I really had a hard time on this one since my hands were shaking so bad. Everytime i thought i was pushing 'y' the screen would show me 't'. But don't worry about it, it was all just becasue of hunger. .)

wooh! thanks for those who read and reviewed ch. 9. hope you'll also tell me what you think about this one.

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Everywhere I looked, all I could see was white; the walls, the tiles, the ceilings and doors, and the uniforms of nurses and doctors pacing back and forth the hallway. The sounds surrounding me were mixing, from the rolls of the wheels of the stretcher, the call of the broadcasting speakers, up to the whisperings of people chatting. I slouched back from my seat. I was sitting at the chairs located at that hallway, just outside room number 304.

I closed my eyes. I have been idling at that very chair for quite some time now. For a millionth of time, I was scared. Behind those closed door of that room, Kaname-senpai is resting. Nobody knew how he was, and so the very next day, I decided that I would come and know personally. Some thirty minutes ago, I asked the nurse in charge how he was. She said that when he was brought here, he was in critical condition for an hour or so. With a sigh and a small smile, she said that it was a good thing that his condition stabilized. And now, he just needed a very good rest.

I brushed my fingers against my hair. Truthfully, I didn't know how to face Kaname-senpai. The one of my closest seniors almost died, and it was all because of me. He even saw me in an awkward situation. Under those circumstances, I wondered what I would say… I wondered what expression I should wear. If he saw me sad, he would just be worried more. If I smiled for him, I guess it wouldn't be bad. But even I had some limitations; I couldn't smile thinking he almost died.

Two young girls by the age of ten caught my attention. They were holding hands as they walked together. I smiled at the sight, and then I remembered what happened earlier at the school's roof top. From morning until lunch time, Sumire had been avoiding me. She was there, but she wouldn't talk. I was in front of her, but she wouldn't look at me.

"Sumire…" I called out to her. I couldn't take it anymore. Just after the bullying stopped, it was followed by one of my friends holding a grudge against me. Sumire just ignored me.

Someone pat me on my shoulders. When I turned, it was Anna with her sad smile. "Mikan… it's because you did something hurting." I looked at her, completely confused.

"See?!" Sumire suddenly exploded. "She doesn't even know what she did!"

I was utterly speechless. Never before have I hated my own stupidity so much than this. Sumire approached me, frustrations evident in her face. "What do you take me for, huh?" She asked as she placed her hand against her hip. "Aren't we supposed to be friends?"

"We… we are!"

"Then, why?!" She raised her voice, much to my surprise. "Why didn't you let us stand by you? You snuck around the whole academy, completely leaving us behind. Is that what friends are supposed to do?"

I stared at the floor, as if it was the most interesting thing in the whole wide world at that time. I bit my lower lip, trying so hard not to shed tears. "Because… because I didn't want to bother you…"

"Mikan!" She yelled. "Whether you're such a bother or what not, that's up to us to decide!"

"She's right, Mikan…" Nonoko held my hand. "If I was in your situation, wouldn't you want to help me?"

They were right. For so many times, I have invited myself in their own businesses when I heard that they were having problems. They didn't specifically ask me to, but me and my nosiness did so anyway. And maybe, if back then, they hid and avoided everyone including me, I also might be hurt. I then understood what they were saying. Slowly, I nodded my head, but careful enough for my gaze not to leave the floor. "Sorry…"

Silence engulfed us, it was almost suffocating. In the corner of my eyes, I saw Sumire walked towards the roof top door. I shut my eyes tight, but my chest was even tighter. For the first time, I thought I would lose a friend. Even when Ruka didn't believe me back then, he still talked to me; and it was because of a third wheel that he had a doubt. But this time was completely different. It was nobody's fault but mine. I and my own stupidity just caused me my friends.

When I was sneaking around, I thought I was doing the right thing to not let them get involved. I thought that by doing that, I could keep them. Little did I know that the thing I thought was right would be the cause of them being hurt. If I knew then that it would turn out like this, I should have stayed by them.

I gripped the edge of my skirt. This was the price I had to pay. I thought I had to endure it.

