they were, he would have no idea whatsoever how to cope. Ignoring the possibility that maybe, just maybe, Seifer did truly care for him seemed like the easiest thing to do for the time being.

Shaking all questions out of his mind, Squall slowly ascended the staircase. Seifer was walking right behind him; he was so close that Squall could hear him breathing even through the soft howl of the night breeze, and the sound caused his heart to jump out of pace and his thoughts to go haywire once more.

'What am I doing here? What was I thinking? I don't even know him. I don't want to know him. It's none of his business what I do with my wrists or any other damn part of my body. I shouldn't have followed him. I'm such an idiot. Why is he trying to help me, anyway...? Why is he walking so close? Why is he... ugh. Whatever. It doesn't matter why he's doing what he's doing. I don't care. I don't need his pity. I just want him to leave me alone. I can take care of myself just fine. I don't need anyone. I'm not... I'm... I... Shit... I don't know. I don't know why I'm here. I don't know anything at all. This is bad. I should leave...'

When Squall abruptly stopped in his stride, his head low and his eyes fixed upon the stairs to his feet as his feelings threatened to overwhelm him, Seifer only barely managed to avoid a collision. Grunting, he stepped to the side and scooted around the brunette's motionless frame, studying Squall's blank face very attentively.

"Damn, get some brake lights installed or something if ya plan on stopping like that," he mumbled impatiently, before tilting his head in question. "What's up? Huh?"

Squall avoided his gaze very carefully, but before Seifer had a chance to ask any further questions or haul the brunette up the stairs by brute force, the enigmatic boy in front of him quickly shook his head.

"... Nothing."

With his eyes still on the ground, Squall circled Seifer's figure and stoically continued walking. To hell with his useless fear and childish panic; he could do this. He wasn't afraid. He had been through much worse times than these in his life. Seifer could do nothing to him that others hadn't already done before him...

He had nothing left to lose.

"There we go. To your left!"

Squall glanced at the carefully stained, solid wood door at the end of a small corridor that, apparently, seemed to lead to Seifer's apartment. Cautiously, he approached the entrance as he heard the blond behind him fiddling with his key chain.

"Alright, now listen up," Seifer said sternly as he pushed past his brunette classmate, fixing Squall with a gaze that demanded attention. "My fuckin' dog, Shiva, can be kinda rowdy, and she ain't small, either, so... uh, if you want, I can lock her up in the bathroom before you come in."

To Seifer's astonishment, Squall merely acknowledged his statement by drawing his eyebrows together and giving a cynical snort.

"I'm not scared, alright?" he spat abjectly as he stepped up to the door, demonstratively waiting for the blond to go ahead and unlock it already.

"... So I see," Seifer whistled quietly, unable to suppress a hint of concern over Squall's boldness.

Seifer's canine companion was a three year old Alaskan malamute; beautiful to boot, but also no less powerful and headstrong. Usually, she would issue extremely vocal greetings whenever she heard him coming home, but on this particular night she was being awfully quiet. Seifer guessed that she was probably asleep, but his assumption was immediately proven incorrect when he finally unlocked and opened his front door.

There she was, all snow white and coal black fur and piercing blue eyes, waiting in the doorway like a perfect statue. Only her tail was wagging slowly as she displayed untypical calmness and looked both boys over with wisdom that seemed much too alien for a dog.

"Hey girl," Seifer greeted her with a friendly smirk as he bent down to scratch her pointy ears. "Guess what... I brought a visitor."

He took a step aside to make room for Squall, close the door behind them and turn on the lights. They had walked right into his slightly unruly living room, but apparently, Seifer's guest seemed to care little about the blond's tidiness, or rather the lack thereof. With his golden brows arching in incredulity as he turned back around, Seifer found Squall already down on one knee before Shiva, receiving sloppy wet "kisses" from the dog that normally refused to socialize with strangers. As a matter of fact, Shiva had chased away a good number of Seifer's female and male visitors alike, consequently ruining more than just one of the blond's prospective one-night stands. Obviously, this was something that the blond had never been quite happy about.

Strangely enough, Shiva seemed to have no objections against Seifer's most recent acquaintance.

Shiva, however, wasn't the only one acting strangely. Squall was still kneeling in front of her, stroking her fur in a very calm and experienced manner, and for the very first time, Seifer thought that he could see a small smile playing at the corners of the brunette's lips.

"Damn," Seifer whistled in acknowledgement, jingling his keys as he approached the astonishing scene, "I didn't think you two would hit it off like that. She usually bonds with people by tearing off their pants, you know."

Now definitely smiling, Squall was massaging the back of Shiva's nose, and he chuckled softly as she begun to wag her tail in boundless canine delight.

"She's a good dog," the brunette replied quietly, flashing another quick grin at the malamute. "She's beautiful."

Squall was completely unaware of the effect that the sudden change in his facial expression had on Seifer. The older teen was towering next to him, staring mutely and with a pounding pulse at the two gorgeous creatures to his feet. He just couldn't believe that Squall was actually smiling – the mere concept had seemed practically impossible up until that very moment when Shiva had unceremoniously stuck her wet, smelly nose into the handsome brunette's face.

"Holy shit, you're smiling," Seifer declared, his voice coarse with amazement. "I don't think I've ever seen you smile before."

Squall attempted to wipe the grin off his face and keep a blush from creeping to his high cheekbones, but he couldn't quite manage. Forcing the dark frown back onto his features as best as he could, he tried very hard to sound abrasive.

"Whatever."

He continued to stroke Shiva and Seifer watched him, truly mesmerized by the other boy's simple display of affection, until a flash of white around the rim of Squall's sleeve reminded him painfully of why he had brought the brunette home with him in the first place.

'Well, fuck. I guess it can't be helped.'

Clearing his throat noisily, he slowly approached Squall's crouching figure.

"Hey... Squall."

The dark haired boy turned his head aside and gave him a long, watchful look, immediately alerted by the serious tone that had stolen itself into Seifer's strong voice. The tall blond was gazing back at him for a moment, viridian green orbs issuing a mute apology.

"I need to look at your wounds," Seifer finally explained, inaudibly sighing at the icy spark that flared up in Squall's eyes. "Trust me, I could watch you two rolling around on the floor all night, but unfortunately that won't fix your injuries. C'mon, I promise it won't take long."

Equally confused and embarrassed by Seifer's declared interest in watching him cuddle with his dog, Squall quickly shot to his feet. His head spun nastily in protest against the abrupt movement, but he ignored it with coldly exercised familiarity. The older blond was looking him over with an expression that suggested concern, but eventually, Seifer merely nodded and pointed to a spot behind Squall.

"Over there, in my bedroom."

He ushered the reluctant brunette through his living room, past the couch that was buried underneath untouched bags of clothes from his trip to the mall. Seifer possessed few, expensive pieces of furniture, which - just like the rest of his apartment - he never bothered to keep clean; after all, he had someone come in twice a week to straighten up in his stead. He knew he was lazy, but when he saw Squall raising his eyebrows in quiet disapproval, he actually regretted that fact for the very first time in his life.

"Sorry 'bout the mess," he apologized with a muffled grunt, somewhat relieved that he had at least bothered to make his bed before he had taken off for the club that evening.

Frankly, he had planned on taking Rinoa home with him for some easy, distracting fun, but things had somehow turned out much differently than he had originally anticipated. And though he didn't much like the reason for Squall's late night visit, he was all the more excited to have the true object of his interest over at his house this evening.

Late at night.

Alone.

Quickly shaking his head against the heat rising in all the wrong places of his body, he tried to stay focused.

'Man, pull yourself the fuck together! You've got more important things to worry about right now, dumbass. Like pretty boy almost bleeding dry on a playground, for instance. Really, you'd better get a grip right fuckin' now.'

