Ste daydreamed as he scrubbed one of Lucas' plastic cups, spending a unnecessary amount of time on it while staring out of the window. He imagined himself standing up to Brendan and not getting beat up for it. He imagined screaming in his face and pushing him angrily and Brendan didn't do anything. He felt the rush of power and he loved it, the more he shouted the more he felt so he carried on getting up in Brendan's face and telling him he would leave him if he didn't stop, like he actually could. Brendan looked down , in his dream he wanted him to stay , when in reality Ste knew Brendan would quickly move on.

He put the cup down and reached for a tea towel to dry it knocking the clean, wet cup onto the floor in the process. He sighed and lunged down to pick it up without thinking causing a shooting pain up his side. He stilled and yelped quietly clutching his battered ribs while he reached for the cup with his fingertips. He managed to grab it and straightened up slowly like an old man.

When he stood back up he peeled his shirt up to inspect the bruise; it was very large still and a deep purple, yellowing at the edges . he stroked a thumb across the tender skin there and closed his eyes, wishing it had never happened.

Tiny feet padded against carpet and Ste pulled his top down quickly to cover the injury from Amy who was pushing Leah and Lucas up the hallway for breakfast. Ste smiled at her then at Leah and Lucas , stroking their heads as they walked past him.

Amy put the kids in the living room , opening their almost empty toy box and placing it between them , before coming and standing next to Ste and drying up his washing for him.

"So , is that why Brendan hits you in the ribs? So people can't see the bruises." She said glancing at his hand which was clutching his bruised side.

Typical of Amy to start the day with something like that. He knew she was just looking out for him, making sure he hadn't forgotten what had happened yesterday, but it angered him that she would say that with the kids so close. The thought of his children being exposed to something like that made him sick, he didn't want them to turn out like him.

"Shh not ere, right." He whispered glancing over to their children who were playing quietly together. Leah had hold of a wind up toy car she had got from a happy meal and she was showing Lucas how she could make it go, mothering him as always.

"Ste, he is a bully. Why are you letting him use you." Ste shook his head, didn't want to listen to her talking about Brendan like that. She didn't know him, not like he did. What he did was wrong but he wasn't using him.

"You know what Amy, I'm gunna be late for work." He said and turned to walk away grabbing his keys from behind her first. He didn't have to set off for another ten minutes at least but he wanted to get out of here.

"Is it because your ashamed of what people will think..Like that your weak." He knew by people she meant Brendan. He didn't want Brendan to think he was weak but standing up to Brendan wouldn't make him weak it would make him the strong one. He was just scared of what Brendan would do.

"I've already told ye, you don't know what im thinkin" He turned to her and closed his eyes , rubbing his fingers across his forehead showing he was bored of this conversation.

"No but i know how i used to feel, when you hit me." She said quietly. Ste couldn't ignore that, he looked at her and nodded his head speaking quietly voice full of shame.

He decided to tell her the truth because with Amy it was just the easiest thing to do. "I do know that it's wrong, i'm just struggling to get my head around it thats all. Because of him.. He just changes like someones flicked a switch or something." Amy nodded her head in agreement and acknowledgement, Ste used to be like that with her. " no but trust me, i'm not going to let it happen again" He decided he wanted to stand up to Brendan. What was the point in even being with him when he was like this.

A horrible image appeared when Ste thought that and it shoked him. Him alone without Brendan in his life, it scared him. He needed Brendan now like he needed air and he had no idea why. It had to stop before he ended up getting himself really hurt.

"Please Ste you need to end it now" She said coming closer and placing her hands on his chest.

Ste felt winded. How could she say that , he couldn't do that. Couldn't end what him and Brendan had, it was like nothing he had ever felt before. It was amazing when they were alone , not like when he had girlfriends in the past so much more than that. He felt like..they fitted together, like if they were apart Ste would be in a worse state than he is now. Brendan breathed life into him and he needed had never felt so appreciated, so wanted , in his whole life like when he did when he was with Brendan. And then he would change and Ste felt the complete opposite and still all he wanted was to prove to Brendan he will make up whatever he has done to him, because he needs to be close with him again.

"I can't!" He said urgently holding her hands and staring straight into her eyes.

"Ste, if you don't finish with him today. I'm going to tell the world whats really going on."

Ste pulled away from her and shook his head , anger rising in him. He couldn't let that happen, if anyone found out Brendan would hurt her, would probably kill him. He needed to Stop her and it was going to take all his effort but there was no way around it. He needed to stand up to Brendan. To get him to stop so she would accept him , or he would have to break up with him. the thought made his eyes sting, grief scratching up his throat and taking over his body. there was no other way.

How could he break it off with him when he is with him every day, all the time. The temptation to forgive him would be too much.

Ste shook his head again and stormed out slamming the door. He would have to quit work , it's the only way he could ever be able to stop brendan, by not giving him the chance.

It was raining outside . As the droplets hit the dull concrete outside they created little black circles , soon turning the whole street a darker shade.

Instead of heading to work , Ste went to the SU bar . He took a seat in and pulled out his phone texing Cheryl to come and meet him because he wanted to quit work.

He knew she would be shocked so he decided to break the news to her over text before he came. It was easier than saying it to her face, he hated the thought of letting her down but he needed to do it. This relationship , whatever it was, needed to stop. Self-respect was not something he was taught to value but deep down it existed and letting Brendan push him around was embarrassing but how could he stand up to him?

SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG, REALLY I AM AND SORRY IT IS JUST THE START BUT MY COMPUTER HAS PACKED IN SO I AM UNABLE TO COMPLETE THIS CHAPTER FOR NOW. inSTEAD OF LETTING IT SIT THERE UNSEEN I DECIDED TO UPLOAD IT SO YOU GUYS CAN READ WHAT I HAVE DONE AND KNOW I HAVENT GIVEN UP. ITS MY BIRTHDAY ON THE 14TH AUG MAYBE ILL GET A COMPUTER ;) DOUBT IT. ANYWAY MUCH LOVE , DONT LOOSE HOPE . #stendanReunionHollyoaksLater