"Lindsay…."

As soon as I made my way into the penthouse, Elisabeth enveloped me in her arms. She was full of love, something I could feel radiating from her as she squeezed me tight. She smelled the same as I remembered. I'd missed that smell, just as I'd missed her hugs. She was my mother after all. Adopted mother, sure, but more of a mother than my biological mother ever had been.

I felt Samuel's strong hand fall onto my back, somewhere between my two shoulder blades. For a hot minute, I thought I'd never feel the comfort of having my parents so close to me again. I realized now just how much I took them for granted. I wasn't going to do that again.

"I missed you," I said, once there was some room between us so I could look them in the eyes.

"We missed you too," Samuel said. His voice was as low as I recalled, but he still managed to sound gentle so easily.

"We're just glad you're home safe and that you're okay," Elisabeth said. She ran her fingers through my hair, which I'm sure looked like hell and was driving her nuts. "We were so worried about you….not hearing from you for nearly two years. We didn't know if you ended up…."

She didn't finish the sentence, nor did she have to. I knew where she was going. She - they - had worried I'd gone off and finally managed to kill myself. It was understandable. I had self-destructive tendencies and a deathwish. The only reason I'd been turned in the first place was because I'd tried to kill myself.

"We're glad you're not," Samuel said.

Elisabeth had to take a step back from me to collect herself. If I didn't know better, I would've sworn she was actually crying.

"Me too," I said. "I'm glad to be back with you guys."

"Happy to have you, Linds," Jesse said.

He held his arms out for a hug, which I readily accepted. Even in times like this, he managed to have a sunny smile on his face. As he hugged me, I realized how warm he was. No, I knew he wasn't literally, physically warm. He just exuded a warmth that made it impossible not to love him.

"Not to sound repetitive, but I did miss you," Jesse said, still rocking me in his arms. He held me by the shoulders so he could look into my eyes with his golden ones. "I love you, kid. We all love you. You had us really worried. Two years without even a phone call?"

"I know," I said, dropping my head a bit. "I….I got carried away at times, at other times I didn't want to burden you guys by telling you that I….."

"Killed so many?" Jesse finished. He was judging me. Judging me kindly, with a smile on his face, but judging me nonetheless.

I gave a faint nod. I didn't feel ashamed about what I'd done. I knew my family did, though, and therefore I hadn't wanted to burden them by having them know I killed humans. Not only did I kill humans, but I killed more than I needed to in order to survive. I'd killed for fun, without guilt, because Bastien helped me see past that.

He helped me see past it by using his gift on me while I killed so that I didn't have to see the lives of those I killed. He made me see what I needed to in order to feel nothing - he made me see every human as worthless and evil. I knew not everyone was like that. Most were. But not all.

"Someone really missed you," Jesse said.

He nodded towards the door. I followed his nod to see Anna standing in the doorway. She gave me a smile. As much as I wanted to run and hug Anna, I didn't. Not when Nevaeh was standing right by her side.

I ran at full speed to pull Nevaeh into my arms, hugging her as tight as was possible without hurting her. She'd grown so much in the two years it'd been since I saw her last. She wasn't a little bumbling toddler anymore, she was a full fledged little girl, a little human. She was five now. She smelled just a little different than she did the last time, a bit older, a bit less like a baby.

"Lindsay," she said once I gave her room to breath. There were real tears in her eyes, ones she hastily tried to wipe away. "I missed you so much. I thought you weren't coming back! I thought -"

"I know," I said, tucking her hair behind her ear for her. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I left you. But I'm not gonna leave you again, Nevaeh. I'm gonna be here for you. And I'm gonna be the best big sister I can possibly be for you."

"I'm really starting to get good at my French," Nevaeh told me. "Vivienne has been teaching me when I haven't been in school….she and Mom took me to an all-French restaurant the other day, and I ordered all by myself in French and the lady understood me!"

"Wow," I said, smiling uncontrollably. "That's really good. I'm glad you're happy in Quebec."

"Yeah, I like it here," Nevaeh said. "I like New York better, though….I miss you and Daddy and Jesse and Anna."

"Yeah, me too," I told her. "But we'll all be back together soon enough. And you talk to everyone on the phone when you can, right?"

"Right," Nevaeh replied. "But it's not the same."

"It's not," I agreed. "But it's the best we can do right now."

"Yeah," she yawned.

"Tired?"

"No!" she denied.

"Nevaeh…."

"Okay, just a little," she admitted.

