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No she said no. she really told me no.

I have always thought about proposing to Monica one day. It would be simple. I would ask her in a wonderful way, she would say yes, we would get married about a year later, we would live in a house together and have kids. At least 3 or 4 of them.

I know Monica loves me. That's not the reason she isn't ready to marry me. She said she isn't ready because we just got back together only 3 months ago. She wants more time. She said we are different people than we were in college and she's right, we are different. It doesn't mean that I love her any less though. I love her very much.

She wants us to get to know each other again. I am willing to do that. I love her enough to do that.

I just wish she had said yes.

I can't help but think that she is giving us a second thought. Like maybe she isn't so sure that we should be a couple. She has called me multiple times since she told me no 4 days ago, but I just can't bring myself to answer the phone. I know it was a coward thing for me to do but I can't handle being rejected again by her. Joey keeps telling me that she won't break up with me. Maybe he is right, but I am too scared to find out.

Gosh I am such a coward.

She already hurt me once when she moved to Florida and we had to break up. I am scared to lose her again.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket as I take my walk in the park. I take it from my pocket and see that it is Dakota sending me a Facebook message.

Dakota: Hey daddy, I miss you when can I see you again?

I sigh, I want to see her too. I have seen her a few times when I have picked her up from school on the days that I do. But when I would drop her off at home, I wouldn't get out of the car so I wouldn't have to face Monica.

Not yet at least.

Chandler: I'll come get you baby. We can have dinner. Ok?

Dakota: J Ok daddy, see you soon.

I close my messenger app and put my phone back in my pocket. I head over to my car and to my surprise, I see Rachel getting out of her car.

"Joey told me you'd be here." She told me.

She never comes to see me. "What is going on?"

She folds her arms and leans against her car. I know from experience, when a woman folds her arms, it is never a good thing.

"You really don't know?"

I shake my head.

"It's Monica."

I should have known. "Is she ok?"

"No you idiot she is miserable. She hasn't seen or talked to you in 4 days now. She loves you. Just because she wants to wait to marry you, doesn't change how she feels about you. She is at her house worried about you and worried about your relationship together. Now, if you want to keep Monica in your life, then I suggest that you get in your car and go over to her house right now. You guys really need to talk things out. Make sure you're on the same page about everything." She gets in her car and drives off.

She's right. I do need to talk to Monica. I didn't mean for her to be all upset. I didn't meant to cause her any unhappiness or grief of any kind.

I get into my car and about 20 minutes later, I pull into Monica's driveway. As I get out of my car, I see the front door open and out comes Monica.

She looks tired and she looks like she's been crying.

I shouldn't be the one that is causing this. I should be the one that makes everything all better.

"Hey you." I tell her softly. "I'm sorry."

She walks a little closer, her arms crossed. "Do you want to break up?"

"No of course not." I run my hands over my hair. "That is not the reason why I haven't been around. I love you Monica. I know I didn't deal with it in the best way but I got scared. I got scared of losing you. I got scared of losing Dakota. I just got scared and I didn't know what to do or how to act." I walk closer to her and rub her arms. She didn't pull away from me. This is a good sign. "I shouldn't have done that and I am truly sorry. I will wait for you to be ready before we get married. I promise."

All of a sudden, I see tears fill her eyes. She hits my arm. It hurts but I deserved it. "Don't you ever scare me like that again Chandler. If this is going to work then we need to be honest with each other. We need to talk things out. Not hide from each other. Ok?"

I nod. "Ok." Taking a chance, I lean in and kiss her cheek. "We ok now?"

She takes a deep breath. It sounds like she is relieved that we are still a couple. "Yes we are ok but I mean it. Honesty."

I nod, smiling that she didn't make me leave or break things off with me because I screwed up big time. "I completely agree Mon."

She smiles. It feels good to see that smile again. "Ok now take our daughter out to dinner. "She's waiting for you."

I nudge her. "Want to come?"

She shakes her head. "You guys go."

"Ok." I really want her to come. But if she wants time alone then I need to give it to her. It's the least that I could do with the way I have been acting.

She went inside and seconds later, out comes Dakota who looks thrilled about her and I going out to dinner together.

I need to be more careful and not mess up this great thing I have.