A/N: I was really happy to see that some people are still interested in this story. Thanks to everyone who added my story as favourite and of course to my amazing reviewers ;)

Chapter 10: The honeymoon is over

Silent tears were running down her cheeks and Tonks didn't even bother to wipe them. She just kept staring into the fire. But even the warmth of the fireplace wasn't strong enough to fight the coldness inside her heart.

The sensation was becoming only too familiar. She had felt the same all-consuming sadness when Dumbledore had died and although her wedding had temporarily banished all bad thoughts and all evil, it was back now and more powerful than it had ever been. Dumbledore had been a real shock of course, but Mad-Eye… he had been an advisor and a mentor and first and foremost a real friend.

Tonks had never quite understood why he had taken her under his wing, but ever since that day he had always been there for her, had always cared for her in his very special way of showing affection. And she had never ever imagined that they could lose him – him, Alastor Mad-Eye Moody, the skilled and proud warrior, always a source of strength and reassurance to her. A world without Mad-Eye was just unimaginable…

Dumbledore and Mad-Eye… the Order lost more and more valuable members while You-know-who won more and more people over – for example Thicknesse – and spun his net around them like one giant and especially ugly spider. But even more outrageous than those who joined the dark side were those members of the Order who suddenly backed out, just gave up, arguing that it was already too late to stop You-know-who. Only the true core of the Order remained.

But what could they do? What other options did they have? They had to make sure that Harry was safe, of course. After all, that was what Mad-Eye had died for tonight. Tonks shivered at the memory. Actually, they had been lucky that there hadn't been more deaths. She, too, had almost been hit by one of the gazillion curses Bellatrix had sent after her. Her aunt had acted as if her own life were at stake if she didn't manage to kill her niece. But Tonks didn't really care about her motives. She only wished she could have kicked Bellatrix off her broom, for Sirius, for everything…

And she wished that Remus would come home. He and Bill had left to retrieve Mad-Eye's body, but they had left hours ago… and tonight's events had proved that it was not at all safe for them out there. If at least they knew how You-know-who had learned of their plan to move Harry tonight because if he hadn't known, none of this would have happened and Mad-Eye wouldn't be… wouldn't be…

Tonks sobbed. She knew her tears wouldn't change a thing. They wouldn't bring Mad-Eye back from the dead. But she couldn't make them stop. She felt strange, almost sick. Tonks took a deep breath to calm herself and then there was a noise at the door.

Her heart skipped a beat, but it was Remus who entered and despite feeling nauseous, Tonks jumped to her feet and flung her arms around his neck. "Oh, thank goodness," she whispered. When she stepped back again, she looked into Remus' face. It was carefully guarded, but still alarmingly white and he looked old, extremely old and tired. "Did you…?"

"We couldn't find him," Remus said before she could even finish her question.

Tonks felt a pang of guilt in her chest – she should have done something, anything to prevent this from happening or at the very least, she should gave given Mad-Eye, her friend, her mentor, the funeral he deserved – but the exhaustion that radiated from Remus made her hold back the tears for now.

Her husband had sat down on the sofa and she joined him. "It's not your fault," she said gently. "You did everything you could."

"Then it wasn't good enough, was it?" Remus snapped. He buried his face in his hands and then got up. "I'm tired," he said by way of apologizing for his behaviour.

Tonks got to her feet as well. "You're not just tired. I know how you feel. I feel the same," she said and stopped him from leaving the room.

Remus turned around and looked at her. "I can't stop thinking about how close I came to losing you tonight," he finally admitted.

"We all got close to losing each other."

"But Bellatrix wasn't pursuing the others, was she?"

Tonks sighed. "She would have killed them just as eagerly as she tried to kill me."

"Exactly, she wanted you," Remus said and looked away.

"I'm her niece. She probably regards my mere existence as a disgrace to the entire family, not to mention my involvement with the Order." Tonks shrugged.

"No, it's not your existence," Remus disagreed, however. "It's that you married a werewolf into the family."

