Chapter 10 – Saying Goodbye, Proposal Style

"Mr. Crawley actually bought that pin for you?"

"How could you let him do that when he is betrothed to Lady Mary?"

"What does Lady Mary think about all this?"

"Is this the reason why you're being sacked?"

Mandy didn't bother answering all the questions being thrown at her regarding the night before, so she just looked down at her plain oatmeal, swirling the spoon around in it. Everyone found out about what happened in the library—from Thomas.

"For heaven's sake, leave her alone," Mrs. Hughes chided everyone. "Not one more word on the subject, understood?"

That silenced everyone, but they still whispered with one another on the subject. She knew her co-workers and friends would think horribly of her. Mandy glanced up at Thomas, who sat there across and down from her, glaring at his food. She ached to talk to him and explain herself.

The first bell jangled, and everyone hustled to get started with the day's chores. She met Thomas at the door to the servants' dining room. "Thomas," she began, but he just said they had work to do and left. Her heart ached as she watched him canter up the stairs. He must be torn up after hearing everything first-hand in the library.

During lunch as all the servants were eating in the dining room, Mandy was called into Mr. Carson's office. She knew what was going to happen. Mr. Carson sat there at his desk, lips pressed together.

"I know why you want to see me," Mandy said. "It's not news to me—I'm being sacked. When do I leave?"

"As soon as possible. Tomorrow preferably." The older man huffed through his nose. "I'm afraid there's nothing I can do, Mandy. I discussed it with his Lordship, and he made the decision that it would be better for you to go as to not create more… inconveniences."

She swallowed emotion in her throat and nodded. "I understand. I'll… pack my things today."

He nodded. "Mrs. Hughes will give you a good reference."

"Thank you." She turned to go, but Mr. Carson said her name. She turned to him, holding back stinging tears.

"I am indeed sorry," he said with sad eyes. "I wish I could do more, but it is what it is."

She nodded again. "I know. And thank you."

She left and walked into the hall, only to almost ram right into Thomas. He took one look at her and walked on. "Thomas," she began, but he walked up the stairs. She followed him. A few steps from the top, he stopped and looked down at her as she was a few steps below him. "Please, Thomas, can I talk to you and explain everything?"

He stared at her for a moment, gripping the railing tightly. "Everything already was explained. In the library last night."

"Thomas," she started, but he left up the stairs and exited the servant's area. Her chest constricted. She really hurt him—badly. The next time she came across him, she heard him talking with Mrs. O'Brien outside in the back courtyard an hour later. She opened the back door slightly and heard them talking off to the side near the picnic table. She hid herself from them behind the door.

"You know, I was actually starting to like Mr. Bates because of that girl," O'Brien said. "And that's really saying somethin', considering I hated the man."

"Well, she's leaving tomorrow, so we won't have worry about her anymore."

Mrs. O'Brien sighed, and Mandy imagined her shaking her head in disdain. "I always knew something was wrong with her… getting close to Mr. Crawley. Makes me think that's why she came here without a cent on her—just to get after all the money."

Tears stung Mandy's eyes. She opened the door all the way and stepped out into the warm air, making the two outside jump from the surprise. When they saw her, Thomas stared, but O'Brien grimaced with smugness in her eyes. "Well I hope you learned your lesson," she said.

Mandy frowned. "What lesson? I did nothing wrong."

"You came here, that's what you did wrong. Good riddance to you."

O'Brien dropped her cigarette and walked on inside, leaving Mandy alone with Thomas. Once the door was shut, Mandy asked, her chest constricting, "People really hate me, don't they?"

"People hate the fact that you're the favorite." He dropped his cigarette and smooshed it into the ground with his black shoe.

She pursed her lips and attempted to hold her tears back. "Are… you happy that I'm leaving?"

"What do you think?"

She tried to read the look in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I…"

"Of course I'm not happy that you're leaving, you numbskull."

She blinked from the suddenness of that comment. "What? You're not mad about the whole pin situation?"

Thomas huffed though his nose and stepped up to her. He said in her face, "Don't you get it, Mandy? It's not the bloody pin! It's the fact that you lied to me about it! Lied to everyone."

"Thomas…"

"You said you wouldn't let a man ever give you attention as long as you had me."

"It was just a little gift. It didn't mean anything."

His eyes ignited. "Didn't mean anything? When you wore it every day, causing the family to erupt into chaos?"

"You're right, okay? I shouldn't have worn it. Maybe then…"

"Maybe then people wouldn't suspect anything. You know, I suspected that something was going on between you and Mr. Crawley. I kissed you before because I hoped that you would get over him and look towards me. But I was wrong to do that. I realized that when Mr. Crawley confessed that he bought you that pin in the village. How do you think I took that? I wanted to slug the man!" He sucked in a breath through his teeth. He said in a strained voice, "Do you have feelings for him?"

