Hey guys! Its Your frendily neighborhood Lupa! Sorry it had been so dreadfully long since my last update... i could throw some excuses... tell you long stories about work and school and guys and drama... but instead im going to blow some smoke up your ass about anticipation making the chapter all the sweeter. Ha.

...anyway, enjoy.

Chapter Ten:

Autumn Leaves

"If you spend your whole life worrying about what was or could be, you will miss out on what really is"

-Me

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The sunlight sparkled on the morning dew where it clung to the fallen autumn leaves. Their bright orange and red colors stood out strongly against the black of the students' robes as they milled about Hogsmeade for the first time this term.

Hermione groaned in anguish as Harry, whom she was now sure had lost his mind in the death of his godfather, was rolling about in the leaves with one Ronald Weasely in the combined shadows of an enormous red oak and the Shrieking Shack.

She had to bite her cheek to keep from laughing as they made "leaf angels" and waved at her to join them.

Laughing would mean admitting that what they were doing looked like fun and not just ridiculous, nonsensical behavior. So, of course she complied and doubled over in side splitting-laughter.

She ran over to them, her robes billowing behind her, and flopped down between the boys not caring who saw her acting so undignified. She was the brightest witch in her year. Brilliant people are allowed to be strange.

They were a ways away from the bustling of Hogsmeade at any rate, as few students ventured this far over.

Their tiff about Remus had been forgotten, for the moment at least, in a flurry of candy eating and butterbeer drinking.

Last night had been the first night in a long time the three had snuck out of bed to do nothing of importance. And the effects had been miraculous. They had gone down to the kitchens and stuffed themselves silly, sending the house elves into a frenzy with requests for butterbeer, truffles, and other such nonsense. The night had served its purpose of relieving the stress their sixth year and the ever darkening times had already begun to impose on them. And not even on them, themselves, but on their friendships.

Ron and Harry had finally convinced Hermione that Professor Lupin could look after himself, and she grudgingly had agreed, though under the strict terms that they would reconsider if anything got out of hand. Merlin knew that someone at some point would try to push him too far.

Now, in the morning light and a pile of leaves, the golden trio was acting like that argument had never happened. If only they had realized what a good night of debauchery with ones friends could do for them back in the days of Lupin's first year there; when Ron and Hermione nearly killed one another over a stupid rat. Who knew the ultimate solution lay within getting smashed and passing out with your good friends?

Hermione threw her arms around her friends as they lie there in the leaves; Ron on one side, and Harry on the other. They looked up together at the Shrieking Shack and Hermione forced herself not to pity the poor professor she knew cased himself inside it once a month. She wondered how long it would take everyone else to figure it out. Not everyone in the school was a complete dunderhead. They already knew he was a werewolf. It was only a matter of time until someone got brave and sought him out during his transformation. Some sick adrenaline junkie or maybe even Colin Creevey with his infamous camera. Anything was possible.

Hermione tore her gaze away from the shack and from thoughts of Remus' well being and rested her forehead on Harry's shoulder. She thought back to when times were simpler. Back in her first years at Hogwarts when all she worried about was her grades. Back when the fear Voldemort was not quite as pressing on her mind. Back when Harry and Snape's endless quarreling and the constant removal of points from houses was the most worrisome thing in her life.

Hermione heard Ron rustling in the leaves behind her, then there was a rather fake cough and he raised himself from the ground.

The three all looked over at the shack and sighed. Memories of Sirius came back in sharp relief. Hermione felt them, though she wasn't feeling them herself, as she looked down at the ring on her finger. It was a deep storming blue. Harry looked at them with a fake smile plastered on his face and her finger twitched again. When she looked down, the storm inside the ring was getting worse, and the lightning flashing through it was orange. Harry was hiding something from them. Harry stood and his hands to the two of them. Hermione assumed he was hiding something from them because it had to do with Sirius and he didn't want to talk about it. The second she thought that, the twitching in her finger ceased. She shot Ron a look to see if he had noticed, he was looking and her and the ring curiously, but before he could open his mouth to voice the opinion she decided that a butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks would be a fabulous idea.

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Remus busied himself with watching the students roaming the town so that he could ignore the woman walking beside him. She regarded the village with the same interest that she gave Diagon Alley when she first entered it. Though some of the ridiculous school girl excitement had faded. For the best, it made him feel like an old man not to be impressed with the magic of the village anymore. They perused bookstores and joke shops all the while talking about nothing in particular.

He tried making polite conversation by asking about her family, she got quiet and changed the subject. He had wanted to nose about but he figured it wasn't his place since he wouldn't offer up any information about his family either. He sighed, not knowing what to say next.

She noticed his quiet discomfort and nudged him laughingly into the Three Broomsticks. Their intent was to have a drink, after all.