I heard her stopped her tracks and heaved a heavy sigh. "What are you doing?" She asked. "You're 'it' today, you understand? Come on, I'm hungry." I suddenly looked up. Her eyebrow was arched, her eyes narrowing and her hand was placed at her hip. It was the usual smug Sumire, and she was inviting me. It was then that my tears came rolling down. "What?! Woah! Woah!" She panicked.

"Mikan!" Anna and Nonoko hugged me as they laugh. And then, Sumire wiped my tears.

"Just don't do it again, you hear?" I nodded.

Hotaru, who was with us since the beginning and was just watching, murmured "Stupid girls".

It was funny how we made up. We didn't even say, 'let's be friends again' nor said 'let's start over again' or something along the line. Our little misunderstandings ended with just an invitation to eat.

"Mikan?" The voice from the door woke me up from reminiscing. I almost forgot that I was at the hospital, visiting Kaname-senpai. Or more like, trying to visit. It was Tsubasa-senpai, of course he would be here. They were best friends. Nothing was surprising seeing him here, but still, I almost jumped off my seat in surprise. "Why are you sitting there?" He asked with full of concern. I wondered how Tsubasa-senpai reacted when Kaname-senpai was brought here.

I smiled at him shyly, it even got uncomfortable. I gripped my skirt. These past few days, I noticed that I have been doing this mannerism a lot when I would get nervous.

Tsubasa-senpai's laugh made me look at him straight. "What are you getting shy for?" He grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me inside Kaname-senpai's room.

"Wait! Senpai…!" I struggled and fought back his strength. I wasn't a bit prepared yet to face my saviour. The speech that I carefully composed inside my head flew out the window, and I didn't have the slightest idea yet how to face Kaname-senpai. To make it short, I was completely lost.

The familiar scent of Kaname-senpai slowly filled my nose. My eyes wandered around. The room was meant only for him, and it was so homey. At the right side of the room was a small living room, and it was his bed and the other machines at the left wing. No matter how many times I have already been here, I just couldn't get enough of it. Yes, this room was marked for Kaname-senpai. Every time he would be sent here, he would occupy this room.

"Mikan." Senpai's voice was as gentle as always and it just caught my attention. I stood up properly, but I still couldn't look at him. "What are you standing there for? Come here."

I couldn't bring myself to go near him. As still as I could possibly stand, I stood there. We were silent for a while.

Kaname-senpai sighed. "Are you sorry?"

I nodded.

"You want to make it up to me?"

I nodded again.

"Then come here and let me see your smile."

I looked at him. His gentle smile made it impossible for me to keep the tears any longer from falling. I walked towards him while crying so loud and buried my face on his lap. I cried so hard that the bed sheets have gotten wet. He asked me to smile, but I gave him the opposite. "Senpaaai…" He didn't say anything, but his warm hands caressed my hair that it was so comforting. For the very first time of the sixteen years of my life, I appreciated from the heart how blessed I was to have friends surround me.

As hard as I could, I stopped myself from crying and gave senpai a smile that he wanted.

Moments later, when I have already calmed down, Tsubasa-senpai asked me with a smile. "Did you think that he will hate you?"

I looked down. I didn't know if my looking at the floor was that funny that Tsubasa-senpai laughed so hard. "Who would be able to hate the one he's eyeing for?" With that said, Kaname-senpai flushed bright red and threw a pillow at him. Was that a private joke between the two of them? Because truthfully, I didn't quite get it.

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"Here." Natsume practically shoved me his camp bag which, by the way, weighed at least around five kilos.

It had been two days after the 'great revelation'. The memory was still fresh in our minds. People were still avoiding Luna Koizumi. So many students had been being wary of Hotaru Imai. As for me, much to my dismay, the teachers had been moving carefully whenever I was around, specifically Jinno-sensei. His ego must have been touched when in one day, he learned about my blood line and about the videos.

The whole school knew about those videos alright. I thought that Hotaru made it so only our class would see it, I was so wrong. She broadcasted it to the whole school, all at the same time. I thought she would at least have mercy on Luna, but she went all the way, further demoralizing the opponent. But Luna was a proud girl from the start. Even though the whole school turned against her, she kept coming with her head held up high. In my eyes, I thought she looked so cool.

