"Sorry it's late, Mrs Summers." I murmured. She looked me over and accepted it without a word. I could feel her gaze on my back when I took my seat. I tried to smile, but I couldn't hold it up, so I just let it fall away and stared out the window.
"Who said the words, I think, therefore, I am?" I turned my head to the rest of the room. I couldn't believe no one knew.
"Rene Descartes." I said. Jean smiled. "He was a famous Frenchmen, known for his philosophy and his original thought." I said, just loud enough for everyone to hear me.
"Very good." The lesson moved on. Some of the others gave me odd glances, just a considering expression on their faces. I returned each of their stares, until they looked away uncomfortably. No one would dominate me.
"Fuck." I swore softly, slamming my fist into the table slightly. It caused the rest of the room to jump and I realized that the discussion had ended and everyone was working quietly.
"Alex, I want to talk to you, now." She sounded stern and I grabbed my books as I went out the door, waiting just beside for her to appear.
It took her a few minutes, but she did come out. She gave me a searching look, like she was trying to find my soul, only to find nothing in my stare. No one could dominate me. No one.
"Damn it!" I forced myself to stop staring at her and turned my glare to the ceiling. I felt like hitting something just then.
"Language Alex." Jean commented. "Are you alright? You seem…"
"Distant? Cold? Arrogant? Haughty? Pick one, I have more." I sighed internally at the harsh tones.
"Lost." I dragged my gaze to hers, just for a moment.
"I am not lost." I growled, advancing slowly. I jerked back when I realised what I was doing. "Sorry, just ignore I did that."
"Alex, what is going on?" She asked me softly. I sighed as I debated whether or not to tell her.
"It's difficult to control it." She shot me a questioning look. "You know about telepathic bonds right? Well, I have one. That's why I aged, but it didn't change anything. My…" I stopped myself from saying it. "The person I bonded to isn't interested. When I held a younger body, it wasn't hard, I could submit, but I can't now. I can't accept any form of dominance. Think of a loner alpha wolf. Once they find their mate, they can submit, but if they are without, they can't, they are indomitable."
"Your instincts are rising in you then." Jean simplified. I nodded. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"You're not bad, you're very good about not dominating your students. I am not looking forward to some of my other classes though." I tried to smile at her. "What would you do if the one you loved didn't love you back?"
"I would be lost." She rested a hand on my shoulder. "I know you are adjusting. Just relax. Sometimes it just takes time." She pulled me into a reassuring hug. "If they can't see how special you are, then they are blind. I see it. And I hope that you don't lose who you are to it."
"I just hope to get through the next few months." I said. "I'm not staying after I graduate." She understood and she wouldn't tell a soul.
"I wish you would stay. We're alike, you and I. You struggle to control a demon and I struggle to control the Phoenix. If nothing else, I would like to keep in contact with you." She rested a hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to be strong all the time you know. Some of the mutants would like to be your friend." She went back into the classroom, leaving me to think. I sighed and headed for my room so I could grab my other textbooks.
The day passed without me paying much attention. My mind was elsewhere and although I automatically glared at various people, I made no open displays of dominance. I just passively went through the day, sorting through my thoughts, trying to make sense of everything.
I found myself in shop class before I knew it and I made myself focus on the tasks at hand. As much as I would rather have been elsewhere, letting my mind drift here would cost me a limb.
Scott wove through the classroom, helping some of the students, suggesting things to others, generally trying to be helpful all around. I was using my spikes to carefully remove a flake of wood from the siding of my box.
"You'll ruin your work you know." A voice said as a shadow fell across my wood, blocking my light. I gritted my teeth and tried to be polite.
"Please move, you're in my light." I paused in my work, waiting for him to move. He obliged me and shuffled a foot out of the light.
"You're going against the grain. You'll tear off bits of the wood if you continue to use your spikes." He insisted.
"Its fine, Scott. I prefer to use my spikes for fine work. The tools are too big for this kind of thing for my taste." I picked out another flake of wood.
"Here, let me show you how to properly use the tools then." He pulled the wood out of my grip and I stood up.
"Just let me do it my own way." I snapped at him, glaring at him.
"Your way is the stupid way." He retorted. From the surprised look on his face, he'd obviously not thought before he spoke. He tried to fix his mistake. "I'll show you how to use the tools, it would make it easier."
