One day turned into two, which turned into three. She went to work, she would meet up with her mother for wedding planning, then she would go back to the house to spend the rest of the time with Hook. Less than a week remained until the wedding and Emma found herself dreading it more and more. As usual, she put it to the back of her mind, all the while forcing up her cheeks and trying to act like the doting girlfriend.
It was failing and even Hook had noticed. He didn't say a word, content to be marrying Emma no matter what was wrong with his future wife. She made conversation with him and her father and her mother and occasionally people she would bump into on the street, but other than that, she would remain silent, replaying the words she only wished she could say out loud.
There were some visions and each time she would have one, the usual, I'm fine, would fall from her lips. She regretted the time wasted when someone had been around to look at her as if she were anything but fine. The only person who would persuade her to be honest. All Emma wanted to do was talk to that one person. To crawl into arms which had felt so inviting and warm. Arms she had only experienced for one night, but ones she craved for each night she would sleep next to Hook.
Regina had been avoiding her. Since the day she had gone to her office, they hadn't spoken or seen each other. Not that she could blame her. She'd heard from Henry. After the day they had spent together, he had come around a little, but was ferociously on team Regina. If anyone ever did anything to hurt his mother, he would go on defence. Even if that was against his other mother. Emma missed him, but understood.
Emma wanted to see Regina. More than anything, she wished she had the courage to go back and talk to her again. Even if it meant arguing, she would take anything at this point. She did surmise it would only hurt them more. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Regina any more than she already had.
She didn't much care for herself.
These visions were still looming and without the constant of being reminded she had something to fight for, the thought of fighting them withered and died. When the time came, she would give it her all…for Henry, but other than that, she no longer saw the point. Emma had been brought back to square one, only this time she was without Regina. The circumstances had been sucking the life out of her day after excruciating day.
On a sigh, she twisted and leant closer to Hook. He draped an arm around her shoulder. They continued to watch a sports game Emma had put on, not that she paid any attention to it. Her phone bleeped and she rolled her eyes, ignoring it. It bleeped again. On a grunt, she reached into her back pocket to retrieve it.
Her heart stopped at the two messages from Henry.
Could you come over to the mansion? I need to talk to you.
Followed by:
Mom says it's okay.
Emma stared at the screen. A beat passed. Then she was up, wide awake, nerves on edge, but so desperate to see the pair of them her leather jacket was around her shoulders in an instant.
"Care to tell me where you're going, Swan?" Hook hadn't moved from the couch, but the weight of his stare could have burnt holes through her skull, "or are we going to have to go through this all over again?"
"Henry needs me." Her fist clenched and she felt something growing back inside of her. No way was she going to let him down.
On my way.
She hit send and shoved the phone into her pocket before Hook could protest. She supposed it must have been nice for him to have Emma all to himself recently. "I have to go," she said and was out of the door in a flash.
Bug pulling up outside of the mansion, Emma let out a long breath, both hands still gripping the wheel even though the engine had been switched off. Her chest shuddered with each breath she took, "don't mess this up," she whispered, snapping the seat belt off and jumping out of the car.
The walk towards the door was tense. One which usually had Emma unable to contain her smile. Yesterday had been their scheduled evening for family meals and Emma had stayed at her house, unlocking her phone every few minutes in case she had missed a text or call. It had almost been midnight by the time she had given up and crawled into bed.
The door was open as Emma stepped onto the porch, "come in," sounding from the other side. Emma caught a glimpse of Regina, following her inside. When she shut the door, Regina spun from where she had been waiting in the entryway.
"We're here for Henry. What put what happened aside, but don't make the mistake that I'm allowing you back into my life." Regina's words cut through, Emma not having realised she had been tossed out of it.
"That's not fair. We're supposed to be friends." Her voice had wobbled and already the icy stare was numbing her insides, "please, can we talk? You know I didn't mean to-"
"No. Miss Swan." Regina spun on her heel, walking away to leave Emma stood alone, hands sliding into the pockets of her jeans.