If I say that we had been going on great inside the class room, I would be lying. I thought that people naturally get along right after a huge fight. At least, that was what I have been reading. Reality was much harsher than what it seemed, because inside class 1-B, we were still quite tensed. With that kind of atmosphere circulating around, Narumi-sensei, the most eccentric teacher, just came up with the idea of sea side camping.

"Natsume…you're so sly..!" I whined even though my hands were already hugging his bag. The seven day agreement was just extended. 'You slacked most of the time', was what the great Natsume Hyuuga said.

"Do I hear complaints?" He bent over and leaned his head so close on mine. I could almost feel his breath; I could even smell his hair. It was so… intoxicating. His simple gesture made my heart race to no end.

"Uh… no. Of course, not." I couldn't bear to look at his eyes. I was afraid that once I looked at him, I would completely lose all remaining sanity I had.

He smirked on my response and pat my head. "Good." When I first met him, I knew for sure that he wasn't the type of person who would come with this kind of class outing, which is why I was in the slave position in the first place. But I was so shocked to learn that he would be coming. For sure, he only came so he could give me a hard time.

"Come here. I'll help you with that." Ruka barged in the scene and tried to grab away the things I was holding. These past few days, these two had been clashing against each other like two sharp swords. Ruka was one to do so, I was used to it. But Natsume, the aloof cool guy, he never failed to surprise me.

"Hands off." Natsume barked.

My ears got prickly, my face was hot. These had been happening a lot, I noticed. And each and every damn time, it would be just about every little thing Natsume says or do. I looked bashfully at Natsume, not knowing what reaction I should have. He looked at me straight in the eye, and I was feeling a little uncomfortable, scared that someone might hear my heart beating loud and fast.

What he did next made me… uh… mortified. He looked at Ruka and just grabbed his camp bag from Ruka's grasps. "Not my things."

I bit my lower lip in embarrassment. What was I thinking? I just thought that he was being protective over me. I mentally slapped myself. Why in the hell would he be protective over me? He walked away snickering and I thought, 'He's having a good time humiliating me'.

Our school bus was designed like the interior of the train, where two benches were facing each other. It made it possible for me and the other guys to be seated closely. I was with Hotaru as usual, and the other three girls. We were all chatting about nonsense and stuffs when Koko, who was supposed to be sitting across us with the other guys, sat in front of us at the floor with his guitar on his hands.

"What? Are you courting someone there?" Kitsumene, his best friend, asked him. Hearing this one comment made the other boys react with 'oooooohhh's.

"Haha! Very funny." Koko snapped at him. I raised my eye brow; it looked like Kitsu just hit a nerve.

"Looks like you hit the nail in the head." I smiled at Kitsu as he just laughed off what I said.

"Mikan, why is it that you notice other people's business when you can't even figure out yours?" And that was Koko's comeback.

I raised both my hands in defeat. "Okay, okay."

"Anyway, it's getting boring here. Let's sing together!" He invited us. I looked out the window, waiting for them to start singing.

Koko strummed his guitar, playing the popular song at the time. In our class, no one wouldn't know about that song. Sumire cleared her throat, much to the other's delight. These two was definitely a duo of mood makers. " How can I decide what's right? When you're clouding up my mind? I can't win your losing fight… all the time. " Sumire sang with all her might. The spectators clapped their hands and shouted, "Wooooohhh!!"

The girl from behind us joined and continued the second part. It was then that I realized that almost all of the others were looking at us. Slowly, I understood what Koko was trying to do. He was trying to re-make the connections among us classmates. He was trying to ease the divisions, the tensions. I smiled at his craziness. Who would have known that it would only need a guitar and a song to actually catch their attention?

"No one would?" Koko's voice made my mind back to reality again. "Aww, shucks. And it was also going nice."

"What's up?" I whispered to Anna.

"Sumire can't reach the high notes." She whispered back with a giggle.

