Just Let Me Die

Chapter Ten: Nightmares? My life is one

Disclaimer: Nope none of this is mine.

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated. There's this fire in So. California, so we had to prepare to evacuate. Anyway, I've also been sick so I have energy to do anything. Thank you to the people that did review. If you want to review please to hesitate at all. I need all the advice I can get. Thanks sevschoosen1 again and everyone else. Hope you like this chapter.

"Severus!"

"Y…yes..."

"Snap out of it!"

Who was talking? This was not my father's voice, this person sounded like they could actually put a proper sentence together.

Where was I?

"Severus listen to me, it's alright, every thing is fine."

How could anything be fine!?

I remembered father's lesson, and stayed quiet. My head and throat throbbed. I closed my eyes and dreamt I was anywhere but here. I closed my eyes hard and drowned out everything that was happening. Then, I felt like I was floating. Wait… I actually was floating!? All the haziness had faded away. This was not home; this was…Potter's house…

"Mr. Potter?" My voice was hoarse. It was if I had been screaming for hours nonstop.

The spell wore off in Mr. Potter's surprise. I landed roughly on the floor.

"Severus I'm so sorry, you surprised me!" Mr. Potter smiled at me. I shuddered.

Did he like to see me in pain to?

"It…it was nothing…sir." I pulled myself up. He had offered me his hand, but I had politely refused.

Never trust.

He lifted up his wand; ready to use magic to carry me again.

"Sir, please, I can walk on my own."

"Oh, of course! Let's hurry to my study. We need to talk"

"Yes sir"

Mr. Potter ushered me into a chair. I sat down on the end awaiting my fate. He seemed to be studying me. I had to break this silence, but I knew if I did, something else would break. At last, he opened his mouth.

"Severus, are you happy?"

What kind of question is that!?

"I'll live sir"

He walked towards me. "I mean it, Severus, are you happy!"

"I don't know sir, what is it like?" He stared at me is as if I had asked the strangest question.

"Sorry sir." I dropped my gaze.

"Severus don't…what…Severus look at me."

I looked back into his eyes. They seemed so welcoming.

"What don't you get?"

Wasn't it simple enough?

"Happiness sir."

Then he looked frustrated. He started mumbling. "Albus was right…his father…that bastard…"

Finally, he regained his poise, and looked at me.

"Severus did your father beat you?"

Wasn't it obvious, but I guess Potter's father would be just like his son. Still I didn't want this man to get involved even if he was my 'father'. You couldn't bury the past properly if anyone knew.

"Beat me sir?"

He grabbed my shoulders and looked strait at me with a grave face. "Severus you know what I am talking about."

What proof did he have…well he did see my back but that could have been made by someone else.

"If you're worried about my back well I can explain…"

"This had nothing at all to do with your back!"

"Still there is no proof sir." I knew I was losing this argument, but I did not want him to figure it out.

His eyes started twinkling like Dumbledore's. He definitely knew something. "Ah… that is where you got it wrong, James did mention something about beatings, and you were trying to cover something up about blood."

That rat! James was actually snitching to his father this whole time!

Mr. Potter must have seen my expression. "It was not his fault though, so don't blame him, I was the one that had tricked him."

James Potter was still a liar…but what else was new.

"Now lets see first I had visibly seen the marks on your back, James had told me that you had been beaten, and the last clue you have just given to me."

Father would have never been able to think this much; maybe I do prefer dimwitted fathers. Problem was I don't recall telling Mr. Potter about my past.

"Does your throat hurt?"

"Wha...how did you know sir?"

"You were scre…"

"Severus!"

Mrs. Potter ran into the room, and clung on to me again.

"Severus don't let my husband scare you, he just likes playing detective." She smiled at him. I don't think I'll ever comprehend anything going on in this house.

"Dear, stop embarrassing me!"

She continued to ignore him.

"Severus are you okay, did he scare you."

"N…no ma'am"

"You're shaking like a leaf!"

She glared at Mr. Potter. "What did you say to him?"

"N…nothing dear."

"Severus you know you can talk to me about anything, now why were you screaming?"

Me yell? Never disrespect. I had yelled at the Potters!

"Please, I had no idea."

She also seemed to be studying me. "He didn't tell you yet?"

Mr. Potter came in between us. "See what happens when you bother me, now let me finish this investigation!"

She pulled her husband away and faced him. "No I am not going anywhere, he will tell both of us!"

"Aw… but I wanted to be the good cop!"

