The whole week runs by like a dream. Going to school, going home, meeting either Amy or Shane and Lauren, going to sleep, repeat. And the next thing I know it's Friday and I sit in my room while Shane skims my closet. "Nope … nope … nope … maaaaybe … nope … nope … Aaah, here is what I've been looking for." He pulls out a blouse and a skirt. "You have to be fucking kidding me, I'm not wearing that blouse with that skirt." I look at him as he places the clothes in front of me. They do look nice together, but I would look so uptight in those clothes. I freeze, my eyes wide and I stare in front of me. Why did I just think that? Damn it, she can't get to me like this. "Karma are you alright? You look like you're having a heart attack or something." I shake my head and look over to him. "That's not how people look when they have a heart attack. God, you should read more." He shoots me a look and signals me to tell him what's wrong. "It's nothing," I shrug. "It's just that I … how do I put it? … I kinda feel casual today, so maybe I'll just wear my normal clothes." His face falls and he stares at me. "Normal clothes? To a party at Brandi's? Are you serious? That's social suicide." I stand up and put the clothes back into my closet. "I'll be fine, it's just one party and my stuff doesn't look that bad." I look through my closet myself and pull out a dress. "That'll work, don't you think?" I twirl around, holding the dress to my body. I stop when I notice that Shane is smiling at me. "What is it?" He stands up and pulls me in a hug. "Okay, weirdo. Can you explain to me what the fuck you're doing? You know I don't like physical contact." He backs away, holds me by my shoulders and wait … are his eyes watery? "I'm just so happy for you." I pull a confused face and he points at my dress. "That's the dress you wear when you want to impress somebody by not being fancy. You always wear it when someone's in your life you consider relationship material. So I guess that tonight you want to test the water" I wrinkle my nose and look at the dress, then back up to Shane. "You're delusional. That's just my favorite dress. That's all." He doesn't seem convinced. "So you're gonna PDA tonight with your girlfriend?" I put the dress on my bed and start changing. "What? No. She's not my girlfriend and I'm definitely not making out with her in front of the whole school." He starts pouting. "Why not? You two would look so cute together." I roll my eyes and walk to the bathroom. "Oh and by the way, I heard that she ditched Liam for something, I don't remember what. People heard them fighting again and he doesn't seem happy that she spends so much time with you. So I'd stay clear of him tonight if I were you." I make myself ready and don't say anything. Shane doesn't mind, he keeps talking. "You know, thinking of it, you really shouldn't do anything with Amy tonight. You haven't told Lauren-" "And I will never tell her." I chime in from the bathroom. "Yeah, right, and I still think that's a horrible idea. When this is getting serio-" "It won't get serious Shane. It's casual, we have fun, we spend time together. And we do nothing below the waist. At least not yet anyway." Shane looks at me confused. "Wait, she hasn't tried yet? Okay now I kinda believe you, that it's just a casual friendship." The word friendship makes me cringe, but that's what I want it to be, right? Shane moves away from the bathroom again and starts talking about the possibilities he has tonight. It makes me shiver how he talks about guys, but then I remember that just a few weeks ago, I talked about guy the same way. What has changed? Are these feelings really so … real? … strong? … I can't think straight anymore. I chuckle at the pun I made in my head. I'm so lame.
When I'm ready we walk down the stairs. I'm glad that Brandi lives just a few blocks away, so we can walk there and no one has to drive. Good for Shane that he intents to sleep at my place. My mother stops us when we're about to leave the house. "Karma? Can I talk to you for a second?" Oh here we go again. Shane winks at me and walks outside to wait for me. "What is it?" I ask, turning around to my mother, who clearly needs to stop taking whatever she takes, because she looks out of it. "When will you invite your lovely girlfriend to have dinner with us?" Lovely girlfriend? "Mom, I'm not in a relationship. Amy is just a friend, when will you get that?" She shakes her head and smiles. "Yeah right. No friend looks that happy when she leaves you room." So hiding Amy from my parents backfired, but whatever. I sigh and turn around. "Just invite her for dinner some time. Your father and I want to get to know her." "Yeah, alright. I'll talk to her." And with that I shut the door close.
