Because of the disastrous Quidditch match, Severus made an effort to gather evidence against Quirrell. But by the beginning of the Christmas holidays, there had been nothing to be gained. Quirrell was beginning to suspect and kept a low profile. Severus was also vigilant at night, keeping an eye out for any activity from Potter or his friends. Whether the boy had listened to his warning or was just lucky enough to not get caught, Severus never saw him out of bed.

Potter, surprisingly enough, was becoming rather adept at Potions. Severus could never remember the boy being even close to adequate. He was more active in class, asking and answering questions, getting clarification and trying new ideas. His results were never as impressive as Granger's, but his newfound spirit intrigued Severus.

Severus still wasn't taking points, or at least not the amount as he usually did. When some of his Slytherins, particularly Draco Malfoy, looked suspicious, Severus would gladly give them points. But while Draco was proficient, so many of his classmates were lacking in the art of potion making.

But the school was soon brought into the lull of the long break and many of the students planned to leave to spend the holiday with their families. Many of Severus' Slytherins were leaving, and only a handful were to remain behind. Severus didn't feel the need to concern himself with other houses, except in the last week of class when Malfoy made a loud comment about Potter not returning to his relatives.

Severus remembered that Potter always stayed behind for the holidays. There was a rumor in the Order that his relations were 'horrible muggles', but Severus never concerned himself with the matter. He always assumed that Potter didn't return home as an act of insolent defiance, so common with pig-headed boys.

When Draco made the rude comment, Severus glanced over to Lily, but she was hovering over Granger's cauldron, apparently uninterested in classroom banter. She often would observe a student's work while Severus was teaching. Lily had always been a very skilled witch with potions.

Potter didn't react to the comment either, or the various others that ensued from Draco during the class period. Severus stored his thoughts away. He had never thought much on Potter in his previous life, but now… now he had a great many things to dwell upon. Lily's guidance was obviously pushing him to consider more on her son, but Severus found himself wondering about most of the people around him; their relationship to him, how it changed for the better or worse, and about so many people that he would come to meet.

He didn't know when his previous thread of memories would completely dissolve. Despite Lily's disapproval, he continued to chronicle his past life's time-line to the best of detail he could manage. He found many gaps already in the upcoming years. But he couldn't be sure if those moments were truly vital or just ordinary occurrences. He was beginning to understand why Lily said it wouldn't be helpful. He had no idea if he was missing something important or nothing at all.

He often found himself lost in thought for hours, trying to remember anything, even mundane. It was consuming and irritating. It would only upset him further to find that some of his events would be changed anyway, and perhaps not resemble their previous occurrence.

He was beginning to wonder why he was here at all. What could he do, at this moment, that would truly make a difference? He questioned Lily relentlessly about this matter, but she only answered in that strange vague way that didn't seem like her at all.

It was on the evening of Christmas that Severus finally found the question that gave him more answers. He was lounging in his study, drinking from the port he kept behind some of his books. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this relaxed. Lily was in the chair across from him, humming absently as she stared into the fire. He thought she looked very pretty in the flickering light, even if it wasn't quite touching her form, but he wouldn't say it. Not now, but he wished he had said it while she was still alive.

"Lily?"

"Hmm?" She looked up at him.

"How many lives have you lived?"

She smiled. "Hundreds."

"And how many have I lived?"

"Just twice, including now."

He frowned. "Why have you lived so many?"

She shrugged. "Most only live once, or maybe twice. Many are fulfilled by the second time, if they weren't the first. Then they move on. I've… I've always liked to experiment, I guess. I want to see every variable, every solution. I want to observe and feel a little part of this world, even if I am only a spirit."

"Then why do you look so despondent?"

"Do I?"

It was not obvious, Lily often chatted cheerfully with him. But it was at times when she thought him distracted that she would show herself a little more. "You look at my students' cauldrons." He paused, finding the words were failing him. "You dodge people in the hallways and… sit on chairs or desks." He put his glass down and leaned forward. "You act like you are… or that you want to be a part of this world."

She pushed a few strands of hair behind her ear. "Of course I do. Some could said that's why I keep living my life over again. But what they don't understand is that I don't live it again and again to be a part of the world. I live it to see Harry be a part of the world. I live to see him live."

