Chapter 9

"Paul calm down!" Sam yells in a demanding voice.

Logically, I know I should get off his lap and get the hell away from him. But I don't; I'm too confused to move. Part of me is screaming to comfort him and calm him down and the other part is yelling at me to run like hell.

"What the hell happened? Why were you near a leach?" Paul demands, gripping my forearms harshly.

My eyes bulge. I want to tell him to stop. I want to tell him he's hurting me. I want to yell at him. But I don't. I just stare at him, unsure of what to do.

Everyone looks just as scared and unsure of what to do as I am. And that doesn't help. "Paul, calm down," Jake says. "It's just Carlisle."

"Carlisle?" he whispers angrily. "What the fuck were you doing near a Cullen?"

I glare at him, pulling out of his grasp. Something about bringing the doctor who pretty much just made my day into this really pisses me off. "What the fuck do you think I was doing? He's a doctor Paul. Why else would I be near him?"

Okay, maybe yelling at an already angered, volatile, wolf isn't that great of an idea. But I'm angry, and hurt. He's still shaking, still pissed, but I can tell he's starting to realize what he did. And feel bad about it. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to see him?"

"Because you wouldn't have let me go," I yell. Despite everyone's warnings for me to shut up, I keep going, "And then you would've told my parents! They would've freaked out and it would've ruined everything!"

His shaking doesn't subside, not that I'm surprised. "You lied to me."

"Yeah! And I just explained why! I'm sorry but you don't fucking understand anyway so telling you would've just made it worse!"

His shaking ceases. I can tell he's thoroughly confused, and hurt. Good for fucking him because if he's not mad, I am. "I... don't... get what I don't understand."

"Of course you don't!" I cry, tears literally streaming down my face. "No one does! And that's why I went. I needed to know instead of just hearing everyone tell me it's stupid, or over, or gone! I wish people would stop acting like they fucking get it when they don't, and just leave me alone!"

I run out of Emily's house, bawling. I keep running until I find myself at First Beach. It seems like I always end up here, for everything. I collapse into the sand, glancing at the small bruises forming on my biceps. Even if Paul did deserve that, I just don't think he does. I mean, I did lie to him and willfully go see a vampire without telling him after all.

Plus he had warned me about what to do when he gets mad, and I didn't listen. Then I yelled at him for things that didn't even really apply to him. Yeah, he doesn't understand, but he also doesn't give me a hard time. In fact he'd sympathized with me and hadn't told me what I should do. He'd just been there for me. That's all I've wanted.

To: Carly Patterson

Text: Oh gosh Car, I screwed up badly and I don't know what to do :'(

"You didn't screw up at all, Evie, I did. I'm so so sorry. What I just did was unacceptable," Paul whispers his voice sounding tortured. He kneels down in front of me, which is when he sees the bruises on my arms. "Oh my God," he cries, "I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did that to you." He starts shaking again.

"He was really mad one day, not at her, and when he phased, she was standing too close."

"Paul," I say in the strongest voice I can muster, "if you don't calm down, it's going to be a lot worse."

That works and he sighs. "Fuck, I just ruin everything."

I smile lightly. "No, your temper just does. It's not all your fault."

He shakes his head at me. "You're unbelievable," he mumbles, "You should be making me feel like the worst person in the world right now. Not trying to cheer me up."

"I don't want to make you feel bad Paul." I close my eyes and sigh. "And I should be saying sorry. You at least had a reason to be mad at me. A stupid reason, but nonetheless still a reason. I yelled at you things that I'm not even mad at you for. Things that you haven't even done. And that's not fair."

"I hurt you. You have every right to yell at me."

"How about we just call it even and move on?" I suggest. It may be stupid for me to forgive him so easily but I don't care. I just want him to be happy and I want to be near him.

He bites his lip. "I'm going to find a way to make this up to you, Everlie." He leans down and kisses my forehead softly. "So why did you go to the doctor?"

I switch my gaze to the ocean, gazing absentmindedly. "Promise you won't tell my parents?"

He nods. "I promise."

I tell him my reason and what happened at my appointment. "I'm sorry I don't understand why you need this," I murmurs sincerely.