Here in Forks, it was 5:02. In Quebec, it was 8:02. Nevaeh's bedtime was 9:00. I was sure Elisabeth would have her shower and get her hair done before going to sleep, so she probably needed to get a move on to get ready for bed.

"I'll call you as soon as I can," I promised. "I love you, and sleep tight."

"Love you too, Lindsay."

I clicked the red button on my cell phone, effectively ending the call. I'd done my best not to think about how much I missed everyone, especially Nevaeh, but I couldn't help but to think about it when I'd just talked to her. It was so good to hear her voice. I just wished I was back home with Nevaeh and everyone else, sitting at the dining table waiting for her to quit being stubborn and let me help her do her homework.

Unfortunately, I knew that I couldn't put a definitive date to when life would be back to normal like that. With Bastien out there scheming and actively trying to find me, it could very well be at least a year until I got back to New York and my family. I hated being away from them, but I knew it was for the best. Bastien knew their scent and knew how bonded to them I was. He'd look there for me. He also knew me well enough to know I wouldn't leave them, especially to go masquerading as a high school student in Forks. I was as safe as could be here, I wished I didn't need to be.

"You're totally different when you talk to your sister," Alice said.

"Yeah?" I asked rhetorically.

"Yeah," she nodded. "You sound like you're talking to your own daughter. You two are clearly very close."

"Of course we are," I said. "I was there for her first steps, first words….her first word was "Linny." She was trying to say my name."

"Aw," Alice cooed. "That's really sweet. Her first word wasn't "mama," though?"

"That was her second," I said proudly.

"Cute," Alice grinned. "Like this dress."

She held up another dress she'd made me buy in Seattle. It was navy blue, a bit fancier that the t-shirt dress, with spaghetti straps and a lighter sort of fabric.

"Alice, you do not go to see Rot wearing a dress," I said.

She frowned slightly. "Then maybe this band isn't worth going to see."

I shrugged. "To you, maybe."

"Okay, what about this ensemble?" she offered. She laid out another outfit on my bed - a pair of non-ripped black skinny jeans and a soft gray tank top. "Simple, but you could add some accessories…."

"No accessories, please," I begged. "I'll wear this, but please don't go sticking accessories on me."

Alice giggled. "We'll see."

She politely turned her back so I could get changed, which I did as speedy as possible. I then slipped my old denim jacket on, as well as my boots. When Alice turned around, I could see she was unhappy with my additions.

"Really?" she asked, exasperated.

"Really," I nodded.

"What about just one necklace….?" Alice asked.

"No!" I said, playfully running away from her as she chased me with a choker. "No accessories, Alice!"

She got close to me, too close. I panicked, and of course, that caused one of my absorbed abilities to fire without my consent.

Once again, I sent Alice flying across the room. This time, it was harder than the first time I'd done it. She hit the wall. Not hard enough to hurt her, obviously, but hard enough to cause her eyes to grow with surprise.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to. Sometimes when I -"

"No, don't worry about it," Alice assured me, shaking it off. "I know you didn't mean to. I just didn't see it coming."

"Probably because I didn't mean to," I speculated.

"Yeah," I said.

Alice glanced down at her fashionable watch. "Well, you should better get going. It's almost five fifteen."

I nodded. I grabbed my small over the shoulder purse, and Alice and I headed downstairs. Half of the members of the household were gone. Rosalie and Emmett were out hunting and Carlisle was working a graveyard shift at the hospital. Esme was in the living room, watching a design show. Edward was in his room practicing the piano. I really should be doing some more practicing too. I really wanted to get better at it, but all Edward had me do was scales, which got boring incredibly quickly.

"All ready to go?" Esme asked. "You look adorable."

"Thanks," I said. I'd been told I looked many things in my life, but adorable was not one.

"I hope you have fun," she said sincerely, coming to see me off. "You know to call if you need anything."

"I know," I nodded. She reminded me so much of Elisabeth. "Thanks."

"And try to make Jasper have some fun, will you?" she added with a wink.

I smiled. "Will do."

"Ready?" Jasper inquired, waiting by the door.

I didn't think he was too thrilled to be going with me. He was probably just doing it as a favor to Carlisle. Or to Alice. She'd done enough Lindsay babysitting. Maybe he wanted to give her a break.

"Ready," I nodded.

I bid a goodbye to Alice and Esme and followed him to the garage.

"We're taking Edward's Volvo," he said. "I figured it'd be a bit more comfortable."

"Than….?"

"Than mine," he said, gesturing to the two bikes at the end of the garage.

"I guess so," I nodded. I slid into the passenger seat while he stuck the key in the ignition. "You didn't have to go with me."

