Pluto the Gate of Time
Sailor Pluto was in a quandary the gate of time showed her a major disruption. An interdimensional vortex was roving the solar system leaving chaos in his wake. The vortex danced about with neither rime nor reason getting larger and larger. It would in time fill the whole solar system, the galaxy, and more. She continued to comb through a large number of possible futures in the hope of finding an alternative to the myriad of apocalypses she had already seen.
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From the Akasic Journal of Thanh Beacon
In many Universes there are a few individuals that eddies of fate are twisted into strange unlikely shapes. Then there is a more select group of individuals that, live in some complete maelstrom of chaos, were the fates are twisted into cute little balloon animals that track down unwary elephants and consume them in a single gulp along with an excess of cranberry sauce before brunch. Ranma Saotome not only was such an individual but he was a magnet for his kind.
Every day Ranma Saotome endures as much random weirdness as Arthur Philip Dent (Reference: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams) on a bad day. (Well maybe not quite as strange as Arthur Philip Dent, on a really really bad day). Though all the chaos, Ranma somehow manages to take it in an almost heroically stubborn courage and a genius for making the most of a bad situation.
Sometimes the weirdness effects Ranma directly. This time the chaos took on the all too rare flavor of karmic retribution. Master Happosai founder of the Anything Goes Form of Martial Arts, thief, public nuisance, pervert, long time tormentor of Ranma, and possibly the most annoying letch on the planet managed to get himself in the middle of something stranger than anything he had to deal with in the last three hundred years. The geriatric magpie had managed to acquire a very specific gift that Shub-Niggurath had gone to great lengths to unearth for her granddaughter. Happosai now had in his (well her now) possession a fertility symbol of awesome power. It already had reshaped the old dwarfs body into that of the young woman that he came close to actually loving almost three hundred years ago. He took the shape of Cologne in her youth.
On one side it made it very easy for Master Happosai to grope some breasts, or peek at women's privates. She would soon have to deal with some totally unfamiliar urges, and Happosai was not one to resist urges.
Shub-Niggurath cared not that she endangered an entire universe; Sara Waite AKA The Kelleth was unaware of her grandmother's gift. Happosai had no idea what had caused her transformation and I was not permitted to reveal the truth to any of them. I have seen civilizations, worlds, galaxies, universes destroyed. My experience tells me that this apocalypse is preventable. I am usually far more withdrawn and sullen in my watching but as Happosai rode by on a stolen motorcycle I could not contain my appreciation of a truly comic joke.
For me this is almost a vacation. I so prefer Martial Arts Dining to extinction events.
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Live From TV asahi News
"This is Mao Okamura TV asahi news. I am in front of Juuban Municipal High School were a large arena has been erected for the worlds first Anything Goes Inter World Martial Arts Dining Competition. I have Picolet Chardin II a champion Martial Arts diner who will be joining to add his expert commentary. Welcome mister Chardin," she finished as she pointed the microphone to her quest.
"Thank You Mao, I must say we have excellent weather for today's event. We have a crisp spring day with a light breeze excellent for the sidewalk café motif being used for this competition. The Martial Arts Dining has arranged for some of the finest chefs in all of Tokyo to cater the event. It should be a truly magnificent competition," responded Picolet.
"I understand you were once engaged to Ranko Tendo one of today's competitors," asked Mao?
"It was an arrangement made before either of us where born, but she is a truly magnificent competitor. The other contestant is a complete unknown it should be a most interesting competition," said Picolet.
"I am told Miss Tendo trained under Madame St Paul your family trainer," asked Mao desperately trying to prevent a second of dead air.
"Oui," was Picolet's annoyingly short answer.
"I see the challengers have arrived," observed the relieved reporter.
"Yes, the sidewalk café motif was used do to the fact that the challengers did not have the opportunity to suitably outfit themselves for formal dining. This more casual environment allows for the proper ambiance for a large verity of cuisine. Over two dozen chefs and their staffs have been assembled along with there staffs to assemble today's meal. Prior to the event there was an official judging by a panel of noted food critics to determine the order the various entrées will be served. The most exceptional cuisine will be served at the climax of the competition," Picolet continued until interrupted by the reporter.
"Ranko Tendo and her party have arrived," Mao explained. She was thinking that her guest glutton and co-host was a genuine pain. Talk to him about people and anything interesting and he was the strong silent type. Talk about food and you can't shut him up.
The camera moved to the red head and her entourage.
"Both parties are now being seated. They must remain seated throughout the entire competition," explained Picolet.
"And now our panel of judges is moving into position," added Mao.
Three camera's stood ready to capture the action. One focused on the lead referee. "Ladies and Gentlemen it is time to dine," he said, and with a simple hand gesture.
The camera cut to a table, eachside set with an array of skillfully plated gourmet delights. As the camera watched food began to disappear.
***_
Choji Akimichi was eating for all he was worth; part of him regretted that he did not time to savor the flavor let alone taste the sumptuous array of goodies before him. With the honor of both his clan and village at stake he ate faster. It seemed as if every mouthful was bigger then it should be, worse still the pretty red headed girl on the opposite side of the table had emptied as many plates as he had. He used his Baika no Jutsu to expand the size of his mouth and stomach. She just increased her pace.
***_
"This is a most amazing technique Monsieur Akimichi has expanded the size of his head unfortunately it may only speed his defeat for Mademoiselle Tendo is the only living master of Parlay du Foie Gras technique," explained Picolet.
"What is the Parlay du Foie Gras technique," asked Mao?
"It is a subtle form of gavage, the practice of feeding ones opponent against their will," explained Picolet.
"I and many of our viewers are new to Martial Arts Dining could you explain further," asked the perplexed reporter.