It was the story of her life. Get something good and run from it. Perhaps that was the reason she had managed to cling onto Hook for so long. He was easy. He wouldn't leave and there was no need to get scared enough to run. Not that she wanted to dwell. Blinking rapidly to push down on tears, she followed Regina to find her sitting on the couch, Henry pacing up and down next to it.
"Are you okay, kid?"
She took a seat next to Regina on the couch. She shuffled to the opposite end and leant against the chair arm. Emma didn't comment.
"I need to tell you guys something." He moved so he was standing in front of them, hands shaking in front of his middle. "Will you please not freak out, because, well, it's not a big deal and I can't change it."
"Of course, Henry, we love you," Regina said and Emma sighed at the 'we.'
"Okay." He glanced to Emma who nodded her head and smiled in encouragement. He took a deep breath out, "I broke up with Violet-" both palms raised, "not because I don't like her, I do, she's really fun, but I just…don't think it's going to work out between us."
"Kid, you know we just want you to be happy, right? If you just see Violet as a friend, then we're okay with that." Emma was already feeling proud of her son, knowing the courage it took to be honest and end a relationship. Even one between thirteen-year olds.
Regina looked to him from where she sat twisted away from his other mother and smiled softly, "there'll be other girls out there for you."
"Actually, mom…that's not exactly what I want." Both arms crossed around his chest and he shuffled, looking to the ground. Regina and Emma shared a glance, both raising their brows and believing they had caught on.
"Henry if you like…if you would prefer to be with a boy-" Henry shook his head at Regina, huffing slightly. His arms dropped and he bit his lip.
"You know we'd have no problem with that, right?" Emma said as if she hadn't struggled for so long about her attraction to females. After her night with Regina, she realised she had never felt more comfortable than with a woman. A few men scattered her past, but she'd never found herself reacting to them, to wanting more.
"I don't want that, either." Another glance between his mothers, but they remained silent to let him talk. "I'm…actually…asexual."
"Oh." Emma looked between Regina and her son, "so…you don't like either boys or girls?"
"No, I still like girls. I want a relationship with someone, but…I…erm, I'm not interested in the physical side. You know-" his eyes widened and he only hoped he hadn't blushed, "that stuff."
Regina frowned, glanced to Emma then quickly glanced to her son, "you mean…sex?"
Henry bit his lip and nodded, "like, I can look at a girl and think she's pretty, but…I don't want to do anything. I suppose kissing isn't so bad now I've tried it-" he shrugged, it wasn't as if it'd felt horrible, but it didn't make him want to do more either, "but I don't feel any…you know? Sexual feelings."
This time he did blush. Saying those things to his mothers in any capacity wasn't easy, but he wanted to tell someone and who better than his mothers?
Emma gave a little chuckle at his cheeks, "you don't need to be embarrassed. I don't know much about asexuality, but it's not the first time I've heard of it either. I might get things wrong though, so if I do, would you mind explaining how you feel to me?"
Henry swallowed and nodded at Emma, "yeah, thanks mom."
"I don't understand. Your thirteen Henry, how do you know you'll never want to be intimate with a woman?" Not that she particularly wanted to think about that concept, but she had to let go of the mom side which wanted to shrivel away at the thought of her young boy growing up.
"It's not that I can't…feel that way, but guys in my school always seem to be talking about it and I don't fit in with that. It wasn't something I had thought about, because why would I think about not feeling something? It's only since I've got a girlfriend that I realised I had never felt any…stuff, for anyone."
Regina crossed one leg over the other and tried to understand, "like I said, Henry, you're only thirteen, maybe-"
"Regina. What teenage boy do you know that doesn't think about sex?" Teenage boys and hormones, if Henry felt as he did then she didn't believe him aging would make a difference. She might have a hard time accepting herself, but she wouldn't go around not accepting other people. Especially her son.