He shrugged. "I could tell you really wanted to go. Carlisle wasn't going to let you go without someone."

"Alice would've -"

"Made a scene?" Jasper finished. "Dressed like she was going to New York fashion week?"

I didn't disagree.

"Edward -"

"Likes his piano music," Jasper interjected. "Not the same thing. None of us would've heard the end of his cultured critique."

I chuckled. From having spent all of my school days with Edward and having suffered through a few piano lessons with him, I knew it was true.

"Okay, I'll give you that. But Emmett -"

"Would've loved to go but wouldn't get Rosalie's okay," Jasper said. "And he wouldn't do anything to upset her."

"Fine," I said, admitting defeat. "You win."

He grinned, pulling a right hand turn. "Tell me about this band."

"Like I said, probably nothing you'd like," I said. "Probably nothing the diddies you sang going to fight the Yankees."

Jasper chuckled, even if it was out of politeness.

"I never actually fought them, y'know," he told me.

I raised a brow. "I thought you said you were a major?"

"I was," he nodded. "I talked my way up the ranks, mostly. I learned quick and I has good at reading people and their emotions...it helped out alot. And translated pretty well into my gift as a vampire."

"I see….is it weird if I ask what kind of emotions you get from me?"

He chuckled again. "That's a loaded question."

"That doesn't surprise me."

He paused, taking his eyes off the road to look at me.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

He drew a breath. "There's a lot of different emotions going on with you all the time, Lindsay. Whatever you're feeling in the moment is always written all over your face, so I don't need any gift to tell that. But there's a lot going on under the surface with you. I've come across other people like you, but I've never been so close to them for such a long time. Sometimes it's overwhelming….sometimes you're all doom and gloom -"

I laughed. He continued.

"-and sometimes you're full of all the good stuff - love, happiness, hope. I noticed it a lot more earlier, after you talked to your little sister."

"That sounds about right," I said. I paused, and then changed the subject. "Are you ever going to tell me about the newborn army? I mean, beyond the fact it existed and you were involved with them."

"Are you ever going to tell me about your time with Bastien?" he countered. "I mean, beyond the fact that he did some horrible things to you. That's a bit vague."

I sighed. I noticed Jasper drove just as fast as Edward, maybe even faster.

"Not today," I said.

He didn't press the matter anymore. I was thankful for that. We filled the rest of the drive (which took less than the 3 ½ hours it would've taken anyone who drove the speed limit) with small talk. I hated small talk. I always had. But there was something about small talk with Jasper that, for some reason, I didn't mind.

We pulled up to the venue around 8:30 which was perfect, since the show started around nine. Just enough time to park and get a decent standing spot. It was standing room only, since it was just a small club with a bar. Being the small space it was, it only garnered more stares from the other people. The humans. Humans were smarter than a lot of other vampires gave them credit for. They were always able to tell that we were different - even if that difference was only in our beauty.

"Hey, I'll leave you alone to enjoy the show," Jasper said, leaning down to speak to me.

I'd always thought of myself as average height, but next to Jasper I felt sort of short. Next to Emmett, I felt like a dwarf. I wondered how Alice felt.

"Okay," I nodded.

"I'll be somewhere in the back, watching," he said. "Just in case."

"Okay," I repeated. "Thanks."

He seemed surprised by my thanks, but replied, "You're welcome."

He slipped off into the crowd of people dressed in black, leaving me to my own devices. Even though I knew Jasper was still out there somewhere as my backup just in case, it was still liberating to have the feeling that I was sort of alone and not being completely babysat by one of the Cullens. I was used to being on my own most of the time. Yeah, I had Samuel and Elisabeth, but they never watched my every move. They learned the hard way how much I hated that, unless there was some sort of important reason to do so.

With a smile creeping onto my face, I went to take a seat at the bar and order a drink. I would drink it, for appearances only, as I had many other times when I'd gone out as a vampire. A lot of the time people looked at you weirder if you didn't have a drink or two.

"ID, please," the burly bartender said as soon as I took a seat.

I obliged, showing him the New York driver's license that Samuel had forged for me a couple of years ago. It said I was twenty two, and listed my name as Lindsay J. Hawley. In retrospect, I should've pulled out the ones the Cullens had made for me, but I didn't. I pulled the old one out purely out of habit.

"New York, huh?" the bartender asked. Now that he knew I was of age, he felt comfortable getting a bit flirty with me. "Whereabouts are you from?"

"Manhattan," I answered honestly. "Upper East Side."

"So you're a rich kid," he commented through a chuckle. "What's a rich girl like you doing here in a grubby club in Seattle?"