Of course, such things were always much easier said than done.

"Uh, have a seat," he ordered awkwardly as he closed the door behind them and picked some clothes off the floor on his way, carelessly tossing them into his laundry basket.

The brunette seemed hesitant at the concept of sitting down on Seifer's king sized bed, because his facial expression was accordingly insecure. He stared down at the mattress as if he fully expected it to bite, wrestling deeply ingrained fears that Seifer knew nothing about.

"Uh, Squall? You wanna sit down, or what?"

Banishing the little voice that urged him to run away into the deep back of his mind, Squall edgily lowered himself onto the bed. Beneath him, black satin sheets were rustling softly; it was a sound that reminded him of his childhood – of a past that he both loathed and longed for desperately. Images of his mother holding him tight and looking upon him with loving, but sad cobalt blue eyes flashed before him, and he could feel his skin breaking into goose bumps as the memories resurfaced.

"Squall? Hey. Squall!"

Frowning, Seifer watched how the petrified brunette's eyes snapped back into focus as he called out his name. Squall seemed confused, shocked almost, as if he had just realized where he was at. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his feet planted firmly on the floor and his hands wrenched into the sheets as his gaze darted around the room aimlessly.

A deer in the headlights if Seifer had ever seen one.

'What is it with him? He totally spaced out on me just now. For fuck's sake, it's just a bed; don't tell me he's scared of furniture now.'

Sighing placidly, Seifer walked up to the dark haired boy, who seemed to be staring a hole into the wall before him, and slowly went down upon his knees. Naturally, that gesture managed to snare Squall's undivided attention in the matter of a heartbeat. The brunette adjusted his disjointed gaze to the blond squatting by his feet, and the sight caused his eyebrows to arch towards his hairline, while his skin acquired a rather lovely shade of red.

"W-what the hell are you doing...?" Squall stammered uneasily, a flustered edge to his voice. "Why-"

"Lemme see your wrists."

Squall watched Seifer moving closer to him, his pale face wiped clean of expression. The blond across from him wasn't smiling, though his eyes looked kind. Still, he was too close; Squall's knees had involuntarily come in contact with Seifer's chest, and when the older teen reached for his hands, Squall instinctively wanted to yank them back.

"Hold still," Seifer ordered in a low, semi-growling voice as he took a firm hold of Squall's left wrist.

The brunette squirmed at the touch, too proud to back away completely and yet too frightened to simply endure the bodily contact. He was glaring at the other guy fiercely while trying to control his rapid breathing, but even for all his iciness and all his false bravado, Seifer knew that he was scared. The hand that he was cupping in his own larger one was trembling noticeably, and the blond flicked up his gaze to study Squall's stark white face.

"Squall? What are you scared of?" he asked, the calmness of his tone taking the initial insult out of the question.

Squall scowled at him all the same.

"Nothing," he hissed as his eyes flared with anger.

"... Right."

Silently, Seifer commenced to unwrap the first bandage. It had been stained crimson, but he let the dirtied gauze fabric coil to the bedroom floor all the same; his carpet was really the last thing that he was concerned about.

Squall's skin looked worse in the light of his room than it had in the darkness of the playground. The brunette's left wrist had been slit multiple times over, and the horizontal lines that lacerated his flesh ran fairly deep. Despite the drying patches of blood, Seifer also discovered older, similar looking cuts which had turned into whitish scars that had already faded into the porcelain color of Squall's skin.

They proved Seifer's assumptions of Squall's cutting habits only too correct.

The blond's emerald eyes narrowed in disapproval, but he said nothing; now wasn't the right time for lectures. Squall was uncomfortable enough as it was, all skittish looking like a little kid who had done something wrong. The blond decided that he could always give Squall a piece of his mind later.

Not that he had any real idea of what to say.

Quietly, he went to unwrap Squall's other wrist as well. The brunette was still staring at some imaginary point to the left of them, his brows knitted low over his eyes and his lips pressed together firmly. He looked angry, embarrassed, proud and scared – all at the very same time. Seifer didn't quite know how to help the brunette relax; he really had no experience with these kinds of things.

"Okay," he murmured as both of the dark haired teen's wrists were uncovered and resting on his thighs. "I'm gonna wash my hands and grab some stuff from the bathroom. Be right back."

Squall turned his head to glance down at his wounds, but he remained silent.

"And don't you dare move, got it?" Seifer ordered sternly as he disappeared into the bathroom.

After the blond had washed his hands thoroughly with antibacterial soap, he randomly pulled some bottles, bandages and sterile pads out of his medicine cabinet. He figured it best to take some wet washcloths and dry towels as well, and with utmost care he managed to carry everything back into the bedroom.

Squall was eyeing him full of mistrust and suspicion; dark, choppy strands of hair obscured a good portion of his face as he quickly lowered his head out of sight, but Seifer knew well enough that he was scowling.

"Hey, man, what's with the frown," the blond tried to joke as he knelt down before Squall and dropped his supplies onto the bed, "I mean, c'mon, you've got Doc Almasy taking care of ya! You'd better feel honored here. I wouldn't do this for just anyone, you know."

The brunette's gaze was cold and humorless behind coal black lashes, unmoved by Seifer's kindness, but there was also a trace of insecurity there that he couldn't fully conceal. Squall had never allowed anyone to find out about his cut up wrists, let alone have them tend to his wounds, so this was entirely new territory for him. There was only one other person who knew of this self-destructive habit of his... probably the most unlikely individual imaginable. That one particular person cared little about the brunette's agony, but Squall had to admit that Seifer was, perhaps, different; at least he had neither mocked him nor called him pathetic.

Squall almost drowned in the maze of his thoughts, but a sudden sting of pain abruptly hurled him back into reality. Hissing a random curse, he glared down at Seifer and the light blue washcloth he was using to clean his wounds. The blond considered him with a small, lopsided smirk.

"Sorry," the older boy murmured, feigning contriteness.

Judging by the blond youth's content grin, however, Squall had all reason to assume that Seifer had actually hurt him on purpose. And indeed - annoyed and concerned over the fact that Squall had once again clammed up on him, Seifer had found startling the brunette a very acceptable means of shaking him out of his stupor.

Sighing irritably, Squall decided to pay better attention to what exactly it was that the other boy was doing to him. Shoving the hair out of his face with the one hand that Seifer wasn't doctoring with, he studied each of the blond's movements with great vigilance.

Admittedly, Seifer threw him off by being so meticulous and gentle. It seemed unusual, especially when taking into consideration that Squall had initially mistaken Seifer for just another useless, cocky football jock with a giant brick for a brain. Apparently, however, there was more to the brawny blond than his superficial arrogance and his stupid varsity jacket suggested. He was cleaning Squall's wounds with great care and without even the slightest hint of repulsion showing on his handsome features.

Ah, and handsome he certainly was, even Squall had to give him that. No wonder all the girls in school were running their mouths about Seifer Almasy during class and flocking to him left and right during breaks. The brunette could hardly blame them; had he been a girl himself, he figured that he would've probably done the same thing.

Biting down upon the inside of his cheek, Squall quickly pitched his head into his neck and nailed his gaze to the chalk white ceiling, if only to prevent another blush from crossing his tense features. He wasn't sure why on earth he was having thoughts of such ridiculous, pubescent nature, but he definitely didn't want Seifer to find out.

"What do you usually put on them?"

Startled once more, Squall blinked down at the blond before him. Seifer was looking back at him expectantly from between his knees, one hand fastened around his hip as he was squatting there on the floor.

Squall couldn't help but swallow at the sight.

'Why does he have to be down there of all places? This is weird. He shouldn't be sitting between my legs and I shouldn't have let him in the first place. And why the hell is he looking at me like that?'

