Bella POV

There are always times when you are so sure of something, and you turn out to be wrong. It happens to anyone. Those are usually the more painful times because it knocks the wind out of you. One minute you feel confident, you feel positive. Then something changes or opens your eyes to what's always been there. The blind spot is lifted and you can't avoid it.

I had a blind spot for a while now. I didn't know it until now, nearly four weeks after Laki's curse and we got back from our honeymoon. In that near month much, yet so little had gone on. There was research. So much of it my eyes still hurt. There were calls. I thought I would hear a phone ring even in my mind for days. There wasn't a lot else to do without creating attention to ourselves, which we didn't want. If the Volturi found out, they would either eliminate the "issue" themselves, or they would want to see it through. Our control would be gone. So instead we researched, and we found that there wasn't much to be found. That created a fear, as any uncertainty would, but that wasn't my blind spot.

No, that was merely seeing clearly. Seeing what would really happen when the two months were down. All of it testing how much I could handle.

I thought I could handle not having a very involved mother, and I did. I thought I could handle uprooting my life and moving to Forks, and I did. I could handle much more than others thought, which gave me a confidence in myself.

And that confidence blinded me.

In the passing weeks I felt a different change in my body every day. Sometimes it had felt like every hour.

Technically it was the sickness that came first. I had felt that during the honeymoon. It had gotten worse though. It wasn't just the morning, it was all day. Not just from smells or doing too much, but from simply breathing. At first I was put off from my favorite foods, and then it came to the point where I could only keep a little food down a day. It was the first cause of concern. It showed us just how quickly the baby, or whatever it was; grew.

Within the last couple of days I felt my energy drain. It was easier to laugh off at first. Falling asleep earlier, sleeping later, and yawning as I walked. All were common enough for pregnancy. Now it was becoming worse. I felt like I was being stretched any time I moved. It made me want to be still, and the more I was still the more tired I was.

It wasn't just me being affected of course. My family changed. It was different this time than when there was Victoria or the Volturi to worry about. When there was that, there was something to do. This time, there was nothing, and I could tell it wore on all of them.

And that's where I broke.

After our honeymoon I went to see Charlie. I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to get away with that. The baby had grown in that week alone and even though I could hide it in an oversized shirt, I had grown as well. It wasn't that he noticed, but how I looked. He said I seemed paler and as if I was in pain. He saw as much as those in the know did, but because I was his daughter. And that's when I realized how wrong I had been about what was right in my decision.

Since becoming a part of this life, I knew the risks. I knew what I was giving up and what for. I accepted it all, and I was sure of it all. Now that I felt wrong. Not in my choice being wrong for me or doubting what I wanted, but I realized what it meant.

I kept everything from Charlie. I would never see him again once I changed. That he could live with, as long as he heard from me and knew I was happy. Hell after visiting him I told him that Edward wanted to tour a college he was considering late admission to. Charlie had seemed so pleased at the prospect that we were moving forward. I knew then that he would be ok with distance. He had done it for most of my life. But when I saw the pain on his face from seeing my own discomfort as the baby moved, I knew it could be worse for him. If the baby wasn't a baby at all and this was only the beginning of my pain, I could really die. What then?

It would break Charlie. It would end Edward. Jacob, the Cullen's, the pack, the imprints, everyone would be changed by it. Just as I would if I lost any of them. This wasn't just about me getting what I wanted; there were other people who were affected by this decision.

And I had thought I made this decision. Through all the research and calls, I had been the one to feel the little flutters inside me. Each day it changed me. Hope sprouted into need of this tiny being. I realized I didn't just want it to be human, a growing part of me believed it was. And yet, that still made me question what was right.

Now, as I curled up on the seat by Edwards, now our, window; I thought of my choices. What could I live with? Could I forsake my own life on the off chance this was a baby, or should I not risk anymore? Edward and I could move on from this. We had an eternity after all, that was enough time to get over anything. Wasn't it?

