Chapter 9: Anger and Tears

It was late afternoon by the time Natalie was waking up. Piper was on the floor, still asleep. Natalie walked to the door, peeking through it to see if anyone was there. "Hey, Piper." She tried not to be too loud, not knowing if she might be suffering from a hangover after the night of heavy drinking. Piper didn't move from her spot on the floor. "Where's my backpack…?" Natalie whispered to herself as she closed the door, looking around the room. She found it tucked under the bed. She pulled it out, looking through the items she had inside. Her gun, a laser rifle for back-up, some leather clothes she was able to loot whenever they were fighting at the Museum of Freedom, some food… the notes from Jeff.

She pulled the notes out, looking for the one she thought she might have read last night. "Maybe it was a dream…" She mumbled, looking at the dates on the letters. She found the most recent letter written February 15th, 2276. About ten years before Natalie and Nate woke up from the pods.

February 15th, 2276

Dear Natalie Graham (Deceased),

It's been two hundred years. I know you couldn't have survived all these years in that vault. I used to go there every couple of months to see if they let you out. Then years went by, ten, twenty… Up until it had been eighty years and I knew there was no way you were ever coming out. I guess I'm writing this as some sort of closure before I go. Well, here's a summary of my life since those bomb fell.

The first year was the hardest, I got really sick from all the radiation and it changed me. Dad and I turned into what they call ghouls. It was hard to find a place to call home, most people didn't trust us. They thought we might attack them. We eventually set up a small farm near Sanctuary Hills. We stayed there for about one hundred years before a group of raiders came and destroyed our crops and took all we had. We were lucky we didn't get killed, but I think that's because they expected us to fix everything and start farming again. We didn't. Instead, we traveled from town to town. Most settlements needed a little work done, so we did what we could. Sometimes this meant killing people, other times it was just delivering things to another settlement.

We travelled for about fifty years before we settled into a place called Diamond City. It was pretty great there, if people didn't like us they just ignored us. They didn't try to attack us, for the most part. Well, until last night. A group of people followed us outside the gates of Diamond City. We were going to travel to a settlement on the other side of town and they somehow found out when we were leaving. There were five of them and there was no way I could stop them. They put a gun to my dad's head and demanded we hand everything over. I gave them my stuff, but dad… They shot him because he didn't want to give up his stuff.

My dad's dead. I'm alone now… I just… I wish he would have handed his stuff over. Those bastards, they just walked back into the city as if nothing happened. One of them even turned to me and said "That's what you freaks deserve. To be put down like the dogs you are." I waited for them to leave before I started to head back to Red Rocket. I managed to bring dad's body out here to bury it.

I decided to leave the commonwealth. I'm going to head to New Vegas. I've heard there's plenty of work out there. I just figured it's time. Time to move on. Time to say goodbye to everything. I've got nothing left for me here in Boston. I'm going to start all over, maybe even change my name. I'm not who I used to be. God, even if you did walk out that vault today and met me here where I stand, I don't think you'd ever be able to love me like before. This world has done its number on me and now I'm just waiting for my time to come. I'm sorry I never got to see you again, Natalie. I loved you.

-Jeffrey Anthony Lamb

Natalie felt her eyes welling with tears. She couldn't gather her thoughts. With shaky hands she flipped the papers over, reading another scribbled note written on the back.

Happy two hundred year anniversary.

She choked back tears, covering her mouth with her hand as she tried to keep the noise to a minimum. She hated this world. Everything that was in it. It had taken everything she loved and held dear and shredded it.

"What's wrong?" Piper grumbled in her sleep.

Natalie turned to see if she had woken up. Luckily, she was still out, she didn't want anyone to see her this way. She looked at the letters in her hands. Folding the last letter written to her, she carefully placed it in a small zipper pocket. She began to rip of the rest of the pieces, a fiery anger in her movements. All of a sudden she heard a knock at the door.