"... W-What?" Squall stammered, taken aback by the amused glint that lit up the blond's emerald green eyes.

"Your wrists," Seifer explained willingly. "What kinda stuff do you usually put on them to keep 'em from getting infected? 'Cause this obviously isn't the first time you've butchered them like that."

With a fresh frown littering his pretty face, Squall first glared at Seifer, then at his wounds that were looking so much cleaner now.

"... Peroxide," he replied sullenly.

"Peroxide?" Seifer spat with a surprised hiss. "You put peroxide on those? What are you, nuts?"

Squall's face soured even further at the blond's outrage.

"You asked."

"Yeah, but... fuck, kiddo. Peroxide of all things? Why don't you go sprinkle some salt and Tabasco sauce on them and have yourself a real sting fest? I mean, might as well go all out."

"Whatever."

Grunting, Seifer grabbed one of the bottles that he had brought from the bathroom and shoved it right into Squall's dumbfounded face. The brunette tried to back away from the object, but the older teen was still holding on to one of his arms, and he was clearly disinclined to let go.

"There," Seifer drawled as he swung the bottle back and forth provocatively, "No-sting Bactine. I know it 'prolly won't satisfy that masochistic side of yours, but it's all I've got. So hold the fuck still!"

Still bristling against the other male's touch, Squall watched reluctantly how Seifer swiped his wrists with sterile pads drenched in Bactine. Indeed, it hardly hurt at all, or at least the pain was marginal compared to that of a treatment with peroxide. Not that it mattered even the slightest bit at all – Squall wasn't afraid of pain. He wasn't afraid of anything, for that matter – or shouldn't have been, anyway.

And yet...

Why was his heart pounding at a million miles inside his chest right now?

"How's that?" Seifer asked, his green eyes boring like flames into Squall's unreadable grey ones.

The brunette swallowed again and ground his teeth together.

He hated it when Seifer looked at him like that – so very intently, like he was the only person worth looking at in this world; it made his breath hitch and his pulse race, and some unscarred part of his mind believe things that could impossibly be real.

"... Whatever," he replied reluctantly and curled his hands to fists.

"I said, hold still," Seifer growled in exasperation as he wrenched Squall's fingers apart. "And seriously, as smart as you are and all, you really need work on your vocabulary."

"Whatev—"

"Yeah, yeah, never mind," the blond groaned, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "I fuckin' got it."

Shaking his head, Seifer fished for the bandages he had placed on the bed. Squall was watching him full of suspicion, though he pretended that he didn't give so much as a rat's ass about what the other teen was doing to him. Seifer was peeling the plastic wrapper off one bandage noisily, before he carefully begun to wind it around Squall's left wrist, which he had covered with a sterile 4x4 gauze pad.

Seifer worked silently, focused almost entirely onto his task. Deep down, he couldn't thank his parents enough for forcing him to learn first aid and providing him with all the necessary and superfluous medical equipment he could possibly ever need.

One of these days, he'd probably have to call them and actually voice his gratitude.

'Hah. Yeah, right. I'll get right on that.'

Sighing, he continued to devote his attention to Squall's wounds. While he was working, however, he couldn't quite forget about his and and the brunette's volatile early morning encounter; as he enveloped the dark haired boy's horrible looking wrists, he got a painful feeling that he was at least partly to blame for this.

"Uh," he cleared his throat as he secured the first bandage with a clip and gave Squall a weak half-smirk. "So, uhm... About this morning, you know... uh, in the parking lot. Uh... Look, I know I may not be the nicest or most considerate guy out there or nothin', but... I really am sorry for what I said to you. I know I was a total dick. I didn't mean any of it, I promise. That was just my big mouth talking. So... yeah... I'm sorry, Squall. I really am."

He dropped his gaze immediately, not waiting for an answer from Squall that he was probably never going to receive, anyway. The brunette, however, was thoughtfully glancing back and forth between his own, throbbing wrists and Seifer's upset face from beneath dark, half-lidded eyes, and before his defense mechanisms could have kicked in, he quietly raised his voice.

"... You're nicer than most," he breathed, the words hushed.

"Huh? You really think so?" the blond replied in surprise, before he begun to wrap Squall's other wrist and smiled very vaguely. "I guess that's only with you, though."

He could hear Squall sucking in a breath. Apparently, the brunette had not expected to receive an answer of such... intimate nature, and this time his curiosity got the better of him.

"... What? What are you talking about?" the brunette asked.

Again, Seifer gave him a sly and indistinct grin. The blond knew that he was probably going too far, but he figured that this really wasn't the time to be dishonest.

Still, by now, he'd learned to be more careful.

"You know... you're kinda cute when you're confused," he chuckled, but he didn't meet Squall's eye.

"What kind of answer is that?" the other teen snapped, the annoyed tone of his voice erecting yet another snort of laughter from Seifer's end. "... What are you laughing at?"

"You?" the blond lilted with just a hint of sarcasm.

Squall growled irritably in response to the older male's teasing, and his face became sour.

The boy squatting by his feet merely smirked, before he decided to elaborate.

"I'm laughing 'cause you, of all people, really have no right whatsoever to complain about getting vague or non-existent answers."

"... Whatever."

Seifer laughed quietly once more, but this time, he said nothing. Squall was glaring at him furiously; obviously, he was a lot more curious than he'd normally let on. The dark haired youth seemed frustrated at the concept of being played with, and though Seifer believed that he thoroughly deserved to be at the receiving end of such a treatment for a change, he was also softening at the sight of a very helpless, defeated looking brunette.

"Look, this is the deal," Seifer drawled smugly, fully aware of the other boy's undivided attention, "... I lied when I said everyone was sick of you."

The dark haired teen slowly laced his eyebrows together at that remark, and the corners of his mouth curved downwards.

"No," he stated demurely, struggling to sound cynical and careless. "You were absolutely right."

"Well, actually-"

"And I don't give a fuck, either," Squall cut the blond off icily.

Seifer, natually, couldn't help but chortle in amusement. Who was Squall trying to fool? Granted, the brunette probably cared less about his environment than the average high school student did, but Seifer knew that he also wasn't nearly as callous and cold-hearted as he portrayed himself to be. He had seen emotions crossing those plains of storm blue – hurt, anxiety, anger, fear, helplessness – each of which had belied Squall's typical display of indifference.

"Oh, is that so, huh?" Seifer mocked the brunette's defiance cunningly. "Well, here's a newsflash for ya, princess: I am not sick of you."

He could almost watch Squall's hastily slammed up walls collapsing right in front of him in genuine surprise over those words.

"W-What?" the dark haired boy stuttered. "Why...?"

"Why?" Seifer repeated the question, while breathing another low-pitched chuckle. "Come on, now. How oblivious could you possibly be?"

It had been a daring thing to say, of course, but Squall didn't seem to catch on to the blond's insinuation. Seifer hadn't really expected anything else, but when he saw Squall's gaze growing distant and out of focus, he did wonder.

How oblivious could Squall be?

Perhaps he had dropped just a few too many hints; did he really want the brunette to find out about his feelings? It probably wasn't the most reasonable idea that had ever crossed his mind, but then again, when had Seifer ever been reasonable in the first place? He liked Squall beyond any ordinary bond of platonic friendship, and by all means, he couldn't help that - or at least he didn't want to. He wasn't sure how receptive the younger boy would be towards any kind of offensive approach, but he would try and blaze a trail for it all the same.

In the end, he figured that he didn't have much to lose, anyway.

Calmly, he continued to wrap the brunette's wrist. He studied the pale limb in his own, tanned hands, suddenly recalling the leather band that usually embraced it.

"So, tell me... Do you wear any bandages underneath those wristbands you're usually running around with?" he asked, if only to breach the silence between them.

"No."

"Fuck," Seifer growled, grimacing. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"No."

