Hi all! A busy weekend so I wasn't able to update before today. I caught a small error in a previous chapter (with a bad guys name) and made a small change - in case anybody rereads and is confused.
Thanks for the continued reviews! You're great.
He sat on his horse, looking off into the distance. Things had been quiet since Bart and the newly hired hands had gone with the herd. They were taking them to the city to sell and had been gone for over two weeks. The landscape looked barren without the milling, moving mass of cattle that had been there. The smell was also different – much better, he laughed to himself – although he'd gotten rather used to the aroma. Still, it was nice to be able to breathe the air, suffused with the smells of sage and desert grass rather than with the smells of - cow.
He shifted in the saddle, grateful that he was well enough now to ride for a few hours every day without getting sore or tired. He was also talking much better, although he still sometimes stumbled over his words. His mind was getting clearer, day by day - also a relief. He still got frustrated when he had problems concentrating or thinking clearly. That usually happened when he was tired or upset. The biggest problem, of course, was his memory.
He continued to get flashes of scenes which he assumed were of his former life. They were strange, however, as they were so different than what he was living here. One moment he'd get a picture of an object which he could not identify, the next he'd see something and know instantly what it was used for. For instance, he knew what a plane and a car were for, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out the large rectangular object was that seemed to flash sounds and pictures. When he got a memory of a bunch of strange yellow people on it he was really confused.
Still, he couldn't put any of the pieces together in his mind. Other than Samhe didn't know anyone from his past life, although he kept seeing a few people again and again. He knew his name and that he had been in the Air Force and flew planes. That was just about the extent of his absolute knowledge.
He tried to concentrate, to put everything together, but it didn't work. All that happened was he grew more and more angry, more and more frustrated. Janet told him to relax and let the memories come naturally but he was afraid it would never happen. He had no idea how long it had been since his former life, but was pretty sure it was a long time. He frequently wondered if he'd ever get that life back – or even if he'd remember it fully.
And then there was Sam. He'd convinced himself to stay here at the Stone Circle Ranch and not to put her through any more trouble. But then he'd imagine what his disappearance had done to her and was filled with guilt. How could he have left her? And how could he not tell her he was safe. She must think he was dead or hurt or lost.
With a jerk of the reins he turned 'Girl' around. She shied slightly from his anger and he felt badly. "I'm sorry Girl", he said, patty her neck. "I shouldn't take my stupidity out on you. Come on, let's go home."
Except it wasn't home – not for him, nor for her. They both belonged elsewhere. They both belonged to Sam. As he grew closer to the ranch house he thought about her and about Janet. He knew he'd have to do something soon. Although his mind had been damaged, he still knew enough to realize that Janet had developed – feelings – for him. He felt guilty about that as well. Although he cared for her and considered her a good friend, he was in love with Sam and always would be. He didn't want to lead Janet on and let her think he'd ever desire her like that.
No – he had to do something about his situation. It was time he did go home –home was where Sam was.
When he got back to the house he could see a number of horses and men milling around. Bart and the others must be back. He took his horse to the barn and removed the saddle. Once he'd groomed her he made his way quickly – or as quickly as he could with his remaining limp and stiffness – to the house. For Janet's sake he hoped Bart had gotten a good price on the cattle.
"Bart, welcome back", he said as he walked into the front room. The other man, dusty and dirty from his long trail ride, turned to him and nodded.
"Jack", he said, his voice less than friendly although fortunately no longer openly hostile.
'I hope everything went well", Jack asked, trying hard to be friendly to the man. He knew Bart didn't like him but he also knew Janet relied on him so didn't want to cause any trouble.
"Yeah, it went fine. I just gave Janet all the details."
In other words, thought Jack, you're telling me to butt out! Okay, I can do that. "Good, well I'm glad to see you back. It's been quiet around here."
Bart ignored him and spoke again to Janet. "I thought I should tell you", he said, watching her closely. "I saw some of his men."
"Did they give you any trouble?" she asked with a worried look on her face.
"Nah. I stayed out of their way as much as possible and I don't think they knew who I was."
