Darling So It Goes
by Starrify
Notes: Yes, I just named the chapter after a Taylor Swift song.
In other news, I haven't been on fanfiction for a while because of my studies—meaning I haven't answered PM's and read updates and stuff. It's winter break but I haven't done much because my personal life's been demanding, so I'm very sorry about my absence! I hope I can make it up to you guys. But for now, enjoy this update and I hope you guys have a happy new year!
Saturday, 2 March 80 C.E.
"Why?"
"I…I don't know."
"You don't? You honestly have the nerve to lie to me right now—"
"I really don't!"
"Well, I do! You've been in love with her all this time! When you introduced her, you didn't bother to mention that you had dated for three years and that she was the one who left you! All this time, you had me thinking that everything was okay between us like it had been for the past two years, and now—now, you're saying you're sorry? What the hell, Athrun?"
"Meyrin, I—"
"I thought you loved me, Athrun."
"Meyrin, just please—"
"If you had been honest from the moment we bumped into her, maybe we could have avoided all of this trouble, and maybe I would have even accepted that you've never really moved on—but this, this is what happens when you lie, Athrun."
"Meyrin, I didn't—"
"Whatever you say right now, I'm not going to believe it, Athrun. So just—stop. We'll talk about this someday and maybe we'll laugh about it, too, but right now… Right now, let's just leave it at that. Go figure out what you want."
The door closed in front of him—and it almost felt like déjà vu; just last week, he had Cagalli shut the door on him, too.
Athrun gripped his hair, pulling at the dark strands until he felt a sting on his scalp. He swore he should be feeling something—whether it be anger or sadness. But he didn't feel anything in particular—except for an inexplicable need to be at Cagalli's side.
Damn this all to hell.
He was rooted in place outside of Meyrin's apartment. If there was any sense left in him, he knew that the right thing to do was leave because his presence was causing Meyrin's torment. And she was right—nothing he could say would truly alleviate any of the pain he was causing her, so there was nothing he could do. Perhaps if they were set in some romantic movie, he'd just step into her apartment, his strength overpowering hers, and beg her to listen; he'd say sorry once and she wouldn't talk, and maybe then he'd swoop in for a kiss that she'd fervently return. And then, like other movies go, they'd end up banging and all would be forgiven.
But Athrun knew that his movie was far from picturesque—he knew that ever since Cagalli had left him.
It was all so…messed up. He could have been a father—and before twenty, at that. He definitely wasn't ready, and neither was Cagalli. He could imagine just how terrifying it must have been for her to lose a child she barely knew. Worse, she had to go through it alone. They loved each other, he was certain, and for her to leave him so suddenly surely devastated her as much as it devastated him.
It wasn't that he was being cocky about it. Their love for one another was the one thing he was sure of when their world was centered around the stress of university life. They didn't have to remind each other of how they felt because both of them were secure in their relationship and knew that their feelings weren't simply fleeting. As Sir Edward Dyer put it, the firmest faith was in the fewest words, after all.
He remembered those nights when they would simply be together in his dorm room. They would lay on his bed, his thick textbooks placed on the floor to make room for her, and he'd listen to the sound of her breathing—relax to the drumming of her heart against his side. They would say nothing and it would still be understood that they loved each other.
But has that time really passed?
He took his first step away from Meyrin's apartment—from Meyrin's life—and wondered if he was doing anything right.
Athrun spent a good ten minutes staring at her window while his car warmed up. He wondered why he wasn't crying like any normal human being who just left someone they supposedly loved, would. He had loved Meyrin—he was willing to marry her, even. So why—?
He watched as the curtain moved and Meyrin's red hair peeked out for a second before she disappeared into her room again. He sighed for the last time before he reached out for the gear stick and drove his way out of Martius City.
It only took a few minutes until he reached the highway again. He wasn't that surprised—he was always speeding when he was driving. But this time, his veins were pounding with enough adrenaline to rile him up to drive off the road. He didn't think that he didn't have anything to live for—but with how things were right now, he doubted if he had much.
As he drove on, everything passed as a blur to Athrun—the sky, buildings, trees, cars; people.
Except her.
Without even thinking, he turned around and ended up in front of a bus stop a few hundred meters away from the cemetery. She didn't seem to notice that it was he inside due to the rather heavy tint of his car, but he could see her very well.
She was wearing a white dress—not as fancy as the one she wore to her date with Yuuna back in January, or as racy as the one she was wearing when he caught her sneaking out of his condominium building in the beginning of February; or as formal as the one she was wearing when he and Meyrin bumped into her and Shinn just a few weeks ago. Her dress was simple; no prints, no frills. It was Cagalli.
Decisively, he stepped out of his car and watched the look of surprise fill her face before she reverted back to a pokerface.
"Athrun," she greeted politely with a curt nod. "I…didn't notice that it was you. But seeing as this is your car, I should have known."
He didn't know what to say. And even when words finally began to formulate at the tip of his tongue, it was though he had lost the ability to speak.
"Did you turn around to offer me a ride back to Aprilius?" she asked with one eyebrow cocked up. "If so, I'm afraid I'd have to decline. I really don't want to deal with this anymore. I just want to live my life here in peace—and this drama we've created shouldn't even exist at all. We're both mature adults now, so let's just leave everything at that."
Could they really simply leave it all behind?
"Athrun?" She waved a hand in front of his eyes. "God, there you go again with your spacing out. You really haven't changed. You still have that hamster inside your brain, don't you?"
With her bringing that up, it surely wasn't helping her case.
"See, the bus is coming and your car's in the way of its stop!" He could hear Cagalli groan in frustration. "I still have some work to catch up on, so I'd really like to go home now. Um, sorry. I can't say that it was nice to see you again."
Cagalli walked to the end of the stop, to where the bus driver might see the lone passenger waiting to be picked up. Athrun watched as she stole one last glance at him before she boarded the bus.
Why wasn't he doing anything? He was rooted in place, his thoughts all a mess. His mind was screaming at him to move, to run after her—because he had let her go too many times already; but his feet remained still on the pavement.
Reminding himself of the pain he caused Meyrin, he thought that perhaps it was better that he let Cagalli go as well. He didn't want to end up hurting Cagalli the same way. And she had gone through enough because of him, hasn't she? It was their carelessness that resulted in something gone terribly wrong. She deserved to be happy, and he couldn't be selfish.
The bus driver honked the horn once, probably calling out to him to either get on the bus before it left or to move his car out of the way. He wasn't sure what he was thinking, but he followed the same path as Cagalli and got on the bus just a few seconds before the doors closed.
His green eyes immediately sought out for her figure. Finally, he saw her standing at the back row, looking at him with bewilderment. He stalked her way to the back until he stood face to face with her.
"What the fuck, Zala? You just left your car there! It's going to get towed away to a compound—you know that, right?"
He knew that. But he also knew that, at that moment, he felt for her more than he ever has in his entire life.
"You haven't said a word to me. That's strange. This is the part where you're supposed to say something that would infuriate me more than you already do."
All this time, they've been screaming at each other; saying hurtful things to spite each other for all those years apart. But really, Athrun realized, they didn't need to say anything at all.
"Athrun?"
Her eyes looked up to his—and in them he saw her frustration; but behind that, he found exactly what he was looking for.
"I love you," he finally spoke, grabbing her by the shoulders, tilting his head to the side, leaning down, and silencing her with a kiss that was long overdue.