Kairi plopped herself down at a table and took a healthy swig of butterbeer once it was delivered. Who cared that this stuff had a negligible amount of alcohol in it? It was good.

Remus took a sip of his own as he studied her. They had talked about everything from books to weather to students and the war. The latter of which had sent her into a frenzy. She had ranted for a good half hour about the war and spat Voldemort's name out with such anger that the twitch of fear that followed it was greatly shadowed.

"And now he is using werewolves to do his bidding! It's disgusting, how they bend to him," She had stopped herself then and looked at him, shame in her eyes.

He looked her over, wanting to agree but not able to make himself form the words. That struck a little closer to home than she realized. He mused to himself.

Nervously she grasped at her arm and shifted in her chair.

Remus took another swig of butterbeer remembering the strangeness in that look.

Kairi looked up at him. She had wanted to tell him all day. It had seemed such an easy thing in her head, 'I'm a werewolf', but the reality of it made it hard. Being a werewolf was a big issue. Some werewolves preferred to be left alone, even got territorial, what if he was one of those? She looked at his smiling face as they talked about his young days at Hogwarts and couldn't imagine him ever looking at her with anger.

Flashes of dark rooms and claws danced for a second behind her eyes and the memories were so vivid that pain lanced through her arm and something deep inside her growled. She would never allow that to happen again. She was a stronger person. Remus was different.

"Remus, I've wanted to tell you all day-" She stopped short at the look on his face.

Remus had seen that flash behind her eyes, recognized the fear there, smelt it on her and he had snarled protectively. He almost thought he heard her growl back but the look on her face when her eyes went dark… it had sent shivers through him that made him almost happy she hadn't wanted to share her past. There was something dark and twisted hidden there.

He snapped back into focus when he realized she was talking.

"Remus… are you listening?" She laughed. All traces of that dark pain gone from her face like a slate wiped clean.

He nodded and smiled.

Kairi decided telling him would work best like ripping off a band-aid, just do it quick and deal with the aftereffects. "Good, because I've been trying to tell you all day I'm a…"

The last of her sentence was drowned out in a cheering from behind her.

The golden trio had just waltzed into the doors of the pub, and they were glowing from the rosy cheeks and smiling faces, to the leaves stuck in Hermione's hair. The three of them had spotted their two teachers sitting together and had decided to come up and sit with them.

Remus looked into Kairi's eyes and caught the, "It'll have to wait" look. He just sighed and turned to the trio for a chat.

Kairi sat back in her chair while the four of them talked. Her disappointment was evident; she had everything planned out in her mind. After she dropped the bomb of course, she had a little speech of confession ending in a friend she could run with and hunt with every full moon. Of course it couldn't go as planned. Oh no.

She laughed a little then started slightly when she realized the students had been trying to talk to her.

'Infamous Harry Potter, nothing like I pictured…' Sure she had seen pictures of the Boy-Who-Lived, but the image she had built up in her mind was of a man… Harry Potter was still so young to have faced so much. This was a boy to be protected and believed in. She could smell greatness on him. If only she could see how someone so small would be able to destroy the Dark Lord.

Before she knew it, she was heading back up to the castle with the falling rays of the sun cascading around her shoulders stretching her shadow out impossibly tall.

After seeing the last of the students into their dorms, Remus turned in the direction of his office.

She hesitated for a moment, knowing the evening had drawn to a close, but she was determined to tell him before she lost her nerve. She didn't know exactly why she was so determined to tell him, it just felt like something she needed to do. Though with a giggle she realized it probably had a lot to do with the simple fact that he was another werewolf and she was tired of being so alone.

"Kairi?" His eyes shone with innocence and he reached out a hand in offering.

She smiled and took it, letting him lead her towards another quiet place.

It felt natural to walk with her hand in his. The slight tingle that shot through her skin at the contact only added to the excitement of the evening.

He chatted mindlessly about something, his days at Hogwarts she was sure, and how his mother was always sick, and she was content to just listen. His voice was so soothing, and the tingle in her arm was so warm.

She knew the way to his office without looking, she could smell him there just as well as she could smell him standing next to her.

"Alright, so now what was it you wanted to tell me?" He pushed open the door to his office just as a sharp pain shot through her arm, causing her to cry out. She jerked away from him, clutching her arm, eyes wide and frightened.

Remus looked at her for a moment his question forgotten as her eyes frantically scanned his office over before falling on his desk. Her eyes narrowed and what could only be understood as a snarl escaped her lips.

He turned in slow motion, not knowing what she could have seen to set her off like that. What he saw on the corner of his desk first relieved him then filled him with such mortification he did not even want to know what was going through her mind; it was a slightly smoking silver goblet.