We walk over to Brandi's where Lauren was waiting for us at the front door. On the way we walk about all kind of stuff, but about nothing at all, really. "Maybe Mr Hart is into kinky stuff" Shane says, thinking about my English teacher. He's very strict, yet passionate about some stuff, so why not talk about our teacher's sex life? "Thanks for that unnecessary picture in my head doofus." I cringe and punch his shoulder lightly. We burst out laughing and that's when Lauren notices us. "What's so funny?" In between laughter Shane menages "The imagination of Hart spanking his wife." I can't stop laughing while Lauren makes gagging noises. "Ew, you guys are disgusting." Finally I'm able to calm down a bit, while tears running down my cheeks. I haven't laughed like that in a long time. "Come on Lauren, the thought is pretty hilarious." She just rolls her eyes and turns to the door. "It's so great that the biggest minds of Hester are so damn immature." Shane nudges her shoulder with his own and grins. "Thanks darling, but I'm really not that smart." She turns to glare at him. "As if I was talking about you, you shitface." When the thought of Amy crosses my mind, my laughter dies completely. Thank god nobody seems to take notice when I enter the house frowning. The moment I enter, Amy stands in front of me, grinning. "You look beautiful tonight." The smell of alcohol that escapes her mouth as she speaks, makes it more than obvious that she's intoxicated, but not completely loaded. She can still stand straight and steady, so she's good for now. She leans in to hug me and I feel my breath fasten, her arms make their way around my shoulders and the hair in the back of my neck stands up straight. She pulls me in to a tight hug and gosh it feels so fucking good. Why did I have to fall for Amy out of all people? I feel my arms slowly making their way around her torso, but in the last second I switch them from embrace mode into defense mode and push her away, in a gentle way though. "What are you doing, Amy?" I whisper and I can see her frowning, her face overloading with disappointment of my action. "I'm sorry, but I can't do that here," I try to explain, but she just shakes her head and walks away from me. Great. "What the hell was that?" I hear Lauren ask Shane in her bitchiest voice ever. She doesn't like the small display of affection she just witnessed, even if it was just a hug, I mean she's well aware of the fact that I hate body contact. "Nothing Lauren." I turn to her and she musters me. "Sure, nothing, right. So the devil likes you, huh? When did you two start hanging out?" I look over to Shane, pleading him for help, but he just shrugs helplessly. Then I remember something, this might work. "Well, she kinda wants to, like, joing AP English and you know how strict Mr Hart is and everything. So she wanted me to help her with her literature, you know?" Lauren thinks for a moment. "She ready a lot of books lately that doesn't seem like her. And thinking about it, they kinda look like your books." She shrugs and turns to walk away. "You're too nice Ashcroft. But how about getting drunk now?" We follow her into the kitchen and I'm reminded on the reason why I hate parties at Brandi's: Malibu coconut liquor. She always drinks this devil's brew and it's the only beverage next to a keg of beer. I feel the urge to vomit when I look over to Shane. He sees my reaction and pulls something out of his jacket. Oh great, my favorite! He puts the bottle of Jägermeister on the table and pours us a drink. This is just such a delight way to get drunk. We start off with a mix between Jäger and coke. We walk into the living room, just to witness a display of Brandi's sluttiest behavior. Everybody knows that she only throws those parties to get with Liam, who clearly isn't interested in her. I spot Amy sitting on the couch texting or whatever she's doing with her phone, ignoring the girl next to her who clearly tries flirting. I can't help but smile that it's not working. Lauren walks over to Tommy to start their regular play of PDA they do at every party. I pull a face and feel Shane tugging on my sleeve. "Let's be predictable" He says, smiling at me. "Please don't say it." "Karma drinks!" I groan, well 'Karma drinks' is the name he calls a little drinking game we always play, where we ask each other question and when you don't want to answer a question you have to take a shot, when you answer the question truthfully, your opposite has to take a shot. As for the name, he calls it that, because he answers every question and he knows what questions I don't answer.