His eyes started to redden and water. She pursed her lips together, not answering him—she didn't know how to at this point.

"I get it," he said. "I should've listened to O'Brien when she said to stay away from you."

Mandy gasped. "O'Brien knows about us?"

"What does that matter now? You're leaving, and can find someone more suitable than me."

"No! I've told you before that I love you. You know that."

"Are you sure about that?" he quipped.

"Yes, I am."

"Do you love him?"

She paused and looked off at some empty wooden crates. "No, I don't."

Silence ensued as the wind rustled the trees around, and Mandy's heart pounded against her ribs as warm tears gathering in her eyes. She inwardly pleaded for Thomas to be spared from this hurt. And her, too.

"I'm not sure I believe you anymore," he finally said.

"Thomas…" she let out as he walked passed her to the door. She stopped him by grabbing his arm. "Please don't walk away again."

"I just want to get used to you being gone."

He yanked his arm out of her grip and went inside the building. She stared at the blue wood of the door, knowing that Thomas wasn't going to come back through it.

Mandy wanted to talk to her mom. She wanted to talk to her mom so badly. If only she had her cell phone and could just call her, or her older brother James. They would know what to tell her. They would know what kind of advice to give her, and they would know what to say to comfort her. Of course, they, mainly James, would tell her what an idiot she was first.

She ruined lives here at Downton. From what she heard from Mr. Carson when he was talking to Mrs. Hughes after dinner, a few hours after she talked to Thomas, Mary was hibernating in her room out of humiliation. Everyone knew what she schemed, and knew that her impending marriage with Matthew might not be happening, considering the way he chided her in the library—in front Lord and Lady Grantham.

And Mandy hurt Thomas. He avoided looking at her as they went about their chores for the rest of the day.

Mandy sat on her bed next to her packed bag that night, handling the hair pin Matthew gave her. Anna sat next to her as they both were in their night gowns, and she started rubbing Mandy's back. It didn't ease the aching.

"This pin has caused so much trouble," Mandy said, her throat tight. "I wish I was never so adamant about getting a new one. Mr. Crawley never would've seen me in the village, and none of this would've happened."

"He has feelings for you, doesn't he?"

She looked at Anna's brown eyes. Mandy hasn't told Anna about Matthew's confession. That would probably be better left unsaid for now. She looked back down at the pin. "Maybe."

"Then nothing could be done. When you have feelings for someone, that is that."

Mandy brought up her knees and hugged her legs to her chest. "I ruined so many things, Anna… Mary and Mr. Crawley's relationship, his relationship with the family, and my relationship with Thomas. That I can't fix because Thomas doesn't want to talk to me anymore. It 's painful because I love him. He's the first man I actually loved, like for real."

"He's just hurt that you're leaving." She scooted a little closer and looked at Mandy's face and brushed away some of her hair away from her face. "You're a special girl, Mandy, especially to Thomas. You changed him. He thinks that world of you, and I think when he realized that your attention was starting to direct itself away from him, he acted out and thought he wasn't good enough."

Mandy fiddled with the pin as her chin rested on her knees and thought about that a moment. She let out a breath through her nose. "You're right. But I guess it's too late to make amends now."

"I don't think so."

Mandy looked at her. "What?"

"As far as I know, he's still in the servant's hall sitting near the fireplace. I asked if he's going up to bed yet, and he said he was going to stay a little longer. He sounded exhausted."

"Probably emotionally exhausted because of me." She fingered the pin a bit more. "Okay. I'll put my maid's dress back on and go down and talk to him. I don't want to leave on negative terms."

"Good idea."

She got up and got dressed, leaving her orange curly hair down. Before leaving, she told Anna at the door, "Thank you for being a good friend to me, Anna."

Anna smiled. "And the same to you."

Mandy smiled back and then left. When she got to the servant's dining room, she saw Thomas sitting there next to the lit fireplace, just as Anna had said. She walked into the room lit by only the fire, no one else around, and stood behind Thomas as he sat in a wooden table chair.

"What are you doing?" he asked after looking back at her once, then looking ahead again. "You're supposed to be in bed."

She took a breath and went and sat in the wooden chair in front of him. He still wore his footman uniform. "Not tired," she said.

They sat there for a moment in silence, the heat from the fireplace instantly warming Mandy's right side, and the light of the fire flickered on her hair. She looked into the fire for a moment, trying to figure out what to say to Thomas.

"Funny thing," she heard him say. "Thought I wouldn't be talking to you again."

"Well, you know that wasn't going to happen." The fire crackled. "Um… I actually wanted to say that… I'll miss you when I leave Downton. I'll always think about you and wish for your happiness."

She looked over at him to see his reaction and met his gaze. Her heart started pounding at the intent look he was giving her. "My happiness," he said with a grunt. "How do you suppose I'll be happy with you gone?"

