Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders.

It's snowing out. My butt sticks to the gum covered bench. I push my hands further into my pockets to find warmth, but it doesn't do me any good. I should have worn gloves or another layer of clothes. Then again, I didn't know I'd be spending my night sitting outside a cheap gas station with a lukewarm cup of coffee and a cigarette.

Angela's heels click against the concrete as she approaches me. "How's the head?"

"Fine."

"Dally gave me an earful about that, ya know? You probably don't remember. You were too busy bleeding to death in the snow. And I thought Tim could yell. Damn, Dally beats him in that category."

I sip my cold coffee. I close my eyes and try to imagine steam filling up my nose and the Hell hot liquid burning the back of my throat.

My eyes search the contents of the parking lot. There aren't many cars out at this hour in this cold. There are only a few lone cars blowing out exhaust. I envy the people inside. They have heat, and soon, after they fill their tanks, they'll be going home to a warm house. They'll be going home to a happy family and a nice fire place. A family with a mom and a dad and siblings who got along. Dinner will be hot on the table and everyone will sit down and talk about their days. Later they'll all watch some funny sitcom on television and then kiss each other goodnight. In the morning it'll be just the same. Happy little family in the valley.

"I heard you got ice cream with Marilyn."

She says it as if I've committed some sort of crime. The crime I committed was not only going to the ice cream parlor, but not telling Angela I'd been there with her and what she said to me.

"Weird time of the year to be getting ice cream."

She wants me to say something. She wants me to start defending myself and beg for her forgiveness. She wants me to tell her what a bitch Marilyn was and how mean she was to me. She wants me to beg her not to hurt Marilyn though deep down I'm supposed to want her to destroy Marilyn.

I don't say any of that though. I act as if I've forgotten my lines and it's too cold to speak.

"What did she say to you?"

I could never tell Angela what we talked about. I feel like I'm on a secret mission. Besides, I know what Angela will say about the conversation Marilyn and I had. Angela will tell me Marilyn was lying. She'll tell me I'll only get myself hurt. She'll yell at me for being stupid enough to believe Marilyn. She'll yell at me for even considering being in the Soc crowd. She'll tell me she'll find me a nice greaser guy. One of the ones she met at a party last weekend.

I turn my head to the side, looking at my best friend for the first time. "What do you want me to say?"

Her eye-liner has run down to the bags under her eyes. She has lipstick on her front teeth. Her hair is crunchy and matted. Her legs are almost bare except for a little piece of tights that is still hanging onto her blue legs.

She takes my cigarette from me, smoking it herself and something burns inside of me. I want to grab that cigarette from her and shove it into her eye.

Her smoke hits me, and her eyes lock onto mine. She wants me to comment on her appearance so she can tell me the story. I've read this book before, and I know Angela was having sex with some guy behind the dumpster a few minutes ago. I heard the moans and I saw the crunchy guy come out from behind the gas station, zipping up his pants.

"Damn," she hisses. She turns her head away. "Fine, don't tell me. See if I care."

I lick over my chapped lips, tasting blood. I drink more of my coffee and I crunch the cup once I'm done.

"Just don't come crying to me when you land on your face."

My legs bounce up and down. My hand quivers and my fingers turn blue. I'm out of cigarettes and coffee and I want to cry. I do my best to keep from crying. I let my hair fall over my face and look away from Angela. I'll never hear the end of it if she sees me crying.

"You've always wanted to be a Soc," she spits. "Don't lie. I see the way you look at them. I watch you make those dresses so you'll look like them." Her head turns, eyes set on me. "News flash, Danni, you'll never be like those people."

My legs feel ten times warmer once I start moving. After I spring up, I tighten my jacket around my shaking body. I keep my eyes sealed forward as I walk away from her. There's no turning around this time. Maybe I'm not going home to the happy family I once had, but at least it's warm where I'm going.

"If you don't like it then don't eat it!"

I shut the door softly behind me, trying not to be heard or seen. My jacket slips off my shoulders and I try to be extra quiet as I hang it up along with my scarf. I try my best to feel light as I start walking to the stairs, but of course our floors are old, and no matter how light you try to feel, the floors give you away.

"Danni?"

I sigh, rubbing my forehead. "Yeah?"

I prepare myself for the late for dinner lecture. I haven't been home for dinner in a week, and Darry said before that this would be the last straw. He's said that twice before so I don't worry too much. The only thing I worry about is my head hurting and my ability to keep from crying out.

"Come in here."

My feet drag across the floor. Of course the wood doesn't creak now.