Halfway into the game I'm already quite drunk, because this guy asks me stuff like "What positions did you do the last time you had sex" and I cringe already at the thought of talking to people about that. I'd like to keep things like that private, even in from Shane. We sit in one corner of the living room on the ground, so that we're not disturbed and I look over to skim the room when my eyes fixate on someone. Shivers run down my spine, I get hot and really cold at the same time, my breathing fastens and there is this tug in my stomach that makes me want to barf. So the skank from before did it and lured Amy into a make out session. I feel sick, this isn't happening. "I don't think I need this game anymore." I take the bottle and take a huge gulp. Shane looks at me concerned and follows my gaze from before. He freezes and his eyes widen. "No, Karma. You shouldn't drink because of her. Don't let that bitch drag you down." I take another gulp and get up, I really don't want to see this. The sudden dizziness that you get when you stand up after you drank hit me and I almost fall over, but I stumble up the stairs with almost no problem. I know that there's this balcony and I go there every party because nobody else does.
I lean over the balcony and watch the people in the garden. "Pretty fucked up this whole scheme, don't you think?" I jump and turn around. Liam stands behind me with a soft smile on his face. "God Liam, you almost killed me. What do you want?" He breathes out a small laughter and positions himself next to me. "I don't know I like it here, the view is nice and for some reason I want to know what Amy sees in you." I roll my eyes and turn around again, trying to ignore that thing next to me. I'm drunk, but I'm not stupid, I'm not gonna talk to Liam. "So, you guys are a thing now or what?" I don't answer. "I mean you spend so fucking much time together, you could think that something's going on." I don't answer. All I can think about is her lips on the lips of another girl. How could she, when I was right there? "But I really don't get it, you guys are so not made for each other." I don't answer, but my resistance lowers with each of his sentences. I feel the blood boiling more and more with each second, and now it's really not only because of Amy, but because of Liam, too. "Okay fine, then we don't talk about Amy. Let's talk about this amazing view." I look over to him with a raised eyebrow. "The view here is nothing special, you just see the rich side of Austin, amazing really" I scoff and he just chuckles. "Well, if you look over there you could see the countryside right outside of Austin, and I really like that view." He points somewhere and my eyes follow his direction. Like I said before, the view is nice, but nothing special. "You have a was better view from Amy's bedroom window to be honest." I realized just as I said it, that it sounded so stupid and as if I was there so many times. I've been to here house like 3 times or something. We always go to my place, because I don't want to see Lauren. He just shrugs and looks down. After a moment he lets his spit fall down on someone beneath us. I punch his shoulder. "Are you fucking kidding me?! How could you do that? That's so disgusting." I take my cup and leave. Wait, when did I get my cup up here? Oh whatever.
I drown the liquid and head downstairs, somehow things got way more clouded after that last gulp. I just shake my head to clear it a bit and head towards Shane on the dance floor. They were playing Addicted to You, by Aviici and I immediately skim the room for Amy, but I couldn't find her. She's probably in a room with her little skank, but whatever, I'm going to have fun tonight. Shane pulls me closer to him. "Where were you? Are you alright?" I just shrug as a response and start dancing. There goes this feeling through my body that I can't really explain, but it feels like the best feeling ever. It's a rush, a sudden burst of endorphin and affection. I have the urge to hug people and so I go and hug Shane who's absolutely startled by my actions. "Karma? You sure you're alright?" I take his hands and twirl us around. "I'm more than fine, I've never been better. The world is amazing, don't you think?" He looks at me a bit scaptical but shrugs eventually and obliges to my actions that I want to dance with him. A few songs go by until a sad, couple-y song comes up and I groan. "Ugh, I want to dance, why do couples always have to be such downers? They can sway to dance music, too." Shane chuckles and brings me another drink. "I don't know what's happening here, Karma, but I like you tonight even more than normally." I take a sip from my drink and fall almost over. "Well, that's because right now I don't feel one bad thing, you know? Everything's like a beautiful dream and I'm the queen of the world." I twirl around while saying that last sentence and hit the counter of the kitchen. I didn't know we were in the kitchen. I laugh at my sudden realization where I was when I saw something on the counter. A sheet of paper with familiar handwriting on it. I frown. There's my name, twice. Once in normal handwriting and once in calligraphy. I frown even more, where do I know this handwriting from? And in connection with calligraphy? Wait … no … it's the author's handwriting. I snatch the piece of paper and put it in my pocket before walking off, I don't know where.