"Mom, imagine I asked you to be attracted to girls."
Regina raised her brows and took every ounce of strength not to look at the woman sat next to her, "I'm bisexual Henry. I'm attracted to both men and women."
"Oh, I didn't know. Bad analogy." He crossed his arms and took a moment to try and find the right words. Emma looked down and bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. "A door. Imagine being attracted to a door. Have you ever been attracted to a door or thought about being attracted to a door?"
"No, of course not. I'm not going to want a relationship with a door, either." Emma groaned in frustration and Regina whipped her head around to her.
"Listen to what he's telling you. It doesn't affect us anyway. What Henry does in a relationship is not really any of our business." It was for the next few years at least, the thought made her turn to Henry, "when you're older. Even then we're still going to be your mothers and want to be in the loop."
"You said you still wanted relationships. Sex is a part of that. It can be intimate and you can show someone how much you-" Regina's head lowered and she said these next words so low they almost didn't hear, "how much they mean to you."
Emma clenched her fists so hard nails dug into her palms.
"There are other ways to do that. I'm heteromantic, so I still have romantic feelings for girls. I want a relationship with a girl, but I don't want…that." He didn't see what was so hard to understand about the concept. He wanted a relationship and to meet someone one day with whom he could spend the rest of his life with. "I still want to find someone who I love."
"You will," Emma said, confident anyone who didn't want to be with Henry wasn't worth his time to begin with, "I'm proud of you."
He chuckled, "yeah, maybe."
Regina shuffled on the couch and cleared her throat. She didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't understand. To her, in a relationship, sex was intimate. She understood it being used for many a reason, when lonely or in need of comfort or pleasure, but when love was involved, "then won't you just be friends?"
Henry balked, "whatever," a glisten to his eyes Emma and Regina felt in their gut, "just-" his head shook and he bit down on any response he wanted to lash out with, looking to Emma, "thanks mom, for being so cool." He turned, left the room, banging up the stairs as he took them two at a time.
"That wasn't cool, Regina." No matter how angry Regina remained, Emma had every right to be pissed off if she hurt their son. No matter how unintentional it might have been. "Don't say that to him again."
Regina twisted, "I don't understand," she whispered, "why doesn't he want that? Is it my fault-" her head turned to Emma, she stilled before sighing, "did my influence do this?"
"Regina-" hands ran through her hair as Emma wondered how an earth she was supposed to explain this to a fairy tale character, but at least she was speaking to her…almost, "do some research or sit down and talk to him. I don't know how to put it to you. You've got to accept what he's telling you."
As if she had only just remembered, she looked up to Emma with hard eyes, "you can leave now."
Emma twisted so their knees almost touched, "can we please talk?"
"There's nothing to talk about." Regina turned so she could look at Emma, eyes filled with so much sorrow Emma wanted to lean in to try and make it better. She had never intended to mess up so badly, to be stuck in a relationship she was beginning to despise. To the hurt the only person she needed so desperately.
Emma nodded and looked down, "could you at least help me with the queen?"
Regina sighed, "tell me what happened."
Emma peaked both eyes up, catching Regina still staring at her. There had always been…something there and why was it now Emma had only just noticed?
Emma began recounting the story, from the fireballs to the magic to the point she was on the ground and Zelena had to save her.
"I'm still surprised at the Zelena part," Regina said, taking in the rest of the information.
Emma gave a little hum, "she said you would kill her if she didn't help me and she didn't want to mess up now you're both kind of on good terms."
"She said that?" Both eyebrows shot up and she searched Emma to try and sense a lie, nodding when she could find none.
"Yeah, I really think she wants to make it work with you. She is trying, you've got to give her that." Anyone would be a complete idiot not to want Regina in their lives and here Emma was, messing that up.
"Yes, she is. Did the queen say anything else?"
Emma paused for a minute, just to look at her, smiling softly.