"Liar."

He wondered why on earth the brunette was pretending to be so goddamn tough. His wounds looked painful, even to Seifer, who wasn't a pansy by any stretch of the imagination. Why was Squall cutting himself, anyway? Hadn't his parents noticed anything yet? Somebody aside from him had to have realized that Squall was bagging some serious issues. What reason did he have to be all self-destructive like that? He was a good-looking guy, and smart to boot, too. Just what was going on in his life that made him feel so desperate?

Yet again, Seifer was faced with way too many questions and not near enough answers.

"... Why are you doing this?"

Seifer's head pitched back in surprise at Squall's harsh, but unsure words. The brunette was glaring at him challengingly and his legs in the dark blue jeans were shifting, trying to keep Seifer at a distance.

"Doing what?" Seifer asked, arching his brows.

Growling, Squall lifted the wrist that Seifer was working on from the blond's hands and jerked it demonstratively.

"This."

The older teen merely shrugged in response and quickly reclaimed Squall's limb.

"To stop it from bleeding?" he replied simply.

To his astonishment, Squall gave a sharp hiss and his eyes narrowed ominously.

"That's not what I meant," the brunette snapped and tried to cross his arms before his chest, but Seifer held on to them tightly.

"Will you hold the fuck still already?" the older youth barked irritably as he wrestled Squall for his wrists. "Stubborn lil' prick."

When he realized that he couldn't possibly talk Squall into place, nor force him to stay put without risking to break his forearms in the process, Seifer finally heaved a guttural, exasperate sigh and decided to just give the brunette this one.

"Were you even listening to anything I said?" he groaned, while heeding Squall with a serious, still look out of spellbinding green eyes. "I care about you, dumbass."

Squall tried to edge back slowly, but Seifer was still holding on to him with a firm grasp.

"I don't get it," the brunette bristled, mashing his eyebrows together in an expression of disbelief. "Why? I haven't exactly been nice to you. So why?"

"Why? Good question, really. I could ask you the same thing," Seifer stated neutrally. "Why is it you're trying to kill yourself?"

It was another one of the questions that Squall definitely didn't seem inclined to answer. Nonetheless, he bit down upon his lower lip and trained his gaze past Seifer upon one of the far walls, as if trying to stare it to pieces.

"... I'm not."

"You're not?" Seifer grunted, skepticism evident in each syllable. "Then just why the fuck are you butchering your wrists if not for that, huh?"

Squall flicked his dark grey gaze back to him defiantly.

"Maybe I like pain," he snarled, his tone almost arrogant.

Seifer couldn't keep from cackling with humorless laughter. He figured that this skinny little punk was probably into something, but pain sure the hell wasn't it. Every part of Squall seemed to deteriorate under the burden of whatever secret it was that was weighing on his shoulders, and he had been in blatant tears at the playground – it certainly wasn't the kind of reaction Seifer would have ever expected from a true masochist.

"Yeah fuckin' right," he sneered. "You look like you're into pain about as much as I am into screwing three legged goats."

Ever so slowly, Squall kinked one of his brows as his gaze searched Seifer's face with openly displayed curiosity.

Three legged goats...?

"Hey," Seifer barked in half mock, half serious tone, "Don't look at me like that, alright! I'm not into fucking goats! Jesus. Aren't you ever the lil sodomist pervert, huh?"

Despite the initial seriousness of the situation, Squall found himself smiling weakly. He didn't know why, but this ornery blond definitely had a way of making him forget about his problems by cracking silly jokes or picking on him like only a little kid would. He still didn't understand why Seifer was so eager to help him, but the concept bothered him less and less by the minute.

Quietly, he lowered his head to watch Seifer attaching a small, metal clip to the bandage on his right wrist to keep it in place. After inspecting his work and nodding to himself in mute approval, the tall blond teen stood up and stretched out his aching knees. The younger brunette was still studying him from his hunched over position on the bed, though he tried his very best to conceal his subtle interest.

Thoughtfully, Seifer looked down upon him. Squall's forearms were resting on his thighs as the brunette slowly pulled down his sleeves to cover up his injuries. Despite the fact that the fabric of his shirt was black, Seifer noticed the dried specks of blood that littered it. Part of him wondered how many shirts Squall had dirtied like that, and when the hell it would finally stop.

Squall shifted uneasily under Seifer's calm, strangely infuriating look. Absent-mindedly, he brushed a few, stray wisps of hair behind his ear and begun to scratch his left elbow.

"... Thanks," he huffed reluctantly, avoiding the blond's face with the stubbornness of a mule.

"Welcome."

Staring at the stretch of tan colored carpet before his feet, Squall tried to gulp down the uncomfortable lump in his throat. He didn't really know what to say or do, but he couldn't allow Seifer to keep piercing him with those intoxicatingly green eyes, either.

Somehow, those eyes made him feel like nothing else before ever had.

"I... I should get going," the brunette finally murmured, his voice hoarse.

Before he could have pushed himself off the bed, however, he already felt Seifer's hand on his shoulder, rooting him to the spot with the steadiness of a metric ton of rocks.

"Hey, now wait a sec," the blond interrupted his flight brusquely, sounding annoyed. "What do you mean, 'get going', huh? You're spending the night, idiot."

When Squall's head shot up, Seifer could practically see the resentment flaring up in his blue grey eyes. Really, had he ever expected anything else? The idea of spending the night at someone else's place probably sounded as enticing to the jumpy brunette as rolling around in a heap of razor blades.

Then again...

He was Squall, after all. Razors seemed to scare him less than one would initially anticipate.

"What?" the dark haired teen snapped impulsively, every fiber of his body bristling against Seifer's statement with vehemence before he finally managed to steady his voice. "No! No, I'm not."

"You're not? Uhm, sorry to be the one to break this to ya, Squall, but it looks like you've got little choice in the matter."

"I don't care," Squall bit back testily. "I can't."

"You can't? Why not?" Seifer asked sarcastically, folding his arms before his chest. "Forgot your jammies or what?"

"Because of my mom," the brunette countered, his voice pure and unyielding like steel. "She doesn't know that I'm here. She'd worry herself sick if I just stayed over at someone else's place."

To Squall's surprise, Seifer wordlessly turned his back on him and opened the door to leave the room. The brunette's features writhed into a mask of confusion at the unexpected act, but before long, Seifer returned with a cordless phone in his hand.

"Here," the blond said complacently, thrusting out his hand and dropping the phone in Squall's lap with an unreadable grin. "Suit yourself."

Dumbfounded, Squall blinked at the sleek black object resting on his thighs. When he made no visual attempt at grasping it, Seifer heaved an impatient sigh and rolled his eyes towards the ceiling.

"It's called a phone," he snarled as he angled himself down to Squall and gave him a hearty poke in the chest. "Use it!"

"But-"

"I doubt your mom will have any objections against you staying over at a classmate's place. It's not like I'm a wicked chainsaw murderer or some shit like that. Gimme some credit here!"

Screwing his pretty features into a nasty grimace, Squall crossed his arms defensively.

"I said I can't. What part of that doesn't go into your fucking head?"

"Right, you can't," Seifer cooed, sneering softly. "So, you're telling me you wanna go home looking like this - bandaged wrists, bloody shirt and everything? Oh, and just to let ya know... I have a pretty loose mouth, especially around mothers."

Looking outraged, Squall spat, "W-What the... You... Ugh. No, I don't want to, okay, but-"

"That settles it, then. 'Cause I ain't letting you sleep in the damned park, so you might as well forget about that right fuckin' now! Get over it already – you ain't going anywhere tonight. You live too far away to be walking, anyway, and I'm not driving you. Sorry, but you're shit out of luck tonight, princess. Pull your big girl panties up and deal with it."