"Why?"

She gave a short laugh, but it sounded a little like a cry. "Severus, he is my son. I died for him. I've died hundreds of times for him. I love him."

He looked to his port, wishing he had brought out something stronger. "Then why aren't you following him now?"

"Because in order to help him, I need to be with you."

He looked at her and found that she had leaned forward, her hand over his. He hadn't felt it. "A noble way of saying that you are using me." There wasn't any anger in his voice. After all, he knew her intentions soon after he died.

She smiled. "Maybe. Maybe I'm also not telling you everything I have planned."

He snorted and picked up his glass. "You tell me that every day. You know, the Lily I remember wasn't full of philosophical riddles. She was practical and straightforward." He drank deeply, but found when he looked up that she was staring into the fire. Her eyes were dimmer.

"I've changed, I suppose."

"Too many lives?"

"Too many regrets." She sighed, leaning back in the chair. "Maybe I keep coming back because there is something I'm missing. Something broken that I can't seem to fix…"

He stared at her over his glass. "If I were to not… succeed, so to speak. Would I be able to come back again? With you?"

"I suppose. But I don't think you'll need to live again, Severus."

"Why do you think that?"

She smiled, soft and sad. "You are careful, calculated, and have a means of stubborn luck."

"Stubborn luck?"

She smiled, a more real one. "Harry, of course. The more you interact with him, the more you'll find that his… 'Gryffindor-ish stupidity' just might rub off."

He snorted. "I'm beginning to wonder if it already has. I've not forgotten the troll incident."

"I found that quite daring of you, Sev. And very noble."

He rolled his eyes. "Very stupid too. All my experience as a spy and Death Eater, and I end up charging up to a troll, waving my wand like a baton." She giggled and Severus couldn't remember the last time she sounded so girlish. He sighed and put down his glass. "Lily, while it's still Christmas, would you like to see your son?"

She smiled. "Yes, I would love that." She suddenly stood. "But I need to get him a present."

Severus stared at her. "Why?"

She was walking into his room. "Well, James is giving him a present this year, and I don't want to seem like a bad parent."

Severus stood up and followed her. "What are you talking about?"

She motioned to his wardrobe. "I'm confident that it's in here. Can you get it for me?"

Severus stepped forward and opened the doors. "I'm still confused. What are you talking about?"

She leaned forward and pointed at a box that had been pushed back to the corner many years ago. "In there. I think it's in there."

Severus couldn't even remember what was in the box. Most of his personal possessions were kept at Spinner's End. The box could contain random things he accidentally brought many years ago and decided not to move them. He pulled out the box and opened it.

There were old school robes, a couple of letters from friends he couldn't even remember, and a random assortment of books. Lily stared at each object as he brought them out. He couldn't even begin to imagine what she was looking for. She finally pointed at one book.

"That one. Open it."

It was The Standard Book of Spells: Grade 2. He opened the cover to find Lily's name scrawled in the corner. "It's your book?" he asked.

"Yes, you borrowed it from me at the end of our second year because yours fell into your cauldron or something." She grinned. "I knew you never gave it back. Now look inside."

He began flipping through the pages, not knowing what to look for. As the pages fell aside, it became obvious. Near the chapter devoted to simple mending charm, was a picture of Lily.

He picked it up carefully, slowly remembering that he took it himself the summer before their second year. He had taken her father's camera and figured out how to charm it to take moving photographs. When he couldn't figure out how to undo it, she had to tell her family. Her father thought it was hilarious and gave it to Severus as a gift. He hadn't known what to do with the sudden act of kindness and only took a couple photos before hiding it away.

This one was of Lily at their neighborhood park. She was sitting on the swing and laughing, probably because of the incident right before. She waved and made goofy faces to the camera. Her hair was messy and her eyes seemed larger and greener, despite the faded photograph.

"Can you give Harry that?"

Severus looked up, almost forgetting that Lily was there beside him. "What?"

She put a hand on the picture. "Can you give Harry this? As a Christmas present?"

Looking back to the image, he had the sudden impulse to deny her; a childish reaction. This photograph had gathered dust his previous life, he hadn't even remember to look for it. "Alright," he conceded. "Let's try to find the boy."