"What?" Regina frowned, not understanding the gaze.
"Nothing," but your willingness to help me after what I put you through. "But, she said some things. Seemed impressed I could use magic, then annoyed when I had the barrier up. Apparently, she wasn't trying to kill me and said she's not the person under the hood."
"You thought it was the queen? You know what, you thought it was me at one point, so why does that surprise me?" Regina was up, coldness coming back instantly. "I think we're done here."
Regina smoothed down her skirt then walked towards the door. Emma cursed at herself, jumping up to follow.
"But I think she knows who is." Regina stopped, spun and looked at Emma. "Look, I'm sorry for thinking it was you. I know that was unfair, but could you see why I thought maybe it could be her?"
"No-" Regina shook her head, the heartbreak so very present. Both eyes closed and she sighed, "yes-" walking a few paces to Emma, "I want to help you, but I don't know if I can be okay with this."
Emma nodded tightly, "I'm not sorry that we slept together," she said, hoping this wouldn't make everything worse, "but I'm sorry it hurt you-" chest shuddering, she crossed her arms and tried for some semblance of the truth, "I shouldn't have made a move when I was with someone else. I wanted you, Regina and I didn't think about what would happen next. When I woke up I panicked, but…gods-" both arms flopped then one hand lightly gripped Regina's fingers and squeezed, "I'm glad I got to spend a night with you. Even if it makes me a selfish ass-hole."
Regina looked to the side, but didn't pull her hand away. Emma toyed with it and Regina curled her fingers upwards to squeeze back. "Do you really think she knows who is under the hood?"
"I don't know." Emma didn't really have a clue about anything anymore, expect Regina's hand was warm and the last thing she wanted was to let go. "She could be messing with me."
"I guess we'll find out sooner or later." Regina inhaled slowly then let it all out in one breath, twisting her head to face Emma and squeezed, "you look miserable, Emma."
"I'm fine."
Regina pulled her hand away and crossed her arms, "if you say so."
"I miss you-" eyes fell downwards the moment the words came out, "will we ever be good?"
Regina took a shaky breath, "I don't know if I can forgive you."
Emma connected their gaze, "is it selfish to say that I need you?"
"And I don't?" Regina took a step back, throat constricting as she spoke, "I've not stopped suddenly caring about you, you idiot. It…it hurts, Emma."
"I know." It wasn't as if she wasn't hurting too. "What can I do to make it better?"
All Regina did was stare with longing, eyebrows furrowed and eyes which glistened. How many times had she looked to Emma that way, for her to dismiss it? That look was more of an answer than anything could be.
Emma had never realised how much she was wanted.
The next few days her son's courage had spiralled around her mind. If he could be honest, it meant she could. After leaving work, Emma circled around town a few times. She didn't know what to do, if she should confess to Hook and risk the wedding being called off. If she even wanted the wedding to go ahead. There was something deeply rooted inside which had her clinging onto the idea that the wedding was something she had to do. She couldn't even explain why.
She pulled up outside of the house, getting out of the car and silently made her way inside, hoping she could sneak upstairs for a shower. That was until she noticed a familiar bag pack dumped at the bottom of the stairs. Frowning, she walked into the next room.
"Henry?" He was sat on the couch, comic book in hand, "is everything alright?"
"Aye, the lad showed up looking for you. Couldn't exactly turn the boy away now, could I?" Hook seemed more than miffed and Emma felt the urge to punch him all over again, when just a few days ago she had been cuddling up to him. She ran a hand down her face and plonked herself down next to her son.
"Yeah, it's just mom going on and on about me well..." it had been embarrassing; every time his mother had uttered the word sex he turned into a beetroot, "didn't want to have to deal with it."
"I'm sorry kid, do you want to go and talk to her? Maybe the two of us could get through."