Nate ended up falling asleep on an old dirty mat lying on the streets of Goodneighbor. He didn't get much sleep, not only from the uncomfortable bedding but also because of the constant nightmares. He just kept seeing them over and over again, his wife being killed, Shaun being taken away from him, Kellogg's grin as he refused to give up any information… It kept going the same way, Nate would be in the middle of beating Kellogg to death. Nick would take Natalie away as she cried, but Nate couldn't stop himself. Then he would hear a gunshot. When he looked down to check himself for a wound, there would be a gun in his hand and Kellogg would be gone. When he looked back up, Nora was standing in front of him, gasping as she began to bleed to death. He would wake up immediately after seeing her face twisted in pain. He would sit up quickly, trying to snap back to the real world.

Whenever he couldn't deal with the nightmares anymore, he decided to walk outside Goodneighbor. He bought a metal baseball bat from Kleo and decided to do some target practice on feral ghouls roaming around an old graveyard.

He enjoyed the feeling of danger that came with fighting, the adrenaline rush. Plus, it helped keep his mind off of things. He didn't have to think about Kellogg, the Institute, and Shaun… Nora. He just had to focus on surviving and putting all his strength into swinging the bat.

He hit one of the ferals on the leg, causing it to topple to the ground. He raised the bat high, grunting when he smashed it into the skull. He heard a noise behind him and swiftly turned, swinging the bat as he did.

"Woah! Watch out!" Hancock dodged the bat swiftly.

"Wh-what are you doing out here?" Nate gasped as he caught his breath.

"Hey, I could ask you the same thing." Hancock looked over him suspiciously.

"I'm just… letting out some steam…" Nate rubbed the bat on his pants leg, cleaning off most of the blood from it.

Hancock looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. "Just had to be sure… Sometimes raider settlements will come out to Goodneighbor to scope the place out. I wasn't sure if you were maybe…" He trailed off.

"You think I look like a raider?" Nate questioned.

"All I know is you've got a fire in your eyes. That can be a good thing, if you're on the right side of the fence." Hancock walked over to one of the feral ghoul bodies, kicking it as if to make sure it was dead. "I've got a job for you, if you're up for it?"

"What's that?" Nate asked, wiping the sweat off his brow.

"I've heard about some things going on at the Pickman Gallery. There's usually raiders out there, but things have gone… quiet." He squinted his eyes, looking at Nate with a pondering expression. "Like uncomfortable post-coitus quiet. I'd like for you to go and scope out the place. See what's going on."

Nate looked as if he was weighing the idea. "How much are you paying?"

"Two hundred caps."

"Two-fifty." Nate said immediately after.

"Fine, but I'm not going any higher." He chuckled a little. "Gotta love a guy who likes to push his luck."

Nate knocked on the door at the Rexford Hotel. He heard small footsteps head to the door. He waited until the late afternoon, hoping Natalie would get enough rest to not be too hungover to head out. When she opened the door her eyes were red, almost as if she had been crying. It could have been from her hangover, though so Nate didn't ask about it. "Hey, we've got a mission if you're ready?"

"Yea." She mumbled softly. "Let me get my stuff together." She shut the door. Nate leaned casually with his back against the wall, listening to Natalie's shuffling behind the door. After a few moments she swung the door open. She completely changed her outfit, wearing a leather jacket and pants with her leather armor fastened over it. Nate raised his brows, impressed with how edgy she looked. "Ready." She started walking down the hallway.

Nate watched her for a moment. There was something different in her stride. Realizing he was getting left behind he quickly followed after her. "Hey, slow down." He grabbed her shoulder, making her turn around. She was looking at the floor, her eyes glazed with something he couldn't quite describe. "Natalie, are you going to be ok…?"

"Yea…" She said quietly, a harsh look still on her face. Then she breathed deeply, giving a slight nod before she repeated herself. "Yea." They continued on.

When they passed the stores near the entrance of Goodneighbor, Maccready noticed them and stopped them. "Hey, leaving so soon?" He was munching on a box of fancy lad snack cakes.

"We'll be back, got some business to take care of." Nate informed him.

"Hey, Natalie, right? Listen, I uh… I wanted to apologize…" He rubbed the back of his neck nervously with his free hand. "I wasn't just trying to… get in your pants. I felt like maybe I shouldn't have… I don't know…" He trailed off, stumbling over his words.

