X. More
The wounded recognize the wounded.
~ Nora Roberts
The haphazard way Thor tosses all of his possessions onto the floor and the bed makes his room an absolute disaster. Obviously he isn't here very often-Asgard needs its king, after all-so Loki is free to rearrange things as he sees fit.
The bed juts out from the right wall-its deep red sheets and golden comforter in disarray. The hardwood floor peeks out from beneath the clutter, and a large, spacious window sits parallel to the door.
Loki's need for order and cleanliness sets him forth into the task of tidying up, and he begins picking up books and shelving them, hanging up and folding clothes. He hears the presence of someone standing in the doorway but pays them no mind until he hears her voice.
"Clint wants you to know that he never misses a shot," Natasha says, a teasing smirk on her plush lips.
Loki gives a little laugh. "That's...reassuring, I suppose."
"You're lucky, y'know," she says as she enters the room and sits on the bed.
"Whatever do you mean?" he asks as he forces an over-stuffed dresser drawer shut.
"You've got a brother who would die for you. That's lucky."
"Thor has his own allegiances. I don't consider myself one of them."
"Then you're fucking blind, because you're on the top of his list."
Loki knows he'll think about that later tonight when everyone's asleep and his eyes won't close. But for now, he tucks it away, preferring more light-hearted conversation. "I think you're just ecstatic that our clandestine meetings can occur more often."
"You still owe me a new headboard." Loki smiles. "That's not something you get repaired or replaced without some serious questions as to how it got that way."
"So you'd rather deflect that awkward conversation to me?"
"In all fairness, it was your fault."
Loki nods, conceding. "Hypothetically, if I do agree to this, what do you want me to say? I doubt the truth will be an easy pill to swallow."
Natasha huffs a small sigh. "That's the part I haven't figured out yet."
"And you're a spy." He makes a tsk-tsk sound, shaking his head.
"Well, excuse me, I've never had to explain why my headboard is broken on a mission. Or in my entire life."
"What an uneventful sex life you must have led before I came along."
Blood burns beneath her cheeks as she fights a smile. "A lack of broken headboards doesn't equal uneventful. Use your imagination." Loki's face lights up with a grin. "Or don't. No, please don't."
"Too late."
She groans and flops back against the pillows. "You're awful." Loki tugs at the comforter to get her to move so he can make the bed. She helps him with the task. "So why isn't your brother here right now?"
"I told him I didn't require his presence."
"You told him to buzz off?"
"I think I was a bit more polite about it, but, in essence, yes." He smirks. "I suppose the fact that I live here now means some things do not need to be kept secret?" He says it in a way that instantly lets Natasha know what he's referring to.
"No, that just means it's going to be harder to keep secret," she murmurs. When Loki gives her a hurt look, she says, "Do you have any idea the shit-storm that would ensue if it wasn't a secret? It was like pulling teeth for everyone to agree to let you live here. Just...give it time, okay?"
He likes the idea of time. "Oh? I'll hold you to that." He sits down on the newly-made bed, and Natasha thinks about joining him but opts not to. "I wanted to thank you," he says, "for arguing in my favor."
Natasha shrugs. "You oughta thank Stark. He's the one who really went to bat for you."
"True, I should express my gratitude. Where might I find him?"
"His lab is a sure bet. Either the lab or the bar. You can try his bedroom, but I wouldn't advise it unless you want to chance walking in on something you probably shouldn't see." Loki furrows his brow. "If he's not working on a machine or drinking his pain away, he's fucking Steve."
Loki's mouth drops open. "Steve as in...Captain America Steve?"
"That's the only Steve I know."
"Do I even want to know what goes on here at night?"
"If what we do is any indication, you don't." She smiles, and, for the first time in what seems like forever, he feels like he's home. His heart swells in his chest, and he's not quite sure how to handle this feeling, so he deflects the conversation.
"Let's get back to the Stark and Rogers discussion. How did that happen?"
"Well, Tony and Pepper were invited to this fancy gala to represent Stark Industries. Pepper knew that Tony had this embarrassingly obvious crush on Steve, so she opted to go with Bruce to sort of force Tony into asking Steve." She's sort of giggling as she tells him the story, and it's quite adorable, Loki thinks. Hearing himself say the word "adorable"-even in his own head-almost makes him laugh. "He did, and I don't know the rest of the details, but, the next day, Tony built this little robot that he sent to Steve's room to deliver him an invitation to dinner on the roof, complete with a box of chocolates and champagne."
"Tony Stark a romantic?" Loki muses. "Color me surprised."
"Well, Steve's a sucker for that kind of stuff."
"What about you?" Natasha goes silent, her cheeks turning a color that might be described as candy apple red. "You did like the flowers," Loki says, egging her on. He stands up and moves nearer to her, immeasurably close now. His fingers trace her cheek before hooking beneath her chin, willing her to meet his eyes. "Perhaps you and Rogers have more in common than you think."
Almost as if on cue, Steve's voice sounds from outside the door. "Thor, how's your brother settling in?" Loki and Natasha pull away from each other and turn to face Steve, who's walked inside to see that Thor isn't there. "Oh, I guess he's already leaving you unsupervised," Steve says to Loki.
Natasha shrugs. "His shift was over. I got this covered."
"At ease, 'Tasha."
Loki almost wants to blurt out "Why does he get to call you 'Tasha?" but realizes such an outburst would probably be viewed as strange. He doesn't like the prospect of Natasha leaving the room; the very idea of Steve sitting and glaring at him while he tries to settle in is, well, unsettling. "Your chaperone services will not be needed," Loki tells Steve. "I intend on resting for a bit...unless you'd care to watch me sleep."
Steve waits for a moment, but Natasha takes his hand and leads him out of the room. "He's fine. C'mon, let's see if Barton's up to any shenanigans."