"Good. The farther we stay away from him and his men the better!"
"I did find out one thing though", Bart said, looking as if he was unsure as to whether to tell her or not.
"What?"
"Uh – he's getting married"
"Do you know who the unlucky woman is?"
"I never heard of her before", Bart explained. "She owns a ranch a couple of hours from town. I hear that he's been chasing after her for a while but it was only recently that she agreed to his proposal."
"I wonder why he's interested in her", she said cynically. "She must have something that he wants. I wish there was some way to warn her about him. I'm afraid she's going to be hurt."
"Or dead", Bart said softly. "Once he's got whatever he wants I wouldn't be surprised if she had 'an accident'."
"Me either. Do you think I should try and get in touch with her?"
"You can try, although you know what people are like when they're in love. She won't believe any of it."
"Probably not", she sighed. "I certainly didn't. Still, I should try. At the worst I'll be thought of as some jealous, spurned lover and the best I'll save her from – him."
Jack was watching the two of them as they spoke about this mystery man – and the woman in love with him. He was terribly curious, but figured it really wasn't his business. He couldn't help but wonder, though, who this man was and what he'd done to Janet to make her detest him so much. It was obvious, from her words and her expression, that whoever the man was she really hated – and feared – him. Then again, maybe he didn't want to know! He had enough of his own troubles to worry about and didn't need to worry about some other nameless woman.
"What's her name?" Janet asked. "I assume she's from Mariscola. I'll write something and have one of the hands deliver it."
"Her name is Samantha Carter", Bart said. "She turned up a few months ago claiming to be Henry Staples' granddaughter. He believed her and left her a good chunk of his ranch and money."
Jack stood there frozen. No – it couldn't be. Getting married? She wouldn't do that, would she? He suddenly felt like he had to sit down and grabbed the back of a chair and then stumbled into it. Why Sam? Why are you doing this? He suddenly wondered who she was marrying, although he had his suspicions.
"So that's why James is marrying her", Janet said, sounding bitter. "Although I must admit I'm surprised that he's gone after her. After what he said to me I didn't think he would ever be interested in owning a ranch."
"I doubt he'll keep it. He'll probably sell it off as soon as he can for the money. Either that or he wants it for something else." Bart snorted, showing his contempt for the man who had so badly hurt his employer.
"Maybe he just wants her." Jack said softly. Janet jumped, having forgotten he was still in the room.
"Jack? Jack, are you okay?" She'd suddenly noticed that he looked pale and shaken. She knelt down beside the chair and felt his forehead. "Are you okay? Are you sick?"
He gently grasped her hand and pulled it away from his face. "I'm fine. What is this about James? I assume you mean James Knightly?"
"Yes", she frowned. "How do you know him?"
"I – before I came here – I was staying at Henry's ranch. I – I know Samantha and I used to see him – James – come to the ranch."
"Oh", she looked at him in shock. He was from Mariscola? Why hadn't she thought of that? "Why were you there?" she suddenly asked, wondering if Bart had been right all along and there was more to this man than she'd thought.
"I don't know", he replied with a twist of his mouth. "I was sick – very sick and when I woke up I was at Henry's. I've told you I don't remember my past life."
"You did, but I thought you meant you didn't remember anything before we found you. Are you telling me you remember your time at Henry's?"
"Yes. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie. I just – was trying to forget it."
"Was it bad?" she asked, surprised. She'd heard only good things about Henry Staples.
"No – not bad. It was just that I had been really sick for a long time. I decided the best thing was to leave, to strike out on my own and not be a burden on Sa – on them anymore."
"So you know this Samantha?"
"Yes", he answered simply, although he knew the real answer was far from simple.
"Do you think she'd listen to a warning if I gave it to her?"
"A warning? You mean about James? Why? What's wrong with him?"
"I-"she turned to Bart. "Why don't you go get yourself cleaned up and rested? I'll have a good supper for you later but right now you look like you could use a rest."
"You're sure you'll be okay?" he asked, looking suspiciously at Jack.