Tonks stared at him, only now realising where this all came from – again. "Oh, no, Remus, this has nothing to do with you. Last time I faced her, I even ended up in St. Mungo's, remember? And there was no way she could have known that I was in love with you then."

"Yes, you ended up in St. Mungo's, but she didn't finish you off. It was I who made you a target she really wanted to eradicate from the face of this earth," Remus said, still staring at the window.

But Tonks took his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. "You cannot seriously believe that! Bellatrix never cared about whether I was alive or dead! And tonight when she followed me to get to 'Harry', of course she aimed to kill! Every Death Eater would have done!"

"You told me yourself she wanted you as badly as Harry," Remus reminded her coldly.

"Yes, but… that had nothing to do with you!" Tonks wanted to be mad at him, but she felt too weak to even muster some serious frustration. Why couldn't he just stop blaming himself for everything?

Remus turned his head away again. "If you say so."

Tonks felt the tears returning. "And what does it matter, anyway? I'm not the one who's dead! Mad-Eye is!"

"I know." And Remus finally looked at her again and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry."

Tonks rested her head on his shoulder and wished with all her might that this would have been nothing but a bad dream. But even the warmth of Remus' embrace wouldn't bring back the happiness of those wondrous days after their wedding. They seemed to belong to a different lifetime, one that was perhaps already gone…

Deep in thought, Remus headed for the front door of their flat. He'd just had a rather strange encounter with Arthur, who had asked him how Dora was doing and Remus had of course assumed that he was talking about the shock of Mad-Eye's death since everybody knew that the two of them had been close in a kind of father-surrogate-daughter relationship. But as their conversation had continued, it had become clear that Arthur was in fact talking about something else. As soon as he had realised that Remus had no clue about whatever it was, Arthur had excused himself rather quickly.

Both intrigued and worried, Remus entered the living room and sure enough found Dora sitting at the table, a steaming mug in her hands, staring out of the window. But when she heard him enter, she looked up and smiled at him. Was he imagining it or was her smile more brittle and less bright than usual?

Remus decided to get right to the bottom of it. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Dora looked surprised for a second, but then just shrugged. "Nothing, I've just had better days at the office, but haven't we all?"

"Yes, Arthur told me," Remus replied and sat down as well.

He did not imagine it. Dora looked definitely alarmed, even shocked. "He… he told you?"

"He didn't exactly tell me what happened. But he asked me how you'd be taking it." Remus watched her closely and thought that Dora relaxed slightly. Something was definitely wrong here. "So, what did happen?" he asked, growing impatient.

"Oh… I… it's…" She trailed off, obviously struggling whether to tell the truth or not.

"Dora, it's alright. Just tell me." He reached across the table for her hands, but he thought he had an idea what might be going on. Obviously something had happened at the Ministry – something Dora was reluctant to tell him, which meant that it had something to do with him, with their marriage, with… what he was.

"Alright, but promise me you won't take this the wrong way again, will you?" She looked at him in a silent plea, but eventually added, "I… I got sacked."

Remus felt as if someone had punched him in the face. "Sacked?" he repeated hoarsely. "Why?" It was a stupid question, of course. He already knew why, but still…

Dora looked at her mug of hot chocolate. "It doesn't matter."

"Why?" Remus repeated his question.

"Merlin's Beard, I'm in the Order! I haven't been following the old Ministry's policy nor am I accepting You-know-who's new one. It was just a matter of time, wasn't it?" But Dora's voice was unnaturally high-pitched and she still wouldn't look at him.

"Why hasn't Arthur been sacked then?" Remus asked coldly.

"How would I know? Maybe… because he's worked there longer than I have." Dora shrugged.

"This is not the truth and you know it." Remus' voice remained calm even though he didn't feel calm inside.

Now Dora did look at him. "If you already know, why are you asking me then?" she snapped defensively.

"So it's true. You got sacked because you married a werewolf." There it was again – that old familiar voice sneering at him. I told you so.

Dora closed her eyes for a few seconds. "It doesn't matter why. This is not the Ministry I wanted to work at. They are helpless and grow increasingly desperate. They've forgotten about what's right and what's wrong and now it's only a matter of time until You-know-who will seize control of it and then it'll really be living hell. I couldn't have worked for him, anyway."