"How dare you." The words fell like venom and burned his skin.

She stalked across the room; her inexplicable anger at the world suddenly finding a perfect scapegoat in Remus and his bloody potion.

He slunk back from her, not knowing what to say. Not knowing what he could say to wipe that look from her eyes.

"Kairi, I…" he tried to find words. This is most certainly not how he would have wanted her to find out he was a werewolf. He picked up the goblet, wanting to drink it and show her he was at least taking steps to make himself safe. 'I wouldn't hurt a fly, see?'

"You're just like them!" She shouted at him and knocked the potion from his hands. Remus flinched at those words. They stung more than she could have known. He had been "one of them" almost all his life. He turned his eyes down to where the deep blood red of the potion seeped across his floors. His shame played across his face.

"You're just like them. Like Dumbledore and Severus and the ministry!"

Remus' head snapped back up, "Wha-"

"How can you do that to yourself?" She gripped her arms as if cold, and seemed to tremble slightly.

"Kairi what are-"

"You were supposed to be different! How can you do that to yourself?" Tears formed at the corners of her vision and Kairi felt herself stop dead. Remus reached out her, confusion playing across his face, and she turned tail and fled.

Remus stood there for a moment thinking two entirely different conversations had just taken place before he followed her.

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Harry strode across the Quidditch pitch with Ron and Ginny to get a jump on this year's practice. His heart was pounding as it always did right before he got back on a broom after a long summer. Quidditch was one of the things he looked forward to most as a student at Hogwarts; the sound of the crowds, the tension building as the match drug on, the feel of the wind and the flutter of the snitch when you wrapped your fingers around it before it gave up and submitted to being caught, every second was something to be savored.

Harry grasped his Firebolt tightly in his hands and felt the smooth wood under his fingers. He mounted the broom and, just as was common before he kicked off he had a moment to let the fear that nothing would happen course through him, and then he was in the air.

He felt Ginny and Ron rise next to him, but he was gone. Up and up, faster and faster. The wind blew through his hair and stung his face, but none of it mattered like that feeling of being free. He set his sights on the goal posts on the opposite end of the field and rocketed towards them. He imagined himself diving for the snitch, catching it to the roar of the crowds. Then something smashed into his side.

He rolled and caught himself from falling. His assailant chuckled an apology from somewhere over to his left.

"Sorry about that, Potter." Draco Malfoy sat cheerfully on his Nimbus 2001 a cocky smile spreading across his face.

Another Slytherin Harry recognized as Blaise Zabini rose next to him followed by the usual entourage, Crabbe and Goyle.

Ron and Ginny came up behind them, everyone tensed for a fight.

"Sheesh Potter, don't get your panties all in a bunch, the field s plenty big enough for the six of us." He tossed the quaffle to Ginny who caught it with a jolt and stared at him.

Harry stared at his archrival too as the pale boy smirked again.

"What kind of practice did you honestly hope to achieve with just the three of you anyway?"

"You, want to practice with us?" Ron stuttered.

"Yeah? What's so wrong with that? We're bored and this looked like more fun than some of the things we were trying to come up with back in the castle before we saw you guys walk out here." Blaise Zabini said with a much more innocent seeming smirk than was still playing across the face of his friend.

Somewhere down below him, Harry heard Hermione release the bludgers.

"Alright then," Harry said. "Why not?"

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Remus followed the billowing of robes around the twists and turns of the castle he knew by heart. He had absolutely no idea what had happened in his office but it was more than the call of a chase that had him after her. His potion lie forgotten on the floor of his office and the possible repercussions of not taking it had not even begun to sink in yet. All he knew was that he had to catch her. Nothing else mattered.

Kairi hit the door of the castle with the force of a train. The door flung open and she spilled down the steps and landed in a heap on the grass. She looked up, the tears in her eyes blurred her vision and her anger made her reckless, but when she saw the moon, even so small as it was almost not there at all, her wolf took control.

She stood from the grass, the crying and the shaking was over. Her body pulsed with anticipation for the change. Kairi took off across the grass, her eyes set on the edge of the forbidden forest.

Remus paused for a brief second after her spill down the steps. First he had thought the chase was over, and then he noticed the change in her, smelled in on her somehow despite the thinness of the moon. His caution almost got the better of him. But when that calm demeanor shifted and she bolted again, his instincts forced him to give chase again. He didn't know what he would say to her when he caught her. She knew now that he was a werewolf. She saw him as a monster. He should stop. Leave her alone. But then he saw her hit the woods.

The second Kairi felt the cover the thick trees of the forest provided, she let her wolf loose. Bones shifted, skin shrank and expanded and clothes she hadn't bothered to take off ripped to shreds. Claws came out of shapely fingers not yet shrunk into paws.