"I'm sure Bart", she smiled gently. "I'll be fine. Just come back when you're ready for dinner."
After the hired hand was gone Janet sat down on the settee across from Jack. "So, I guess I'd better tell you my story", she informed him softly, looking frightened and vulnerable. "I'll understand if this – changes –things but you need to hear the truth."
"Yes", Jack nodded. "Please."
"I first met James about ten years ago. My father had just died after a lengthy illness and I was on my own. Oh, I knew about running the ranch. In reality I'd been doing it for years, ever since my Dad had had a stroke. Still, it was a bit frightening and I was - lonely. Most of the girls I'd grown up with were married and had children. Me? I was still single and now the owner of my own ranch."
"I can see that it would have been hard", Jack agreed. "What happened?"
"Then I met James. It was the first year that I'd accompanied the cattle to market and while I was there I ran into him." She laughed, although it was not a happy sound. "I literally ran into him. In fact, I almost knocked him off his feet." She paused for a moment and gathered her thoughts. "He was handsome and charming and – oh so kind. As you can imagine, I was easy pickings for someone like him. I'd spent all my adult life looking after my father and had never had a suitor before. It took me all of five minutes to fall in love with him."
Jack grimaced slightly, imagining what it must have been like for her. He also had a suspicion he knew what was coming.
"We began to see each other. He'd come out to the ranch as often as he could and I went in to Mariscola a few times to see him. He came out here one day and his wagon broke down. It was getting late so I told him he should stay and I'd have Bart look at it in the morning."
There was silence for a few moments, the ticking of the grandfather clock sounding loud in the stillness of the room. "You can – imagine what happened", she said, looking anywhere but at him. "The next morning – I – I was sure he was going to ask me to marry him. It was the only reason I'd been willing to – you know", she said, unable to say the words.
"I understand Janet. It's okay", he told her. He felt badly for her, knowing this was a very different time than he came from and that sleeping together, without marriage, would be a huge step for women in this society.
"No, it wasn't okay. He – we – again and then he got up, got dressed and said goodbye. I kept thinking he was going to come back and tell me he loved me, that we had to be together, but all he did was get his wagon – it wasn't even broken – and left. I didn't hear from him again."
"I'm sorry", Jack said softly. "I hate it that you were hurt."
"Oh, that wasn't all", she said, again not looking up. "I found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant. I wrote him a letter, begging him to come and see me. I even asked him to – marry me. I was so frightened and alone. I – didn't know what else to do."
"And what did he say?" he asked gently.
"He – wrote me a letter and accused me of lying and of trying to blackmail him. He said that if I said anything more, or if I told anyone, he'd sue me and make sure I lost the ranch."
"Bastard!" Jack hissed. "What did you do?"
"There wasn't anything I could do. I had no proof it was him. Bart wasn't here the night he stayed. In his letter to me James claimed that the father was probably Bart and knowing him I'm sure he could have gotten witnesses to claim we had been together."
"God Janet, I'm so sorry", he repeated again.
"I know", she smiled at him. "It was just – I grew to hate him after that."
"I see why. Uh – what happened to the uh –"
"Baby?" she asked, her eyes becoming moist with tears. "I lost it. In the end I knew it was probably for the best. A single mother would be ostracized here and my child wouldn't have had a good life growing up as a bastard. But – but it was still my baby and I -" She began to cry.
Jack knew it was dangerous, but he also knew he couldn't leave her to suffer alone. Any anyway, something she had said, something had struck a painful cord in him and he felt the need for some human warmth at this moment as well. He stood up and moved to sat beside her. "C'mere", he said quietly, holding out his arms.
She collapsed into him and held on tightly. She began to cry into his shoulder – and couldn't stop. Jack knew it was probably the first time she'd been able to do this with another human being so he just continued to hold her and rock her.
"So", she finally pushed herself up and wiped her face with her handkerchief, "That's why I need to warn her", she said, "Although if he's marrying her I guess it doesn't matter."
"Yes, it matters", he said, the anger bubbling well below the surface. "Do you know anything else about him? Anything we could use?"