"Just give me my box and I'll do it my way." I said softly.
"Alex, listen to me, I am your teacher, I know wood better than you. So you will listen!" he raised his voice slightly.
"I will not listen to a male, certainly not one so narrow-minded like you!" I replied, glaring at him. I started to go towards him. "Give it back."
"I am not narrow-minded, I am not about to let a kid tell me that she knows better." I roared at him.
"I am not a child anymore!" I bared my teeth at him and growled loudly. "Just give me back my damned wood!"
"It's not yours. Nothing here is. Everything you own is the schools." There was fear in his eyes a moment later.
"I bow to no one! Not you, not Logan, not anyone. You will submit." My steps became more pronounced, much more carefully placed. I lowered my head just a bit, bringing the tips of my horns into play. He stared at me, never wavering his gaze behind the ruby lenses.
"Somebody, get help!" I heard someone shout, but it seemed far away. All that mattered was the battle between me and Scott. I would prove myself to my mate, even if it meant challenging her chosen.
"What happened?" I heard a feminine voice say. I didn't hear the reply. Everything faded but Scott and his challenge. I could not lose to this male. I would not lose.
"Scott, drop your gaze to the ground!" The command came just as I darted forward to attack him, letting out a peal of rage at his insolence. I grabbed him and lifted him up into the air, preparing to slam him into the wall.
"Don't let it control you Alex!" I snarled at Scott, revealing all my teeth.
I was flung backwards, my grip broken. I slammed against the opposite wall, my head cracking against the stone of the building. I fell into an undignified heap on the floor. I looked around, growling slightly.
When I saw the look of absolute fear on the other students faces, I regained my sanity. My eyes frantically sought out Scott and I found the two telepaths blocking my way. Jean was helping him regain his feet while Emma was glaring at me. There was anger in her eyes and I realised how much I'd screwed up.
I felt the pressure on my every limb, keeping me in place. I knew it was Emma's power, rather than Jean's, because it was not like struggling against something, it was like I wasn't even in control of my own body.
"I can't believe it Alex. I thought better of you." Her eyes were cold. "Get out of my sight. You sicken me." I felt myself get up and start to head to the door. I sealed her from my mind, refusing to let her use my bond to her for such a tainted use.
I went to one corner of the room, picking up the box that had caused the fuss in first place. There was a small scratch on the side, but was all. It escaped with no lasting damage. I smoothed the scratch on it and placed it onto the table.
"It wasn't finished, but it will have to do." I looked at Emma, anger making her distant. Jean was right, I was lost, and I would never find my way. I looked at Jean and she nodded. She knew who the box was for. I lifted its lid and placed in it two pieces of ivory. I closed it gently, hearing it close with a finality that I never wanted to face.
I strode out of the room, never looking back, knowing to them, I looked confident. But I didn't feel that confidence, just an utter despair that threatened to overwhelm my defences. I just went straight to my room and closed the door behind me. I melted the doorknob, sealing me into the room. There, I allowed myself to collapse. I had won the battle of wits, but in the end, he won. He would always be first.
I let myself sink into the oblivion that was my dreams, wiped clean of my humanity, wiped clean of anything painful.
I fell directly into darkness. I fell towards the true gates of hell.
"Emma, you came down on her too hard." Emma turned to glare at Jean. "She's been having problems with her demonic side. Apparently, her natural instincts have hierarchal tendencies. When she was in her younger body, she could obey, because she was still considered young. Now, her demon side is demanding she take her proper place." Jean explained softly. Scott was stunned and never heard a word.
"Why on earth would she try to kill Scott though?" Emma snapped.
"She didn't try to kill him." Jean replied. "If she wanted to kill him, she could have." Jean shook Scott rousing him from his stupor.
"I really can put my foot in my mouth." Scott mumbled, still dazed. "I handled that badly." Jean ran her fingers through his hair.
"Yes, you did. Just think of it as you trying to challenge an alpha feral." Jean said.
"A loner feral alpha." He leaned forward, trying to regain some bearing before getting up to reassure the rest of the class he was alright.
"You really hurt her Emma." Jean said it softly, so just the two of them could hear. "At least before, she could be around you, absorb some comfort in being your friend." There was condemnation in Jean's eyes. "You just told someone who loves you with everything they are that they disgust you."
