Some nights always made Tarika nervous.

Today was one of them, today was the night when the CID officers would be assisting the local police in apprehending the criminals who were responsible for smuggling illegal drugs and guns. Tonight was the night she was certain she would not sleep until she heard from Abhijeet or the rest of the team. She had promises from them that they would contact her soon as possible, let her know about the outcome and they all were safe. That usually came in the form of phone call from the rest of the team or a quick message, which is why Tarika was startled when she heard the doorbell ring and Abhijeet was the one responsible for it.

One look at his face told her something that had gone terribly wrong.

"Abhijeet, what happened?" Tarika gasped.

She instinctively reached out and touched his shoulder with one hand. Usually when she did that his eyes would light up, he never got tired of those little touches. This time there was no light in his eyes, no joy at the brush of her contact, just that same horrible dead expression.

She grabbed his arm and dragged him into the house, closing the door behind him; she waited a moment as he atomically took his shoes off, then again took hold of his arm and pulled him along.

"You look horrible." She said, suddenly desperate to fill the silence with words.

"Get in here. Sit down." He obediently sat down on the couch.

"You're white as a sheet..what happened, ABhijeet? Did you get hurt..or someone else got hurt.." she said the last words quite hesitantly , and she knew she was right because Abhijeet flinched at the last words.

Tarika got up from the couch to get the first aid kit but stopped immediately, when she heard the faint voice.

"Tarika.."

Her name, in a voice that sounded like it was being dragged over a broken glass. It sounded nothing like the Abhijeet she knew, had met, had fallen in love with. She stopped and just looked at him. He looked tired. Broken.

Defeated.

At a loss, she sank to her knees in front of him. Again she reached out to touch him.

"Please, Abhijeet, tell me what happened.." she pressed her hands on his which were resting on his knees.

He slumped even more and refused to meet her eyes.

"Acp sir asked me to help out the police with the case. A drug case, they are circulating some new ecstasy drug along with local guns..that's doing a lot harm. There have been too many deaths. So I did some investigation around with some officers and we got some solid Intel. They set up a sting based on what we found out."

"Okay.." Tarika nodded, asking him to continue.

Abhijeet felt silent for a moment. Just when Tarika was about to speak again, ask him further, he finally told her.

"Someone died.."

She went cold.

"..an officer..police officer, I mean. Everything was going well, but then one of the customer came out of nowhere and he had a gun..and..then it was too late.." he said. He fell silent.

"Abhijeet.." she immediately slid her arms around his.

"It's not your fault." Tarika tried to sooth him while pressing her lightly against him.

He made no move to hug her back or get away from her.

"How is it not my fault? I'm the reason they were in the first place. I gave them wrong information.."

"You had no way of knowing.."

"I should have suspected! Or atleast planned for it." Abhijeet said desperately. His hands tugged at his hair.

" and now his family.."

It was always heart breaking to face the family, telling them that the loved one was never coming home again, she knew this, she had seen this many times due to her job.

"Abhijeet.." Tarika cupped his face in both her hands and drew him closer until their foreheads were touching. She shifted slightly and her nose brushed his.

"Every cop joins the force knowing that there are risks. They all went there tonight knowing that it was a dangerous operation and that any number of things could happen or go wrong.."

"But.." Abhijeet tried to talk but Tarika continued.

"And how many lives do you think have been saved because you and the rest of the team were able to get there to stop those bastards?" she pressed on, not daring to let him have a moment to protest and backslide into a dark place.

"No one wants to die, Abhijeet. But think about all the people they have already killed with their drugs and guns and how many people would have died if they hadn't be stopped? One life against potentially so many.." she took a breath. " It is sad. It's tragic. But that officer died doing his job..protecting others. He will be remembered with honors, he will be always be a hero.."

He looked at her with those bleak eyes.

"You were not responsible for him. Stop feeling guilty.." Tarika kissed his forehead.

His eyes slid shut. He took a deep shuddering breath and his shoulders slummed forward enough that Tarika was more or less supporting his weight. It was a burden she shouldered willingly with warm arms and quiet words. His arms finally slide around her waist, pulling her close. Tarika took a sigh of relief, at least he was letting himself accept some form of comfort from her now as opposed to the beginning where he was refusing it, probably believing he did not deserve any consolation.