"He's involved in various illegal activities", she told him, "although there's not much we can do. He has a number of officials in his pocket and is very careful. I tried to get something on him but didn't have any luck." She smiled slightly. "After – I was – angry and wanted to get back at him. In the end, though, I decided to let it go. I haven't been back to Mariscola since then."
Jack nodded, thinking again about Sam. This guy was bad news and there was no way he was going to let her marry him. Not if he could possibly help it! Still, there was a part of him that was more hurt than he wanted to admit. Even though he knew he was to blame for leaving he couldn't help but feel betrayed by her turning to James so soon after they'd –
"So – I expect you – think badly of me now?" Janet's soft, frightened voice interrupted his thoughts. "You – you would never want to be with a woman who – a fallen woman?"
"What?" His face showed his confusion. Why would she – oh! "No Janet, of course I don't think badly of you. You were betrayed by a – a jerk. It's not your fault."
"But you – wouldn't want someone like me, would you? Not after he took my – virginity."
He grimaced slightly, and then cursed himself when he saw her face blanch. She thought he was disgusted at her when the fact was, he was suddenly worried. He knew she fancied herself in love with him – and now if he rejected her she'd think it was because she wasn't a virgin! The truth was, he was disgusted at a society that would label a woman simply because she'd loved someone. He knew there wasn't anything he could do about that though - it was simply the way it was here, now. The problem was how to convince Janet that he really didn't care about that without letting her think he was interested in her.
"Look", he turned to her and took her hands in his. "I really don't think badly of you Janet – just the opposite in fact. You sincerely loved him and showed that love. There's nothing wrong in that and I certainly don't see you as a 'fallen woman'. I see you as an incredibly strong, capable woman who has a big heart and who cares about people. You were hurt by a cad – and it's him that I'm disgusted at, never at you."
"But?" she said, a small, worried smile on her face.
He closed his eyes briefly. "But – I'm sorry Janet. As much as I like and respect you – and I really do respect you – I'm not in love with you. It has nothing to do with you, please believe me. What happened, what you told me – wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference if I'd been in love with you. It's just –"
"There's someone else", she stated softly. "I wondered, but I'd hoped that maybe – you'd forgotten or that you were free. But you're not, are you?"
"No", he answered, a small smile on his face. "I'm not free. I am in love with someone, and – I think I have been for a long time. If I wasn't then – I could have easily found myself falling in love with you."
"Really? Most men don't find me attractive. They say I'm too strong, too independent for them. They want someone sweet and innocent that they can control."
He stared at her for a moment and then shook his head. "Sounds awful", he told her. "Personally I like strong women – just not one's with big needles!"
"What?" she looked at him in confusion. "Big – needles? I don't understand."
He suddenly felt a headache coming on and clutched his head. "I – I don't know – it just – I was thinking and it -." He stopped and looked at her, a lost expression in his face. "Something – a memory or something I guess. I was thinking of you – no – of someone else. I think her name was Janet too." He rubbed his eyes. "Power-monger – little power-monger with big needles."
Janet grew worried and tried to get Jack to go and lie down, but he resisted. After a few moments he smiled. "It's okay – just a memory I'm sure. I'm sorry about that."
"Was she the woman you loved?" she asked.
"Who? Janet? No – no I think she was a friend." He smiled. "She was something like you I think. A very strong woman, although tiny, and one of the few who wouldn't let me get away with anything."
She laughed at that and stood up. "Sounds interesting." Her face grew serious. "I hope you find this woman you love – and I'm sorry if I -"
"There's nothing to be sorry about Janet. You've been, you are a good friend. I wish there could be more but -"
"I know", she smiled softly. "Now you better go get cleaned up. Dinner's in an hour."
He sat quietly for a few moments, thinking about all that had just happened and knew he'd have to spend some time figuring everything out. He had to do something about Sam and James, although he didn't quite know what. Then there was the situation with Janet – this Janet. She'd been hurt and he was afraid he was going to hurt her even more, or maybe he already had. Finally, there was the memory that had just intruded. It was the most powerful one he'd experienced to date and it had felt so real.