"She wouldn't have stopped." Emma growled.
"If you had asked, she would have." Jean replied, gently picking up the box Alex so carefully placed on the table. She traced the design on it. "So much time and effort went into this." She placed it in Emma's hands. "She wants you to have it." Jean followed the class outside into the sun.
Emma caressed the carved lid, tracing the seeming flames. Each was carefully carved into the light wood, melting into each other, forming a circle that spiralled outward. In the blank space of the center, there was a small rune, one Emma instantly recognised. She gingerly opened it.
Inside were two ivory rings, paler than any ivory Emma remembered ever seeing. Both were plain, with no design to them. Just two simple ivory bands.
She picked one up, putting the box down on the table. The surface of the ring was smooth, almost like polished stone. But unlike any ivory or stone, it gave off a faint heat.
She placed the ring back in the box and cursed her insensitivity. On the underside of the lid, there was a line, roughly sketched into the wood.
My love, may you find the love you seek.
She just stared at that line, so full of sacrifice, and wished that she could disappear.
"Leave the lassie be." The elderly devil glared at the small fire drakes and they scattered. "No human should be here." He said as they shot out of sight.
"I see no human here." I replied. He grinned when the illusion faded away.
"Having fun fooling the littles?" he asked, laughing.
"Yes, actually. It's funny to hear them squeal." I snickered.
"You're an odd mistress, I'll give you that." He poked my side and I swiped at him playfully. "So, where's your mate?" His eyes showed he was teasing me, so I decided to play along.
I was going to deny it and the mope about it, but… for some reason, something wanted to be remembered. I couldn't seem to recall it clearly I grew thoughtful and frowned.
"I don't know… I'm lost and can't find my way to her…" I mumbled, not quite sure why I was saying that.
"Lass?"
"I have to be strong." I said much more clearly, though why I don't know.
"You okay? You didn't eat one of the buggers did ya?" he asked, concern marring his brow. I pulled his tail.
"I'm not that stupid. I don't know why I said that. Come on, the demoness wanted to talk to me." He chuckled and I shoved him into the lava in retaliation. He sputtered and grumbled while I laughed at him.
"Doors melted. I mean melted. Even the window's lock is warped to the point you can't move it even a bit. Wanna bet the air vent is sealed too?" A bunch of girls giggled.
"Well, who cares? Who wants a freak hanging around attacking people anyway? Wonder how the Professor will react though, he is so determined to help everyone, even this one."
"I don't know. Maybe he'll get some brimstone sent in and get red light bulbs to make her feel at home." They burst into giggles again as they turned around the corner.
Emma leaned her head against the wall. She didn't want to imagine the treatment Alex received out of sight of the teachers. If that was an indication, it had gotten pretty bad. She went up to the room that contained Alex. Molten metal beads had hardened into the seam of the door. The only way to get in would be to break in. Even Charles would be reluctant to break the door down, for fear of what he might find waiting.
Emma caressed the door, trying not to think, an ache in her heart.
"Mistress?" the temptation demon flicked her raven locks over her shoulder, standing at a respectful distance.
"I'm sorry, Little One. I can't help you." I couldn't. There was no attraction, not even the faintest glimmering of it.
"Please Mistress? I can learn to be what you need." I shook my head. As much as I would like to, just to calm the part of me that wondered why I refused all, it would not be fair.
"No. I would like to help you, but I can't." I stepped forward to tousle her hair. "I can find someone else though. Demons I know to be gentle." I felt her smile.
"Thank you Mistress! Thank you!" she impulsively hugged me, jumping up and down. "You're so special. I hope whoever your bond is realizes that." She flew off.
"I just wish I knew who it was." I muttered under my breath, heading to the plateau so I could watch.
"I'm sorry Alex." I turned my head, trying to find the source of the voice. I could have sworn the last demon who had known my name had faded from memory.
"This is starting to make me paranoid." I growled to myself, sitting down on the ledge. The demons milled around on the lower ledges, with youngsters dancing in the river of flame.
I smiled, just letting myself embrace the proud feeling in my gut. It had gone from a wild death trap to a community. Sure there were still lots of fights, but now, at least no one was killed. No one hurt anymore.
