Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related.

I am so sorry this is a week late. I had a very busy week, but I finally

got it finished for you. Thank you all so much for all the reviews and for putting this story on alert and in your favorites.

I am so glad you are all happy with Jake again. This chapter starts off where we left off, so they are still in the bar. Hope you enjoy the drunken fun.

Chapter 10: Public intoxication

EPOV

The shots were free flowing. I kept losing count as to how many we drank and gave up the third time I started counting over. All I know is I was feeling carefree and no pain - for now. I'm sure morning would kick my ass, but for right now I couldn't seem to care.

"Eddie, man." Emmett practically screamed and slapped me on the back so hard I flew forward and ran into the bar. "We have got to find you a woman and get you laid."

Even in my drunken state I took notice at all the people sitting at the bar turn in our direction to laugh at Emmett's statement.

"Will you shut up, dude?" I whispered loudly. "I don't need to get laid."

"Are you kidding me?" Emmett sighed. "We found you earlier, watching soap opera's. You definitely need some man on women action."

"I am just fine." I sighed. "Can we drop this subject?"

"It's going to fall off." Emmett said nodding his head toward Li'l' Eddie.

"There is no expiration date on it." I said. "I think the saying 'use it or lose it' is not true."

"Well, you are on the right track to finding out." He said clapping me on the back.

I rolled my eyes and followed him back to our table. I set down the tray with our shots on the table and took my seat. Everyone picked up a shot.

"Where the hell is Jasper?" I asked looking around for him.

"He was here a few minutes ago." Sam said.

"I'm here." We heard.

"What the hell are you doing down there?" I asked looking to Jasper who was sitting on the floor next to the table.

"I don't know how to tell you guy's this, but I am shrinking." We all started laughing after Jasper said that.

"No, seriously." Jasper said. "Stop laughing." Saying 'stop laughing' only makes you laugh more, which we all did. "I was sitting at the table then all of a sudden everything became huge and I couldn't reach the table."

"Jasper," I laughed, "as funny as it would be to let you think you shrunk, you didn't."

"Then why are you a giant?" Jasper shrieked.

"Because you are sitting on the floor dipshit. You fell out of your chair." I helped Jasper up off the floor and back into his chair.

"Oh, thank god." Jasper said once he was the size of the rest of us again. "That was the most terrifying experience I have ever had."

"One time I got my junk stuck in my zipper." Jake said. "That was pretty terrifying."

"This one time I thought I was shrinking." Jasper said. "That was pretty terrifying."

"Really?" I laughed. Before I could comment on Jasper's shrinking situation I felt an arm wrap around me. "What the hell dude?" I turned to ask Jacob who was sitting next to me.

Jacob just looked at me like had morphed a second head.

"Hey, there Eddie." Someone purred in my ear causing me to jump.

"Hello, Kate." I said once my heart was beating at a normal pace again.

"I haven't seen you in awhile. How have you been?" She asked.

"Good." I replied trying to un-wrap her arm from my chest.

"Do you still have that baby?"

"No." Emmett said. "He traded her on the black market for a kidney."

"A kidney?" Jake asked. "That was a bad investment. You're going to need a liver after tonight."

"What the hell kind of a stupid question is that, little girl?" Sam asked. "Once a father always a father."

"Why do you date these airheads?" Emmett asked like Kate wasn't still standing there.

"I don't date them." I answered. "I fuck them, then THEY. WONT. GO. AWAY."

We all snickered as Kate huffed then walked away. Hopefully she finally got the message. But like Emmett said, she's an airhead, so I can only hope.

Emmett walked to the bar to get us another round of drinks while we sat around the table laughing at lord knows what. We were all pretty wasted. Things were leaving my brain moments after they went in and I had no idea what we were talking about.

"No more drinks." Emmett pouted as he sat back down empty handed. "The bartender cut us off."

"Well that's bullshit." Jasper shouted.

"Apparently," Emmett said drawing out the word, "we are very intoxicated. Psha, whatever."

"Well, I guess it's time to go." I said.

"Yeah, I have to get Sam home before Leah rips my favorite body part off." Jake said holding Sam up who was starting to fall out his chair.

"We should probably get Jasper home before he starts shrinking again." I laughed.

"I don't want to shrink." Jasper said. "Alice is already scary; I don't want her to be taller then me. That's all I got over her."

Jake threw Sam's arm over his shoulder and pulled him up to stand, or rather lean. Emmett and I bother grabbed one of Jasper's arms and helped him stand. We were all pretty damn intoxicated, but Jasper and Sam were by far the worst off.