Hook's jaw clenched and he flung his arms into the air. "A wonderful idea, Leave your dashing fiancé at home yet again." The pair gave him daggers, so he lifted his arms up in surrender, "it was only a joke, Swan." They both knew it wasn't, not that they were going to bring any of that to light.
"You guys are in a fight. Will you be able to talk to her without yelling at each other?" He moved his eyes back to his comic book, not looking up at either of them.
"We managed to other day." Emma hadn't heard from Regina since. She'd tried calling her once and it had gone to voicemail, all the while Emma had been stood on the other side of the road, watching as Regina hit the decline button without a second thought.
"You and Regina are fighting? Why is this the first I'm hearing of this?" Hook moved closer and Emma knew she had to tell him, whether she wanted to or not. She supposed the outcome could decide her future for her, whether that be a good or bad thing she couldn't tell.
"Go and wait in the car kid, I'll be out soon."
"But-"
"I'll be out in a minute," she said, feeling a slight pang of guilt as she knew this could take longer than a minute. He sighed, but grabbed his comic, flung his backpack over one shoulder and made his way to the bug.
"Look-" she stood, wiping her palms down her pants, "I didn't tell you, because it didn't mean anything." Emma knew it was a lie the moment it flew from her mouth, her heart breaking at the statement, knowing it would hurt Regina just as much.
"What didn't mean anything?" His one hand clenched and he looked to Emma like he had after he'd discovered darkness had been swirling around his veins. A shiver ran through her body, but she put her fears aside.
"When I was at the mansion, me and-" she swallowed, hanging her head, "me and Regina slept together."
"You-" he pointed his hook in her direction, shaking his head, "I knew this was coming. I knew it, Swan. It's always you and her. You've never made time for me. I should've known you were a cheat and to stoop so low you had to go and sleep with the only person who would look at you twice, because she has no one else-"
"Don't talk about her like that." Emma's face filled with fury, where shame had just been.
"How did you expect me to react, Swan?" Shaking his head, he began pacing around the room, throw a punch into the air on a grunt then turned to face Emma. "You can forget walking out of that door."
"Excuse me?" Emma had lost all of the care in the world…but not when it came to them.
"If you want this wedding to go ahead, you need to choose. Right now. Me or Her." He smirked, knowing how much Emma wouldn't let him go.
"You expect me to leave Henry sitting in the car all night? You expect us to stop co-parenting because of a…a…" she couldn't bring herself to say mistake, because it had felt right and the realest thing she had felt in a long time, "a one time thing? Regina would never make me choose."
"I bet this was her plan all along. Seduce you, throw you out and then have you ruining everything between us." Emma looked at him like he had gone crazy, but she didn't feel like telling him she had made the move. "I don't really care what you do, but you're not seeing that woman. For all I know you'll continue seeing her behind my back."
"I'm not choosing between you and the mother of my son." Both hands went to her hips and for the first time in what had felt like a long, excruciatingly dire time, she felt as if she were alive. "Screw you. If you want to call off the wedding then don't be a coward."
Hook grinned, "like you, Swan." His face turned malicious and he stalked closer to Emma as if hunting prey. "You slept with another woman instead of even bothering to make it work with me. Is this what you do? Get scared and then mess things up because you were an orphan and mommy and daddy didn't teach you how to be brave-" his hook ran down her face and she shivered.
Emma knocked it away, "don't."
"You always play the victim, this time you don't get to. You're the one who cheated," he sneered, "I might have made mistakes, but at least I own up to them and I've never cheated."
"You're talking out of your ass." She crossed her arms. He did have every right to be angry. "That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. I can't believe I ever dared trust you."
"It's time you did. Choose, I'm not going to marry a woman who can't put me first."
Emma stayed silent, arms hanging loosely from her chest and took a deep breath, "me," she said softly, eyes staring at the ground. Now the word was out, she lifted her gaze and smirked, "me," she said firmly, "I'm done with you."
Before he could even utter a single word, she turned, opened the door and slammed it shut with everything she had.