Evergreen sat in the most plush chair she could find, right by the fire. She was stretching her arms out, trying to dry them. Elfman was watching her, and trying not to be seen watching her. She squeezed out her hair and a few drops ran out. The firelight glinted off her glasses, and Elfman wondered absently why she was still wearing them if they were broken.

"So." Mirajane stood, her arms crossed, glaring down at Evergreen. "If you're a princess, why are you wandering around our kingdom looking like this?"

"I was on a carriage ride," she said, "and my ride was ambushed by bandits."

"Ambushed!" Elfman stood up, nearly knocking over the table as he did. "What? That – not manly at all-"

"Oh, relax," Evergreen waved her hand. "I took them all out easily. But them my carriage driver was dead and I was completely lost, so I just walked to the place most likely to take me in." She frowned. "Took me half the day, though."

"You took out all the bandits?" Elfman asked.

"You thought the castle was more likely to take you in?" Mirajane said sceptically.

"Well, I am a princess, aren't I?" Evergreen flipped her hair over her shoulder. "And yes, I did take them all out. I have magic powers. Which is why I'm still wearing my glasses, if you were wondering."

Lisanna entered the room. "I've just spoken with the servants," she said politely. "They say we have a room Miss Evergreen can sleep in tonight."

Before Evergreen could comment about 'Miss' – "you will address me as 'Her Royal Highness'" – Mirajane stood and clapped her hands. "Excellent," she smiled. "Brother, dear, would you see the princess to her room?"

"Which room?"

"You'll find it, dear."

As they were leaving the room, Elfman pulled his sister aside. "What are you trying to do, sis?"

Mira smiled sweetly. "Brother, don't you see? You claim you can't marry anyone but a real princess and poof! Someone shows up at our doorstep proclaiming to be a real princess."

Elfman wiped a hand down his face. "Sis, you meddle in people's lives too much... this is so unmanly."

"Nevertheless," Mira hissed. "Your princess awaits." And she gestured to Evergreen, tapping her foot impatiently.

Oh, yes. This was going to be fun.

xxx

The torchlight glimmered on the stone walls of the castle as Elfman led Evergreen down a hallway. The windows all sat open, the after-rain breeze blowing through their hair gently. It was an awkward kind of silence in which they walked. Where Evergreen spent the whole time studying her nails and Elfman stared at his feet.

"So..." he started, then cursed himself for sounding so dumb. "Uh, how exactly did you take out all those bandits?" He heard Evergreen sniff. Part of him felt a little annoyed; who said she could act so snobby?

"I turned them all to stone," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Or, my eyes did, anyway. They have that power." She spoke with such a lazy arrogance, it made Elfman's blood boil.

"That's not how real men fight!" he shouted, rounding on her. "That's – that's like the Medusa way of fighting!"

"Well, I never!" Evergreen stamped her foot. "How dare you! Why, if it weren't for my so-called 'unmanly' magic, I wouldn't be here right now!"

"Maybe that's an okay thing!" Elfman yelled back, and he realized they'd come nose-to nose in their argument.

Blushing, he pulled his head back. "Your room is this way, My Lady."

Evergreen stepped through the doorway, surveying the room with distaste evident on her face. The bed was mahogany, with a towering canopy and green silk covers. In the corner stood another, smaller room with a sink and ivory tub full of steaming hot water.

She sighed heavily. "Well, I suppose it will do for tonight."

"Do!? My servants worked hard to prepare this room for you, show some gratitude!"

"Isn't yelling at a lady 'unmanly'?" Evergreen shot back, her eyes cruelly teasing. Elfman bit back a 'what lady?' and instead crossed his massive arms.

"What is there to your unliking, man?"

Evergreen coloured. She gaped like a fish, evidently not used to being called 'man'. Shaking her head, she crossed her arms to match his pose and stuck her nose to his. "Mattresses," she said. "I want more of them."

"How many?" Elfman growled.

"Twenty," she said, and seemed to get some delight in how his face went slack with shock. "Twenty goosefeather mattresses."

xxx

That night, Evergreen tossed and turned in bed. It wasn't that she didn't like her mattresses – in fact, she revelled in how soft they were. And she was completely clean – soaked in a three hour bath, her hair smelling like lemons and roses and pine forests, all thanks to the castle's bath salts.