The next thing I know is I sit somewhere in the house, I have no clue where and I'm playing with a kitten. Such a beautiful kitten. I can't stop laughing as the kitten plays with my hand. It's so cute, I wish I was a kitten, that would be awesome. I keep playing with this small ball of fur. "Karma? Is that you?" I turn around to see Amy coming out of a room, so I sit in a doorway, that's cool. "Karma, what are you doing here? I've been looking for you everywhere." I look at her with a huge grin and say "I'm stroking Brandi's pussy." And start laughing uncontrollably. Amy walks over to me and bends down. "You what? Oh thank god it's an actual cat." She kneels down next to me and scoops up the kitten. "She actually shouldn't be out here with all there people around, let's take her into a room." She gets up and I follow her groggily, almost falling with every step. I'm still grinning and when we're in the room, my arms find their way around Amy from behind. "I've missed you, Amy." I say. She turns around and looks at me. "You're drunk, Karma. You didn't miss me." I place my hands on her chest and sigh. "Of course I missed you, I missed your lips on mine like crazy when I saw you making out with that whore." She takes my hands and shakes her head. "Oh you must be really loaded … wait, Karma, your hands are bloody. Why are your hands bloody and why are there all those scratches?" I look at my hands and she was right, blood was dripping everywhere and it looked so beautiful that I couldn't help but smile. "Karma? Answer me!" I look up at her, again with a huge grin. "It must've been the kitten, we played for a long time, she was always attacking my hand." Amy narrowed her eyes at me. "And it didn't hurt you?" I shake my head. "I didn't feel a thing." I continue grinning. Her eyes widen and she runs to the light switch to turn on the lights. She grabs me by the shoulders and looks me deeply in the eyes. "So you don't feel pain, do you feel lightheaded? And a sudden rush of happiness? You're not tired, are you?" I tilt my head slightly and smile at her. "You're so beautiful, Amy. Have I ever told you that before?" She shakes her head slightly and stares at my eyes. "God, your pupils are as big as your iris. With who did you talk tonight?" I wrinkle my nose and close one eye. "I talked to Shane, Lauren, Liam and now you." I say, I'm pretty sure I haven't forgotten anybody. She takes a deep breath. "I'm going to kill him. But before I do that, I'm gonna take you home." I pout and sit down at the floor. "but I don't wanna!" Amy runs her hand through her hair and bends down to me. "Look Karma, Liam drugged you and now I have to get you sober, because I don't have a clue what he gave to you. Trust me, he's gonna pay for that." I cross my arms and think. Me? Drugged? Nah, I don't believe it. "I still don't want to go, though." I say, my mood slowly comes down again. "How can I convince you to go home with me?" I look up at the ceiling and then I look at her. No, not directly at her, I look at her lips and start to smile. She sighs and leans in. Our lips touch and I feel just as happy as I did a few moments ago, this is amazing. But it ends too soon. "If you come with me, I'm gonna kiss you again, okay?" She says, she sounds like a teacher. But I happily agree, not being able to wait for the next kiss to come.
She takes me outside, but not before telling Shane what happened. Her hand is in mine, and I don't know why she keeps holding it so tight, I guess she's scared that I run away, but for some reason her touch alone sobered me a bit and I'm still very happy to go home with her right now, even though this is the second time she has to take care of me after a party.