"I don't expect you to. I can't expect you to. Paul, you've never been through what I'm going through, and I don't want you to have to. It just sucks."

"I want to understand, though."

I smile softly. "I appreciate that but – "

"Please tell me."

I sigh. "Paul, what's the one thing you love more than anything in this world?"

"You," he replies simply.

I'm about to roll my eyes but as I meet his gaze, I realize he's dead serious. "Okay, well just imagine you spent every waking hour of your life focusing on me, doing everything you can to make me like you, to be... good at me liking you, I guess. And then, after all your hours and hours of dedication, you had to leave. And never be with me again. Only able to see me from a distance. How would you feel?"

Immediately, he envelops his arms around me. Then I realize I'm crying again. "Shhh, baby, it's okay," Paul soothes.

"Do you get it a little now?"

His body rocks slightly which I can tell is him nodding my head. "I'm sorry you have to go through that. But please when you go back for your appointment, let me come with you. I'll behave, I just need to know you're safe."

I nod, then my phone vibrates in my pocket. Paul smirks down at me. "I could make so many jokes right here."

I shove him playfully. "Well don't."

New Message

From: Carly Patterson

Text: Evie? What's going on? Are you okay? Did something happen at the hospital?

"She understands?" Paul guesses.

I nod. "More than anyone. She has the same back problem so she's gone through this before. She's a singer now. But she struggled a bit at first too. She's my best friend," I whisper slightly teary-eyed.

He kisses my cheek as I text Carly back.

To: Carly Patterson

Text: Sry Car, I guess I just over reacted. Shocker there huh? ;) Things went really well at the hospital, I'll text you the deets later :)

We sit in silence for a while as I cuddle further into Paul. Maybe I am too forgiving but I know he feels terrible and I'm not going to make him feel worse.

"Do you want to hear something funny?" Paul asks, his breath tickling my neck.

I giggle. "I think we've established that we don't have the same sense of humor. So I'm not sure..." I grin as he pouts. "But go ahead. Don't get mad if I'm offended."

"First off, I would be sad if you were offended, not mad. Anyway, when you said that your parents would've freaked out, I kinda thought you went to the doctors because you thought you were pregnant. Which clearly didn't help in calming me down..."

I gape at him. "That's why you thought I went to the doctors?"

He smiles sheepishly. "Are you mad?"

I bite my lip, the only thing stopping me from laughing hysterically. "Paul! How could I be pregnant? I'm a virgin." Then my hand flings to my mouth. Did I really just say that? Oh my god... With a face as red as a tomato, I look up to him bashfully. I've never seen him smile so largely or look so happy. Is he glad I'm a virgin? How is inexperience ever a good thing?

"Hey," he whispers softly, seeing my expression. "Don't be embarrassed Everlie." He kisses me softly. "Don't ever be embarrassed." Another kiss.

"But... you've already and..."

Kiss. "You don't have to do anything you're not ready for." Kiss. "We'll wait." This time I kiss him back, as a thank you. It heats up quickly and before I know it I'm laying in the sand with Paul perched over top of me making out with him with all I have.

I pull back and smirk at him. "I think we should stop."

He nods and rolls off of me. "Sorry, I got kinda carried away. You do that to me."

"I don't mind," I tease, pecking him on the lips. "Now... I think I've thought of a way for you to make it up to me."

He raises an eyebrow. "Anything you want."

I beam at him. "Back massage."

He groans. "The things I do for you... Turn around."

I giggle and do as I'm told. He starts at my shoulders, massaging in small circles. I bite back a moan. "You're really good at this." He leans in and kisses my cheek.

"I know."

"Don't stop!" I complain. He chuckles, but does as he's told. Once he reaches the bottom of my back, I feel him pause.

"Does that hurt?" he wonders.

I shake my head. "Nope. It feels weird though, doesn't it?" I ask, referring to the disks. Although it isn't visibly noticeable, you can feel the inflammation of them when you press into my back. He presses more now, exploring my back.

I laugh when I see the focused look on his face. "Oh my god Paul. It's doesn't feel that cool. If anything it's gross."

He kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around me. "It's on you, of course it's not gross. It's amazing."

"You're a corn ball," I laugh. It's funny how within an hour, things can go from fatal to amazing.