He could remember sitting on a table in the – Infirmary – with Janet talking to him, giving him trouble over avoiding his check-up.
"Sir, if you don't let me do these tests then I'll have to ground you", she said. "I can't let you go through the gate without your regular physical, and you're already a month overdo."
"Fine, how about I come in on Monday -"
"Now Colonel", she said, her voice brooking no argument. "I've got Lt. Derring bringing a robe and I want you to change into it and we'll get started."
"But Janet", he whined. "It's the playoffs. If I don't leave now I'll be late for the first period!"
"Sorry Sir, you should have thought of that when you cancelled six weeks ago. I'm afraid you're going to have to miss the game. I'm keeping you in overnight so we can get all of these finished and the results off to the General."
God! Janet Frasier. How could he possibly have forgotten her? And the General – General – Hammond! Yes, that's who it was – he worked for the General. And there were others too. The dark-skinned man – he couldn't remember his name but he was sure he knew him well. And there was that guy with the glasses, he was important too. Why couldn't he remember them?
Suddenly something hit him. It was something he remembered Janet saying – Janet Frasier - the part about going through the gate. What had she meant? He knew there was something – in the back of his mind that he just had to remember. It was important – very important.
He thought about a gate – and abruptly the picture of a circle popped into his mind. A circle? Why a – God – a stone circle! He stood up so suddenly he almost knocked over the small side table. A stone circle - that's what it was and it was important. In fact, it was what was going to take him, no them, home, although he didn't know quite how. He paced around the room thinking about the circle and Janet – both Janets – and Sam and – hell, the name of the ranch! Tiny pieces were slowly coming together, although his mind was still pretty much Swiss cheese!
Damn! He had to remember! He grabbed his head and sat back down. There was too much – too much to figure out! He had to figure out that stone circle and then – and then he could go tell Sam that he'd found it and that – they could go home. She wouldn't have to marry that guy but could –? Yeah, what Jack? What could she do? Stay with a guy who can't even remember who or what he was, a guy who still had trouble speaking and walking and who is still only half a man.
Hell – life was suddenly much too complicated.
Life was too complicated, she thought. She looked out of her bedroom window as the sun began to rise, the colors lending a soft glow to the barren landscape. She wondered, as she had so many mornings before, how her life had come to this point.
It had been months since Jack had gone and she had finally decided she had to let him go, had to try and build a life without him. No one had seen or heard from him and she knew that most thought he was dead. James had been kind, but even he had finally told her to face reality and to let him go.
"It's probably for the better Samantha", he'd said. "I'm sure he wasn't happy living the way he was."
Except he had been – he had been happy, at least for a while. She thought back to their one night together and had known that he had been happy then. Oh, he hadn't spoken, but he hadn't needed to. He'd told her with his body, with his gentle touch. He'd been – just like she'd imagined he would be. That's why she had been so upset, so shamed the next morning. Jack wasn't the same – he was no longer the man she'd known and she'd forgotten that for a brief time.
But now – now she was bearing the consequences of that one night. She laughed softly – literally bearing them or it. She touched her slightly distended stomach and thought of the life growing within. As frightened as she was, she couldn't help being glad that it was there. If Jack was dead – or even if he was alive, but still – unaware - at least he would leave someone behind – a legacy of the great and kind man he had been. In his son, or daughter, he would continue to live on.
She leaned her head on the window sill and thought about James and about her decision to marry him. She'd been frightened, lost, and so alone and he'd been there, helping her, offering her support. He'd asked her to marry him at a time when she was vulnerable and so she had said yes. Her child would be born with a father and with a name – something that was important here, where she was now living. She knew that her child – hers and Jack's – would be treated as someone shameful in this society, if she had it without being married.
It was so unfair, she thought. Why should she be forced to marry – to give this child a father who wasn't his or hers, just to satisfy a bunch of judgmental fools? Was it fair to Jack to give his child someone else's name?
