Chapter Ten-Rose

The stars had climbed high on their pathways through the heavens, but Rose still could not sleep. She tossed and turned, and, having been met with the weary grumbling of the other maids who shared the tight quarters, snatched up her rough blanket and slipped out into the courtyard.

It was cold; cold stone-cobbles, wall, ledges. She wrapped the blanket around herself tightly. I'm all alone, in this horrible, barren place.

If she craned her neck, she could see the top of the battlements, solid shapes of darkness against the night sky. There was something of evil about them, as though they were hung with the banners and pennants of death.

What a fanciful thought, she reproached herself, but she couldn't shake the feeling.

The Sheriff...what sort of man is he, I wonder?

She had heard stories of his tyranny and irrational cruelty, and while it had been easy enough to dismiss such tales in the countryside, here under the very shadows of his domain the hearsay memories filled her with dread.

Mother...even Father...if only they were here. Or I was there. Her eyes stung with the threat of tears.

Inwardly, she admonished herself for her weakness. Nobody will take care of you but yourself. Keep your chin up. That's the only thing to do.

Although, on reflection, it had nearly done more harm than good today. She thought again of the man in the courtyard-what had his name been? But of course, Sir Guy-Sir Guy of Gisborne. If she kept her chin up much longer around him, her chin might end up missing its neck.

When will you learn not to pick fights?

Never, probably. And why should I?

There were plenty of answers to that why, but Rose chose to disregard most of them. As Aileen had said, Gisborne was a noble. With a temper. He was also extremely handsome, (here, Rose felt like kicking herself) but if he was brutish and cruel then she would not pay him deference (there was a foolish plan, certainly, if a principled one!). Let him be tall, proud, blue-eyed. She had no use for him. And despite what Aileen had said, she would not be afraid of him.

"Rose?"

She glanced over her shoulder to see Aileen, likewise swathed in her blanket.

I was just thinking of you, Rose reflected, but knew better than to say. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No," Aileen shook her head. "But I awoke, and saw that your bed was empty."

Rose nodded, chasing the tears away once more. "I-I couldn't sleep."

Aileen seemed to understand. "I know. It's hard, the first few nights. But you should rest. You've a long day of work behind you-"

"-And many more ahead," Rose finished, anticipating the thought. "I know, I should sleep. But it's just..." I miss home. I know I'll be miserable. That was what she wanted to say, but pride, decorum, privacy-everything forbade. She set her jaw. "Here, let me ask you-you were telling me all the names of the maids, that I might know them. Run through again with me, would you be so kind? There's Ellen, Margaret, Lila, and Colette, yes?"

Aileen smiled. "That's all of them, yes."

"Somebody was missing tonight, weren't they? Lila?" Rose observed, when she had counted of her fingers to make sure she had them all in order.

Aileen's smile faded. "Yes. She's been-detained."

"Detained?" Rose laughed softly in disbelief. "From sleeping?"

"She's..." Aileen paused, seeming reluctant to answer. "I imagine she's with Sir Guy," she said at last.

Rose's laughter died in her throat. "You mean-"

"Yes."

Rose stiffened as revulsion rose up in her. "What? Does he think he can have his way with-are all nobles this way? Using common folk, common women, as much as they please with nobody to stop them?"

"Keep your voice down!" Aileen pleaded. "It's-well, yes, I suppose it's the way it is. And it's not so bad-so bad as you'd think. Some aren't unwilling." Her voice grew almost wistful "And to be loved for a day even, or a week-it's as much as some of us can ask."

Rose stared at her, abashed and appalled. "That's not love! How can you say so? If any man wants to win me, he'll be a gentleman, in action if not in title!" She felt proud of her declamation for a moment, and wondered if she had upset Aileen. Speech before thought, as usual...but this is an important matter!

Aileen twisted her fingers together. "I hope that's how it turns out for you, Rose. I truly do." She stood up shakily. "I'm sorry to leave you, but I-must sleep. I am too weary." She stumbled and caught herself against the post of the door.

"Are you alright?" Rose was at her side, taking her hand. It was cold.

"Perfectly. Just tired." Aileen tried to smile, but the attempt was far from successful.

Rose was alone again after that, gazing up at stars and battlements and feeling that no distant speck of light could be more remote, more lonely than she was now.

Oh God, give me strength.

But strength might not be enough-she needed something more. A way out.

Only the first evening, and already you're trying to escape? This is your life. You can't change it.

Nor could she leave it.