"You didn't do anything wrong." She reassured him. "I was just… trying to relax. I was kind of jumping steps." She gave him a soft smile. "So don't apologize." Nate looked suspiciously over the two, watching the silent interaction as. He couldn't help but think of when he first met Nora.

"Right." He cleared his throat, a slight blush on his cheeks forming. "Well, you guys be safe out there."

As they left the town, Nate gave Natalie a sly smile. "He likes you…"

"Maybe…" She said dryly.

"What, you don't like him? After you almost took him to bed last night?" He teased.

"I was just trying to get my mind off of everything." She was getting angry. "It's ironic you're joking about this. You seemed really upset about it last night. I heard you outside the room."

Nate's smile quickly disappeared. "Hey, I was just trying to watch out for you. What if he tried to take advantage of you?"

"I can defend myself, you know." She was practically stomping her feet as they continued their walk.

"Well, so far it hasn't seemed that way." Nate immediately regretted the words. He didn't mean that.

She turned around, pointing a finger at him as if to say something, but instead huffed and kept walking. "At least I'm trying…"

He followed after her. "I don't mean it like that, I just-"

"Well, what else could you mean? I'm sorry you're having to babysit me."

"Natalie, I'm not babysitting you…" He groaned, mostly at himself for saying such a stupid thing. "Look at me…" He stopped walking, she continued without him. "Please, just stop."

She slowed down before halting completely. She turned around, he expected her to be pouring tears, but instead she had an anger in her eyes. Her lips twisted into a tight frown before she spat the words at him, "I don't have anything left." She crossed her arms again. "Nothing, not my family, not my friends. At least you have your son to look for."

"Your fiancé, you said they went to the Mojave-"

"Yea, to forget about me!" She said angrily. "He's gone. I didn't even get a chance to look for him and now there's no way I'm going to be able to find him. He's changed his name. I don't even know what he looks like anymore since he turned into a ghoul." She tapped her foot impatiently. "I hate this. I hate this whole fucking world." She hadn't even the slightest look of remorse on her. She was just… angry. "Look, let's just drop this for now. We have work to do."

When they made it to the Pickman gallery Natalie didn't waste any time facing the enemies. She used Nate's bat to take down everyone that ran towards her. Although she wasn't doing enough damage to kill the raiders, Nate was able to easily finish them off with a headshot. She would use all her strength in each swing, grunting behind the effort she put on. Nate wasn't sure how to feel about everything that was happening. Part of him was happy to see her fighting so hard, but part of him feared she was going to end up hurting herself in her haphazard strategy.

They returned to Goodneighbor rather late into the Night. Natalie was sore from all the swinging and Nate was tired from the lack of sleep the night before. They walked with heavy feet into Hancock's office. He was sitting behind a desk in a rather comfortable looking chair.

He smirked at them as they walked in. "So, good news is you're back in one piece. Now, what's the bad news at Pickman Gallery?"

"Apparently Pickman was killing raiders that wandered too close to his home. He was severing the bodies and... Painting with the blood." Nate informed him. Natalie grimaced at the memory of the paintings.

"So I'm assuming this Pickman fellow isn't going to be a problem?" Hancock leaned back in his chair, throwing his feet up on his desk.

"Well, we uh…" Nate trailed off. He must not have wanted to tell Hancock they let a maniac go free.

"We let him live," Natalie cleared her throat. "He'll keep killing raiders just because he despises them. There was no reason to kill him."

Hancock looked over her skeptically before letting out a small chuckle. "Well, let's just hope he doesn't grow bored of raiders and start looking for innocent civilians." He reached into his pocket and tossed the bag of caps on the end of his desk.

Nate grabbed them cautiously. "I guess let us know if you have any other work."

"Gotcha," Hancock tilted his hat to them as they left the room.

"That guy is weird." Nate whispered to Natalie

"Yea, but you have to admit there's some strange charming quality about him. I guess it's that crazy colonial outfit." She chuckled lightly.

They were quiet for a moment before Nate decided to speak up again. "Are we ok? I just… I don't want you to think I feel like you're a burden."