"Excuse me! I am just letting the others have a chance!" Sumire defended herself way too much.

We laughed at her smugness, which added to the joy. " How did we get here? When I used to know you so well. How did we get here? Well, I think I know… " I joined their jamming, and so the others started to sing with me. I couldn't believe that just after that song, Koko made us sing nursery rhymes. Well, it was so funny it added fun to the long and boring travel.

I was laughing so hard at the 'Itsy Bitsy spider' song that Kitsumene revised when I noticed Natsume. He was looking at me with a small smile on his face. It was so small that one wouldn't notice, especially because his chin was leaning on his palm. The sight of him hiding his smile away from the world, made my heart almost fall. My face flushed and warm, my ears got a bit of ticklish, the back of my nape covered with goose bumps. 'What's wrong with me?'

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"Mikan, here, try this." Ruka picked a piece of vegetable and put it in my own plate. I timidly smiled at him, it was the only reaction I could wear at the moment.

"Polka, I want that meat." Natsume nudged me on my elbows. I sighed and served him the piece of meat that he wanted.

"Mikan, this is good. Here."

"Give me strawberries, Polka."

I shut my eyes tight in frustration. We were at the cabin already, having our barbecue outside the cold night. This trip was supposed to let us have some fun, but it was just giving me the opposite effect. To my right was Ruka, endlessly offering me food that he thought tasted good. Did it ever occur to him that his taste buds might be different to mine? We had a different tongue after all.

To my left was Natsume, unwaveringly giving me orders here and there. His orders were so…frustrating. Did he even have to make me offer him the bottle of water that was right in front of him? Or maybe he even wanted me to pick each end every single grain of rice and feed it to him. I felt like the three of us were tied by an invisible chain with Ruka following me around, and Natsume making me follow him.

Once again, I opened my eyes only to see the others watching us leisurely. This guys, I thought, they should have helped me escape those two ogres. But no, they were giggling and laughing non-stop at my own demise.

It was just eight in the evening, and I was already feeling so tired. I felt like a mother looking after her two three-year-old sons. I was sitting alone outside, breathing in some fresh air while singing a song when I saw Luna dash off the cabin.

Seeing her made me feel horrible. I got so carried away by the laughs and cheers that I almost forgot her. How was she? I wanted to talk to her, to make up with her. But what would I say? Could I tell her that I don't have any feelings for Ruka and reassure her? I couldn't, because right at that very moment, I didn't even know what I was feeling for him. How could I possibly reassure someone when even I couldn't reassure myself?

I was about to follow her even though I wasn't sure yet what to say, but Ruka appeared out of nowhere. "Hey, care for a walk?"

We were both silent for a while as we walked. "Sorry about earlier." He said out of the blue. I coiled my eyebrow, what was that for? "You know, I acted like a child craving for attention." I blinked my eyes and laughed. So, he was aware.

"Yeah. You were pretty out of it."

"But hey, I'm courting you. So, it can't be helped." He said nonchalantly.

"You are?" I asked stupidly. Honestly, I thought he was just picking a fight with Natsume again. Never have I imagined that he was… uh, courting me. It just never crossed my mind. "Uh… I…" I stuttered again. Why was it that every time Ruka would mention about his feelings, I would become utterly speechless?

"Kiss me." I almost jumped to hear Luna's voice. She was saying it again. Just a little more and I would have made it her famous line. She ordered Ruka to kiss her before too, so now, who would be the lucky guy she was talking to?

Ruka stopped his tracks, looking over where Luna was. His face was that of a shock, I guess he really did fall for Luna. I got so curious as to why he was looking at them too hard and so I followed his glance. When I took a peek, I guess he wasn't shocked because of Luna… I guess he was shocked to see who she was talking with.

It had gotten so silent in a flash. All I could hear of that very moment was the sound of the air and the waves of the ocean. My heart… it was just punched out of my chest. I found myself in struggle to breathe. My air pipes were just tightening by the second. I knew that back. I knew that poise. I would never be wrong. If ever we were lost in a crowd, I would know him just by a glance. It was him. The guy who was making me lose myself all these time. There, sitting on the large log of a fallen tree was Natsume. She was talking to Natsume. Luna was asking Natsume to kiss her.