It smells like burnt bread when I enter the kitchen. My eyes wonder down to the table to find out why it smells this way. Laid out is a plate of under cooked noodles, burnt garlic bread, and crunchy sauce.

Ponyboy looks up at me as I approach the table. "You look cold."

"Where have you been?" Darry's thick voice asks me. I hear the annoyance in his tone along with the tone of what a long day he has had today.

I wrap my arms around my body, trying to get warm. "Studying at the library."

It's a sorry excuse, I know. As soon as I say it, I realize I have nothing to back up my story. I don't even have my backpack or books with me. Darry is going to rip my lie apart, along with me.

Instead though, he throws a plate in my direction. "You know to be home by dinner. You hungry?"

My stomach says no, but my bran forces my butt in a chair. "Sorry."

Darry slaps a helping of noodles onto my plate. "You've been saying sorry a lot lately." He pours the crunchy sauce on. "You okay? You look white. Are you sick?"

He reaches across the table, putting a hand on my forehead. I pull away before he notices how cold I am and that I've spent the night outside. "I'm fine. Just a headache is all."

Dinner goes on without fuss. Darry takes my headache story just the same as he did the library story. I assume he's just too tired to point out my lies and argue with me. Honestly, I'm too tired to fight as well, so if Darry did decide to yell at me, I'd probably just roll over and take it.

Soda comes home just as I'm doing the dishes. "Hey."

"Darry made dinner," I tell him. "There are leftovers in the oven."

Soda ignores the food, along with me. He heads into the kitchen, a distress look on his face.

"Where's Ponyboy?" I hear Soda ask Darry.

Darry shrugs, too focused on the television to notice Soda's distress. "Upstairs doing his homework. Or at least that's what he should be doing. Why?"

I walk into the living room and dry my hands with a towel. "Soda, what's wrong?" I ask.

Darry looks up once I speak and he notices Soda's distress as well. "What happened?"

Soda sighs deeply before collapsing into the couch. He runs a hand down his face and groans again. "It ain't a big deal so don't go freaking out on Ponyboy, alright? I don't even know his side of the story yet."

Darry sits up straight, his back arching like a cat's. "What?"

Soda bites his lip. "One of Tim's friends came into the station today, that Gary guy. He said that he saw Curly, Ponyboy, and Mark Jennings stealing cigarettes and dirty magazines a few days ago..."

Darry's up before we have a chance to blink. "Ponyboy!"

"Wait, Darry!" Soda springs up after him. "We don't know what happened. Gary said he wasn't sure Pony took anything. He said he saw him later and not with Curly or Mark. Darry, wait, don't yell at him."

It's too late. Ponyboy comes running down the stairs. "Yeah?"

Darry stands at the end of the stairs, his arms crossed. It's an image that's hard for me to look at. Darry and my father are very similar in looks, but this is too much to handle. I remember many times seeing my dad standing at the end of those stairs with the same look on his face.

I have to look away.

Darry clears his throat. "Do you mind telling me what you were doing with Curly Shepard and Mark Jennings the other day?"

Sodapop hangs his head and walks over to where I'm at. He wants to be anywhere but here right now. He feels guilty for telling Darry and getting Ponyboy into trouble. We never ratted on each other when Mom and Dad were here. Darry wants us to tell him things, but Darry is our brother. Is it really ratting each other out when we tell Darry?

This situation keeps getting more confusing. I can't take it. I can't take it anymore.

"We walked around town for a while. Nothing really, why?" Darry repeats what Soda had told him. Ponyboy stands and listens without flinching or jumping in. "I didn't do it."

"Then why does Gary say you did?"

"He didn't say that exactly," Soda jumps to the rescue. "He said he saw them there."

Soda's two-cents go unnoticed by Darry. "I told you to stay away from Curly Shepard. Didn't he get you in enough trouble last time? You know what the fuzz will tell the state if you get caught, especially with Curly Shepard and Mark Jennings of all people?"

I don't know who Mark Jennings is or why he was comparable to Curly Shepard. Angela may have mentioned his name before but I can't remember. He must have been older than us. I certainty had never heard of him, but Darry and Soda both seem to know who he is. I swear Darry and Soda know about every boy in this town. That's probably why Ponyboy and I can never get away with anything...

Ponyboy leans against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He doesn't look at Darry directly. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Good," Darry huffs. He points a sharp finger at Pony. "You're grounded."

"For what!?"

"Stealing and going behind my back. Do I have to repeat myself?"

Dad. Mom. Dad. That's all that's all that's going through my head right now. My mother used to use that phrase all the time. It rang in my ears at night. Hearing Darry say it...

