A/N: Martha's POV. I know, I said Wendla was next, but I felt like doing Martha's instead today. So, here's Martha's take on his death:
"Moritz Stiefel is dead, Martha, he…"
My heart stopped. I don't even know if I listened to anything Anna said after that. I was crying too hard, trying to catch my breathe, but I could not.
I feel like my heart is broken. I didn't know what to do. In that moment, I did not care if Moritz ever returned my affection, or if we ever got married, as I had always dreamed. I just wanted to be with him, wanted him to still be here. I wanted to hug him and tell him how much he meant. That he was wonderful, so sweet, and soulful beyond his years, sensitive, and intense, and complex, and caring. That I don't want to lose him. It doesn't matter if I have a crush on him, or if he was oblivious to it all, I'm just going to miss him. Seeing that smile of his, his adorable unruly hair, his uneven socks.
I want to tell him that he didn't have to do this. It could have gotten better. Things can always get better. Things always get worse before they get better, I don't know. Something to give him hope.
I wish I could have healed his aching soul. He needed someone, whether it was me or not. He needed someone who understood what he felt. I feel like saying "I knew what he felt! I feel the same way everyday!" But, I can't. I didn't. Nobody can tell how anyone else really feels. I can at least relate that much.
Everyone knows that Moritz tried to be a people pleaser. I know what it's like to be so preoccupied with the outside world. But I know more than that what it's like to have to keep your sadness to yourself, even when you want help more than anything else in the world. Being so afraid of what everyone else thinks or will think of you. I know what it's like to just want to escape.
I don't know how anything can keep going on. Part of me thinks that things will be the same as they were, part of my screams that nothing can go on as it was. I want to be mad at him for doing it, but I also want to hug him for thinking he needed to. I want to curl up in a ball and cry, but I also just want to keep going, move to a point where it doesn't hurt so much. I don't know what to do…
Moritz…
I'll miss you.
A/N: wow. shortest one yet. That's sad. Hope it's still good, though.