I gulped unknowingly. "Scram." Natsume was obviously irritated from the way he talked. I wondered how Luna would proceed, but the other side of me was scared. I didn't want to know what was going to happen next, but my feet were fixed on the ground like it was just cemented right then and there. She was the type of girl who would do anything just to get what she wanted. The past week proved that. Her words to me during the 'revelation day' echoed inside my mind. 'We're not through yet'.

I saw Luna glanced at me. All these time, whenever she does that, there would always be 'something' next. And all these time, that 'something' would always be the most unexpected thing. "Are you in love with Sakura?" Luna asked him without leaving her eyes on me. I felt my heart again, this time because of it beating so fast. What would Natsume say?

"…" The silence was making my heart beat a little faster. It was like when I was watching a suspense movie and the heroin is waiting for the murderer to appear. I felt like my insides were hanging in the air with a thin thread ready to snap any given moment.

"…no." His answer instantly drained my life away. The thin thread snapped and made my insides fall.

Luna satisfyingly smiled at me, and then slowly, she bent and inched her head towards Natsume's.

I wasn't strong enough. I thought I could handle it, but I was wrong. And so, as fast as I could, I ran away…

The sound of the waves was deafening. The almost violent air embraced me. I used to be soothed by the night's cold air, but it seemed like this night was an exception. "Mikan…" Ruka's voice made me look back. I smiled bitterly, I almost forgot that I was with him.

My heart was heavy, but it was still beating so fast so hard that it hurts. Yes, I was hurt. And I finally know now why… Every encounter with Natsume Hyuuga flashed before my eyes. Every heart beat, every embarrassing moment, every gentleness, and every smile… They were all screaming 'I love you'.

I closed my eyes tight. Why did it have to take a single 'no' before I could possibly realize my own feelings?

I forced to breathe in, but even breathing was painful. "You know…" I said despite the trembling of my jaws. I was looking up, but my eyes couldn't see the beauty of the sky. "I used to love you…" I said with a laugh. Hearing myself say those words to Ruka confirmed and eased the confusion in my mind.

My plan was to laugh it off and pretend that I was okay. Because I thought that by doing so, it would make all the pain melt away. Sadly, my eyes were a real traitor…

Ruka grabbed me in my shoulders and hugged me tight. As if it would ease my pain away… I chuckled. "I'm fine…" But even my voice betrayed me. I tried to say it again, this time without my voice trembling. But the more I repeated it, the more it sounded so fake in my ears. It sounded like it wasn't for Ruka, like it was really meant for me.

I cried as much as I could while wishing that in every single drop of tears, all of the pain and heaviness in my heart would leave me all alone. It was painful enough to know that someone you love couldn't give you the love back, but hearing him say the actual words was killing.

I couldn't feel my body, and my knees gave up like the world just fell over me. But no, as I was crying my heart out, the waves of the ocean was burying all of my screams, hiding it from the world. As I was crying my heart out, the world continued to move on. Hotaru might even be eating at the time; the others might be doing their own things. Even as I cried, the sky was just looking down on me.

For the rest of the world, it was just a tiny matter. But to me... it was almost worth my life.

I tried so hard not to cry. I tried so hard not to lose myself, but I failed miserably. Under Ruka's arms, I cried as loud as my pain. I wish I didn't leave the cabin. If I could turn back time, I wouldn't stupidly go out. Or if it was unavoidable, I wouldn't go anywhere near Luna. I would give up anything, anything, just not to hear Natsume's rejection. Because it was so painful… so painful and bitterly stupid, that before I could have even realized my own feeling, I was already rejected.

I love him... I love Natsume Hyuuga. But before it even rubbed on me, the fate already moved and said, 'Don't even think about it'.

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the end...

of Mikan's point of view. haha.

the next chap would be Natsume's story, so please be patient. i still have to set my mind on how the great 'black cat' thinks.

Please make a feedback and continue to read! thanks a lot! mwuah!