"So you're saying you don't care that you just lost the job you've worked so hard for ever since Hogwarts; the job for which you pulled all-nighters to get that blasted NEWT in Potions; the only job you could ever picture yourself doing?" Remus asked, unable to hide his disbelief.

"I… I said it doesn't matter, not that I don't care! But we're facing bigger problems right now!" Dora tried to reason with him, but Remus wasn't willing to use Voldemort as their excuse for everything.

"And if we didn't?" he asked and started pacing up and down until he turned to look at his wife again. "Don't you see what happened? I always said it would, I always knew. But I was so stupid, so blinded!"

Dora stood up as well and narrowed her eyes at him. "What are you saying?"

Remus continued to pace back and forth like a, well, like a wolf. He might have laughed, but this was so not a laughing matter. "I should have never… never…!"

"You shouldn't have… what?" Dora prompted him, following him with her eyes.

He stopped. "I should have never married you."

Dora looked as if he had slapped her across the face and he just as well might have. But he just couldn't help himself because it was the truth, no matter how painful.

"Don't you see? I made you an outcast! I was always afraid of that, but I thought… I thought… No, I didn't think. You will never get a job again. As soon as people learn that you're married to someone like me, they won't want to talk to you any more than they want to talk to me! So they'll either avoid you or as your dear aunt try to kill you – and all because of me!"

"Do you love me?"

The simple question caught Remus off guard. "What?" He stopped pacing. "Of course, I love you, but that's got nothing to do with it."

"It's got nothing to do with it? It has everything to do with it!" Dora replied, her voice rising slightly. "Because what it all comes down to is that I love you, although you make it exceptionally hard for me to love you because I think I might go crazy if I have to say this one more time: I. Don't. Care. About. What. Other. People. Think. All I care about is that you love me and that I want to be with you."

"But maybe that's exactly what you shouldn't be – with me." Remus turned away.

"No! We won't be doing this again! I won't even go there! But I knew you would and that's exactly why I didn't want to tell…" She suddenly stopped midsentence. "Remus!"

There was something in her voice, something utterly scared and confused, that didn't seem to have anything to do with their conversation. And Remus turned around just in time to see Dora collapse. He barely managed to catch her before she hit the floor.

"Dora!" But she didn't respond. Her body was limp in his arms and her eyes remained closed. Remus' first instinct was to panic, but he pulled himself together and picked Dora up to carry her into their bedroom. When he had gently put her down on the bed, he waved his wand with his very much shaking hand and conjured a goblet of water for her.

Remus put the goblet to Dora's mouth and tried to get her to drink some of the water, which mostly just trickled down her cheeks. "Come on, Dora, please wake up!" he muttered, cursing himself silently. This was all his fault. After Mad-Eye's death and losing her job she hadn't been up for a fight with him, especially not for this fight. But Remus hadn't known that he was physically wearing her down, too.

Finally, Dora began to stir and opened her eyes again. "What… what happened?" she asked, her voice still very faint.

"I don't know. You just fainted," Remus told her, stroking her hair in relief.

"Really? I guess I've been feeling a little weird lately," Dora said.

Remus gave her a weak smile. "You could have told me. You scared the bloody hell out of me."

"So you really do love me." Dora smiled again.

"That was never in question."

"Then neither is anything else. Period. The End," Dora said.

Remus sighed. "You should get some sleep. It seems your body needs it."

Dora nodded. "Only if you stay with me, though," she said and reached for his hand.

Remus smiled and lay down next to her. Dora snuggled up to him and drifted off to sleep almost immediately. But the dark thoughts in Remus' head kept him awake when his wife was already snoring peacefully…

But he must have fallen asleep eventually, because he opened his eyes again when the sun had already risen outside the window.

"How are you feeling?" he asked Dora, who was awake as well.

"Better, I think," she said and shrugged.