"Except me." I mumbled resting my head against me knees. A familiar ache in my chest leeched the feeling of pride away from me, until all I felt was alone.
Emma couldn't do it. She just couldn't. She pulled back from what she was doing and shook her mental head.
I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry Scott, it just feels… wrong. She said to him. She felt his confusion.
Emma? But… why? What have I done wrong? Scott said plaintively. Emma shook her head at him.
I won't do this to you or myself. she gestured to her mental wardrobe. I have to look like her in order for you to let me touch you. She gave him a last hug. You know, talk to her. She would understand, if you gave her a chance.
So it's over? He asked. He didn't seem surprised.
Yes, it's over. Emma confirmed.
I hope you find happiness Emma. I really do. Emma left him after brushing her mental lips against his one last time.
"So do I." she said aloud to herself. "So do I."
"Fuck!" I swore as I shook my hand out. I was slow today. He actually managed to smack my knuckles. A thin strand of blood appeared. "Damn it!" I tried to regain feeling in it by shaking it.
"Mistress?" the slow hulk said, his stone limbs reaching out to stop me mid motion. "I'm sorry." I waved his apology off.
"You did good, Torrent. I wasn't paying attention, I was letting my mind wander. It's not your fault. I want to be alone though." He bowed slowly before leaving, his steps loud thumps as he made his way to the lower levels.
The drop of blood slipped from my fingers and splattered on the ground, hissing in the heat. I stared at it, feeling as though I should be remembering something. But I couldn't remember. I felt an intense feeling of loneliness. I let myself scream, echoing across the cavern.
No one came to check. I lowered my head stood stock still, trying to regain my composure. No one could see me. My mind wandered far, wondering, once again, why I was alone.
Emma leaned her head against the doorway, feeling the urge to break it, but unwilling to break the seal that Alex had created to seal herself from the world. Emma was worried though. It had been three days since then and there hadn't been a sound from the room.
Emma let her hand run down the wood. "Please, don't leave me alone." She said to the room. No indication that there was anyone in the room at all, just the knowledge of her in the room
She moved away, heading down the darkened halls. Once in her room, she collapsed onto her bed, trying to force herself into sleep, hoping that the nightmares wouldn't come tonight.
"Human! It's a human! Run for you lives!" My head snapped into the direction of the shout. I could already see demons fleeing the area. I narrowed my eyes. It was too far for me to see, even with my sharp vision. I leapt off the plateau, falling to the plains below.
The ground shattered under my weight, but I was already charging in the direction everyone else hurried away from. A few gave me looks of wonderment, but the fighting demons gave me grateful looks. That sped me to greater speeds and with the space of a few minutes, I was faced with the human.
She was dressed in white, all white. Her blonde hair brushed her slim shoulders and her eyes were a pretty blue. There were a few brave demons still there, surrounding her. They shot me nervous glances.
"Human. You enter my realm. What business do you have here?" I growled, circling her carefully.
"Mistress?"
"Go, the fire drakes will need guidance." The others fled. "I repeat this only once. What are you doing here?"
She stared at me, but I didn't feel the urge to make her submit. I simply stared back at her, waiting for an answer.
"Alex?" She whispered. I gave her a funny look.
"How do you know my name?" I replied. I came forward, searching her for an ounce of familiarity. But like those instances, they were just beyond my grasp.
"You've sealed off your memories." There was pain in her voice. "You don't remember." There were tears in the human's eyes.
"Hey, it's okay." I covered the distance that separated us and held her as she cried. "It will all be alright, in the end. I promise. I will make it so." I pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes. "I will make it so." I felt strangely protective of the human. I nuzzled her, feeling strangely close to her. "You are welcome in my realm." I caressed her face.
"I miss you." She whispered, just as she disappeared. I smiled and took a deep breath in, inhaling her scent.
"And I, will miss you, human." I raised my eyes upwards and let out a bellowing roar. It rang into the cavern, happiness in its tone.
"Break it." Emma snapped at Logan. He looked hesitant and glanced at the doorway. For once, he looked nervous.
"I don't know, doesn't seem like a good idea." Logan said softly, keeping their conversation private.
"She won't attack you. This isn't her reality anymore." Emma snapped. "She is living in her dreams now." Logan looked at the door then at Emma before he shrugged.