Fur sprung up all over her body in deep shades of red and brown. The whole process took barely 45 seconds and when amber eyes turned to meet steel gray, something deep inside Remus snapped, and Kairi ran. Everything would disappear if she could run far enough.

She hadn't wanted him to see her change. She had wanted him to be different.

He takes wolfsbane.

He is ashamed of what he is.

She stalled for a moment in her flight to howl again, in lament for her own loneliness.

A growl came from behind her a moment before he was on her. He pinned her to the ground and held her there with ease; something that should have been impossible since she was in her wolf form and he was still human. But there he was, and he was managing quite well. She woofed and snarled and howled and struggled, and he held her down, ran his hands through her fur, and whispered soothing things in her ears.

He looked her in the eyes, and this time amber met molten gold. Remus willed her to change back as he ran fingers through her impossibly smooth fur. The animal in him wanted her just like that, but since he had only forgotten his potion tonight and the moon was nowhere near full, his beast remained caged. So he willed her to become human. He felt his wolf reach out and brush against hers, and he reached out and grabbed her human.

Kairi whimpered, not sure what was happening then her wolf was simply gone. It curled back up inside her and went to sleep, the fur melted from her skin like dry water just rolling off her body leaving her lying naked in Remus' arms.

Remus looked down at her, panting in his arms, and then he kissed her. Kairi curled up against him, desperate for the contact. He ran hands that scorched like fire down her back just as he had through her fur. Kairi wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him deeper. It wasn't enough, it would never be enough.

She tore at his clothes, shredding them in her urgency. He grabbed her hands and pinned them up above her head, with a rough growl.

Part of Kairi struggled again, not wanting to be defenseless, but the other part of her loved how powerless it made her feel.

Remus struggled to get ahold of himself. His wolf fought to break the surface and ravage the girl under him, but Remus held it down. Her fighting and whimpering was only exciting the wolf in him and it made it very hard to remember why she had been running from him, why she was so upset.

Kairi wriggled one of her hands free and clawed down his back and his eyes went just a little cloudy. Remus recaptured the hand and pinned both of her wrists together with one of his own. The other he used to spread her legs.

Kairi whimpered again and tried to rise to meet him, but Remus held her down. When he looked down at her there was a fire in those golden eyes she had never seen directed at her from any man. The raw lust there was almost overwhelming.

She tried to buck against him, wondering what was taking him so long, when she felt his hot breath on her neck.

"Kairi, I want to make sure you are in there when I fuck you." He nibbled at her ear. "I want both you and your wolf to still trust me in the morning."

Kairi nodded and moaned when he slipped just his tip inside her. He waited an eternity for her to protest, to back out, then he drove himself inside her and his world went black.

She sensed a change in him, but the sheer rough feeling of him inside her drove any questions from her mind. He groaned and looked down at her, but Kairi didn't see anything of Remus in those eyes. The body may have been human, but the mind was all wolf.

She felt the warmth and promise spreading between her legs and cried out under him. His thrusts became more urgent and she heard him moaning softly. She had barely started coming back down to earth again when he thrust into her one final time, gripping her hips so tightly she was sure to have bruises and her earth shattered. The world was gone in a cloud of feelings and tastes.

She vaguely felt him collapse on top of her and kiss her neck, but she was floating somewhere her mind so clouded and her body so relaxed, she simply fell asleep there with him still gloved inside her, lying on the floor of the Forbidden Forest.

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Kairi woke in the middle of the night with a sharp jolt. She panicked for a moment before recognizing who she was with. She was still at Hogwarts, she was still safe. She looked lovingly down at Remus' sleeping body where he lay nestled against her. His chest rose and fell and each exhale across her chest and neck made her want to giggle. She lifted a hand to brush the hair out of his face and it caught her eye. That wretched black thing burned into her skin so long ago. She covered it with her other hand but the image was as much in her mind as on her skin. The curling of the snake from the eyes of the skull were a strong reminder that she had made mistakes, mistakes that had cost lives and cost Kairi her innocence.

She had been in love once before, and had followed him into the belly of the Dark Lord. She had thought he would protect her. She had thought it would be like having a family.

She hadn't known… hadn't understood…

Kairi untangled herself from Remus and stood looking towards the castle. She had to tell herself she was safe here. Dumbledore had promised she would be safe here.

Then her arm started burning. She clutched it to her chest, her heart pounding in her throat. Fear shot through her as she cast one last look at Remus then bolted for the castle.

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So Kairi seems to do a lot of running around in ths chapter. Anyway, there you go. Hopefully it wont be as long until the next one. Check out my forum if i take too long. I'm always up for a nudge.