It might have been a cruel thing to say, and judging by Squall's upset scowl it probably had been, but Seifer had no intentions whatsoever to go so far as to actually help the brunette in getting away. Frankly, he rather enjoyed Squall's frosty presence, and the concept of having him sleep over sounded enticing in more ways than just one.

Opposite of him, Squall remained silent for a long time. Seifer could tell that he was stewing up a storm, but that he also realized how essentially correct the eighteen year old's words had been; Squall couldn't get back home without Seifer's help, or at least not without having to go through greater trouble than the thought of spending the night at the blond's place suggested.

Really, after taking everything into careful consideration, it was kind of pointless to resist.

Just this one time he would do exactly what Seifer had ordered him to do – suck it up and get this over with as quickly as humanly possible. And all in all, Seifer had treated him pretty well, though that still didn't mean that Squall was interested in "bonding" with the blond in any way whatsoever. He was staying for the sake of necessity – nothing more, nothing less.

Or so he tried to make himself believe, anyway.

'... Whatever. I'm not interested in him or anything that has to do with him. I don't even like him. I don't, alright? He's a dumb, annoying fuck. I'm staying 'cause I don't have a choice. That's all there is to it.'

With a frigid and somewhat defeated looking expression, Squall finally picked up the phone and quickly dialed a set of numbers that Seifer wasn't quite fortunate enough to catch. When the brunette raised the handset to his ear, Seifer plopped down on the bed next to him nonchalantly. The gesture only put him at the receiving end of yet another frosty glare, but Seifer simply shrugged it off with a charming smirk.

So far, this really wasn't going all too badly.

"... Mom?"

Seifer's ears perked up; apparently, someone had picked up at the other end of the line.

"Yeah, it's me," the brunette said calmly, trying to sound casual. "I know. - I'm sorry. Did I wake you up? - No. Not anymore. I'm at a... friend's house."

Blinking, Seifer glanced at Squall's finely featured profile. Had the untouchable ice princess really just called him a "friend"?

A friend?

'Be still my beating heart! Uh... wait, maybe I should have checked his temperature. He's 'prolly coming down with a fever. After all, he looks like he wants to hurl the damn phone at me. Don't think "friends" generally do that sorta thing.'

Nonetheless, Seifer couldn't keep a content grin off his face.

"No. - No, his name's Seifer. Seifer Almasy. - No, you haven't. He just moved here from Balamb. - Yeah. Right. - No, I don't know. - Yeah. Hey, I'm going to spend the night at his place... is that alright? - Up north, off of Centennial. He gave me a ride. It's late, so I figured I'd just spend the night. - Yeah. It is. - Yeah. - Okay. - ... What? When? Tomorrow morning? But why... - No... - No, that's not it, I just... - Alright. Whatever. -Yeah, I will. - No, don't worry, Mom. - Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."

When Squall thumbed the "end call" button, the room was plunged into silence once more. Thoughts and concerns were racing through Squall's head at nauseating speed, whereas his blond companion's mind was quite fashionably blank - well, blank except for a nice dose of "Fuck yeah! Am I a genius or what? I am the motherfucking man!"

Squall, however, seemed completely unaware of his host's bliss over the way the night was turning out.

Frankly, he had more important things on his mind.

'... Great. What now? This was a stupid idea. What the hell was I thinking? I should have just caught a cab or something. Why did I agree to this? What's wrong with me? This is ridiculous. I don't want to sleep here... with him of all people! Fuck. Then again... I guess it might be better... than...'

Quickly, the brunette shook that dangerous thought out of his head.

'Fuck it. Let's just get this over with.'

Sighing, Squall decided to give his wobbly legs a fair try as he slowly pushed himself off the bed. Before he had any chance at taking so much as two steps, however, Seifer had already leaped onto his feet and halted him by the shoulder. Squall responded to the intrusive gesture with an irritated half-glance, and he fastened one hand around his hip.

"Where do you think you're going?" Seifer asked evenly, ignoring the passive-aggressive vibes Squall was sending his way.

Wordlessly, the brunette raised his hand that was clutching the phone, but Seifer shook his head at him in disapproval.

"Nah, you stay here, alright? I'll take care of that. Not like you have any idea where to put it, anyway."

Snorting, Squall whisked around and thrust out his arm, motioning Seifer to take the phone from him. The blond did exactly so, while fixing Squall with eyes that were smoldering with no longer concealed interest. He saw the brunette squirming under his attentive gaze and avoiding any kind of further confrontation as he sank back unto the mattress, frowning as usual.

"Don't frown so much," Seifer whistled as he turned around and walked out of the bedroom. "You're gonna wrinkle that pretty face of your's. Now that'd be a shame."

Dumbfounded, Squall studied the blond's backside as he disappeared out of sight.

... "Pretty face"?

What kind of comment was that, anyway?

'Why the hell does he say things like that? Guys don't say that kinda stuff to each other. What is it with him, anyway? Is he gay or something? No... he can't be. He likes Rinoa. But... I guess that doesn't really mean a whole lot, either. I, of all people, should know that much... Maybe he's bi? Does that mean he's... hitting on me...? No, there's no way. He's hot, he could have anyone he wants. Why would he bother with me? That's ridiculous. Fuck. Why am I even thinking about this? He's not gay, and even if he is, it's certainly none of my concern. What do I care if he's trying to flirt with me or not? I'm not interested. He'll get the hint soon enough, he can't be that thick. Well... on the other hand, he should have gotten it a long time ago... I've been rude enough to him. Why's he still so friendly, then? 'Cause he's gay and hitting on me...? Ngh. God. This is so stupid it's making my head hurt.'

Groaning, Squall rested his forehead in his palm. He couldn't keep his mind from spiraling into a state of chaos, no matter how hard he tried. He didn't like to brood on stupid, childish, pathetic issues like these – it wasn't something he usually occupied himself with. The idea of being close to anybody scared the living hell out of him, for reasons that he had never and would never elaborate on.

To nobody.

And yet, despite everything, something about this new situation was unusually comforting. Seifer was different from the people that Squall had encountered in his lifetime, if only because the blond hadn't walked away the moment he had become acquainted with the brunette's frosty personality. Squall didn't know and didn't understand why Seifer behaved the way that he did, but the concept did stir an interest within him that he had always believed to be non-existent.

"Hey. I told ya to quit frowning, princess. They're gonna end up having to staple your skin to your temples or shoot some botulism in ya, 'cause within a year or so you'll be sporting wrinkles like a nasty old grandpa. I've seen how they do it, too, and trust me, it ain't a pretty sight."

Squall lifted his face from his hand to meet Seifer's, a scowl still furrowing his features.

Obviously, he was less concerned about his looks than his feisty blond opposite.

"What the fuck ever," Squall bit back rudely, but before any other 'niceties' could have rolled off his sharp tongue, he suddenly noticed the large glass of water that the blond was holding out to him.

Meanwhile, Seifer was regarding him with a warm, comforting smile that lacked the sneering edge that accompanied it so often.

"Go ahead," Seifer ordered casually. "It's water, it doesn't bite."

Squall wanted to refuse, if only for the sake of being difficult and giving the blond a hard time, but something dark and intense in the green, swirling depths of Seifer's hypnotizing eyes caused him to slowly extend his arm and accept the drink all the same. He felt like a fool for being so easy to manipulate, but when the older blond looked at him like that, there was very little he could do to resist.

Out of the corner of his eyes, the glass tipped to his lips, Squall suddenly noticed Shiva prancing into the room and pushing her way past Seifer to bluntly butt her head into the brunette's knee, demanding attention.

Behind her, Seifer snarled with disapproval.

"Shiv, give him a break already," the blond groaned impatiently as he reached for the dog's black collar, but for some reason, he ended up knocking his hand into Squall's instead.

