Again, we don't own Twilight, and we're glad we don't otherwise we would be ashamed of the stalkerishness of our books, which WE DON'T OWN. GOT IT?

"I think they do…" says the voice in my head. Haha, juuust kidding! :D

Emily POV

After I had retrieved, dunked, lathered, scrubbed, rinsed, lotioned, dried, and polished my iPod three times in a row, I went and philosophized about Mr. Potato Head in the room me and Maddie shared. Eventually, I heard a noise like a choking elephant and dramatically turned my head to the left to see Bella strapped to the ceiling, snoring. I was pretty sure that I didn't do that one. Or did I?

I spent an hour or so trying to remember if I did or not. I decided that Alice did it. No one could make the tape say I hate you. Go die in a hole on it look so darn pretty at the same time. Just then and idea hatched in my head. I grinned evilly and walked into the main room. Maddie had now started trying to swallow a ruler. Nothing new. I snatched up Carlisle's sedatives while he wasn't looking and went back into my room giving an evil glare to Maddie and she automatically understood and followed me. That look said: come help me torture she-who-must-not-be-named-even-though-we-name-her-anyway.

We got to our room and locked the door while we gave Bella the death glare with a touch of evil in it.

"OOOOOHHHH!!!! ARE WE GONNA KILL HER?!?" Maddie asked, a look of pure excitement in her eye as she pulled out her miniature torture kit from her pocket.

"No, that wouldn't give us enough satisfaction.," I said while I injected the sedatives into Bella's forehead. "Plus, we'd probably go to jail, so we're just going to embarrass her and win Edward back," Maddie tearfully put her kit back and pulled out different colored sharpies instead, grinning once she had opened the rubber duck shaped case.

"Alright, give me the purple marker," I said in a clipped professional tone and began my project.

Twenty minutes later, Bella had a poo colored rainbow across her nose, a green swirled mustache, and LOSER written in big black block letters. I made sure that everything would take at least a month to wash off.

Maddie and I returned to the main area of the huge hotel room we were staying in, where we sat on the couch and stared at the door to the room Bella was in. We waited, and waited, and waited, for 3 hours straight, before we heard Bella crying.

"YAY!" Maddie screamed, grinning widely and running to Bella. I followed, not wanting to miss the scene of a lifetime.

When we walked in, Bella was still on the ceiling, where she was being attacked by a gravity-defying poodle. I materialized some popcorn, and we sat watching the floating dog attack. After a while, the dog chewed through some of the tape, so Bella fell onto the bed below. She got up, and with one glance in the mirror, her head exploded. Literally. It was really nasty, yet indescribably cool. Maddie and I watched in awe as Bella's still living body tensed up, and began a headless strain. Soon, a cactus grew from where Bella's head used to be, growing poo colored flowers and dying, where it froze into the shape of Bella's head. Her body peeled off the dead cactus, revealing a new, clean, not colored on Bella head.

"CRAP! FRIZZLESTICKS! BATTERY CLUTCHERS!" Maddie yelled.

"OCTAGONAL TEDDY BEARS!" I screamed in reply. Maddie and I both stormed out of the room and began to joint-mope. In case you didn't know, we each hug each other, crying purple tears and eating papaya ice cream.

REVIEW! OR ELSE! OR ELSER ELSE! OR ELSETY-ELSE ELSE! Great, now I typed else so much it looks like I spelled it wrong. I really didn't! I promise!