Severus had rarely visited the Gryffindor common room. If he ever had a complaint or concern about the Gryffindor students, he would go to Professor McGonagall's office instead. Coming into direct contact with students outside of his house wasn't his ideal encounter, unless it was absolutely necessary.

Being a professor of the school, Severus could override any passwords or charms that blocked out other students. But as it was, he wasn't going to force entry into the Gryffindor common room just to give Potter a photograph. Instead, he circled around the area, like he was patrolling the hallways, and waited for someone to appear before the portrait.

He didn't need to wait long. Not ten minutes after he arrived, a Weasley stepped out. Severus recognized the badge on his robes as a prefect. "Weasley!" he barked, and stepped out of the shadows.

The boy flinched and didn't relax as he saw Severus approaching him. "Y-Yes, Professor?"

Severus looked down at the boy, trying to remember if he ever heard his name. He couldn't, but that bright red hair could be nobody outside the Weasley family. "Go find Potter and tell him to meet me out here."

The boy stammered some more, clearly confused. "I-I…Potter?…Yes, sir!" He eventually settled and turned around. He paused just before the portrait. "Do you have a reason?" He asked meekly.

Severus sneered and the boy quickly turned around and went inside. For a moment, there was stillness in the hall, only broken by the fat woman in the portrait singing to herself. She had obviously had a bit more of Christmas port than Severus.

There was some loud shouting from behind her and she giggled as she swung open to let Potter out. The words shouted after him were inaudible and Potter tugged at his fringe nervously. Severus raised an eyebrow at the lumpy green jumper he was wearing, but decided not to comment on it. "Follow me," he ordered and swept down the hallway.

Potter didn't make any comment as Severus searched for a suitably abandoned hallway. There was no way he would let anybody see him giving a Christmas present to Harry Potter.

When he stopped, the boy looked around, still clearly confused. "Was there something you wanted, professor?"

Severus dug around his robes and pulled out the photograph before he could regret it. He held it out, face down. "For you. A present, of sorts."

Potter stared at it for a minute, obviously trying to comprehend the moment. He eventually reached for it. "Really?" He sounded more cautious than surprised. He turned the photograph over and was silent for a minute, staring down at it.

Severus didn't know what to say and didn't know why the boy wasn't reacting. "Well?" He eventually spat, venom covering the awkwardness of the situation. "Do you need me to explain a picture of your mother?"

"What?" Potter looked up and Severus was horrified to find the boy's eyes shining with tears. He blinked rapidly. "No, no you don't. Thanks. I mean, thank you." He looked back down and Severus noticed that his fingers were white, holding on to the photograph so tightly.

He massaged the bridge of his nose. "No need to thank me. It was gathering dust in some grubby box in my wardrobe. Li-I thought it would be of more use to you."

Potter nodded, not looking up and Severus glared down the suit of armor across from them to give the boy a moment to pull himself together. Eventually, Potter spoke up. "I'm sorry… I didn't get you anything."

Severus snorted. "If you had, I would be seriously concerned."

The boy gave a watery smile. "I didn't get anything for Ron or Hermione either. I'd forgotten." He looked back to the picture, as if he couldn't absorb it enough. "I'd forgotten that people give presents on Christmas," he whispered.

Severus found his tone very odd. He suddenly remembered. And under here, Hedwig… is where I used to sleep… You never knew me then—Blimey, it's small, I'd forgotten. He didn't know why he was remembering it now, but he decided to find the connection later.

"It's not really a present from me at all. Your mother wanted to you have it." He spoke without really thinking.

"Really? You knew her?"

He stared past the boy. "For a time, yes, I knew her."

"Can you… tell me about her? What was she like?"

Severus noticed he was clutching the photograph in his hands, his voice just a little desperate. "She was…" Severus didn't know what to say. Lily was so many things. She was brave, selfless, clever, beautiful… She had been his best friend and he had lost her. She had been his only friend and he let her die.

He looked down at the boy with her eyes, her smile, and her way of caring for the lost and hated creatures of this world. Potter wasn't Lily. He was her son and she died for him hundreds of times, thousands, if she needed to. She wanted him to live and she sent Severus back to help save him.

"She loves you." he whispered. It was the only thing he could say. Harry Potter looked down at his photograph and Severus pretended not to notice that he was crying on her picture.