The brunette's muscles tightened slightly at the bodily contact, and a red hot singe of heat seemed to scour Squall's nerves, but his fingers remained in their spot, entwined with Shiva's fur, petting it lovingly.

"It's fine," Squall announced calmly, a faint smile gracing his features once more. "I don't mind."

With a silent nod, Seifer retracted his arm and buried his hands inside his pockets, yet again reduced to a mere spectator of the brunette's sweet interaction with his dog. The dark haired teen had set down his glass and was fighting against Shiva trying to wrestle her way into his lap – much to Seifer's amusement. Squall was good with dogs; in fact, he was much better with canines than he was with people – a thought that inevitably caused Seifer to chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Squall inquired sharply, and he glared up at the guy towering by his side.

"Nothing. You just have a way with animals, it seems. You're quite the dog whisperer. D'ya have a dog too, or what?"

The very moment that he had asked that question, Seifer could tell that he had better kept his mouth shut. Darkness poured into Squall's eyes, eradicating the bright shade of blue that had shone there only seconds before. The smile died clean on his lips as he slowly turned his head aside and his hand stopped moving across Shiva's fur.

"... No. Not anymore."

Something within Seifer's heart stung at the sight of former happiness submitting to pain on the blank surface of Squall's eyes. The brunette tried his best to hide it, but Seifer had seen enough to know that something was going on. Quietly, he sank down next to Squall on the bed, but his gaze remained on Shiva's beautiful form. Seifer had gotten her as a pup for his fifteenth birthday (after throwing a remarkable tantrum, of course), and though he didn't always have enough time for her, he loved her from the very bottom of his heart.

Whatever pain it was that was haunting Squall, Seifer could symphatize with it well. If anything was ever to happen to his beloved dog, he didn't know what he would do.

Finally, he veered his head aside and studied Squall's rigid profile. The brunette had placed his hands on his knees and was staring straight ahead, caught in some sort of catatonic stupor and the remembrance of a past that he had probably rather forgotten.

"What happened, Squall?" Seifer asked gently.

At first, he was certain that he wouldn't receive an answer from the stoic brunette, but apparently, Squall thought the memory of whatever it was that had hurt him much too important to simply pretend that it didn't exist.

"He died," Squall said, his voice barely more than a whisper and grating with agony.

"He died...?" Seifer repeated softly, mildly surprised when sudden feelings of sorrow, calmness and patience overcame him. It was as if he no longer minded prying each word off Squall's tongue, just as long as the brunette kept talking and sharing his feelings. "Your dog died?"

Dark brown strands of hair were falling into Squall's face as he nodded, his fingers kneading the fabric of his jeans.

He looked so unbelievably hurt.

"What was his name?"

"... Griever."

Seifer knew that he had heard or seen that name before, but he couldn't quite pin down the thought. For the time being, it didn't matter too much, anyway – Squall looked miserable and Seifer wanted nothing more than to make him feel better. He wasn't sure whether or not it would help the brunette to talk about what had come to pass with his obviously very beloved pet, but he thought it safe to at least give the subject a try.

"What happened to him?" Seifer asked calmly. "How did he die?"

"He was put down when I was sixteen," the brunette answered bitterly. "One day after my birthday."

"Aw, shit, that's fucked up!" Seifer bit with an outraged hiss. "I'm so sorry, Squall... I really am."

Squall said nothing, but he did resume petting Shiva. He didn't like to talk about Griever and how very much his forced, pointless death had hurt him, but something about the soothing way that Seifer had spoken to him had eased the raw sting of his pain, at least by a little. He didn't know why he was telling this private, sentimental story to the blond, or why he was even in his apartment in the first place, but he no longer regretted his decision to stay.

"Yeah," he replied eventually. "Me, too."

They sat in silence for a long time, merely listening to the sound of Shiva panting. Outside, Seifer could hear rain pattering against the bedroom window, and he was glad that Squall was no longer at the playground. In fact, he was downright thankful – for a lot of things.

"Hey," he piped up, happy that Squall was meeting his gaze. "Are you hungry or anythin'? I have some stuff in the fridge... Well, I think I do, anyway... Uh, lemme go check."

Before Squall could have answered him, a strangely bubbly Seifer was already out the door and in the kitchen, rumbling through his vacant refrigerator with admirable determination.

"Eh, I have beer," he shouted across the room, "And, uh... some leftover Chinese take-out... not sure if that's still any good though, it smells kinda... yurgh. Yeah, never mind that. Hmph... how about some barbecue sauce?"

"No, thanks."

Seifer almost jumped about a foot's worth into the air, startled by Squall, who had suddenly turned up right behind him. The brunette held his arms crossed before his chest, but his features had a much friendlier look to them, even in the eerie light cast by the open fridge. Apparently, the dark haired teen had set his water glass down upon the kitchen table, and Seifer smiled inwardly at the polite gesture. Someone had definitely taught that brat some manners – Seifer himself would have simply left the glass sitting on the floor and never wasted another thought on it.

"No, eh?" he chuckled, before closing the refrigerator and giving Squall a subtle look-over. "I'm hurt, Squall. You rejected my barbecue sauce."

Another small frown creased the brunette's brows, and Seifer couldn't help but stretch out his hand to ruffle the younger boy's hair playfully.

"Just messin' with ya," he lilted, even more so amused by Squall snorting reluctantly as he slipped out of Seifer's reach. "Well, if you really ain't hungry or anything, I guess we might as well head to bed."

'Head... bed... head... hmmm, what a nice combination... hehehe... Aw, man. Pull yourself together, Almasy. You better take it slow with this one – at least give it the fair college try.'

Smiling stupidly to himself, Seifer motioned the dark haired youth to return to the bedroom. Squall followed the wordless invitation, though not without looking at least slightly confused.

"Where do you want me to sleep?" the brunette asked innocently as they stopped in front of the bed once more, and Seifer carelessly proceeded to shove his first aid supplies onto a nearby dresser.

"Uh, the bed of course?" Seifer replied, looking perplexed by the question. "What did you think?"

As Seifer had already expected, the brunette screwed up his face in discomfort.

"... And where are you going to sleep?" Squall countered.

"In bed, silly," Seifer explained with an eye-roll. "It's a king - there's plenty room for both of us, unless of course you blow up to the size of a whale while you sleep, though I seriously doubt that. In any case, I'm willing to take the risk."

It was quite obvious that Squall wasn't exactly ecstatic at the idea of sharing any less than a square kilometer of space with the blond – or anyone, for that matter. His eyes narrowed as he glared at the bed, then at Seifer himself. The older youth could almost smell his insecurity, though Squall did a tremendous job at hiding it.

"I can sleep on the couch... or the floor," the brunette offered weakly, but Seifer merely laughed at him.

"Nah. You ain't sleeping on the floor, sorry, princess," the blond sneered with eyes so ferally green he looked nothing short of a predator. "And as for the couch... that thing's hard as a fuckin' rock. That, and you'd be subject to Shiva's nightly cuddle onslaughts – trust me, you wouldn't get to doze off for even a minute. Like I said, the bed's big enough for the two of us and we're both guys, so what's the issue?"

After another minute of Squall staring at Seifer as if he wanted to brick him to death for his carefree attitude, the brunette finally surrendered. Sighing, he turned away and rolled his shoulders in a defeated shrug.

"There isn't one," he muttered, determined not to look like a complete moron.

He didn't trust Seifer – frankly, he trusted nobody – but he didn't necessarily believe that the blond would do anything to hurt him, either. Seifer was arrogant and thick-headed to a fault, he talked out of his ass a lot and he was annoyingly nosy, but Squall had meant what he had said earlier – the blond was nicer than most people he had ever met.

Not that that was exactly saying an awful lot, either.