She went silent, reflecting over her own emotions. "Yea," She said quietly, a part of her still upset. "You never told me, did you find anything out about Shaun?"

"Well, I have to go to a place called the Glowing Sea… It's where the Nuke first hit." He swallowed hard. "There's a lot of dangerous monsters out there…" He looked at her from the corner of his eye.

She noticed the worried expression in his face. "I'll sit back on this one." She said with a bit of a sigh.

"It's not because I don't think you can handle yourself…"

"I know, you just don't want the risk…" She sighed heavily this time. "I get it."

Nate packed the assault rifle he had just finished assembling. He had to stop by Diamond City in order to meet Nick. He tried to get Natalie to go with him so he could bring her back to Diamond City, but she decided to stay with Piper in Goodneighbor. Piper promised to keep her safe. He also asked her not to leave town, but he somehow knew that wasn't going to happen. He just hoped they wouldn't get into too much trouble.

He knocked on the door to Nick's agency. Ellie answered, stepping aside to let him in. "Nick, Nate's here."

"Thanks, Ellie. Hold the fort down while I'm gone." Nick said as he grabbed his coat off his office chair.

"Always do." She shut the door behind them as they left.

"So, did you take Natalie back to Sanctuary?" Nick asked, noticing the girl wasn't with Nate.

"No, she's in Goodneighbor still." He sighed. "At least Piper's with her."

"Yea, I suppose so. But Piper tends to get into pretty big messes, too." Nick lit a cigarette, offering one to Nate.

"No thanks," He placed a hand up to deny it. "She wanted to come, I know she did. She said she would stay, though. She might have just been mad at me, though."

"Say something wrong?" Nick asked.

"Well… I just… I don't know why, I guess I was just mad. I told her she wasn't doing a good job defending herself." Nate said.

"Huh, so I guess she might have just wanted some space. Although I don't know if that's a good or bad thing." Nick chuckled a little.

"Yea, me neither. I think she just doesn't want me to worry about her out there, maybe. The Glowing Sea… Everything everyone says sounds terrible. I'm just worried that I can't protect her out there."

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but why are you so… devoted to this girl? At first I thought she might have been your daughter, but after being around you two I know you're not related." Nick peered under the lid of his fedora. Those glowing yellow eyes analyzing Nate's response.

Nate shrugged his shoulders a little. "I agreed to take her to Red Rocket at first, I wasn't planning to take her any further. When I found out she didn't have anyone, I just… I couldn't leave her. I mean this girl is by herself. Hell, she was still living with her parents when everything went down. The only worries she had in the world were probably planning her wedding. She didn't know how to function out here on her own."

"So you wanted to take her in? Maybe you could help her survive?" Nick puffed on his cigarette.

"I don't know…" Nate kicked at the ground a bit as he stepped. "I just wanted her to know that she has a friend. Someone that would watch her back. God knows I needed better friends than I had at her age." He sighed again, thinking over everything. "It's crazy how much our lives changed. I know this world is tough now, but I don't want her to get too damaged. I'm worried one day she might snap."

"What about yourself?" Nick asked. "Do you ever worry you might snap one day?"

Nate swallowed hard. He was always trying to push his sadness away, replacing it with anger. "Maybe…"

"I don't mean to sound like a dad, but… I'm just worried about that temper of yours." Nick said with genuine concern in his tone.

"I know… I'm going to start working on it…" Nate scratched his cheek, realizing he was already growing quite a bit of stubble. "Thanks for talking to me." He said after a moment. "I know we've only met, but I do feel like I can really trust you. Despite the whole Kellogg voice thing." Nate laughed.

"Yea, I'm sorry about that again. I haven't had any problems since so I suppose it was just an effect from the whole procedure." Nick turned to face Nate directly. "I want you to know, and Natalie, too, that it's not just you two alone out here. I'm here to help you out in whatever way I can, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone in the process."

"Thanks, Nick. That means a lot." They continued their walk, preparing to head to sanctuary to get Nate's power armor before they made the journey to the Glowing Sea.