They sat there for a long time. He let himself be held and she rocked him gently whispering some words of comfort against the warm skin of his temple. It was quiet and comfortable.

"Tarika.." he finally spoke.

"hmm.." she nodded.

"What about his family.." he replied while staring at the space.

"They are stronger than you think, Abhijeet." Tarika replied.

Abhijeet was not convinced; he slid away from her and headed towards the window pane. He kept both his hands on the window still without facing her he asked her again, " Tarika..the family ..I ..his wife..his children..what about them.."

Tarika followed him and stood next to him, resting again the window pane, she stood so that she could face him.

"Abhijeet, when an officer decided to join the force, not only him, his whole family prepares for the worst outcomes. They are always prepared, they knew they to face this situation, they are stronger than you think Abhijeet." She pressed her hand on his as she continued, " Sure, now they need some moral support and it will be difficult now, but we will help them out and we will try everything we could do to support them.." Tarika pressed her hand harder to prove her point.

Abhijeet glanced at her and shifter his gaze once again before he could speak again.

"I don't want you to suffer from same, Tarika. I'm not worth it, you should find.." but before he could complete the sentence, tarika slid close to him so that she could stare at him, she turned him so that he could face her. She took both of his hands in her and enveloped it.

"I know what I signed for Abhijeet." She said determinedly.

"I know all the risks and all the things that would eventually come being with you. I have imagined the worst possible scenarios that we would face if we got together.." She paused, and then continued again. " honestly it scare me a little but I don't care, whatever comes, we will face it together. You and Me will sort it out together, you understand?" Tarika gave him a determined look. "Unless you don't want me to be with you.."

Abhijeet was quiet taken back with her confession but still he managed to reply her back.

"I don't want to imagine myself with someone either. It has to only you or no one.." he gave her a weak smile and pulled her into a comforting hug which she returned back. After few minutes they both separated from the hug, tugging the loose curly strands behind her ear, he kissed her forehead.

"Goodbye..I have to go.." he replied.

"I want you to stay here tonight, with me" she replied back.

He was still a moment then nodded.

Relief swept over her, and she tugged gently on his hand.

"Come one, you need rest." He did not resist as she led him towards her bedroom. It didn't take long to get him in her room. The curtains were open, letting in plenty of light from the full moon so she didn't bother turning on the light.

When she stepped in the room, she let go of Abhijeet's hand. He immediately stopped in the doorway and watched as she arranged the bed.

"I will sleep on the floor." Abhijeet replied.

"No you won't.." she said firmly, crossing the room and encouraging him to take off his jacket. The next challenge was getting him to lay down. He was still attempting to insist that he would sleep on the floor and she more or less had to physically grab him and move to the bed. Once he was settled and lying calm in bed she sat down on the edge of the bed running the fingers on one hand through his messy hair.

"How do you feel?"

"Exhausted.." he exhaled.

It was unusual for Abhijeet to be so vulnerable. But he let her see it as he let no one else it. It was possible that only daya had already since him and it felt warm that he was finally relaxing around her. He was so good at hiding his hurts and pain presenting that strict and determined senior inspector look to the world at large.

She slid into the bed next him; surprisingly, it didn't feel even the least bit odd or uncomfortable. It felt right to be curled up like this in the soft darkness. A secret shared by two. She reached across the pillow and took his hand, " are you all right?"

"not yet.."

"And you don't have to be. Sleep now. May be things will be better in the morning.."

The morning . The morning would bring the news and investigations and plans for the funeral of a hero and more guilt. But it would also bring the sunlight and the promise of a new day and a new chance to help fix things in the world. This one had gone badly but they have to keep going.

They both slipped away into sleep quickly an immediate testament to how exhausted he really was. He did not let go of her hand.

Later in the night, the nightmares came and he woke in cold sweat. Tarika was ready. She held him, calmed him and soothed him with his perceived failure. Eventually as it always does the sun rose, he was pressed to her, his face seeking comfort in the crook of her neck and she held him close.

Things didn't really look all that much better that first morning but they would eventually.

…

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