"Well, got that settled then," the blond declared airily as he took a teasing half-bow in the brunette's direction. "Make yourself at home, princess. There's shit in the bathroom if you wanna freshen up, by the way."

"... Thanks."

Without losing another word, a very uncomfortable looking Squall practically hurled himself past a staggered Seifer and disappeared inside the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind himself.

'...Gee, think he might be a bit on the prude side? Nah, couldn't possibly be.'

Chortling to himself, Seifer turned off all the lights in the apartment and locked a disappointed Shiva out of the bedroom. Then, he slipped out of his pants and shirt and carelessly tossed them to his pile of other dirty laundry, ultimately standing in nothing but a pair of silk blue boxer shorts. He could hear Squall running the water in the bathroom, and for the very first time in about a decade or so, Seifer felt a slight pang of nervousness.

'Okay... so it's just me and the ice princess now - in one room, and one bed, no less. Whoa. Who would've thought? One way or another, I sure didn't expect having him in my bed quite this fuckin' fast. Guess I'm irresistible at last! Hah hah... Yeah, what the fuck ever. I better get a grip before I end up jumping his bones the moment he walks through that door. Don't really think he'd appreciate that one.'

Humming innocently and inspecting his nicely chiseled abs in his floor length mirror (for a lack of better and less vain things to do), Seifer paced pointless circles around the room. He closed the drop-down blinds of his bedroom window before he resumed his walkabout, randomly picking up things and putting them back down where they didn't belong, until finally, he heard Squall turning the knob of the bathroom door and slowly pushing it ajar. The blond stopped dead in his tracks in front of his immensely oversized walk-in closet, and despite his earlier, earnest resolutions, it did take a lot of his self-control to refrain from throwing Squall down on the bed right then and there.

Strangely enough, the brunette wasn't even doing anything special. In fact, he merely stood there, wearing only a loose pair of black cotton boxer shorts and an adorable blush that had snuck its way to his high, elegant cheekbones. His clothes were folded neatly and tucked beneath his right arm, and as he gracefully walked by Seifer to drop them onto a nearby chair and place his boots off to the side, Squall could practically feel the blond's eyes burning into his backside.

"What?" Squall asked irritably as he turned around, trying not to stare at Seifer's sun bronzed and rather well-developed body - or anything but the walls and carpet, for that matter.

'He's got a tattoo,' the brunette thought quietly to himself when his eyes did stray to Seifer's muscular figure and the tribal band that snaked around the blond's biceps. 'Is he even eighteen yet? Tche. That's just like him. Not that I care what he's like. Or if he has a tattoo. Or... Okay. I'm starting to feel like a freak. Why am I still looking at him?'

Just why on earth was he suddenly haunted by this strange sensation of embarrassment? After all, they were both guys. There was nothing that he should have felt strange about... at least as long as he managed to repress the memories of what had happened, and pretended that no other male had ever done him any physical or emotional harm.

"Nothing," Seifer replied casually, though Squall noticed a glint in his eyes that hadn't been there before. "Nothing at all."

With a suggestive smirk curling his lips, the blond went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and gargle with mouthwash. He figured that Squall had done the same thing, since the brunette had smelled faintly of spearmint when he had walked past him, looking all enticing and what not. As Seifer glanced at himself in the mirror, swishing Listerine through his teeth with a stupid grin on his angular face, he realized that he had no idea how he would ever manage to fall asleep that night.

When he spat out and flicked the light switch to dim the bathroom, he saw Squall standing by the edge of the bed, gazing at it in a bizarre blank. The brunette's arms were slack at his sides and only his shorts and dark hair contrasted with the white of the bandages around his wrists. His skin was sickly pale and littered with streaks of scab from his accident during gym class, his body was tightly muscled with a perfect set of abs, yet it looked almost too thin, and his eyes were dark and tired... basically, he looked like he had seen better days, and yet he was still the most gorgeous thing that Seifer had ever laid his eyes upon.

'This is going to be a long, looong night.'

Quickly, the eighteen year old cleared his throat.

"Squall? Hey. Did you fall asleep on me or what?"

The brunette snapped out of his daze, his storm blue eyes wide like those of a child as he flinched visibly. The sight worried Seifer, somehow.

"Hey... you alright?" he asked slowly.

"Y-Yeah," Squall stuttered unwillingly before he distanced himself from Seifer and circled the bed. "It's nothing."

"Whatever you say, space cadet," Seifer replied skeptically. "Get in. I'm gonna turn off the light."

As soon as Squall had crawled beneath the black satin covers and dropped his tousled head into the pillow, Seifer shut off even the last of lights. He had no problems tracing his way to the bed even in the pitch black darkness, if only because he could have heard Squall breathing from a mile away.

The sheets were rustling softly beneath him as he laid down and punched his pillow into a more accommodating shape. Squall, on the other hand, had stopped making sounds altogether; he was simply lying there, staring at what he believed to be the ceiling. He didn't know how close Seifer was to him, and frankly he didn't want to know, but he thought it safer to retreat to the far edge of the mattress and hug himself tightly to take up as little room as possible.

"Damn. Sure is dark, huh? You scared of the dark, princess?"

Seifer's voice sounded mildly amused when it cut through the silence between them, for reasons that Squall couldn't possibly fathom. He found nothing funny about this. The darkness of a nocturnal playground did little to unsettle him, but the darkness of a bedroom was an entirely different story.

The familiarity of the scene made his skin crawl with apprehension.

"You know," the blond spoke up once more, his tone provoking, "I can hear what you're thinking over there."

"Like hell you can," Squall growled back testily, the words muffled by his pillow.

"No, really. Like right now, you're thinkin' to yourself: 'Damn, Seifer's got a fine ass fucking body'!"

Seifer chuckled roughly when he heard Squall flipping onto his side and snorting derisively in response to that cocky comment – though, essentially, Seifer hadn't even been mistaken. As the blond's eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of the room, he could see that Squall had turned his back on him, and with a sly smirk curling his lips, Seifer slowly scooted a bit closer.

"It's alright," he lilted with false sympathy as he propped himself up on his left elbow, "You're not the first to be wooed by my irresistible looks."

"You're delirious," Squall huffed, while rolling onto his stomach.

Somehow, he just couldn't stay still.

"Heh. Delirious over my own awesomeness, perhaps," the blond sneered.

"Knock it off, idiot. I swear, you're mentally deranged."

"Mentally deranged? Why, that's so cute, Squall."

Seifer wasn't exactly sure why he was suddenly feeling playful like a twelve year old school girl, but he definitely did enjoy toying with the grumpy brunette. Really, Squall needed to loosen up, anyway, and this seemed like a perfect opportunity – for a vast number of things.

"Aw, c'mon," Seifer snickered, determined to coax a response out of his guest. "You're telling me you don't think I'm hot?"

"I thought you can hear what I'm thinking?" Squall bit back cannily.

"Well, yeah," Seifer replied as he moved his right shoulder in a well-considered shrug. "Then again, your head's awfully thick..."

Despite the fact that Seifer could see reasonably well, he hadn't exactly been prepared for the pillow that Squall had launched at him to hit him hard and square across the face. Grunting, he blinked at the brunette, who had turned onto his right side and was glaring straight at him, his left middle finger flicked up unambiguously.

With a narrow, feral grin, Seifer ran the edge of his hand across his nose and nodded evenly.

"Ah, okay, I see," he taunted softly. "You wanna play, huh?"

"Kids play," Squall retorted coolly. "Contrary to some of us, I've been beyond that stage for years."

"Oh? Is that so? And here I was thinking that you only just hit puberty. Say, do you even shave yet?"

This time, he did see Squall's arm flashing out at him as the brunette shot into an upright position and his hand tried to grab a hold of the pillow that was still in Seifer's keeping. The blond continued to grin as he pushed himself upwards as well, and while he pinned the pillow down on the mattress with his left hand, he used his other to snap it around Squall's forearm.