"Good, I'll get us some breakfast." A few minutes later Remus returned with a breakfast tray, but thought that Dora still looked a bit pale despite her reassurances to the contrary. So when he had set down the tray in front of them, he asked, "Are you sure you're feeling alright? Maybe you should rather stay in bed…"

"Oh no, there's no way I'll miss Harry's birthday party tonight!" And Dora sat up and looked at the breakfast tray. Remus watched her closely, but was still caught by surprise when his wife suddenly jumped to her feet and ran into the bathroom. He was only halfway up when he heard her throw up.

"Oh dear," he sighed and found Dora kneeling on the bathroom floor. "Dora, do you…?"

"Go away, Remus! This is disgusting!" she interrupted him while her eyes were leaking tears.

"Nothing about you could ever be disgusting," he said gently and helped her up and back into the bed. Then he gave her some water and watched while she drank hesitantly. "I think we should get a Healer to check you out."

"No." Dora shook her head. "I'm feeling better already. Honestly," she added when he didn't look convinced.

"But I would feel better if I heard that from someone who actually knows what they're talking about." Remus smiled at her and left into the living room. But he, too, was reluctant to bring her to St. Mungo's. For one thing, he didn't want to force Dora to move and then, most importantly, he wasn't sure who really was in charge at St Mungo's these days. If the Ministry had fired Dora because she had married him, a werewolf, how would they react at St. Mungo's? Of course the Healers had to help her and they probably didn't even know, but still…

Fresh anger rose within him, anger directed at himself, for being irresponsible, for making Dora an outcast and for not being able to get his wife the medical attention she needed. He had actually never considered the possibility that even her health might suffer because of him.

But then Remus had an idea and sat down to write a letter. To his delight and relief an answer arrived about two hours later and shortly after that there was a knock on the door.

"Thanks so much for coming," Remus said when he allowed Poppy Pomfrey to enter.

"Say nothing of it! We've got to stick together now more than ever," the Hogwarts matron replied, sighing slightly. "And this is a very welcome distraction for me so that I can stop worrying about what will happen at the school in the upcoming term, at least for a little while."

Remus smiled. "Dora's in the bedroom," he told her and led the way.

"Oh, yes, where are my manners? Congratulations," Poppy said smiling.

"On what?"

"Your wedding, of course. I know it's already been a few weeks, but we haven't been in touch," Poppy explained.

"Oh, yes… thank you." Remus put on a smile, but it felt fake.

Poppy entered the bedroom and turned around. "I think you should wait here. This will probably just take a few minutes." She smiled and closed the door in his face.

Remus shrugged and sat down on the couch. Dora's condition had put an end to their nasty fight yesterday. But it didn't change anything. He had made her an outcast just as he had known all along, but he had acted like a lovesick teenager and ignored all the consequences. And now everything was a mess. He had known that it was foolish, irresponsible and a great mistake to marry Dora, but he had still gone through with the wedding because… because he loved her, dammit, and had never felt more at home and at peace than he did here with her, had never felt happier – for a few days at least.

But now their honeymoon was over, quite literally, and reality had caught up with him, had burst his bubble. No matter how much he loved Dora, they weren't meant to be or rather he wasn't meant to be with anyone. It was part of the curse he carried. His kind was meant to be alone. Unfortunately, he had underestimated what a woman like Dora, her determination and her unconditional love could do to him. Now the harm was done. Dora was an outcast just like he was and he doubted that even a divorce would be able to re-establish her reputation. And frankly, the mere thought of leaving her and driving her into another man's arms was simply unbearable.

The bedroom door opened again and Poppy smiled at him. "You can relax. She's not sick."

"But why…?"

"I think she would like to explain that to you herself," Poppy replied mysteriously.

Remus looked confused, but shook her hand nevertheless. "Thanks again for coming."

"I wish I could say 'anytime', but I'm afraid I won't be able to leave Hogwarts very often as soon as term starts." Poppy sighed and left.

As soon as she had done so, Dora ran into his arms, looking absolutely radiant. Remus hadn't even finished wondering whether she should be out of bed already, when she started screaming: "Remus, I'm pregnant! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!"

And Remus' mind went totally blank.