Finally, Loki thinks with a sigh as he sits on the bed. Doubts about the other Avengers accepting him here had swirled in his head last night-along with his usual nightmares-prohibiting him from a proper night's sleep. Within minutes of relaxing against the mattress, he drifts into sleep, too tired to worry any longer.
#
Loki tiptoes through the tower that night, careful to keep his footsteps silent as he searches for Tony Stark. He hadn't been in his lab, so Loki had concluded that he must be at the bar. He doesn't want to think about the other option; walking in on an intimate moment probably wouldn't be the best way to get in his new landlord's good graces.
He takes his time walking through the hallways, staring out at the night sky and the abundant lights of the city that look like beaming stars. It's quite a change from night time in Asgard, where the sky is black and cloaks the land in darkness. In Asgard, the stars sit in the sky like tiny beacons of light, poor sources of illumination. Here, the city glistens and thrives, bustling with activity even though the sun is gone, and humans move about in vehicles and on foot, oblivious to the demigod in the tower watching them.
Loki finds the familiar corridor leading into the bar, and faint music pours out of the room, growing louder as his footsteps carry him closer. Tony's sitting on a barstool, his back to Loki, singing along-quite poorly-to the song.
I don't want any more love songs
My heart can't let you go
Can't find a way to tell you so
I pretend that I'm fine
Although you were never mine
They warned me you were royalty
You're holy, exalted upon a gold throne
And girl, you left me hurtin' deep in my soul
It just isn't right
To see that you're doin' just fine
All I can do is bleed
All alone
Can't you see
It kills me, oh
Just to think of lettin' you go
I want you more
Every day more
How am I supposed to move on with you in my head?
I want you more
Every day more
How am I supposed to live without you, baby?
You know I love you more
Loki tries to smother his laughter, because Tony Stark may be many things, but a good singer he's certainly not. He watches and listens some more, gathering potential blackmail evidence.
Don't lie, 'cause I know you're not sorry, no
I'm a man who's pitifully plain
And you're a queen with a strychnine kiss
Who'll never be mine
Cause lovin' you's how good men die
The legacy you left behind
Ain't blind
Wish I knew about
The trail you leave of broken hearts, baby
I want you more, every day more
How am I supposed to move on with you in my head?
I want you more, every day more
How am I supposed to live without you, baby?
You know I love you more
More
How am I supposed to move on with you in my head
I can't let you go
Every day more
How am I supposed to live without you, baby?
You know I love you more
That last note Tony belts out is a crime against everything melodious and good in the world, and Loki can't help but explode into laughter. Tony's posture stiffens, and his head whirls around to see Loki, who's standing in the doorway laughing until every muscle hurts.
"Shit," Tony groans, humiliated. "JARVIS, kill the music. Loki, take this to your grave."
Loki straightens up, still chuckling, and steps inside the bar, marveling at the high ceiling. "If you insist."
"I'm not bound to that stipulation, sir," a snooty, mechanical voice insists. "This will make quite an amusing tale over breakfast."
"I will disassemble you," Tony growls.
"You're no fun," JARVIS pouts but leaves them alone.
"What'd you want?" Tony asks Loki, taking another sip of his whiskey. "You want a drink?"
"I do believe you owe me one, yes." Loki smiles, tentatively sitting beside him while Tony pours. He slides the glass to Loki's cold hand when he's finished. "I wanted to thank you for advocating me this morning." Tony gives him a "don't mention it" shrug. "But, I'd like to know why. All your talk of second chances seems dubious."
"I didn't think it was my place to tell them the truth."
"About?"
"What got you so buckets of crazy in the first place." Loki looks up from his drink in shock. "Your brother's got a big mouth," Tony explains. "He told me what happened to you, the whole adoption thing."
"Did he?" Loki's voice gives nothing away.
"Hey, let's be frank, I think Thor's the only one here who had a childhood filled with gumdrops and lollipops."
"Is this supposed to make me feel better, Stark?"
"I'm just saying, we can all sympathize." He sighs, shrugs. "I know what it's like to not measure up. My father...was a lot like yours, but instead of favoring a sibling, he favored his work." Loki doesn't know which is worse. Tony takes another drink. "I also know that soul-crushing panic you get when your life's meaning is ripped away from you. And yeah, I kinda have ulterior motives about bringing you in."
"Oh?"
Tony sighs, waits a beat. "We thought we lost a good man. Phil Coulson." Loki vaguely remembers the man. "Turns out we were just being played."
"He faked his death?"
"You've met Nick Fury, right? Bald, wears an eyepatch?"
Loki nods. "We have...exchanged words."
"He told us Phil died. Told us you killed him, actually. So imagine my surprise when I hack into the SHIELD database one day and find out Phil's been shipped off to New Mexico, working for SHIELD under an alias."
Loki raises an eyebrow. "Did he tell you why?"
"Fury claimed that Phil wanted him to use his 'death' to motivate us, to give us a push, which I thought was bullshit. Plus that whole government spiel of protecting secrets and keeping everyone safe. So, yeah, this is partially a huge middle finger to Fury for lying to us about Phil."
"And the other part?"
"Maybe you could join our super-secret boy band some day." Tony smirks.
Loki gives a bitter laugh. "You're confusing me with a hero. I'm not."
"But you could be. Look, don't try to bullshit me. I've got that anti-social mask-to-keep-people-away shit down to a science, okay? I can see right through what you're trying to put off."
Loki wonders about that, if Tony's right and everything about him is just a poor performance, if the way he speaks and acts when Natasha lies beside him is his true self. But he's lived so long under the burden of expectation that he isn't really sure who he is anymore.
"Do you really believe I could be a hero?"
"Well, we buried Phil and he ended up in New Mexico, so I guess anything's possible."