James was – a good man, she thought, although there had been a few things that had worried her. A few times she'd seen a look in his eyes that made her wonder. She'd convinced herself that it was her imagination, but then had thought back to the Colonel – who'd always warned her to be cautious, to listen to that little voice. It had saved her life more times than she could remember. She would do well to heed it now.
"Damn it Jack", she said softly. "Why the hell did you leave? And why the hell did you let them hurt you? I just want to go home and I want everything to be the way it was."
Janet thought about Jack and about the fact that she'd lost him. Well, not lost him exactly – she hadn't ever had him. She laughed at herself. Why would she think that any man would be interested in her? No, she should just accept that she would remain a spinster her whole life. For a moment she hated the man she'd saved – hated him and resented that he loved someone else – but that feeling quickly faded. It wasn't his fault and he'd never been anything but honorable to her. No, she just had to forget her feelings and keep living the way she had been.
Except for one thing, she decided. She had a demon to lay to rest and she decided now was the time. After that, well she could be patient. Maybe one day Jack would forget that other woman and then, she'd be waiting for him.
"I have to get some new clothes", she explained to Jack a few days later at breakfast. "My dresses are all looking ratty and I've heard there's a new dressmaker in town. I'm going to head in for a couple of days and treat myself to a new wardrobe!"
Jack looked at her in surprise. He'd never known Janet to be that interested in fashion, although to be fair he hadn't really paid that much attention. It was one of those things that most men didn't really want to know about. He remembered when Sara would go on – hell! Where had that come from? He rubbed his eyes. Memories and thoughts were starting to come more frequently now, although they were still in bits and pieces and often didn't make sense.
"Jack – you okay?" Janet stopped speaking.
"Yeah", he grinned, "Just thinking that I uh – have some things to do around the ranch –"
"In other words, you don't want to go shopping with me?" she said knowingly.
"Uh – if you want me to -"
"No – no, you stay here and do your 'things'. I'll take Bart with me. He needs to get some things at the store. You sure you'll be okay here? Bart's kept a couple of the hands around so they'll watch the horses."
"I'll be fine Janet – go, have fun, shop!"
In actual fact he was relieved Janet and Bart were leaving for a couple of days. It gave him some time to start searching. He knew the stone circle, whatever the hell it was, was important and that he had to find it. He'd spent the last few nights looking through books in Janet's library, to see if there was any reference to it but hadn't found anything. He decided his next step was to start a search the land, to see if he could discover anything.
He'd casually asked Janet about the name of the ranch, hoping she'd have some information, but she'd simply shrugged.
"I don't know", she'd said. "My father named it. I asked him a few times but all he said was that it was as good a name as any. I think it held some significance for him, but he wouldn't tell me what it was."
Bart hadn't known anything either and had told him to 'mind his own business'. He knew Bart didn't like or trust him, but sometimes he grew sick of the other man's attitude. He had done nothing to hurt him and didn't appreciate being treated like some kind of parasite!
He watched Bart and Janet head out in the wagon and waved goodbye. He knew Bart had been tempted to stay, to watch him, but Janet had laughed and told him to 'come on'. "There's nothing for him to steal here Bart – even if I believed he would. Just relax and let's go."
Once they were gone he went and saddled Girl and began his search.
Sam decided that the best thing to do was to go into town and confront James directly and tell him she couldn't marry him. She hoped he wouldn't be too upset, although for some reason she felt nervous. She hated the thought of hurting anyone, but it was more than that. For some reason she felt like he wasn't going to take it at all well. She wished she had a zat with her – just in case.
When they arrived in town Charlie took off to the General Store to pick up some supplies. "I'm going to see if I can find James", she'd told him. "sIf I can't I'll head over to Rebecca's. You can find me there."
In the end it turned out that James was out of town. One of his men – Sam really didn't like the guys he had working for him – told her he'd be back later that afternoon. She thanked him and headed over to the dressmakers shop.
"Samantha! What are you doing here?"
Her friend gave her a hug and invited her in. Just as she went to step through the doorway, a wagon pulled up and a small, dark-haired woman jumped out and headed towards the dress shop. Sam briefly wondered who this woman was. For some reason, she reminded her of Janet Frasier.