Luckily, Seifer's fingers found a spot that wasn't slit up and enveloped by bandages, but Squall's muscles tightened at the touch all the same. Hissing a sharp curse, the dark haired youth tried to yank his arm back with every grain of force that he could muster, but he had by no means expected Seifer to follow along with the abrupt movement.

With his breath collapsing in his lungs at the surprise, Squall found himself pinned back-down on his side of the bed. Seifer was hovering above him, smiling complacently as he still held on to Squall's arm like a vice; Seifer had successfully trapped the brunette's other limb as well, victory alight in his eyes as he sneered down upon the younger teen.

"Now, that didn't work out too well, did it?" the blond mocked him smugly, while positioning his knees at both sides of Squall's waist for better leverage, firmly digging them into the mattress.

Naturally, Squall was less than thrilled by the idea of being straddled by the other youth. For a second, he couldn't do much but lie still and give the blond a perplexed look out of dark, storm grey eyes, but he didn't remain silent for long.

"W-what the fuck?" he snapped as he tried to throw Seifer to the side. "Get off me!"

"'Fraid I can't do that," Seifer replied placidly, carefully moving the brunette's arms a little higher above his head as he angled himself down to him in an image of silly pride and superiority. "Not before you admit that I'm a hot son of a bitch!"

To his surprise, Squall didn't look the least bit amused. He wouldn't stop trying to buck Seifer off, and while the blond was struggling to hold his position as upper hand, he noticed that Squall's eyes had dilated out of focus. Something wasn't right. The sight caused Seifer to sober up in the matter of a single heartbeat.

"Squall," he said as he edged back an inch or two, looking disturbed. "Hey, I'm just messing with y-"

"No!" the brunette beneath him choked, anger and a hint of panic etched into his voice. "Get off! Get the fuck off me, Almasy!"

"Alright, alright," Seifer muttered soothingly as he released Squall's arms and rolled off the brunette's body, "Relax."

Squall's breath had started to come hard and fast, and Seifer didn't like it. He laid down next to the dark haired boy without taking his eyes off him, monitoring how the brunette tried to force himself to calm down. Squall refused to look at him – instead, he stared at the empty space before him, seeing things that weren't really there.

"Squall...?"

Concern was streaking the way that Seifer murmured the unusual name. Squall heard it, fortunately, because it helped him to keep his mind from spiraling into his own little realm of insanity. The cold, stale stench of cigars and the sticky, suffocating heat that he had perceived only seconds before slowly faded away, finally and once more retreating to the dark corner of his mind that was laden with memories very few could even imagine.

Only very gradually did he start to calm down.

"You're shaking," the blond next to him observed calmly, while draping the warming covers across the brunette's nearly naked body.

"I'm fine," Squall answered, his voice tight and coarse as he turned his head away.

Seifer said nothing, knowing well that Squall was anything but fine, before he started to search the bed for the younger boy's pillow. When he couldn't find it, he grabbed his own instead and rolled around to face the brunette once more.

"Lift your head for a sec," he ordered. "Please."

At first, Squall showed no sign of recognition. It took a while before he reluctantly reeled around and took the pillow from Seifer's hands, then proceeded to shove it beneath his own head carelessly and immediately resumed ignoring the blond once more.

Without having to think on it long, Seifer knew that the fragile bit of trust between them had evaporated.

"If I hurt you, I'm sorry," the blond finally stated quietly, sounding as sincere as anyone possibly could. "I didn't mean to."

Without saying another word, the eighteen year old turned over and retrieved the second pillow from the bedroom floor. He wasn't entirely sure how to handle this strange situation that had gone from a harmless joke to a downright angst fest. The brunette was still facing away from him, and Seifer studied his filigree, softly moving neck as he dropped his own head into the pillow that smelled very faintly of spice and apple.

He wanted to groan with frustration and longing.

'This isn't going well at all... What on earth is wrong with him? I don't get it. I was just kidding... I didn't even do anything! He's definitely got some serious issues. First he's all playful, then he completely flips the fuck out. I mean, what the hell, dude? At least give me some sort of warning before you trip out on me. Fuck.'

He kept contemplating the issue silently within his mind, grimacing wryly every now and then. Squall seemed to have settled down some; at least he was pulling the covers more tightly around himself and his breathing had slowed to a healthier sounding rhythm.

"Are you feelin' better?"

Squall shifted uneasily at the sound of that question. He had hoped that Seifer was done talking to him for the night, although part of him was afraid that the blond was done talking to him for good.

It was a strange combination of feelings, and he knew well enough that it made no sense whatsoever.

"... I'm fine."

Behind him, Seifer heaved an exasperate sigh.

"Do you ever say anything but 'whatever' or 'I'm fine'?" the blond grunted huskily as he rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. "Fuck. I mean, gimme a break here."

"What do you want me to say?" Squall replied with a hard, exasperate inflection, already tired of this conversation.

What was Seifer trying to achieve with all of this, anyway? What did he want? What was all this shit about? Squall had never met anyone in his life who would help a complete stranger for no reason – particularly one like himself, who had a psychotic habit of mutilating his own skin with a fucking razor blade. Seifer seemed completely normal and sane, and he seemed so different from himself – he looked so much brighter and stronger, almost glowing from within, when Squall felt nothing but hollow and dead inside. Seifer could have spent the night with Rinoa Heartilly, doing things that admittedly made Squall feel resentful towards the older boy, and yet the blond was here with him instead.

Part of Squall understood the meaning behind that decision, understood the spark in Seifer's hypnotic green eyes and the gentleness the blond exercised towards him, but he wanted to ignore it nonetheless.

'Why...? Why are you so nice to me? I'm not nice to you. I never have been. So why? I don't get it and it's driving me crazy.'

"I don't know what I want you to say," Seifer interrupted Squall's brooding with a surprisingly vulnerable inflection. "I just wish I knew what's going on inside your head. I wish I knew what you're thinking."

Swallowing, Squall clipped curtly, "I'm not thinking anything."

"... I suppose not."

Squall wasn't relieved when he heard Seifer flipping over and turning away from him, but he didn't object, either. The shock caused by Seifer straddling him had faded, maybe more quickly than he had anticipated, but the memories stayed with him. They elicited feelings that he always tried to suppress and banish for as long as he could – feelings that Seifer had yanked to the surface without knowing.

Dangerous feelings.

His pulse was pounding in his arteries as he tried to drown out the blunt pain in his head and concentrate on the rhythmic sound of the blond's breathing.

Somehow, the steadiness of it was oddly soothing and unnerving at the same time.

:: "I wish I knew what you're thinking." ::

Squall scowled helplessly.

'No. You don't. Trust me. You don't wanna know, and I can't tell you. It doesn't matter how much it hurts or how much I sometimes wish I could tell just one person... just one... I can't, and I won't. I'm not going to put my own feelings before her's. I'm not going to be selfish... she's done so much for me, it wouldn't be fair. I won't do this to her, for nobody's sake – not even my own. It would hurt her, much more than he could ever hurt me. I'll be... fine. I have to make it... just... a little bit... longer...'

The brunette clung to those thoughts with rising despair as he forced himself to steady and keep from catching Seifer's attention. Still, he couldn't prevent darkness from pouring into his mind, clawing for even the faintest of hopes or the smallest, purest spark of emotion that Squall had never thought himself capable of feeling.

Biting down violently upon his lower lip, he dug his finger nails into the white bandage around his right wrist so fiercely that it hurt.

Squall knew he had to hold on.

Somehow.

At least for a while.

'My... fucking... head... hurts...'

In the end, however, Squall had only learned one way to cope with the darkness.

Only one.