"I didn't steal anything!" Pony's voice rises. "I just told you that. Mark and Curly did it, not me. I saw that they were doing it and I left. I did nothing wrong."

Darry picks his finger back up, waving it this time. "You still went behind my back. You wouldn't be in this situation if you'd just listen to me the first time."

Again the situation becomes too odd for me. Never would I have pictured Darry saying such a thing. First off, stealing dirty magazines and cigarettes isn't much of a crime around here. Everyone steals cigarettes and I'm sure tons of boys steal dirty magazines. I'd put money on it that Darry and Soda have both.

It's easy to say Darry's overreacting here, but I need to keep my mouth shut. After all, this isn't my fight and I'm not the one getting into trouble here. I should be grateful, but I can't help but be extremely angry with Darry.

"Ok, I'm sorry," Ponyboy says, rubbing his forehead.

Darry nods. "Great. You're still grounded."

Soda takes a step forward. "Darry-"

"Darry, that's not fair."

"I don't have to be fair."

I roll my eyes. Luckily Darry has his back to me or there'd be a lecture to follow.

Our parents rarely grounded us. I'd hardly ever heard of parents grounding their children, especially not the kind of parents in this neighborhood. Maybe that's because my only friend is Angela and I try not to think about how her parents punish her. Either way, parents around these parts didn't ground their children. They'd settle for punishments like whippings or smacks across the head. Hearing Darry say the word "grounded" makes me shiver and cringe. What is he doing?

Ponyboy moans, "Soda was going to let me go to the movies with him and Sandy this weekend."

"Sorry, bud."

I elbow Soda, telling him to jump in. I can read his face and I can tell he thinks this is just as unfair as Ponyboy and I do.

Soda takes my hint and steps forward again, this time more forcefully. "Listen, Darry, can you just cut him a break? You know grounding him is a little harsh. I mean it's just dirty magazines and cigarettes." Soda chuckles. "Besides, he says he didn't do it. He said he was sorry with being with Curly and I'm sure he won't do it again."

Darry's face twists into knots. The look makes me take a step back.

He throws his arms up in the air. "Fine."

He marches past me, going outside to sulk like he normally does when he loses.

Soda pushes me towards the back door a few minutes later. "He's probably calmed down by now."

"Why do I have to be the one to talk to him?"

"You're the girl. He's going to go easier on you. I-I don't want him to yell at me for taking Pony's side."

I huff, rolling my eyes. He shouldn't be so sure that Darry would go easier on me. In the past few months I've gotten my ear screamed off by Darry plenty. Me being a girl doesn't seem to faze him.

When I get outside Darry is sitting on a wooden box by the shed with a cigarette in his hand. Smoke is rising up, but I can tell he hasn't smoked much of it. The cigarette is just something to focus on.

"Hey," I greet him.

He barely looks up. "Hey."

I drag my feet closer to him. It's gotten colder outside and I forgot my jacket inside. "Are you ok?"

He shrugs, still not looking up.

Soda should be the one doing this. I don't know what else to say. That was my only conversation starter and it obviously did nothing.

I search my mind for something else to say. "Dinner wasn't that bad."

"I don't know what I'm doing here, Dan."

My head hangs and I kick around some snow with my boot. What was I supposed to say to that? We all know Darry doesn't know what he's doing. It's not his fault. None of us know what we're doing. We're just going through the motions and trying to feel as normal as possible.

Darry clears his throat. "I thought things would have gotten back to normal by now. I thought it would be like before." He puts the cigarette up to his lips. "Damn was I wrong."

"It's not that bad," I tell him softly. "We're all just trying to get by. It hasn't been that long since... Just don't beat yourself up about it."

I say this, yet just a few minutes ago I was ready to tell Darry what an awful job he's been doing. I think that thought on a daily basis. At school when he's forgotten to give me lunch money and I have to go hungry, or when the heat gets turned off, or when dinner is burnt - I always think these awful things about Darry and how he could do better.

I never thought about how Darry was doing. Darry just went from teenager trying to get a fresh start at life, to an adult man with a full time job and three kids.

As I watch that cigarette smoke, I tear up. "I'm sorry, Darry."

I spend the rest of the night with my face in my pillow. I can't believe how mean I had been towards Darry. He was doing the best he could and I complained about everything. I sounded like such a spoiled brat. Darry could have sent us off with some distant relatives or let the state take us away. He didn't have to stay here and do this. I couldn't have been more hateful towards him about it.

A fist taps against my door and I quickly collect myself.

Soda's the one who comes in my room. "Why are you crying?"

I sniffle, wiping my nose with my sleeve. "I'm not."

He shakes his head, lightly sitting on the end of my bed. "Then why is your face all wet?"