No, there was something else keeping Evergreen awake. There was something poking her back.

She tossed to the left, and for a moment the jabbing ceased. She sighed in contentment, stretching out - but there it was again! Something sticking into her right side.

Annoyed now beyond words, Evergreen sat up and began descending the ladder to the ground. She would find a servant so locate the source of the jabbing and if he couldn't find it, stone him. Literally. Her bare feet hit the floor with a cold slap, and she immediately stepped into slippers. Something white flashed past the window, and she stuck her head out.

"How strange," Evergreen murmured to herself. Why was Elfman sneaking out of the castle?

Forgetting her intent of fixing her bad, she hopped out of the window and moved to follow him, nightgown flowing in the breeze.

He checked behind him a few times, and Evergreen had to duck into an alley quickly. Halfway through she wondered why exactly she was following him, and started to go back, but curiosity always got the better of her and she continued on.

She followed him all the way into town, where he entered what looked like a really rowdy bar. At first, she hesitated at the thought of following him in. Especially when the sounds of a fight broke out. But, once again, curiosity turned her head and her feet and she found herself standing in the doorway.

Elfman, along with three other men, were wrestling around on the ground, and most of them had lost their shirts in the scuffle. Spectators were banging their drinks on the table, cheering for various people. Evergreen definitely heard Elfman's name being called, along with bets called across the room.

One man caught sight of her standing there, and gave her a wolf whistle. "Hey gorgeous! Coming to join the party?"

Evergreen sent him a look, but Elfman stuck his head up, and grinned. "Oh, come to watch me fight, have you, Ever?"

She flushed. "Don't call me Ever!"

But she took a seat at a table to watch, nonetheless.

Later, when the fight was done and Elfman declared the winner (yet again, it seemed) he came to sit beside Evergreen. She was sipping at a drink, and watched him in interest as the chugged an entire boot full of the stuff.

"Isn't that bad for you?' She asked, one eyebrow arched. Elfman shrugged.

"I'll fight it off later," he said, cheeks flushing as the drink hit his system. "Like a man."

She rolled her eyes dramatically. "What's with you and saying 'man' all the time?"

"It's manly," he slurred, and grinned at her. She stifled a giggle.

"I take it your sisters don't know about all this," she gestured around her. Elfman shook his head, and shouted in pain as someone's empty mug hit him in the back of the head. As he dove into the fray for another battle, Evergreen settled back and took another swig. This could be a long night.

xxx

"So why aren't you being forced to get married?" Elfman asked, leaning heavily on his mug and staring at Evergreen. "I thought all royalty had get married by a certain age."

"Naw, your sister is just crazy," Evergreen waved her hand lazily in his direction. He swatted it away, mumbling incoherently about his sister being manly. Evergreen started giggling uncontrollably and fell off her seat.

"Oh, that was most unladylike," she said, using the table to pull herself back. "Apparently I can't hold my liquor."

"'Parrently not," Elfman hoisted her to her feet, grinning widely and nearly falling over himself.

Evergreen plopped down. "Well, if you must know," she said. "I refuse to get married. I don't want some man coming and taking over my kingdom. I'm quite capable of running it myself."

"I believe you." Evergreen blinked as Elfman downed another mouthful. "I think you'd be the manliest ruler," he said. "And you don't need any financial help, do you?"

"'Course not!" Evergreen yelled indignantly. "Did I not just say I was capable of running my own-" she spilled her drink down the front of her nightgown, and swore colourfully. Elfman choked, and she glared at him. "What. Never heard a lady swear before?"

"It's a very manly thing to do," he confessed.

"Well, now I have to go back," she sighed. "I can't very well be walking around like this!"

Some stranger who stank of booze leaned on their table. "Sure you can, dollface," he slurred to Evergreen, leering down at her. Elfman punched him in the face.

Before another bar fight could break out, Evergreen got unsteadily to her feet. "Goodnight, Elfman," she proclaimed. "I have to go back to my incredibly uncomfortable bed, I was going to ask someone about that..."

Elfman waved a hand at her. "I'll walk you back."

She scoffed. "You can barely stand!"