As we walked, (stumbled) out of the bar, Jake and Sam got into a cab that was waiting by the curb that the bartender had called for them. We were walking home since we only lived right down the street.

Jasper linked his arms with mine and Emmett's arms and said, "Come on scarecrow and lion, let's go see Dorothy."

"Why am I the scarecrow?" I asked. "He doesn't have a brain."

"Why am I the lion?" Emmett asked. "I have tons of courage." Then he started growling.

"Really?" Jasper snorted. "Holy shit there's Rose. And she looks pissed."

"Oh shit, where?" Emmett said frantically looking around then hid behind me and Jasper.

"Yeah, real courage there cowardly lion." I laughed.

After taking five minutes of trying to convince Emmett that Rose wasn't really there, we linked arms again, all lifted one foot then started skipping down the sidewalk singing, "We're off to see the Wizard".

Skipping was what we were trying to do anyways. Falling all over each other was more like it. Jasper kept tripping and ended up shoving me into the side of buildings.

Once we were almost to the apartment building a cop car pulled up next to us and parked. Well, shit.

"Act normal." I hissed to Emmett and Jasper who both saluted me then lined up behind me against the building like we were being pulled over. Yup, that's real normal guys.

"Where you boys headed?" The cop asked as he stepped out of his car and onto the sidewalk.

"Home." I said quickly before Emmett could answer something stupid. I heard him mumbling something about a panty raid in a nunnery. And I'm the one without a brain?

"Where are you coming from?" The cop asked.

"The bar right down the street." I said pointing down the road.

"Have you been drinking tonight?"

"No, sir. We went to a bar and drank juice." Emmett said seriously which made Jasper start snorting.

"Don't get smart with me boy. I am going to administer a field sobriety test."

"But, we weren't driving." I said.

"Ever heard of public intoxication?" He asked. This dude was pissing me off.

"But there is no public out here." Emmett said waving his hand around to show the empty street.

"Everybody stand up straight and lift one foot." The cop ordered, ignoring Emmett's comment.

We all stood as straight at statues and lifted one foot. Jasper of course could only stand long enough to lift his foot an inch off the ground then fall over into me, knocking me to the ground.

I swear the cop started laughing to himself while I lifted myself from the ground.

"Take your right hand and touch your nose." He said once I had righted myself.

For the life of me I couldn't figure out which was my right hand. I looked over at Jasper and Emmett and copied what they were doing. Apparently it was the wrong hand because the cop laughed again and mumbled, "Wow, you guys are idiots."

"Look, ossifer." Jasper said. "It doesn't take a rocket science to figure out we are ontoxicated."

"I don't think any of what you just said is right." I laughed.

"And what the hell is an ossifer?" Emmett asked.

"I think he means officer." The cop supplied, who was looking amused.

"Yeah that." Jasper said pointing at the cop. "Ossifer. I can't say it." He giggled. "Oooossifer. Oooossfiser."

"Okay, we agree it's a weird and hard word to say." Emmett said after he tried helping Jasper and realized he also couldn't say officer. I didn't even try. It was just funny listening to them. "We just want to go home, copper." Emmett continued. "It's just right there."

"What are you guy's doing out here this late?" The copper asked looking at his watch. "It's almost five in the morning." Holy shit I didn't know it was that late. Or rather, that early in the morning.

"Because the bar frowns upon people spending the night." Jasper answered.

"Look, I'm sorry for my brother's they are idiots. We were just walking home because driving would have ended badly, and taking a cab was dumb because we only five minutes from the bar." I said. "If you are going to give us a ticket then can we just get it over with because I want to get home to my daughter."

"And his hot babysitter." Jasper mumbled the cops fingers twitched on his gun which made me nervous. Nobody likes a trigger happy cop.

"You have a daughter?" The cop asked. I nodded. "Heaven help her." He mumbled. I couldn't disagree with him. That was my feelings exactly.

"I need to get home because my girl friend is going to kill me." Emmett said.

"Mine too." Jasper said. "She is tiny but lethal."

"I'm not going to give you a ticket. Just head straight home."

"Thank you ossifer." I said then laughed. "That is a hard word."

We walked two steps then opened the door to the apartment building and said goodnight to the cop who laughed about how close to home we actually were.

We stumbled up the stairs to our floor and Emmett and Jasper walked into their apartment screaming at each other to keep quiet. I couldn't help but laugh when I heard Rose and Alice yelling at them for making so much noise.

I knocked quietly on Bella's door and waited for her to answer. A couple minutes later Bella opened the door looking like I had woke her up. Her eyes were half closed and her hair looked like a cute wild haystack.