I shake my head. I couldn't tell Soda all the mean things I had been thinking about Darry. I didn't want anyone to know how awful I had been.

"Come on." He nudges me with his elbow. "Talk to me. What's wrong?"

I sniffle again. Soda's tone is soothing. It causes me to cry more. "You think about them a lot, don't you? Mom and Dad?"

He pauses for a minute. I almost regret saying anything. I know it's still a sensitive subject for all of us.

I almost open my mouth to apologize, when Soda whispers, "Yeah. Every day. Why?"

There were many nights I lied in bed, counting the cracks in the ceiling, and then suddenly, the thought crossed my mind. I hated it every time, but I especially hated having the thought at night. I knew I would dream about them. I would wake up soaked in my tears with a heavy hangover headache. Some nights I avoided sleep all together. Ponyboy had been spending a lot of nights in Soda's room, and I felt more alone. Some nights I would sit on my window and smoke and stare out into the dark open streets, trying my hardest not to think about my parents.

I swallow, my chapped lips still hurting. "How do you know when a boy likes you?"

"Why are you askin' me?" He narrows his eyes, taken aback by the suddenness of the question.

"Because you're a boy. You know these things."

"No I don't."

"Soda, you've dated more girls than I can count." He takes a minute to smirk about that. Pride washes over his face. "Wait, why are you asking?"

My head drops and I focus on my hands. I was dreading this question. "I dunno..."

Soda moves on the bed, turning so he faces me. He picks my chin up. "Do you like a boy?"

"I don't know," I say, jerking away. "Can you just answer my question?"

"No," he says sternly. He pulls on my arm. "You brought this up. Who is he?"

"Soda..."

I should have known bringing this up to my older brother wouldn't end well. Soda was the most reasonable one, and if I had to pick which one of my brothers to talk about boys with, I'd pick Soda. However, I had forgotten the fact that I was still Soda's baby sister, and it was in his genes to naturally freak out when the 'b' word was mentioned.

"No, come on!" He pushes more. "Tell me."

I huff, fighting back an eye roll. "If I tell you, you can't be mad."

"Heck," he moans, "please tell me it ain't Steve."

"No! Hell no!" I quickly spit out. "Eww! Never, ever, ever, ever..."

I gag at the thought. Steve Randle was the last boy that would ever catch my eye. He was rude and he was mean and I'm pretty sure he hates my guts ever since that day I announced I was going over to Randy's to study.

Soda puts his hand to his chest and takes a breath of relief. "Good! I would kill you both on the spot. So if you ever get any crazy ideas in that head of yours..."

"I won't," I say sternly. "He's gross. Besides, I would never go for one of your yucky friends."

It's the truth. I hear and see what they do together and it's not pretty. "Good," Soda says again. "Then who is it?"

I was hoping he would forget about that part. I sigh. He wasn't going to let me out of this one. "It's Randy."

"That Soc guy that invited you to his house?" I nod, wincing and preparing for my tongue lashing. Soda rubs his forehead and leaps up off the bed, turning his back to me. "Jesus, Dan."

"You promised you wouldn't be mad," I remind him.

He sighs again, this time louder. He leans against the wall and shoves his hands into his pockets. "You really like him?"

I hadn't put much thought to that, honestly. "He likes me I think."

"Doesn't mean you have to like him back."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

He approaches my bed again, sitting down beside me. He throws an arm over my shoulder. "Listen, I know you're a little blind about these things, but now that you're older, you gotta understand that greaser and Socs...they don't mix, alright? Getting involved with a Soc is just bad news. Studying with him is one thing but..."

"He's not really a Soc though," I remind him. "I mean he doesn't consider himself one. He's new here and he doesn't know the rules and-"

"His friends are Socs though. That's the point. One day he'll figure it out."

Randy wasn't like that though. He was different. Marilyn told me herself. Randy was a good guy. He came from a good family and he was smart and he had morals. He would never hurt me.

Soda squeezes my arm. "Dan, I just don't want you to get hurt, alright?"

"Fine."

"I mean it, Danni. Stay away from Randy. It ain't good."

I nod, and before long, I watch him leave my room.

Staying away from Randy wasn't going to be easy, especially since I just figured out I think I like him, just the same as he likes me.

A/N: I apologize for the lack of updates. I just don't have the time or the motivation much anymore. I hope you guys like this chapter. If I see that people are still reading and still interested, then I'll try harder to update more. Also, again, I'm taking suggestions on things you guys want. Which characters are ya'll interested in seeing more of? I have an open plot line so options/suggestions are always welcomed!

Thanks for reading and please review!