*Charges up pell-mell and skids to a halt, throwing gravel all over everywhere* I'm am sooooo sorry I haven't updated this since March! :( I went onto a Western kick and lost all inspiration and inclination to write on LOTE. :( But, *waves chapter happily* here's a new one for anyone who's left on the bandwagon! :D Hope y'all enjoy it!

On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, bridge
From: Chief Engineer Scott, engineering

Cap'n, we've got a wee bittie problem.

On-board dispatch
To: Chief Engineer Scott, engineering
From: Captain Kirk, bridge

What's the problem, Scottie?

On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, bridge
From: Chief Engineer Scott, engineering

It's the environmental system controls, Cap'n sir. They're completely unresponsive. Normally, that wouldn't necessarily be a problem, sir, but they went haywire and set the ship-wide temperature at about thirteen degrees Fahrenheit before they died. We're working on them now, sir, but if we can't get them back up and runnin' before it starts to get really cold, th' machinery could frost over and be irreparable.

On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, bridge
From: Chief Engineer Scott, engineering

...I see. A problem indeed, Mr. Scott. I will alert the crew; in the meantime, do what you can.

Engineer's journal, Montgomery Scott

"Do what you can," he says, as if Ah'd do any less. Ah don't want to end up a human popsicle. (Ah'm sure Mr. Spock would have some logical rejoinder to tha' remark, but he won't ever know about it unless he read mah journal. In which case Ah'm likely to do somethin' unpleasant to those pointy ears of his.)
Aaaah no, it's happenin' already! Mah temper's frayin' from the cold. Best Ah get back to work.

Captain's Log, Stardate 1256.8 Captain James T. Kirk recording

Due to a malfunction of the environmental control system - the cause of which is yet undetermined - the Enterprise has been plunged into a state of extreme cold, endangering the entire ship's functionality and the lives of her crew. I have full confidence in my chief engineer, Mr. Scott, and his able assistants, but I fear even this situation is out of their capable hands. However, we will not give up hope - emergency cold-weather gear has been distributed among the crew, and the engineers are hard at work. There is still a chance that the problem can be ascertained and rectified.

Captain's personal log, Stardate 1256.8 Captain James T. Kirk recording

We're all going to die.

Captain's personal log, supplement

I'm endeavoring to keep a cheerful outlook on things - if the crew knew their captain was despairing, morale would reach an all-time low, and not only would everyone give up hope, but the engineering crew might give up their efforts to get us out of this deep freeze. So I'm remaining optimistic, despite our dire, inescapable, life-threatening situation. We've all been trained, physically and mentally, for scenarios such as this, and I haven't yet confirmed with Dr. McCoy how long we can survive in these frigid conditions. I have high hopes that he will bear good news.

On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
From: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay

Jim, I've got an influx of patients affected by this cold, and very few ways to treat them since my medicines are frozen and my machinery frosted over. If this keeps up, I reckon a good portion of the crew won't make it.

On-board dispatch
To: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
From: Captain Kirk, personal quarters

What do you want me to do about it, Bones? I'm the captain, not a doctor or engineer.

On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, personal quarters
From: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay

...Very funny, Jim. Just thought you ought to know where half your crew disappeared to when they start dropping like flies. Lt. Barker just reported in with the flu.

Captain's personal log, supplement

We're all going to die.

On-board dispatch
To: Ensign Chekov, crew's lounge
From: Supreme Chef Ivannovitch, ship's kitchen

Pavel, are you free to lend me a hand? Dr. McCoy implied there's lots of sneezing people who can't take the cool veather cluttering up his sickbay, so I thought I'd make chicken soup for them all.

On-board dispatch
To: Chef Ivannovitch, ship's kitchen
From: Ensign Chekov, crew's lounge

I'd be happy to help, Igor, but vhy do you need me to help you make soup?

On-board dispatch
To: Ensign Chekov, crew's lounge
From: Supreme Chef Ivannovitch, ship's kitchen

I don't. I need you to deliwer it for me. If I took it myself, I might get sick too.

On-board dispatch
To: Chef Ivannovitch, ship's kitchen
From: Ensign Chekov, crew's lounge

Vell! Vhat about me? Vhat if I get sick?

On-board dispatch
To: Ensign Chekov, crew's lounge
From: Supreme Chef Ivannovitch, ship's kitchen

Then I vill send Mr. Spock to Sickbay vith some chicken soup and wodka for you.

On-board dispatch
To: "Supreme" Chef Ivannovitch, ship's kitchen
From: Ensign Chekov, en route to ship's kitchen

You are a cold, cruel person, Igor.

On-board dispatch
To: Ensign Chekov, en route to ship's kitchen
From: High Supreme Chef Ivannovitch, ship's kitchen

I am not! It is the rest of these peasants that are cold, not you or I! Ve are Russians! And I am not cruel, I am making chicken soup for the cold peasants in Sickbay!

Personal notes of Dr. "Bones" McCoy

As much as I hate to say it, I'm almost forced to admit that I've badly misjudged Ensign/Chef Ivannovitch. He may be a tyrant when his domain is threatened, but he must have a warm heart after all. He's sending in a steady flow of chicken soup and mulled wine to match the steady flow of patients coming in, and he's got Chekov delivering so he can keep supplying. I think when this is over, I'll suggest to Jim that they be awarded some sort of...award. If we get out of this alive, that is.

Dear Diary,

For future reference - If soup is too thick, stirring it vith a 9 & 1/2 inch icicle for sewen minutes prowides just the right amount of vater needed for appropriate thinning.

...I vonder if I could get Chief Scott to keep the veather like this all the time...

Igor Ivannovitch

On-board dispatch
To: Captain Kirk, bridge
From: Chief Engineer Scott, engineering

Cap'n, we've somehow - and Ah'm not sure how - managed to raise the temperature to slightly more livable conditions, but the humidity control has gone completely haywire, and tha', combined with atmosphere and temperature controls, has produced new complications.

On-board dispatch
To: Chief Engineer Scott, engineering
From: Captain Kirk, bridge

...So I can see. Keep me informed of any other developments, Mr. Scott.

Personal notes of Dr. "Bones" McCoy

Dear heaven above, it's SNOWING!