"I'm surprised I can't read your mind right now." Edward said from the door and had a sad smile as I looked up. "Twice now I've heard you because you were scared. You look pretty scared right now." He walked over to sit next on the other side of the seat, leaning against the sill and looking at me. "Want to tell me why?'

I thought of keeping it to myself. It was a knee jerk that marriage was trying to tame. I couldn't protect him anymore than he could protect me. We were both in this, the choice was both of ours, and whatever the outcome, we were still one in this. That couldn't be swayed. And while I noticed how hard the past weeks were wearing on his spirit, I knew he had as much right as I did.

"I don't feel like myself." I said honestly. "I feel all of these changes in me and I keep doubting everything." I played with the hem of his shirt. "Well not everything. But this." I gestured to the swell of my stomach. I looked as the baby had that first sonogram, as though I was five months along.

Understanding me, he nodded, taking my hand and tracing the skin above my wedding rings. "We can get you down to Carlisle's office, we have all of the supplies to try and get it out. We can do that right now."

"Can we though?" I didn't bother fighting back any tears. Not with him. "Can we live with that? I'm trying to figure out which is right. Do we do that so that no one else has to hurt, or do we keep this so I can live with it?" I let out a breath when his hand brushed my face. "I don't know what to do anymore. Not when I see what it's doing to everyone when they look at me. Not after seeing Charlie like that. It was like a slap of water to the face, he looked so worried and helpless because he knew something was wrong with me he couldn't fix. I go back and forth from how can I put myself at risk knowing what it would do to him or Renee, to how can I let go of one of our own."

"I do the same. Every time we've thought we found something that suggests any creation would be a monster, I keep thinking about how many times we've already been an exception to a rule. This could be one of them. I don't know how to risk the wife I waited for, for the possibility of a child I never let myself want." He glanced out the window, as if the answer was there. "Neither of us knows which to choose."

"And I don't know if we can have both." I whispered the words I knew scared us both. That he would lose one of us, or that I would lose the chance of a life with them. The fear of that unknown blurred the previous plan. Yet that unknown had been there all this time, but hidden in what we thought was us being sure.

Rather than wallow in it, it suddenly made me mad. I choked on a sob and got up, ignoring the pain of moving and grabbed the nearest object. A ceramic cup holding stationary on Edward's desk. I hurled it at the wall, enjoying the crashing sound.

"Why us? What the hell did we do? Ninety years you were by yourself and I…" My breath hitched again as I backed away from Edward as he stood. "No I want to know. Why? Why couldn't I have just been born in your time? Why couldn't you have been born in mine? Shit, why did we even have to meet each other if I was just going to die?" Now I picked up the desk lamp and heaved it to the door. I threw it so hard that I fell to my knees when it left my hand and connected. "Why can't I just be a fucking vampire so I can punch something through?" I let my face fall in my shaking hands, the rest of me shaking with the sobs.

Sometimes you don't get an answer. It isn't about getting one really. Sure you want someone to blame, but it's really just about having another distraction from seeing what was happening to yourself. But sometimes, you have an answer in the partner by your side.

I felt Edward drop to his knees in front of me. He lifted my face, touching his forehead to mine, eyes closing. For a moment he simply breathed me in, and his tense stance relaxed as though I had calmed him. His hands ran down my arms then, one wrapping around one of mine, pushing my fingers into a fist.

Confused, I opened my eyes to see his fist close around my hand like a cage. He shifted and lightening fast, punched that cage through the floor boards. I didn't feel a thing, but the movement.

"There, now you have." He said and while we both tried to smile, we couldn't.

"Edward what's going on?" Esme said from behind the door, knocking.

"Please just leave us be for a little while longer" I answered, curling into Edward's side.

I wasn't sure how long that was that we sat there. There was glass and chipped wood around us as we held each other, rocking and trying to comfort. I thought I heard him repeat "Please give us a little longer," but I knew he wasn't Esme he was saying it to.

We just had to hope someone would listen, and we would find a way to be sure again.