"Neither can you, woman," he replied, gesturing to her shaking knees.

So they stumbled out of the bar together, clinging to each other for support. Evergreen was glad she was a little tipsy, or else she would have made a bigger deal about Elfman's shirtless body, or that he called her woman. But, as it was, she simply clutched tighter.

xxx

The next morning, Evergreen awoke to sleep in her eyes and something sharp jabbing into her back. Frowning, memories of the night before came flooding back and she remembered how she'd been too tipsy to bother telling anyone about her discomfort. In fact, she'd had trouble climbing the ladder and Elfman had needed to lift her up.

She flushed at the memory. But rather than be stuck in an uncomfortable bed, Evergreen slid down the ladder and pulled a clean dress off the racks.

The royal family had gathered at the breakfast hall, and stood when she entered. Elfman had a black eye and Mirajane was glaring at him, Evergreen covered her smile with her hand. Lisanna, noticing the tense atmosphere, turned to Evergreen. "So, did you sleep well last night, Your Highness?"

Evergreen noticed Mirajane sitting up a little straighter. Deciding to ignore it, she stuck her nose in the air. "It was nice enough, I suppose, but there was something sticking into my back the whole night through."

"Really?" Mira leaned forward, looking curious. "What was it?"

"I don't know." Evergreen eyes her suspiciously.

"Why don't we go find out?" Lisanna tried to placate. "Come on, Elfman."

The four traveled back to Evergreen's room, Elfman nursing his throbbing head. But he smiled at Evergreen, and she looked away pointedly.

Upon entering the room, Mira lifted the mattresses – all twenty of them, Evergreen felt her jaw drop in shock – and pointed to something small. "Was that the problem?"

It was a tiny pea, sitting under the bed exactly under where the pain had been. "That's it!" Evergreen cried. "That's exactly what it was!"

Mira dropped the mattresses with a loud clash and clapped her hands. "Well, that settles it, then!"

"What?" Elfman, evergreen and Lisanna all blinked.

Mira giggled. "Evergreen must really be a real princess."

Elfman turned to face his sister. "Don't tell me..." he groaned. "You put the pea under there as a test?"

Mirajane chose not to answer, instead winked at them all. "I guess now you have no reason to reject Evergreen's proposal, then?"

Evergreen felt all the blood drain out of her face. "Wait, I didn't say anything about... I don't want to marry anyone! I want to rule my own kingdom!"

"And you will!" Mirajane nearly had stars in her eyes. "You can rule your kingdom all by yourself and Elfman can rule this kingdom! And we'll simply combine our wealth and everything will be hunky-dory!" She floated out of the room, already spewing wedding ideas. Lisanna followed, rubbing her head in her hands.

Evergreen glanced at Elfman, who was standing rigid with a bright red face. She could feel her own cheeks heating up. "So..."

He looked at her, and the thought crossed her mind that maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Well, I have to go talk to your sister before she tries to plan my entire wedding for me," she sighed. Elfman gaped at her. "What? You thought I was going to refuse?"

He opened and closed his mouth several times. "Ever, you..."

"Don't call me that!" She snapped. She stomped to the door, but at the threshold, turned to give him a wink. "We'll sneak out again tonight, no?"

He straightened and saluted, steam pouring out of his ears. "Yes, man! Sneaking out is manly!"

She walked away, not even bothering to hide her laughter this time.

Yes, this could turn out to be very good after all.

THE END

"What? That's it?" Fern was standing shakily on the bed, hands on his hips. "They didn't even kiss!"

Mirajane closed the book, setting it on the shelf. "Not all stories need to have a kiss, my dear," she said. "Sometimes laughter is all you need."

Hugo crossed his arms. "Yeah, right! Uncle Elfman says kissing girls is not manly."

Mirajane could only sigh.

"Tomorrow night, can you tell us a story about you?" Mary Jane murmured, eyes closed. Mirajane stroked her forehead.

"I'll save the best for last, darling."

XxXxX

Nope, no kissing for Elfman and Evergreen. The real reason? I have no idea what it would look like, ha.

Next week, my crack ship rears its ugly head. So be prepared! This beautiful princess is about to kiss a really ugly frog! As in, really ugly!

But find out next time ;)

~CCS