I shrugged. "I get around. Now, how about you get me a whiskey on the rocks."

He raised a brow at my choice of drink. It didn't matter what I ordered. Alcohol tasted like nothing and did nothing at all to me. It was like drinking nothing. Certainly not blood.

While the bartender went off to grab my drink, I caught a scent. A scent that was as familiar as it was delicious. It was the girl from the store I'd gone to with Alice a couple of weeks ago, the girl whose blood smelled so delicious that it required me to exert all of my willpower to keep from killing her. And what was she doing here? Well, walking straight towards me with a drink in hand and a flirty smile on her face, that's what.

Fuck.

"Hey, stranger," she greeted. She was already tipsy, verging on being flat out drunk. "Lindsay, right?"

She'd asked my name when she realized Alice and I were going to be high paying customers. I hadn't expected her to remember my name.

"Good memory," I said. "I never got your name."

"Kelly," she smirked.

She offered me a hand to shake. I don't know why, but I did. I shook her hand and I saw. I saw it all.

Her mom and dad split up when she was seven. She and her brother were caught in a nasty custody battle. Both parents were great parents, but they couldn't get past their hatred of one another to work together for the kids. She worked through the hurt by drawing. She got really good at drawing. She was going to school for graphic design at the University of Seattle, working at the boutique to earn extra cash and to explore her interest in fashion. Sexually, she was confused. She had a boyfriend, but he was boring. Girls seemed interesting. Especially me.

"Jeez, you're hand is really cold," Kelly said. "Are you sick or something?"

"No," I said. "Bad circulation."

She accepted the answer and moved on. "You're not here with your girlfriend tonight, are you?"

"Girlfriend?" I asked, brow raised.

"The girl with the pixie cut," Kelly said with some drunken hand gestures. "Was she not your girlfriend?"

"Sister," I corrected. A lie.

"Ohhhh," she said, tilting her head back to look at me different. "So you're single?"

Internally I groaned. Sometimes humans had such one track minds.

"Yes."

"Come hang out with me, then," Kelly beckoned, grabbing my hand again. "The show's about to start."

With nothing but the potent, sweet smell of her blood on my mind, I agreed. Just as humans had a one track mind for sex, vampires tended to have a one track mind for blood. I thought I'd gotten better about that being forced to abide by the Cullens' rules, but something about her blood made what little self-control I'd garnered completely disappear.

Rot came onstage soon after Kelly dragged me to the front of the floor. If I hadn't been so distracted by my instincts, I would've basked in the glory of seeing one of my favorite bands right before my eyes. It had been their music that helped me get over Bastien and try and work through my other inner demons. I owed a lot to the songs they made. But I couldn't watch properly because of Kelly.

Kelly was just as intrigued by me as I was by her. She kept putting her hands on my hips, flashing me flirtatious smiles as she downed her drinks. She danced against me, testing the strength of my newfound willpower. I wanted nothing more than to sink my teeth into her neck and get it all over with, kill the thirst, kill the struggle to be good. I wanted to so, so badly. But I couldn't.

I thought she was done testing me, but I realized all of the touching and heavy petting was just the beginning. She pulled me away from the claustrophobia of the crowd, and into an alcove by the bathrooms. It was empty, since everyone was busy actually watching the band.

She shoved me against the wall, where I could feel the vibrations of the music beating through. And she kissed me.

"Even your mouth is cold," Kelly said, her eyes hazy and scanning my face.

"Bad circulation," I repeated.

I felt all of the urges I'd been suppressing for over a month bubbling up into a dangerous boil. It was getting harder to fight the deep rooted vampire instincts in me, harder to listen to my brain over my body. She was so close. I could hear her heart. I could see her jugular so perfectly placed, ready to be bitten….

She kissed me again, momentarily breaking me out of the bad thoughts. I kissed her back, doing my best not to hurt her….I wouldn't hurt her, I couldn't. My mouth slipped from hers, and I kissed her cheek, her jaw, and her neck, just over her jugular. I felt it right beneath my lips, warm, full of blood, waiting for me. Kelly inhaled sharply. I opened my lips against her skin, which rose in goosebumps beneath my mouth.

And then there was something that made me fall to the floor in agony. Pain.

Someone said my name, I couldn't tell who. I couldn't see or move, I could only curl on the floor as the familiar, agonizing pain swept through my body. I'd felt it before, seven times. First when Samuel had touched me. Then Elisabeth. Then Jesse and Anna. Then Aro. Then Bastien, and finally Karl.

And now Jasper.