"Okay." He turned to the door and rammed his fist through the door. The wood splintered. He used his claws to tear the rest of the door apart. With a final blow, the door was ripped off its hinges and light filtered into the dark room.
Emma slipped past Logan, quietly entering the room without a word.
It felt like no one was living there. The air was stale and the air humid. The light seemed to intrude on the darkness, driving it to the corners of the room.
Alex was lying on the floor, breathing evenly. She was curled slightly and asleep she still seemed older than she truly was. But for the only time outside the dream realms, she looked at peace.
Emma caressed her jaw line, just watching her for a few moments. Then, carefully, she gathered Alex into her arms and lifted her. She was surprised to notice that Alex weighted less than last time. She held her close, wishing that for all the world she could take it back.
She stepped into the hall. Logan hadn't entered and when he saw Alex, his face gained a worried expression. He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Alex's ear. He was frowning, unable to keep the concern from his face.
"You want me to take her?" He murmured. Emma nodded and he gently took her in his arms. She felt the loss of contact, but didn't mention it. "Don't beat yourself up about it. She wouldn't want you to." He murmured. "She loves you. She doesn't want you hurting." He whispered.
"I know." Emma said softly. She led the way to the med lab. Henry met them and immediately took charge. He got Logan to set Alex gently on the examining table and shooed the two of them out. Jean came down a few minutes later, her face worried.
Almost an hour later, the two of them came out, Henry with a helpless expression and Jean with a sad smile.
"She's fine. I don't know what's supporting her body, but she's living on it. We'll keep track of her condition, but unless something changes, I doubt that she'll revive. I can't do anything to help her, I'm sorry." Henry sat down rubbing his temples.
"We are assuming its mental issues that caused her to retreat into her mind." Jean murmured. Her eyes didn't spare Emma anything. Jean blamed her.
"She's in her dream world. She doesn't remember." Emma murmured. "She doesn't seem to want to remember." Henry waved the admission away.
"I heard about her bond. She was worried about the reaction of the other person to the changes. She mentioned something to me, I'm not sure what it meant. Something about her bond preferring second place with someone else than first place with her." Emma's eyes widened.
"Oh my god, that must have hurt so much. I'm surprised she didn't kill anyone." Jean said. "I understand why she was having a hard time controlling it now. She wanted to prove on an instinctive level to her mate that she could be better."
Emma didn't say a word. It sounded too much like the truth.
"I don't want her here in the med lab, it's not exactly private. She needs a room where she'll be comfortable." Henry murmured.
"There's a room near Emma's that's empty. It's not very big, but it would work." Logan commented. Jean shot him a glare and he shrugged. "Emma would be nearby and it's not far from anything. People could keep an eye on her."
Henry nodded. "I'll check up on her every other day or so." Logan picked up Alex gently and carried her into the elevator. The two telepaths followed. The doors closed and Jean rounded on her, her eyes blazing with the Phoenix.
"How could you Emma? Why would you hurt her that much? Being with someone else who holds you second to someone else rather than even consider being with her?" Jean gave her a disgusted look. "If you wanted to hurt her more, I don't know how you would do it."
"Jean, this was Alex's choice to retreat from here!" Logan growled. "She controls the dream reality, so she had to choose to be there. She chose to run rather than to fight."
"It was too much for her! She lost her mother and her old life, then all the shit with her powers on the frizz, her virtual isolation from the rest of the students, the bond, the loss of years on her life and then given no time to cope. Plus whatever is in her past. Why would she not run?"
"She still chose to Jean. It was her choice. No one is to blame." He said, shifting Alex so that her face was prominent. "She is an adult, even before she aged. She knows her choices." Nothing more was said, though Jean's accusations repeated in Emma's mind, backed by her own thoughts.
The room was just across from Emma's and though it was only a small bedroom with a suite, it was still usable, the plain furniture solid and still sound. Logan placed her on the bed and Jean tucked her in. Logan then gave Emma a small nod before extracting Jean from the room.
"I didn't know you knew. Never once did you show you knew. I understand why your temper was shorter with Scott. I know it won't make a difference, but, I'm sorry." She placed a kiss on Alex's forehead. "I'm sorry you suffered because of it." She tousled the short hair for a moment, and ran a finger along one horn. "I'll be here when you come back."