"By knowing that I intensely care about you. I love you, Thomas. I really mean it."

He pursed his lips together and took in a shaky breath through his nose, and she noticed his eyes glisten. He suddenly stood up and walked a few steps away from his chiar. "You still love me? When you lied to me?"

She stood up. "I lied because I love you. I didn't want to hurt you. I know that you've been in pain your whole life because of the way you were, and I didn't want to bring about more pain."

He turned to face her and said hotly, "Well that's what you did. You brought about more pain."

"And that's part of being in a relationship. You laugh with each other, you love each other, you hurt each other, and then you talk it out and start laughing and loving again."

"It's not that simple, you know."

"I know. It's not. But if you don't want to be miserable, accept the fact that I love you and will think of you when I'm gone."

He looked down at the floor, a crease in his forehead. Mandy went and stood in front of him, desperately wanting to see a smile on his face. "Thomas…"

He took in and let out a couple shaky breaths. Before Mandy knew it, Thomas had her in his arms, holding her tight. His body shook as he held her to him, and she took in his heat and scent, and the feeling of his arms wrapped around her back.

"You're right," he said quietly after a minute, into her hair. "I'm a miserable, depressed person who has had a horrible life. And the only time I felt genuinely happy was when I was with you." He held her tighter. He said in a shaky voice, "I need you, Mandy. I don't think I can be happy without you."

Her heart swelled. No one has said that to her before. She wrapped her arms around his back and leaned her head on his chest, hearing his heart beat. "I'm happy with you, too. But… I have to leave."

"You better come back."

She surprised herself by letting off a smile. "I definitely will. I'll have to come and see you and everyone once in a while. I'll get withdraws if I don't."

He leaned back a little and brought a hot hand up to her cheek, and caressed it with his thumb. "I was shocked, you know, to find someone, a woman no less, who I could love, and who I couldn't live without out… or function without. I never thought that I would be so hurt at the thought of that person supposedly loving someone else, and feel just as happy with them and would want to…" He trailed off and looked down, pressing his lips together.

"Want to what?" she prodded, and he met her eyes again.

"Want to marry them."

Her eyes widened in shock. "W…what?"

He leaned into her so close that their noses were touching, and said in a low, sultry tone, both hands on her face, "I want to marry you, Mandy."

She didn't know what to say. Her grip on the material on his jacket tightened. "Thomas…"

"You said you would wish for my happiness. This is how I can be happy."

What does she tell him? She loves him, but enough to actually marry him? "Are you really asking me to marry you, Thomas?"

"I'm just saying that's what I realized I wanted in order to be happy. But if you want to think about it that way, then go ahead."

"Then you are," she breathed, eyes wide.

"I guess I am."

All her life, she has fantasized about how she was going to get proposed to… but Thomas Barrow proposing to her in the world of Downton Abbey? That wasn't on her list at all!

"Um…" she let out, "I don't know what to say. No one's proposed to me before. I…"

"Then don't say anything."

"What?"

He leaned down and kissed her… slowly. His kisses always did something to her, but this time… her limbs weakened as emotions coursed through her whole body. She gripped the material of his jacket as he deepened the kiss and she reciprocated, feeling his hot mouth move with hers. When he slowly removed his mouth from hers, he looked back at her, and saw that she was in a complete daze. He smirked.

"I like that I have that effect on you."

She let out a small chuckle. "Yeah… um… since I'm leaving tomorrow, can I think about it? You know…"

He stroked his thumbs over her cheekbones. "I guess I have no choice but to agree."

"I'm just in shock still, and because of you, I can't think straight."

He smiled, and Mandy heart immediately lifted. "I'm glad that I muddle your mind."

"I'll definitely think about it. Long and hard."

"Don't let me wait too long."

She nodded. "I won't. Um… we should get to bed."

"We should."

They let go of one another and Thomas put out the fire. They walked on to the stairs where they said goodnight. Eventually, and still in a daze, Mandy walked into her room and saw Anna sitting up in her bed, reading a book.

"Hey," she greeted her. "How'd it go?"

Mandy went and sat on her bed, cheeks heated up and her head spinning. "Not as I expected at all. Gosh, I only wanted to console him a bit… you know, to tell him that I care about him… to leave on a good note."

Anna turned to face her, interested. "But what happened instead?

She stared at the floor, still a bit in shock. "He… proposed to me."

Anna set her book down, surprise taking over her face. "Oh my heavens! Thomas did? And how did you answer him?"

"I said I would think about it… I mean, since I'm leaving an all."

"How do you think you'll answer him?"

Mandy pursed her lips together. Thomas got so mad when he found that she was lying to him about the pin… If he found out that she's being lying to him and everyone about where she really came from, he may never forgive her.

"I don't know yet."