Mr. Potter seemed to get more childish every minute.

"Good cop, what's that, have you been watching muggle shows again!?"

He turned back to me. "Severus, don't let this squabbling old couple…"

Mrs. Potter hit him. This was definitely bizarre.

"We are not old!"

Mr. Potter backed away from his wife, and then looked at me. I flinched in fear. It seems I had made another wrong move. His smiling face disappeared.

"Severus it's late, go to sleep." He rubbed his temples and sank in a chair. It seems I was being sent to my room for punishment. No wonder Potter turned out so spoiled.

I steeped out of the room cautiously.

Was this a trap? Did Mr. Potter want to seem vulnerable for a purpose?

If I turned my back, would he have a belt in his hands ready to strike? I went to my room assured that I was alone, but Mr. .Potter had that bloody invisibility cloak.

He could be behind me right now!

I glanced behind me, but the house seemed dead. Well all except the noise from downstairs. Sirius must still be charming the Potter's with his jokes. I sighed. I heard Mr. Potter's deep laugh downstairs. At least if he was with Sirius I could be alone in my room tonight.

I actually was allowed to sleep in a room tonight! I was afraid it was some cruel joke that Mr. Potter had thought up. When I was in trouble father usually locked me outside, but I guess Mr. Potter didn't want to have some kid wandering around in his beautiful gardens. I changed into my old pants. I looked out of the window. It would be a warm night. At least it was still summer, so if I ever did have to be locked out I wouldn't have to be freezing. I took off my shirt, and laid down in my bed grateful for the blessing. Just when I thought I might be able to finally fall asleep my stomach begged for food, but I knew I couldn't have it. Mr. Potter sent me up here for a reason. He knew that I hadn't had food in days. Starvation was one of my least favorite punishments. It was both mentally and physically sickening. Physical pain was never as hard as mental pain, but when you combined both it seemed to tear you up from the inside out. I went to the connecting bathroom, and drank some of the tap water. I may be cheating, but life was never fair to begin with.

I fell back into my bed. The magical lamp turned off as I put the cover over my head, and hid under the imaginary shelter. My dreams would be full of nightmares, but at least those nightmares were false. Real life was the nightmare that I had feared most…

I was in a dark world. Someone crushing, trying to suffocate me. I just lay there with open arms embracing the invitation. This was too good to be true. I heard a yell, but it wasn't mine.

"What the hell!?"

Wait this was not a dream. I was in my bed, and something was on top of me!

"What the hell is in my bed?"

The covers flew off. Why did I not wear a shirt?

"Snivellus!?"

The lamp turned on. I tried to hide my scars but it was useless. Black had surely seen them. I hid my face in disgrace.

"What is going on here Snivellus!?"

Should I speak? I opened my mouth, but still no words came. He stared at me.

"Well this is a first, are you actually speechless"

Was there still some dignity left in my battered body?

"Black, you wouldn't be able to comprehend half the things I say so, I try not to bother."

He jumped back and reached pocket for a wand. I guess habits don't die easily. I stood there. There was no point in resisting fate after all.

"C'mon Snivel…"

Understanding dawned on his face, probably for the first time.

"…Sorry Sniv…Snape I forgot, I'll put this away."

He was pitying me. It was because of these damn scars! The silence continued.

"I'll… umm… get you a shirt."

Black probably needed something to hide my repulsive marks. He went over to the wardrobe.

"This where you put your clothes?"

He was going to see! He already saw my scarred body; I did not want to be even more degraded.

"No…please Black!

He stopped immediately. "What did you say?"

Did I say something wrong? I repeated myself trying to find out what I had said wrong. "No, please Black?"

Please! That was it; he had never heard me say it without being sarcastic before.

"What changed Snape? James manners can be worse than yours so who did this to you?"

I have been this way all my life, the bitterness is just a way of shrouding my other life.

"N…nothing, nothing has changed."

"C'mon that's not the truth, now tell me or else!"

Or else what!

"I know you are hiding something in here, now me the truth!"

That was the truth!

"I…I…have nothing else to say."

He dramatically reached for the door making a drum roll, as if this couldn't be any more humiliating.

"And the winner is!"

He opened the wardrobe.

Black's usually pleased and happy expression faded, as I hid my face burning from shame.

A/N:I tried to make the first part a little bit 'lighter' because of the previous chapter, but it seems I can't write that way at all. If you see a difference I'd be grateful for feedback. Thank you.