"Hey, I'm sorry I was gone longer then I expected." I said.

"Don't worry about it, Edward. You deserved a night out." She smiled. "Did you have fun?"

"I did until we got pulled over by a cop."

"You were driving? Are you insane?" She asked frantically.

"No, no, no. We were walking." I answered.

"Oh, well, than that's just funny." She laughed.

"For you maybe." I sighed. "Is Bree ready?"

"She can just stay here tonight." Bella said.

"No! I need her. She's all I got." I said about in tears.

"Yes, but you need to sleep. She is alright here tonight." Bella said touching my arm. "Go get some sleep and come get her in the morning."

"That's kidnapping, Bella!" I practically shouted. "Bree! Bree! Come here baby."

"Alright, shhh. I will get her." Bella hissed.

"Thank you, damn. First Jessica steals her from me and now you are trying to steal her from me."

Bella came back to the door rolling her eyes. "I wasn't stealing her from you; I was trying to help you out." Bella said then handed me Bree wrapped in a blanket.

"She's so pretty isn't she?" I said looking down at Bree.

"She sure is. Get her home and get some sleep." Bella said than practically shut the door in my face.

"Rude." I said and walked into my own apartment.

I set Bree down on the couch so that I could take my jacket and shoes off.

"Let's get you changed and into bed baby girl." I said as I sat down on the couch.

"You're all I got left, Bree." I said as I changed Bree's diaper. "My brother's are so wrapped up in their girlfriends now, and I can't get the only girl I have ever wanted a relationship with." Saying that made me remember Paul and him cheating on Bella tonight, which pissed me off.

I want her and can't have her and the dick that has her doesn't want her, or at least doesn't want just her.

I picked Bree up and set her in her crib, closed the lid, and walked into my bedroom.

I stripped out of my clothes and flopped down on my bed and passed out before I even covered with the blankets.

~/~/~/~/~

I woke up to the sun shining though the window and hitting me in the face. I tried opening my eyes and winced in pain as the sun shone in my eyes. I grabbed my head and rolled on my side. My head felt like there were tiny men in there using jackhammers.

I slowly opened my eyes again and looked at the clock and saw that it was after one in the afternoon.

Hmm that's weird, I thought. Bree didn't wake me up in the morning. I slowly rolled out of bed and made it to the bathroom to get some Tylenol for the mother of all headaches.

Did I pick up Bree last night? I wondered. I tried remembering what had happened last night. Most of the night was a blur, but I remembered thinking Bella was trying to steal Bree and then she gave her to me.

I walked into Bree's room and found her crib empty. I stood there for a second and then started to panic. Where the fuck is she? Then like a bolt of lightning hit me and I remembered.

"Shit!" I yelled. "I put her in the piano bench!" I ran through the apartment and into the living room. I threw open the top to the piano bench and found a baby in there with a diaper of course on backwards.

I picked her up and cursed again once I realized it was not a baby, but a doll. I threw the baby down and ran from the apartment and started beating on Bella's door.

Bella opened the door with wide eye's and said, "Well…uh, good….good afternoon, Edward."

"Is Bree here?" I shouted.

"Yes, she is in the living room." Bella said and her eyes looked me up and down yet again. "You, uh…you might want to go put some pants on before you come in."

I looked down and realized for the first time that I was completely stark naked. "Shit." I said and covered myself with my hands and started backing away slowly. "I, uh…yeah, I will be right back."

I turned and ran to my door before anyone else would see me. I knew I didn't make it when I heard cat calls behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Rose and Alice standing in the hallway saying, "Nice ass, Mr. Cullen."

I ignored them and ran into my apartment and into my bedroom and threw on a pair of pants and a t-shirt. After I stopped my heart from trying to beat out of my chest I slowly made my way back to Bella's door. This time I knocked more timidly.

Bella answered and smiled without making a comment about my previous naked visit, which I knew she wanted to. I followed Bella into the living room and froze dead when I saw the man sitting on the couch holding Bree.

"Dad, this is Edward. Edward this is my dad, Charlie." Bella introduced.

Most of the night was still a mystery but I do in fact remember almost getting a ticket for walking home. And the cop who had been pretty much playing with us was now sitting on Bella's couch holding my daughter. And of course the cop would be Bella's father. Fuck. My. Life.

A/N: Did you really think I would give a drunken Edward a baby? Have more faith in me than that. Lol. Welcome Charlie to the story. Think him pulling the guy's over was a coincidence? Hmmm. Next chapter will be up within the week, I promise. Leave a review, it's quick and easy and I love them all.