"But of course, in Martial Arts Dining speed is paramount, the movement must be so fast as not to reveal l'ouverture de la bouche. A practitioner of the Parlay du Foie Gras technique must be even faster. Using the scant time the mouth is open to insert their food into their opponent's mouth. So Monsieur Akimichi is like the expectant mother eating for two," lectured the Frenchman.
"You mean she is forcing her food down his mouth," asked the incredulous reporter?
All this time the camera showed food disappearing from plates on both sides of the table but twice as fast on Ranko's side compared to Choji's.
"Oui, can you perhaps provide an instant replay in slow motion," asked Picolet?
"Oui, I mean yes," replied Mao.
The screen showed Ranko in slow motion as she crammed food into Choji's mouth. Her movements were so fast that even in slow motion some of her motions were blurred.
***
This is TV asahi news. We interrupt this broadcast with an important bulletin we have reports of Godzilla in Kōtō ward. For the second time in twenty-four hours a fish market has been the targeted by the monster. Police and self defense forces have been routed to the seen of the attack. We return you now to your regular programming.
***
"What is this, Mademoiselle Tendo has asked for a time out," exclaimed Picolet!
****
Only seconds later Sailor Io entered the room and walked over to a hooded figure. "We concede," said the Sailor Senshi.
The boy in the hooded robe lowered his hood to reveal his spiky blond head and oddly whiskered face. "Hi guys, it looks like Choji wins," said Naruto Uzumaki.
"Can we trade you in for a better prize," asked Temari?
Lost in the ninja reunion several girls including Ranko made for the exits.
********---
In an Empty Classroom in Juuban Municipal High School
"Ami, I was winning why did you make me quit," asked Ranko.
"There are reports of another Godzilla attack in Kōtō ward," replied Ami.
"I really hate dealing with Godzillas," complained Usagi.
"Lets transform and get over there before it gets away," said Amy.
********---
A Short time later at a Fish Market in Kōtō ward
The Sailor Senshi arrived to find a seen of destruction. The fish market looked like a bomb had hit it. What the creature had not eaten or destroyed had fallen to the feeing throngs of shoppers and merchants. Unfortunately the cause of disturbance had already fled the seen. There was another type of predator on the seen. These predators were armed with cameras and microphones. Sailor Charon handled the press explaining; "it was a very bad case of eat and run."
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A Plum Orchard on the Outskirts of Coquimbo, Chile
After hours of searching, Ryoga had satisfied himself that Katsunishiki was nowhere to be found. He also discovered that plums shared some properties with their dried and wrinkly brethren. The numerous cat holes he left in his wake did prove an aid to navigation.
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Carretera Federal Uno Baja Peninsula, Mexico
Respect is everything and Carlos and Juan were not getting much of it. What was left of Carlos' bike was being loaded onto the back of a pickup truck the two bikers would soon be riding there as well. Armando the leader of the group had been less then pleased.
"So tell us again who beat you up and stole and trashed your rides," asked the leader several more of the gang gathered round.
"It was a Chino ella diablo she used some kind of kung fu on us we were out before we knew what hit us," said Carlos.
"What did she look like," asked Armando.
Juan began a rather detailed description he was a connoisseur of girl watching. His description of the lithe dark haired beauty had thongs hanging out. One of the bikers asked him to repeat his description of her posterior. Juan's near poetic description was interrupted by their leader.
"So one hot little firecracker took out two of my men and didn't even break a sweat. What was the matter all your blood rushed to your pene and you passed out," said Armando.
After his other men stopped laughing Armando continued; "You think this is funny, I am sure the other gangs will be laughing too. They will be laughing all over the boarder. They will be laughing all over two continents in at least four different languages. We must take this very seriously or no one think of the Caballeros de la Muerte without laughing. This could be very bad for business. We cannot allow this. We must find Juan's little girl friend and teach her some manners."
Minutes later sixty bikers roared down Carretera Federal Uno with vengeance on their minds.
-------+++
A short time later a little farther down the road
Tennyo was on her tenth helping of Tamales when the quite of the desert afternoon was replaced by the roar of scores of two wheeled terrors.
Manuel Garcia was the oldest of three brothers. He was in the garage working on an old car that he hoped to get working. He was the first to see the trouble that entered their parking lot. Manuel moved around the back of the restaurant and entered the kitchen trying to warn his mother.
"We have diablos in the dinning room," said Mrs. Garcia as she desperately readied another pot load of tamales.
"They are not the Diablos their jacket say they are the Caballeros de la Muerte we need to hide," pleaded Manuel.
"Son you know I have the sight, our guests are not what they first appear, we can not hide from such as they," said the mother.
"Mom! We have a motorcycle gang in the parking lot! I have to hide you and Diego, I don't have time for all your bruja mierda," Manuel implored his mother. Mrs. Garcia had come from a long line of bruja. Her second sight had given the family a reputation that was widely misinterpreted by the neighbors. Manuel tended to blame his mother for her father moving the family to a tamale stand in the middle of nowhere.
"What of our guests," asked Mrs. Garcia?
There was no vehicle and little noise associated the arrival of the group from Whateley so Manuel was unaware of the restaurant's latest customers. It was only so natural for him to ask, "what guests!" Looking into the dinning area he saw what looked like a bus load of high school students. The number of pretty young girls in the group was an additional cause for concern, for it was his duty to protect them as well as his family. Moments later his father and middle brother entered the kitchen. Mrs. Garcia continued her cooking while crossing herself and praying. "We have a bunch of kids in the dinning room," Manuel told his father.
"Alberto get my guns," ordered the patriarch.
Still farther down the road in Santa Rosalia
Happosai road into town on her purloined transport, she was tired, hungry, dirty and had more than enough cash in her saddle bags. She soon had a room and a bag of tacos after two tacos she was ready for a shower. Her explorations kept her in the shower for some time.